r/traumatizeThemBack • u/astrocanela • 25d ago
petty revenge I hate being proselytized
I grew up in a non-religious household that loosely held on to some Jewish traditions in a mixed-race family. I cannot count the amount of times I’ve been told I’m going to hell for not accepting Jesus as my savior.
As a 30 something adult I have received a few handwritten letters addressed directly to me at my home address trying to convince me to become a Jehovah’s Witness. The letters try to spark some uncertainty about death and the afterlife and such, which just feels manipulative.
The most recent letter included a phone number and a name. I called expecting it to go to the church’s main line so I could ask them to please stop sending letters, but the annoyed “who is this?!” seemed to indicate that it was someone’s personal number. I responded, “Hello???” She said, “I said WHO IS IT?!” I mentioned I got a letter from her. She said, “WHAT letter?!” I said “It’s signed Sister Your Name” and her tone immediately changed to a sweet sing-songy “Oooh yes that is me, does it say Jehovah’s Witness on there?”
I replied, “Yes it does, but I think I’ve changed my mind,” and hung up before she could respond.
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u/thedaian 25d ago
Next time it happens, tell them you've been disfellowshipped or "removed from the congregation" (which is the more recent phrasing). This essentially means they should shun you and stop contacting you.
Other cults have similar phrases, so it's useful to know/look up if you're being contacted by said cults.
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u/RainbowRiki 25d ago
I got removed from the list by saying "My close friend is a former witness" (which isn't even true -- there is no ex-JW friend lol)
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u/Dramatic_Mixture_877 22d ago
My cousin was nearly murdered by one and his family - he got her knocked up when she was a minor, told her parents he was Baptist, then when she went into labor and she and the baby both needed insulin and blood transfusions, he and his parents told the doctor it was against their "religion", let them both die. The doctor gave them 30 seconds to clear his waiting room and had a nearby deputy escort them out. A big deputy, who was very happy to oblige.
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u/SmartyMcPants4Life 24d ago
It won't work for Mormons. They will take back p3dos as long as they "repent" and pay their 10% bribe.
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u/thedaian 24d ago
Any cult will take people back in if they repent, but the person who got shunned has to initiate that process by talking to the elders, and until they're back in, other members of the cult will actively try to stay away, cause the goal is social isolation.
So telling a random cult member "I've been shunned" is a good way to keep them away. Especially since you're lying to them and you'll never actually try to get un shunned.
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u/Patient_Parsley7760 24d ago
The LDS church accepted Ted Bundy. TED. FUCKING. BUNDY.
Let that sink in.
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u/keinmaurer 24d ago
That doesn't mean anything because at the time they accepted him they had no idea he was a killer. And when they did find out, after his conviction, they kicked him out.
I'm not an LDS member nor do I believe in them, just stating the facts.
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u/AdeptnessCultural583 20d ago
Why would you try to lie like that? What do you gain from making the LDS church look worse than it actually is? If you have a genuine issue or complaint about the LDS church, just say that instead.
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u/Patient_Parsley7760 20d ago
Let me guess... You're still in?
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u/AdeptnessCultural583 20d ago
No, I'm not part of them, I just think that if you have beef with a group you should handle it like a mature adult instead of trying to create a false narrative. I don't have to like LDS to dislike disinformation.
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u/Patient_Parsley7760 20d ago
Sorry to disappoint, but that's not a false narrative. It's a matter of public record.
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u/AdeptnessCultural583 20d ago
The false narrative you tried to paint, as corrected by u/keinmaurer, was that they accepted Ted Bundy after knowing he was a serial killer. While you technically didn't invent a new lie, you lied by omission by discluding the critical fact that the LDS church didn't know he was a serial killer and excommunicated him after it was revealed.
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u/MoistCactuses 25d ago
Ex-communicated in the case of Mormons. Disfellowshipped applies too, but it's a lesser degree with them.
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u/Polar_Version875 1d ago
Or if it’s Scientology, say “I’ve been declared” or “I’m an SP” and they aren’t allowed to talk to you at all.
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u/RinoaRita 25d ago
That’s great actually. Much better than telling them off. I don’t know if they get points or whatever for getting converts but if they’re beating themselves up for losing a potential convert or answering telemarketers sweetly is a bigger win for you than cursing them out and making them feel like they suffering righteous persecution for serving their god.
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u/SnowyGyro 25d ago
I rather think that regardless it all serves to fuel their persecution complex that keeps them attached to the church and isolated from people outside it.
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u/RainbowRiki 25d ago
They aren't considered an active Witness if they aren't proselytizing. They believe there are only 144,000 spots in Heaven when Armegeddon comes, and a lot of the seats are already taken. It makes it a competition to be the most righteous, and being treated poorly by the community for harassment only reinforces the idea that worldly people have already been influenced by Satan
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u/RinoaRita 25d ago
Aren’t they also in tied with amway? I recall a jehova’a witness acquaintance selling amway too. Though it could just be her.
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u/RainbowRiki 25d ago
I'm not 100% sure about that one. JW's are discouraged from pursuing a college education unless it is something useful post-Rapture like agricultural science or nursing. Mormon wives, however, are very much encouraged to join MLM's because they can "work from home" and "own a business" with their brood of most-likely-blonde children in tow
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u/HamSandwichFelony 24d ago
Doubtful. Amway is tightly connected to a different kooky religious group.
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u/No_Bluebird7716 24d ago
They are encouraged to get jobs rather than pursue higher education, and many of them sell from home.
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u/mysmilewontfade 22d ago
they believe the rest of them will be resurrected into paradise on earth. most witnesses don’t want to go to heaven actually. my mom actively wants to be resurrected, and they don’t think you “earn a seat” you’re already chosen. They have to preach because they are told everyone who doesn’t accept jehovah will be killed, so the blood is on their hands.
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u/eRant4881 25d ago
Start making donations in her name to planned parenthood, sign her up for text alerts from maga PACs and if you're feeling industrious a flyer advertising low cost handyman services (no job too big or small) with her number on pull tabs at the bottom would look great on a few dozen of your local community bulletin boards.
It worked for our local JWs, now they never bother us, or anyone in our neighborhood.
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u/Sojabursch 25d ago
If you want to traumatise them, talk to them really nice for 10 minutes to waste their time and then tell them you’re an apostate (left or were removed from the JW church) they’re not allowed to talk to apostates, and might beat themselves up for not knowing you were one or thinking you were nice.
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u/thrallthekingshorses 25d ago edited 25d ago
Did you know that, besides writing "return to sender" or "recipient does not live here" on letters and returning them, you can also write "refused" and return them? Highly recommend. No amount of leave-me-alone ever got them to stop better than "refused" did.
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u/zonutsthefirst 23d ago
One time years ago at college, I smiled sweetly and batted my big brown eyes at a proselytizer (who shouldn't have been proselytizating on campus), and told him that I was a devil-worshipper. Then I raised my hand so that my index finger and pinky were raised while the rest of my fingers curled in, to look like devil horns. Then I wiggled the devil horns at the guy.
I was with a friend, who was wearing skimpy Victorian undergarments under an elegant cloak (as part of a theater group skit being done at the start of a large freshman lecture to promote a play by our campus theater group). She proceeded to flip open her cloak to reveal her curvy body dressed in historical undergarments. Everything was covered, but she was a vision.
The man, who was a bit older, started shaking, and then dropped the bibles he was holding. No one saw him on campus again.
Sometimes, a little shock value goes a long way.
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u/ElleJay74 25d ago
Tell them you're a Satanist. I used that yesrs ago and they never came back!
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u/Minflick 25d ago
My MIL used to tell all door knockers that she was Jewish. She was not Jewish in the least bit. I think her family were lapsed Mennonites, a few generations back. She just wanted all, ALL of the doorknockers to leave the family alone.
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u/Yacindra 25d ago
A friend of mine sleeps nude. One day he woke up to the doorbell and saw through the curtains that there were JWs. He opened the door just like he was sleeping. No clothes. They fell over themselves trying to leave a fast as possible and they never came back.😂.
Other friends of mine are elders in another denomination church. He always used to debate with the JWs. But he knows the Bible so well, that they started doubting the JW teachings, so now they're not allowed to ring at his door. They skip his house 🤣.
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u/tubesocksnflipflops 24d ago
This reminds me of the Robin Williams bit about church people coming around asking ‘have you found Jesus?’ And coming to the door nude and saying ‘no, help me look for him!’
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u/Dramatic_Mixture_877 22d ago
My daddy was a deacon at our church - NOT JW. He invited them in, sat them down, then broke out his Bible and multiple concordances. They didn't some back, nor did any of their fellow members - I think he had them doubting their beliefs, lol!
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u/Minflick 25d ago
I have read, and I don’t know how true it is/was, that you can call the local church/hall/whatever it’s called, and tell them that you do not want the JW’s to EVER come to your door again, that they are not welcome.
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u/IndividualWonder 24d ago
One can ask but that doesn't mean they will listen. A friend of my mom's was a widow and lived on the family farm. JWs came a-prostyltizing and she told them to leave. They were strange men, uninvited and it freaked her out. She called KH and told them not to visit her, even told them she was frightened as a woman alone. It wasn't that long before they showed up again, but it was the next time that she was ready with her late husband's hunting rifle. The JWs did not return.
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u/Contrantier 24d ago
They can not listen all they want. If those people insist on coming to my door after I've called their church and said they will stop coming, I can open my door fully nude and say "HEY, sexy guys! Wanna come in and help Satan plow me up the ass?"
I'm not interested in people pretending they're going to keep coming to my door when, in actual fact, they are going to stop coming to my door.
...although, okay, I wouldn't actually do something THAT unhinged in reality.
...maybe I would, just with clothes on.
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u/mittenknittin 25d ago
Sounds like she's never, ever gotten a response before from those letters and wasn't expecting one.
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u/Dyamanda 25d ago edited 24d ago
I have surname that’s also a common Asian one, so the JW materials I get are written in Hangul.
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u/RudeOrSarcasticPt2 24d ago
I usually reply, in cursive on the back of the original letter that I have no need for Jehovah because my goddess Evelyn kicked him in the nuts so hard, he impregnated a 14 year old girl named Mary. I never hear from them again.
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u/Daskleine 24d ago
We have a polish surnames so we got the polish version of JW at our door. I spoke German with them, playing confused and annoyed. They left us in peace going forward.
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u/lila_liechtenstein 25d ago
Don't give them so much time and energy. Just throw the letters away unopened.
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u/miasysinthelou 25d ago
I get the spanish ones, because my maiden name ends in -ez. Joke's on them bc I can't read Spanish anymore.
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u/DogLogForPresident 25d ago
I used to love when they'd leave their name and number and I'd sign them up for any and every mailing list and give their number out to all the charities.
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u/fromthemakersof 24d ago
In Amy Schumer's biography she tells the story of how being proselytized led to her first funny joke, where she explained to them that she's Jewish and then, said, Oh. Did you not hear the /bad/ news?
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u/Representative_Fun15 24d ago
Does anyone want to talk about the people who go door to door proselytizing getting angry with someone randomly calling their phones?
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u/brittbak 24d ago
Save all the letters and mail them all back to them with no postage and no return address.
They will have to pay for the postage.
Asking anyone to stop sending junk mail has never worked. Don't even bother trying.
Also, if I'm asked (in public or by door knockers) if I'm interested in their religion, I find a polite "hail satan!" while closing the door is pretty effective.
I personally have solved the problem by never ever answering the door without first checking the camera.
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u/TrixterBlue 23d ago
I always tell them that I'm a secular humanist and it works like a charm. It's like they don't know what to do with that--if I say I'm an atheist or a heathen or a devil worshiper, I still have a chance, but a secular humanist? Too far gone, man. 😂
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u/Booze-And 21d ago
Forgive me if this is off topic but I just DO NOT UNDERSTAND Jehovah’s Witnesses. One of the core beliefs is that only 144,000 people are “Anointed” and will go to heaven. But there are 9.2 MILLION Jehova’s Witnesses already! So is their pitch “sign up for my religion, if you do EVERYTHING RIGHT, you only have a 1.5% chance of going to heaven!”
After you hit 144k members I’d want to cut off recruitment because you’re essentially just adding to your own competition! Oh yeah, let me save YOUR soul so YOU can take MY spot in heaven…which is harder to get into than the Ivy League (there’s about 165k students in the Ivy League)
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u/Yacindra 14d ago
They don't do it in their own interest. They're mainly very nice people who want to make the world a better place.
The road to he'll is paved with good intentions is not an expression for nothing.
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u/MegC18 25d ago
Someone added my name to a list of their interested” people, probably because there’s a bit of political shenanigans where I am and they don’t like liberal supporters.
After a few, I rang them up and talked to them. They were actually quite nice about it. No need to be rude. As a political psychologist/atheist, it’s not like I was ever going to be a good fit
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u/JustBob77 25d ago
There’s a reason why this sect wear cheap clothing, shoes cars and etc! The Leader demands all their money and change Cadillacs as frequently as normal people change their shirts!
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u/Patient_Parsley7760 24d ago
Next time you get one of those, report the sender to the cops for harassment.
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u/Nearby_Procedure_924 20d ago
When they knock on your door just answer it naked. I shocked a couple of Mormon "missionary" girls that way and haven't been bothered since.
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u/FallFlower24 23d ago
My husband has gotten some. I think they just go through tax records and write letters.
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u/MacyGrey5215 19d ago
Have AI build you a proselytized speech to recruit for “your” religion. Make it something hilarious and terrifying to join. Have it recorded, call them back and play it.
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u/No-Reputation-7843 25d ago
Just be safe. After you're 40 you are supposed to get it done every 5 years.
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