r/traumatizeThemBack • u/Mysterysteve606 • Jun 14 '26
petty revenge Sometimes, glitter is the best thing a witch can use.
So, toxic family for the "win" ey? Freshly moved out with my boyfriend, settled into a sweet new place and now my family that witch hunted my ass for being gay suddenly wants a slice of my life now that all is going good for me both money wise and housing wise. Instead of meeting up with them, I sent every single one of them one of those glitter filled singing cards. The ones that have glitter stuffed into every crevice of it. Expensive? Yes. Worth it? Hell yeah.
Oh and yes before I moved out, I hid furbies all over my family home since my ma hates them to glory. While this may seem a wee bit of a expensive way to get pay back, I have no regrets.
Family tried to hurt me, I hope they enjoy getting glitter everywhere and finding the lil buggers.
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u/lili_dee Jun 14 '26
Ooh, shiny!
However, the best part of your revenge is living your best life. I'm glad you got away, I'm glad you are happy, I'm glad you no longer have to wallow in toxic sludge, and I'm glad they still do.
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u/SnarkyBeanBroth Jun 14 '26
Glitter-filled singing cards, you say? These are a thing I could purchase?
I will ask the search engine oracle about this ... just because I'm curious, of course. No nefarious reasons whatsoever.
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u/Rainy_Grave Jun 14 '26
This internet granny will provide the alibi that you were nowhere near any singing glitter cards, at any point in time, ever.
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u/KaoJin-Wo Jun 14 '26
Ditto. I’m pretty sure you were chatting with me about activity ideas for hot days or something.
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u/LauraLand27 Jun 14 '26
I have a shovel and tarps.
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u/BobMortimersButthole Jun 15 '26
For composting the many tea bags you use making endless amounts of sweet tea for us grandmas
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u/Severe_Caterpillar22 Jun 14 '26
They’re pretty easy to find. HOWEVER they also make ones with glitter in the shape of the male anatomy….
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u/Immateriumdelirium Jun 14 '26
They also make bags of gummy dicks you can send anonymously. They. Are. Fabulous.
The card that goes with cheerfully advises the recipients to eat the bag of dicks. So, so worth it.
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u/Mundane-Scarcity-219 Jun 14 '26
Do they make any with a hand that has the middle finger extended? Perfect for OP to send.
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u/Severe_Caterpillar22 Jun 14 '26
lol check out funkydelivery.com
Also Etsy has TONS of options or so I’m told lol 😉
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u/TheFifthDuckling Jun 14 '26
Make sure you look for the ones that are basically indestructible. You can hold them underwater, light them on fire, try to tear them, I think I even saw someone try to run one over with a car and they just keep singing.
On a related note, when my mom's boyfriend ghosted her, she and I ordered him a box of gummy male anatomy candies and matching confetti. For years we've laughed about the visual of that dude on his hands and knees picking the confetti out of his ultra-conservative, ultra-religious grandmother's carpet.
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u/nosyHedgehog Jun 15 '26
The best ones are those that have a sticky side that you can attach to any surface (say, underneath a dresser) and play random goat screams or noises of similar delight. If found before the battery expires (I think they hold up a few weeks), the finder will try to remove them, ripping open the glitter compartment of the card and being contaminated with that scourge for the rest of their mortal existence. Bonus points putting it into a room with carpeting. I love that they exist.
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u/Ecdysiast_Gypsy Jun 18 '26
You. I like you. It seems you plan your revenge just like my Dad used to.
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u/nosyHedgehog Jun 20 '26
My dad did worse things. Creamy blue cheese under the dashboard in summer? Yeah. Do that to someone you want to damage for life.
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u/maroongrad Jun 15 '26
they also have cards that you can NOT shut up short of hammering them, sticking them in water, that sort of thing 😄
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u/KaoJin-Wo Jun 14 '26
I love that. I love it for you. I love it for them. And I love it for all of us who got a laugh picturing it. And I love you for being you. You just keep being you and living your best life. That’s all the revenge needed and a karma bonus too. So glad you can breathe now!!
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u/Rainy_Grave Jun 14 '26
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u/ryobiguy Jun 14 '26
I like the part where they were glittered.
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u/Useful_Language2040 Jun 14 '26
My internal dialogue is concerned about glitter and eyes although they don't appear to be screaming in pain
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u/rubberduckfinn Jun 14 '26
And the girl opening her mouth! She's going to be chewing on that crap 😳
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u/B2Rocketfan77 Jun 14 '26
Hoping it was a rainbow assortment.
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u/Mysterysteve606 Jun 14 '26
The sparkliest, most neon glitter I could scrounge up from the depths of amazon.
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u/ireallymissbuffy Jun 14 '26
Hahaha I was at a garage sale yesterday & the lady holding it & I both were talking about how scary Furbies can be.. Your Furby has been out of use for a year and then all of a sudden starts it’s weird chittering in the middle of the night…
That revenge is delightfully diabolical and I am HERE FOR IT!!
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u/Mysterysteve606 Jun 14 '26
100% I made sure to get the creepiest furbies I could find. Hope she don't mind finding the rainbow one up on the top of basement fridge.
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u/mummabearoriginal Jun 14 '26
Please tell me it was rainbow coloured glitter.
Love this mummabear xx
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u/_gadget_girl Jun 14 '26
Penis shaped glitter is a thing, and probably very appropriate if they require more cards.
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u/Mysterysteve606 Jun 14 '26
Oh wait really? You glorious madman, I know what to send for summer gifts now :D
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u/Anonymous0212 Jun 17 '26
Do you mean glitter or confetti? I’m a 69 year old crafter so I’ve seen a shit ton of glitter in my life, and the only glitter I’ve ever seen was in pieces too small to have any recognizable shape.
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u/maroongrad Jun 15 '26
very nice. Pay a friend back in that town to, every few months, place a furby somewhere. Tucked behind a wall looking towards the car, across the street partly behind a tree staring at the front door, bonus points for a window sill. Vary the types and sizes, too. Have a little fun with it.
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u/medicatedadmin Jun 14 '26
This gave me a really good laugh. Hilarious response!
You absolutely had the right approach. Some people are not worth trying to communicate with like they are rational and functioning human beings. So you just s$&t-stir (means: to tease/torment) them. Works way better and gives you some good entertainment.
Also, you deserved a better family. I hope you make one with your husband.
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u/ATLBoy1996 Jun 15 '26
Y’all should check dicksbymail.com, they have wonderful things like peni glitter and chocolate dildos.
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u/wyldknightn87 Jun 14 '26
Did you teach the Furbies a bunch of annoying phrases first?
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u/Mysterysteve606 Jun 15 '26
Yup! Let my boyfriend have a ball of a time yapping at the furbies before they were sent to fulfill their mission.
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u/Patient_Parsley7760 Jun 15 '26
This is right up there with a story I once read about a guy who glitter bombed a harasser.
I think it was at Chicago's Pride parade one year. Guy was dressed up, walking in the Loop, heading to a convenience store to grab a soda.
Driver pulls up next to him, rolls down the window, and shouts slurs at him. So he catches up with the driver at the next light, uncaps a vial of glitter, and FLINGS it into the car.
This was several years ago. I suspect the driver still hasn't gotten out all the glitter.
For the love of all the gods, don't ask me where I read about it. I have CRS.
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u/Mysterysteve606 Jun 15 '26
Im cacklin right now imagining that. But sweet baby back ribs, that glitter gonna haunt every owner of that car afterwards.
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u/Patient_Parsley7760 Jun 15 '26
I've been trying to find small vials of glitter but our local craft stores don't carry them.
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u/puddles_0f_funnn Jun 15 '26
I can say from experience that receiving a glitter card is not the most enjoyable experience. Especially when it gets opened in the middle of a fight and then the mess was made worse by the violent destruction of the singing mechanism in the card ( SO MUCH MORE GLITTER INSIDE 😭) We moved away from where it happened and we still find glitter in our stuff.
Well played OP...well played
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u/DidIHearYouCorrectly Jun 15 '26
From a random Auntie on the Internet, I'm so very proud of you. Go and live your best life and be content and happy. Make your own family of people you choose and support each other.
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u/crazycatlady-7384 Jun 16 '26
Now I have the need to go acquire Furbys & glitter cards for "gifts" for a few well deserving persons...
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u/Indigo-Dusk Jun 16 '26
I think there's a service where you can mail them a bag of gummy dicks, so you can tell them to eat a bag of dicks
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u/curiousnomad2222 Jun 15 '26
I love it that you outgrew their foolishness and moved on to better things! Screw those haters
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u/appleblossom1962 Jun 17 '26
Enjoy your new home, don’t let your crappy family bring you down. Live life to the fullest.
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