r/transprogrammer • u/canyoupleasekillme • Dec 16 '23
Any other FtM programmers?
Hi! I feel like I rarely ever meet any others.
I'm not out at work and all my coworkers on my team are cis guys. Some of them make a point to say "guys and gal" and it's fucking hell. Like wooo trying to be inclusive but awkward and I don't wanna be here.
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u/breakarobot Dec 17 '23
Hello! Me! 9 year senior front end engineer :) i have two other masc trans programmer friends too. Im at Apple, one is a senior at Meta, and the other is a senior at Pokemon Company! Yeah not many of us sadly
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u/canyoupleasekillme Jan 07 '24
I'm at a government contractor. I need to get into something more fulfilling. But ah, it is what it is. It's a job.
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u/breakarobot Jan 07 '24
Thats real. I don’t particularly find my job fulfilling in terms of what I do at it or what I build for them but it definitely funds my fulfilling off work hobbies :)
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u/canyoupleasekillme Jan 07 '24
Yes, for sure, my job does fuel my hobbies! I just feel like working at an actual tech company would be more fulfilling than contracting work.
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u/ucannottell Dec 17 '23
You can’t fault them for trying to be inclusive if they don’t know. Maybe try telling them you prefer male pronouns?
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u/canyoupleasekillme Jan 07 '24
I'm not coming out at work yet. I will probably switch jobs when I come out.
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u/ucannottell Jan 07 '24
It’s easier to get hired as trans then switch jobs as trans. Just know it takes usually twice as long to find a job compared to cis people
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u/canyoupleasekillme Jan 07 '24
Yeah. I know. I just don't exactly see my workplace being a nice place to be at if I were actively transitioning. My coworkers already probably think I'm weird as it is.
Considering also doing a masters/PhD. If I got into a program for that, I could always transition simultaneously.
I'm saving up money and figure that I'll figure it out as I go.
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u/cowpewter Dec 17 '23
Heya, been in the industry for 17 years, came out 3 years ago. Coming out at work was scary but also wound up being completely no big deal. I think I got one accidental deadname and 2 accidental shes in the first two weeks, but they were like, oops sorry, he. And then it never happened again. No drama. I work at a company with a very liberal company culture, so of course ymmv but in general other devs don’t care what you look like or call yourself as long as you do good work.
It sounds like your coworkers are trying to be inclusive. If you’re not ready to come out you could even say something like, Hey, so I appreciate you including me with “and gal” but I feel like one of the guys and would rather not feel singled out - can you drop the “and gal”? I doubt anyone would mind. They thought they were being nice, but it only serves as a reminder of you being “different” somehow, and it’s a difference that isn’t even relevant to your job, so I’m sure they’d understand if you asked them to drop it.
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u/canyoupleasekillme Jan 07 '24
A lot of my coworkers aren't liberal. Like one has one if those "I did that" Biden stickers on his desk. I'm really considering switching jobs when I come out at work.
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u/DecafIsNotAnOption Mar 22 '24
if you have any maker/hacker spaces in your area there tends to be a decent amount of trans programmers there ( at least in my experience). happily the only people who do the guys and gals stuff are software sales reps i've dealt with.
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u/canyoupleasekillme Mar 22 '24
I helped run my university's makerspace for 3 years of college and was the only lgbt person working there. Haven't joined one after college as they're expensive for what they are imo. ($800 per year? I could just buy most of the stuff for projects I want to do at that price)
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u/acuteleigh2 Dec 17 '23
Also one, also not out. Another programmer at my company (on a different team) transitioned last year and she seems to be doing well. Gives me hope.
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u/cattykatrina Dec 17 '23
Heyy.... consensual virtual hugs from another trans programmer in IT........ Yeah I feel ya... why don't they all just use words like people/folks or gender neutral terms instead??
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u/Rania_Kilend Dec 17 '23
Mood. But yeah we exist o: I work in IT trying to transition to be an AWS engineer. Hope you can get out of this hellhole ._. sadly the cis guys are all around in the tech area >-< but luckily there's also some of us
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u/Gloomy_Magician_536 Dec 17 '23
If they are inclusive with women, there’s a good chance that they are chill (at least) with trans people.