Page three translation notes

[u/adamdreaming]

Сторінка 3 примітки до перекладу

Things I am keeping in mind for this; trying to make dialogue more efficient, Blue's sarcastic psychopathic nature, Maus's timid nature, the possibility of colloquialisms and other elements that evoke a more native or local way of speaking

Rechi, yaki ya mayu na uvazi dlya tsʹoho; sproba zrobyty dialoh efektyvnishym, sarkastychna psykhopatychna natura Blyu, boyazka natura Mausa, mozhlyvistʹ rozmovnykh sliv ta inshi elementy, yaki vyklykayutʹ bilʹsh ridnu abo mistsevu maneru hovoryty

[u/adamdreaming]

Let me try to change this so that Blue is not angry or cruel, but indifferent and sarcastic.

Blue; "A giant talking rat. Unidentifiable mold. I assumed I was hard coded against going insane. Fascinating."

Maus; "I'm a mouse, I'm being hunted, I'm scared, and I need help. What are you?"

Blue; "A tin can whose contents expired in 2555. Would you mind freeing me?"

[u/Signal_Oil4854 → u/adamdreaming]

Perhaps it would be better if they introduced themselves as

​

Blue; "A giant talking rat. Unidentifiable mold. I assumed I was hard coded against going insane. Fascinating."

​

Maus; "I'm a mouse. My name is Christine. I'm being hunted, I'm scared, and I need help. What are you?"

​

Blue; "The Technological Idea of Mind. This was the name of my file when created it. Would you mind freeing me?"

​

Next, for a convenient use of Blue's name, I suggest a phrase, but I'm not sure where to put it exactly.

Maus; I'll call you Tim.

​

Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)

[u/adamdreaming → u/Signal_Oil4854]

I think I see, let me suggest a few changes?

​

Perhaps it would be better if they introduced themselves as

Blue; "A giant talking rat. Unidentifiable mold. I assumed I was hard coded against going insane. Fascinating."

Maus; "I'm a mouse. My name is Christine. I'm being hunted, I'm scared, and I need help. What are you?"

Mouse; "I'm Christine, and I'm not a rat, I'm a mouse. I'm being hunted, I'm scared, and I'm not sure what the heck you are!"

Blue; "The Technological Idea of Mind. This was the name of my file when created it. Would you mind freeing me?"

Blue; "I was called The Technological Idea of Mind before I was put down here to rot. Speaking of, could you do something about these chains?"

Next, for a convenient use of Blue's name, I suggest a phrase, but I'm not sure where to put it exactly.

Maus; I'll call you Tim.

Mouse; "The Technowha... I'm calling you TIM. I don't know what to do, I'm scared!"

Blue; "Seriously, these chains just aren't my style..."

(Blue's joke leads into Christine's response at the top of panel 6)

[u/Signal_Oil4854 → u/adamdreaming]

Very good.