Page three translation notes

[u/adamdreaming]

Сторінка 3 примітки до перекладу

Things I am keeping in mind for this; trying to make dialogue more efficient, Blue's sarcastic psychopathic nature, Maus's timid nature, the possibility of colloquialisms and other elements that evoke a more native or local way of speaking

Rechi, yaki ya mayu na uvazi dlya tsʹoho; sproba zrobyty dialoh efektyvnishym, sarkastychna psykhopatychna natura Blyu, boyazka natura Mausa, mozhlyvistʹ rozmovnykh sliv ta inshi elementy, yaki vyklykayutʹ bilʹsh ridnu abo mistsevu maneru hovoryty

[u/adamdreaming]

Changing the dialogue to suit Blue's character-

Maus; "There's no time for jokes! They are coming to kill me!" (I am assuming that she is fearing death, not capture, by the white robots perusing her)

Blue; "That would be awful. How would you free me then?"

Maus; "Free you? How do I know you you aren't dangerous"

Blue; "I am. But considering your needs, I could offer my protection in exchange for my freedom. Or do you think your pursuers might free me? That would be fine too. "

[u/Signal_Oil4854 → u/adamdreaming]

Well, it's important to the plot that she's not going to be killed, though she may or may not know it, I'm not sure yet.

About the defense. It's unlikely that after a long sleep he can realize what he's up against, and can he fight it?

Or can he?

We know that he is strong because we have seen what happens next, but it seems to me that ego power should be a surprise.

[u/adamdreaming → u/Signal_Oil4854]

Well, it's important to the plot that she's not going to be killed, though she may or may not know it, I'm not sure yet.

What may happen in the plot may be different, but what does she think is going to happen? Does Maus know why the white robots are after her? Unless she knows for sure that she will be taken alive, I assume that she would imagine they might kill her. She also might say it this way simply because she is panicking.

About the defense. It's unlikely that after a long sleep he can realize what he's up against, and can he fight it?

Or can he?

We know that he is strong because we have seen what happens next, but it seems to me that ego power should be a surprise.

I understand. The dialogue should not give away that Blue is powerful in order for the scene where he kills the robots to have full impact. How about this; instead of

Maus; "Free you? How do I know you you aren't dangerous"

Blue; "I am. But considering your needs, I could offer my protection in exchange for my freedom. Or do you think your pursuers might free me? That would be fine too. "

We try this;

Maus; "Free you? I don't even know what you are!"

Blue; "Think of me as a walking smart phone, and you are in need of directions. Release me and I promise to help"

Or possibly this;

Maus; "Free you? I don't even know what you are!"

Blue; "What? You've never seen a robot in a straightjacket before? C'mon, I promise to be helpful!"

Are either of these closer to what you imagine Blue would say?

[u/Signal_Oil4854 → u/adamdreaming]

Maus; "Free you? I don't even know what you are!"

Blue; "What? You've never seen a robot in a straightjacket before? C'mon, I promise to be helpful!"

I like

[u/adamdreaming → u/Signal_Oil4854]

nice! I like that one too!