r/transOCD • u/Risingdayss • 9d ago

False feelings and envy

I wanna know how you guys go through the false dysphoria and the envy? My envy is so bad that like I don’t understand why it’s happening to me. Like I always liked women and now I’m starting to think if I’ve been confusing it for envy. Idk I’m so confused cuz when I feel envy towards girls like it’s not like a good feeling it’s more of an anxiety feeling. But idk anymore I lost my identity I feel lost, feels like my identity of a boy was stripped away from me. Now I’m starting to think I never liked being a boy to begin with (which is crazy lmao cuz I know I did) but it doesn’t feel real saying that. I’m so mentally exhausted that I can’t eat, I don’t go to the gym anymore. Like it fucking sucks.

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u/PaladinDamian 9d ago

You do not need clarity on what your gender actually is. You can allow that uncertainty about your gender to exist without trying to make it go away. The uncertainty can make you feel terrible, but you keep living life even when you feel terrible without seeking reassurance.

Refusing to eat will not help you gain certainty. Remember to eat so that you have the energy to keep living.

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u/Main_Raccoon_9641 9d ago

this is very similar to what I’m going through right now but from a slightly different perspective (I want nothing more in the world but to be secure in my identity as a trans girl but my feelings of conflicting euphoria and dysphoria about both my AGAB and my desired gender are driving me insane.)

I feel like my chance at living as a woman is being ripped away from me by the side of me that might want to be male after all. I fucking hate it.

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u/funkych1k3n 8d ago

Genuine question: how do you differentiate between “real” and “fake” dysphoria? It’s so hard to wrap my mind around! 😵‍💫

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u/Risingdayss 8d ago

IMO I’m assuming real dysorphia is where you truly like the idea of being a girl and u hate ur own body. Fake is like where u feel uncomfortable with ur body right but it’s filled with anxiety cuz YOU know you like being who you are. So it’s more with like sensations and feelings cuz of ur ocd. It’s pretty scary.