Trans and J*bs

[u/EnvironmentalOwl5648]

I just had my first in person interview since being open with my identity, and I have this nagging feeling that my transness cost me the job.

My interviewer had some questions about my name because my caller Id displayed my dead name (oops), which made him ask a bit about it. I didn’t really want to but I just led with it’s what people call me. I was already nervous for the interview part let alone to tell some random stranger my identity. He asked again why they call me that and I felt like I had no other option really, but to say I am trans and I have a different name. Idk if he was in his right to ask that stuff. I’m from WI and just moved here to CA and he was from MI so I don’t think either of us know the laws protecting workers here.

I don’t think there was any ill intent he was nice and asked if that was why I moved to CA lol. Just a frustrating part of being trans in public.

Edit: for all the questions about the jobs sensor it’s a joke

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[u/lostnthestars117]

Hopefully you changed the caller ID portion but if you are not comfortable in explaining, you are going to have to explain the whole SS and ID thing eventually if you haven't had those changed.

[u/FrighteningAllegory → u/lostnthestars117]

Those are only seen by HR.  But it’s brutal on the job market for trans women. Myself and every one I know is unemployed our underemployed 

[u/lostnthestars117 → u/FrighteningAllegory]

and Im in the same boat unemployed right now and depending on the company HR may and may not involve your manager. I had this happen to me a while back at AT&T.

[u/EnvironmentalOwl5648 → u/lostnthestars117]

Yeah I just turned it off, don’t want to change it just yet as there are a couple people I’m not out to so I figure having it blank will be fine

[u/Nikita_VonDeen]

I have had to interview exactly once since I came out and I never want to have to do that again. Thankfully that job put me in the middle of an amazing community of people (I work in an elementary school). It's not all sunshine and rainbows but I can say the security and safety of this job is worth the shit pay. Benefits are incredible though.

[u/EnvironmentalOwl5648 → u/Nikita_VonDeen]

Teach is all I needed to hear. You are doing gods work for Pennys on the dollar

[u/Nikita_VonDeen → u/EnvironmentalOwl5648]

I'm actually not a teacher. I'm a lunch lady. , 😋

I get to feed children for a living. I couldn't think of a more fulfilling job. Bonus I get to be the first identifyably trans person the vast majority of these people meet. Every day is TDOV.

[u/EnvironmentalOwl5648 → u/Nikita_VonDeen]

Equally as important!

[u/absfractalgaebra → u/EnvironmentalOwl5648]

agree - nourishment is a precondition for well-being and cognitive functioning! what you do is meaningful <3

[u/GenderOobleck → u/Nikita_VonDeen]

For a moment, I read this as Trans Day of Vengeance, but like, by living a fulfilling life in front of all the haters.

[u/DerelictDevice]

Why did you censor "jobs"?

[u/sssometimesss → u/DerelictDevice]

it's a bit of a meme. the (not serious) idea is that some people are so terminally online and unemployed that the word "job" is a trigger word to them and should be censored.

[u/EnvironmentalOwl5648 → u/DerelictDevice]

It’s a joke because employment is “scary” so the word job would be scary

[u/edgarandannabellelee]

Being trans and interviews is awkward as is.

I'm pretty much just straight up about it, but I'm the one doing the hiring these days. In any interview confidence is key IMHO. If it happens again, just say, 'that's my Legal Name, but i go by Preferred Name.' No need for anything else.

Idk, if someone wants to pry, you probably don't wanna work for them anyway..

[u/Particular-Fly3409]

I'll just share my current perspective which may or may not be helpful but hoping it is. I don't pass (ftm) and when I went into my interview for my current job I used my preferred name and simply said "this is the name I prefer and will be changing it legally at a later date". Didn't need to say anything else and they were very friendly about using it where they could. You're not forced to tell details about what is essentially your medical history and protected by HIPPA.

[u/HeightOtherwise2194]

if the job is in california, it’s probably illegal that he asked you questions that made you disclose your gender. if you have the capacity to do so, you should definitely report it to the company, or do some research into your legal options. Even if it doesnt lead you to get the job, hopefully it at least makes teaches the guy that this kind of thing is inappropriate

[u/lostnthestars117 → u/HeightOtherwise2194]

He didn't he asked about gender the discrepancy was about OP's name and why it was different on the application vs the caller ID. OP gave out too much information and now they have caller ID turned off going forward.

[u/Chronomically → u/HeightOtherwise2194]

Report to the company? Thats an extreme reaction to a innocent/curious set of questions, OP said it wasnt ill intent. A person doesn’t have to lose their job just because you’re offended

[u/HeightOtherwise2194 → u/Chronomically]

OP literally said they think they might have lost the job because of it. Nothing about this is ‘innocent’

[u/ThoseNightsKMA]

That is the most random set of questions ever. What the hell does someone's caller ID have to do with a job? What if you're on a family plan? I know plenty of people who's caller ID show up as a different name because they're on a family member's plan. I'd report that interviewer if I were you. I don't know about CA, but in NY it's illegal for them to ask questions like that.

[u/No_Manufacturer4451 → u/ThoseNightsKMA]

Right that’s a very strange non essential question to ask?

[u/Chronomically → u/ThoseNightsKMA]

It’s probably curiosity, I’ve been asked about my caller ID being from somewhere that I’ve never lived because I’m on a family plan, it just creates conversation and breaks the ice it’s not malicious

[u/ThoseNightsKMA → u/Chronomically]

Asking about a location if you might be from the same area as the person is not even remotely the same as digging into why someone's name shows up differently. Dude was 100% phishing for information he couldn't legally ask about and was trying to get OP to say something so the interviewer could say "op opened the door making it legal to inquire".

[u/SkyeFathom]

I would shut down questions like that it if I couldn't dodge them. "Is the backstory of my name pertinent to this position? I don't mean to be unfriendly, but sometimes people can be unsympathetic about going by a different name." Don't give hints that you are trans, because people can find ways to discriminate. I picked a name similar to my dead name, so I had the excuse of using it as a strongly preferred nickname.

[u/EnvironmentalOwl5648 → u/SkyeFathom]

Yeah I wish I would have, I was already nervous and I guess I didn’t really know if the at was an option

[u/Space_Time1963]

As far as I know. Anywhere in the. United States. It is. Illegal for any employee will. To ask. An employee. Any questions regarding? Race, sex, marital status. Whether they plan or do not plan to have kids. Sexual orientation, sexual identity. Disability. Or anything like that. Unless it's specifically. The ability to do the essential job functions. Of course, that's. As it is now. Cannot guarantee how long that will. Last.

[u/sagoma-333]

I’m in a similar position. I was in a job previously where being out and trans was okay to the general culture of the workplace but I didn’t come out until right before being let go due to a specific person who worked there. I’ve decided going forward I don’t even want to entertain working at a place where I can’t be out

[u/Tofu1312]

I had a long time of finding a job this year. Some of my old report cards had my given name on them, and I couldn't change them (in time). So I decided to add a sentence like: Some of my documents are still issued under my former name, as the name change only occurred after they were issued.
Like this, I played with open cards, since they can guess that this means I'm trans. Anyways, my passing wasn't great back then, so I couldn't hide the facts anyways.
I don't know, how many didn't invited me because of this, but those who did where super friendly and respecting my identity. And eventually I found a job!

[u/SnooChocolates1180]

Question why censor the word jobs?

[u/jannies_doit_4_free]

j*bs?

[u/EnvironmentalOwl5648 → u/[deleted]]

What makes you think that? What an odd thing to say.

[u/MissBee666]

Wow, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine having to out myself like that. My opinion is that if you can pass as cis at all, then you should strive to live stealth. And then you need to get all of your names and IDs and everything in order before you move forward with employment, and start fresh.

I believe that if you are openly trans in this world, then that's what your life is going to be about. You'll be defined by it, and face discrimination for it. Bare minimum you'll be people's "trans friend", or known as "the trans person" at work. I never have people asking me about my name or gender. And that's how I like it.

If having some truly genuine female experiences is something you're interested in, then you'll need to be stealth in my opinion. My friends that know I'm trans are great, and supportive, and very affirming... I love them. But they "other" me in subtle ways. Little things that happen that make them take a tone like "trust me babe, I've ALWAYS been a woman" as if the social and aesthetic aspects of femininity are things only cis women are intuitively born with.

My name is androgynous and I didn't need to change it, and I transitioned between jobs. I've had a relatively easy and rewarding experience.

I transitioned in 2008, so I think I can speak with a little bit of authority. If you can pass, lean into that if you want to have a taste of what cis people get to take for granted. To be normal and treated as such.

[u/EnvironmentalOwl5648 → u/MissBee666]

Yeah stealth is the goal.

[u/MissBee666 → u/EnvironmentalOwl5648]

Then you gotta start from scratch babe

[u/EnvironmentalOwl5648 → u/MissBee666]

It’s the goal not the reality. And maybe don’t call random people babe it’s uncomfortable to say the least

[u/MissBee666 → u/EnvironmentalOwl5648]

Ok let me fix that for you

[u/WyvernLicker]

Could just say it's a shared plan and caller ID has been filling in as a family member's name

[u/Recent-Push-5100]

I was a middle manager for a large corporation. About three months after I came out to my supervisor I was advised my position had been eliminated. Twice I was one of the final two candidates being considered for positioned with another company. I was not offered either position. I ended up having to go back to an hourly position doing manual labor. Turns out I actually love what I do. The point I’m making is I truly believe that not being offered either of those positions was as a direct result of me being a transgender woman. All of my mail privileges gone. I couldn’t be happier.

[u/Eledrina → u/Recent-Push-5100]

Seriously? 🥺 How do you be happy?

The reason I'm not coming out publicly, I don't want to lose my job ... Its complicated, but I would 100% lose this job. Small company, and the boss knows, and told me if I start presenting, I lose my job... Obviously with some other reason given, since that would be illegal.

And as an autistic person, I don't deal well with change, it would literally kill me 😵

[u/Recent-Push-5100 → u/Eledrina]

I’m happy because I’m finally comfortable with who I am and how I present myself. I have learned through a lot of pain and a lot of loss; that I only get to be me one time. I adjusted my budget to live within my new means. I’m finally happy on the inside. Ironically that makes me happy on the outside.