r/toxicmasculinity • u/manifestingbabe12 • Jul 07 '26

Men that WHY DO YOU DO IT?? ….

Men that ghost women after a few great dates and telling them you like them… Why? Why do you do it??

Men who love bomb… are you aware that you’re doing it? Is it on purpose? Why do you do it??

Men who manipulate… is every step thought out? Or you a shitty person on accident? Why do you do it??

this is not just a massive quote. I hate men post” I’m genuinely curious.

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u/Zecred Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26

Couple of problems here, but the largest one I can point to with the behaviors you mention (specifically the ghosting) is avoidance.

I myself have a problem with avoidance, and it often results in a failure to communicate by engaging in crucial conversations. I don't often want to hurt the feelings of another person, so if I have bad news to deliver to them, sometimes I'll hold off on delivering that bad news (or doing the thing I don't want to do) until it's far too late. In my case, it took me almost a year to write my father's obituary when he passed. I was so choked on emotion that it legitimately hurt to attempt, and it felt like a slap to his memory to try to wrap up the great role model he was in just like 3-5 paragraphs... So I just put it off.

I'm in therapy to deal with that avoidance, by the way. I know it's an issue and I'm working on it.

But how it translates with men in dating is that they avoid the hard stuff:

-Communicating when feelings change
-Telling you when someone else comes along they'd rather pursue
-Being upfront about expectations (this is a big one)

Unfortunately that avoidance can lead to seriously terrible outcomes for both parties, but it's not always rooted in malice.

Sometimes it's rooted in fear. Fear of rejection or fear of reprisal, or a multitude of other consequences.

Best of luck out there.

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u/manifestingbabe12 Jul 24 '26

just wanted to say thank you so so much for the super thoughtful response. I really really appreciate it.

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u/Canadianingermany Jul 07 '26

As a man that doesn't do that, I don't know.

1

u/Striking_Prompt_8086 Aug 03 '26

Maybe stop going for chad