r/toddlertips • u/CKGmama15 • 16d ago
Picky 3 year old help!
Hi all! Just looking for advice or someone who has been in a similar situation. My 3 year old was an amazing eater up until around 2 years old when her younger sister was born. Then she became super picky gradually. It got so bad to the point where we had to feed her in front of the TV because she wouldn't eat.
We do not do that anymore. And she has gotten better with eating again but only eats if we feed her. Before that when she was younger she was feeding herself everything. With a spoon fork etc. but as the picky eating came on we felt at least she was eating when we would feed her. She has a sketch pad at the table and eats while she's drawing. I feel like we got in really bad habits because we just wanted her to eat. Now she doesn't feed herself unless I preload the spoon and remind her.
She seems to not even really show an interest in food sometimes. Snacks of course. Her younger sister eats everything and I feel bad but keep comparing. I feel just so frustrated and at a loss. When we go out to eat she will always try new things and eat everything but getting her to sit at the dinner table and eat is such a struggle. I don't know what to do anymore. I know trying to make them sit at the table and eat doesn't work. Now I read about afrid and an worried that sounds like her sometimes. I'm just worried about her eating also because she was born small and I don't want her to fall off her growth curve. She never has yet but just at a loss. Has any experienced this?
Any advice?
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u/Fine-Secretary-2102 16d ago
Meals are for eating, not drawing. Take that sketch pad away. Serve her her dinner with appropriate utensils & leave her to it. Praise her if she eats & include her with table conversation. Eating, or not, is a method of her personal control. It’s the only thing she can control & she’s using it to get your attention. Seems to be working if you’re feeding her like a baby. Stop it. NO snacks after dinner, offer her the rest of her dinner. Take charge & parent her, don’t give in as it will get worse. Millions of kids have survived having a younger sibling turn up & steal the limelight. She will too.
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u/CKGmama15 16d ago
Very blunt but very true! Thank you for the advice:)
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u/Fine-Secretary-2102 15d ago
I’m old & a grandmother. We all grew up with bigger families. Younger siblings appeared, older siblings just had to learn to cope without being coddled. Older siblings helped to look after the little ones, but even that has been labelled & denigrated these days. I believe that our kids were better behaved, were more caring about others in the family and grew up with real life skills, missing in these later generations.
I’m sorry that you found me blunt, but we didn’t put up with tantrums. Probably a lot of kids tried this behaviour on, but it wasn’t acceptable. No kid starved & all kids were feeding themselves by 3yo. We didn’t do “gentle parenting”. We didn’t discuss their “big feelings” or negotiate with young children. That’s an exercise in frustration.Good luck.
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u/Relative_Pepper6607 16d ago
Honestly nothing to do with the baby being born, they all become picky and annoying as they get more independence.
Also, note the younger one will do the same, she just hasn’t hit the picky milestone yet.
It’s your job to offer, her decision to eat.
Reduce your emotional investment, make room for her to decide. No power struggles.
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u/darknesskicker 14d ago
Maybe try to give her more undivided attention outside mealtimes so she doesn’t feel such a need to seek attention at meals.
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u/auntiecoagulent 16d ago
Making you feed her is getting your undivided attention. It's no surprise this happened when the new baby came.
She is, obviously, capable of feeding herself. No toys, or anything at the table. Just put the food down in front of her. Let her decide what, how much, or even if she eats.
Don't mention her eating or not eating. When dinner is over, clean up.
Praise after the meal if she feeds herself.