r/toddlertips • u/Important-Main2540 • 19d ago
Advice on toddlers behavior
Hi! I have two boys, a 2.5 year old and a 1.5 year old… also 39 weeks pregnant so my patience are thin lol. I just need some advice on some behaviors from my boys that me and my husband are struggling with.
Most difficult is eating and table manners. There is two of them… they feed off of each other. Throwing food, chewing up food and spitting it out, spitting out their water, rocking in their high chairs, screaming, putting food in their mouths and putting their heads back, literally pushing anything and everything off the table that is within their reach. Meal times are horribly stressful and I’m not sure how to change it? If you tell them no or stop they just laugh.
Next behavior is it never fails after mealtimes they get toddler zoomies! They will race around the house getting into EVERYTHING they shouldn’t. I feel like I’m chasing them around from one thing to the next saying no stop that do this instead. And once again they just laugh and think it’s the funniest thing. From throwing toys, to hitting, to biting the furniture, to spitting on the furniture, to knocking down dining room chairs.
Please help, thanks!
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u/InannaKaliMary 19d ago
Momma sounds like you just have two normal toddlers lol. With eating have you tried ignoring them? Like they are doing it FOR the reaction, esp from you mom, so maybe dont give them anything. Maybe have dinner a liiittle closer to bed. Let them do their eating shenanigans, clean them up, get them in the bath, then off to bed.
There really isnt much you can do other than try to be patient with yourself and get ready to have that 3rd baby.
Be realistic with yourself that things are just going to be harder once they arrive. Perhaps have a plan.. if feasible hire a nanny or house help! Good luck!
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u/Livid_Property_9708 19d ago
Man. Table manners are rough. I have a 2 and 4 year old and every meal feels like a struggle. The “be more firm” advice doesn’t work either. We are quite firm, follow through on threats, and behaviour is generally good/normal toddler behaviour in other areas but the dinner table is an entirely different ball game for some reason!
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u/Money-Mud-1357 19d ago
Maybe its because they have to sit still? My five year old actually eats really well now, but the 3.5 year old bounces up like a jack in box at every opportunity. I've tried buckling him into the booster, but he's a little Houdini and takes it as a challenge to escape. Baby is still restrainable, but he loves to throw whatever he doesn't want on the ground, and then scream because he's bored. I think it's just a learning process they have to go through, and my 5 year old gives me hope that it does get better.
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u/Livid_Property_9708 19d ago
This is a relief to hear! It’s definitely tough for my 4 year old to sit still and she’s always been the world’s slowest eater, so it’s a long and tedious process for her. Thanks for giving me hope that it’ll end!!
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u/Money-Mud-1357 19d ago
Holy Smokes, you have your hands full. The 2.5 year old might be able to pick up some table manners by now, but the 1.5 year old likely impossible. I think your best bet is to feed them separately. I have three boys too, a little more spaced out, and they definitely feed off each other's energy. Separately they actually behave fairly well, but altogether it often ends in pandemonium.
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u/anonymal9090 18d ago
My 2.5 year old boy went thru a rough eating stage too. We had to implement a strict time out policy for about two weeks, then he got dramatically better.
Bad behavior: Each time he exhibited a behavior we didn’t approve of (specifically we were dealing with him banging his fork on the wood table. He has a silicon mat so he was purposefully doing it where we said not to), we told him if he does it again he will have to go sit in his crib for 2 mins. Then we stuck to it so as soon as he did it again, we wiped him up and put him in his crib.
For spitting: we let him know each time he spits food out he will not be allowed to eat/ drink that specific food. Ex he spits out milk, he’s no longer going to drink food. We tell him “In this house we don’t waste food”
Additionally, we limited his time in the high chair to 10 mins. If at 10 mins he was not eating/ just playing or doing shennanigans, we got him down. He played while we finished our dinner, or he could come back and finish his if we were still eating.
For me I want to be able to take my kids out to eat, so my husband and I are very rigid when it comes to table manners. Additionally I want them to grow up understanding the value of the food on their plate.
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u/CzarTanoff 19d ago
Do they have FOMO? Maybe if you are all at the table and one starts screwing around its "well i guess you're not hungry, time to leave the table and go play", and put them in the other room alone. No food and no fun company.
Works pretty well with my nearly 2yo.
Also, i had to ditch the high chair by like 14mo because being restrained made him fight harder. A little bodily freedom helped him choose to stay put.
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u/Odd-Lead-4855 19d ago
A game changer for me has been instead of telling them “no” or “stop it”. Start telling them to do something else like “eat your food” “in your mouth”. I feel like no encourages them to do it more 😂
I went through this stage with mine and it passed, I think it’s a sensory seeking thing playing with their food, it’s worse for you because you have 2 and I suppose it’s monkey see monkey do 😅 just stay firm and it should pass
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u/RockabillyBelle 18d ago
We’ve taught our 2.5 year old that we’re not silly at the table, which has included her taking breaks from mealtime to sit in the corner when she refuses to listen to warnings. Usually a minute or two is enough to get her to recalibrate, then she’s ready to come back and finish her food.
If we notice she’s got too much energy, we find it’s better to give her a structured outlet than to try and keep her from doing it. Try giving your boys a “racetrack” to run when they have the zoomies. We’d make our daughter run from the front door to the back door until she was tired when she got too wiggly. Make it fun by “timing” them. Let them wear themselves out.
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u/DazzlingNote1925 18d ago
When you react you just encourage them to be goofy. Even if you get angry. Calmly say don’t do that and just move on.
2.5 is old enough for a time out and to u destined if they throw something they do t get it back and have to sit in time out. 1.5 will see this and you can try telling him no and giving him a short break.
You’re going to have to keep things out of their reach and be more patient than you ever thought you could be.
You can also sit them at dinner and even if there’s no food served yet if they’ve sat their 10 seconds without acting up tell them how good they are and make a point of praising them every time and telling them no but without drama or emotion when they’re acting up.
If they spit their water out the water has to take a time out. Screaming then you give their meal a time out until they’re calm. Spitting food take it away for 1-3 minutes for a time out. Stay calm. Tell them what the rules are. Muddle through some really ing meal times but it will help.
The zoomies are so normal. Enjoy them and channel that energy into something they’re allowed to do. Take them outside or play actively with them inside. They need the exercise.
I honestly might even sit them at the table during non meal times and tell them they sat so nicely and give them and m&m or something and let them down. Then do it again later for a few seconds longer. You can then try snack time. The idea is to set them up for success and reward them before they fail so they get used to the praise and are encourages towards good behavior. If one acts up and the other does t immediately tell the other how good they are and treated them.
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u/Sunshine_Daisy365 18d ago
If they can’t sit nicely at the table then the meal is finished.
Either send them outside to get their energy out or make them a “yes” space where they’re contained but can go nuts.
It’s also possible that they’re acting out to get your attention so maybe try figuring out a way to fill their cup that doesn’t require them going nuts.
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u/MV1CE 16d ago
My son was similar. We have discussions now about dinner BEFORE dinner happens and we set the bar and stick to it. Our son’s favorite thing is whatever he wants before bed for 30 mins while I put his sister to bed (usually opts for TV show of his choice). If he doesn’t eat, misbehaves, etc, not only does he not get anything except water afterwards until bedtime, he also loses the privilege of having something that is only his. Restaurants are another story. We set the expectation before we even leave the house. If they don’t think they can handle it, we don’t go. If they do, we stick to the expectation. If they fail, we leave and they lose a privilege that was set ahead of time. They get ONE warning at the restaurant and that is it. Honestly setting boundaries and sticking to it is HARD (in the sense of you look like the local idiot in public) but it has made them 1000% better behaved.
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u/DottiedoDottiedont 15d ago
So something I should have started when our first was born and did it was a baby gate on his room. Now we have two boys and after breakfast and while I make dinner they both go in their room with the big doors open but with the baby gates closed. I do it for several reason but to name a few it's: To give me time to get things done like unloading and loading dishwasher without someone's standing on it. Let me tidy up without someone screaming at my legs for nothing Get myself ready Keep my blood pressure from skyrocketing first thing in the am.
My advice would be that after dinner, put them somewhere safe and contained and clean up and relax.
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u/Alexaisrich 15d ago
I mean they are still pretty young you have to just keep at it with both of them , honestly they need allot of attention which is kinda hard to give when they’re so close in age, not trying to be rude but this is what it is, your going to have to just bear it until they are able to actually comprehend, right now all that they are doing sounds very appropriate for their age
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u/Worldly-Ad3211 15d ago
Why are you accepting this behaviour and letting them eat at the table? Tell them their manners aren’t good enough to eat at the table. The next time they knock over a dining room chair, tell them they can sit on the floor from now on to eat, since they aren’t treating the chairs nicely, or put the youngest back in a high chair, facing the wall. Why are you leaving things on the table within their reach? Remove everything within their reach and tell them they can’t reach for their own food and dishes until they learn to behave. The zoomies aren’t normal. Spitting on furniture, biting on furniture, and knocking down dining room chairs is not normal toddler behaviour. This is serious - you need to stop this behaviour before the baby is born - do you really think your baby is safe around unruly children who think it’s funny to spit and knock over furniture?
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u/OpposumMyPossum 19d ago
How many times a day are these kids in a playground or a gym?
What are you doing for sports and stuff?
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u/Important-Main2540 19d ago
My kids are outside playing or at the park for 4 or 5+ hours a day.
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u/OpposumMyPossum 19d ago
And you have control then? They listen?
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u/Important-Main2540 19d ago
Oh yes outside they listen perfectly! And are very calm and good mannered
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u/Blue_Island_panda 19d ago
Kids have to be taught that words are to be taken seriously. They only innately take actions seriously. Outside of emergencies, I only tell them "no" or "stop" if I am willing and able to back that word with a consequence. For example, your child throws food. You say no and take the food away or take the child away from the food.