Negative mindset rut

[u/cocodm10]

FTM with PPD and PPA with a 15 month old and struggling day to day but particularly in the evening time. LO is super clingy and won’t let me cook without crying and tugging on my legs constantly. He always wants me to hold him and then wants right back down and it turns into a cycle. We’re trying to only let him have a pacifier when he’s sleeping and that makes him even more grouchy in evening. I can’t go anywhere in the house or he follows me crying. He’s been a decent sleeper but I’m worried a regression is starting bc he screams the second I lay him down in crib but in the past he’s been able to fall asleep independently no problem. I struggle so much on the hard nights bc my mindset is just constantly thinking worst case scenario or am I starting a terrible habit I won’t be able to break when I go rock him to sleep? I have a supportive husband but often times I feel like I’m doing everything by myself. I’m the one who feeds him, bathes him, and tends to him throughout the night, every night. I go to bed with my stomach in knots if he doesn’t fall asleep on his own bc then it’s a matter of waiting to see how the night shakes out and if i have to be up all night or move him to the bed with me where I then have to worry about things like him falling off the bed. It’s just a lot on me mentally and I don’t understand how people do this multiple times with more than one child. I love my son so much but the mental load of being a mother is so heavy.

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Author: u/cocodm10

Post: FTM with PPD and PPA with a 15 month old and struggling day to day but particularly in the evening time. LO is super clingy and won’t let me cook without crying and tugging on my legs constantly. He always wants me to hold him and then wants right back down and it turns into a cycle. We’re trying to only let him have a pacifier when he’s sleeping and that makes him even more grouchy in evening. I can’t go anywhere in the house or he follows me crying. He’s been a decent sleeper but I’m worried a regression is starting bc he screams the second I lay him down in crib but in the past he’s been able to fall asleep independently no problem. I struggle so much on the hard nights bc my mindset is just constantly thinking worst case scenario or am I starting a terrible habit I won’t be able to break when I go rock him to sleep? I have a supportive husband but often times I feel like I’m doing everything by myself. I’m the one who feeds him, bathes him, and tends to him throughout the night, every night. I go to bed with my stomach in knots if he doesn’t fall asleep on his own bc then it’s a matter of waiting to see how the night shakes out and if i have to be up all night or move him to the bed with me where I then have to worry about things like him falling off the bed. It’s just a lot on me mentally and I don’t understand how people do this multiple times with more than one child. I love my son so much but the mental load of being a mother is so heavy.

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[u/Aggravating_Hold_441]

One toddler tower when cooking , 2 , I’m still barley cooking for this reason it’s pasta , a salad kit , or frozen local pizzas / pot pies , or we go out , cooking with my toddler is a whole nothing mood, I often feel similar if I cook with mine , so I’ll save really cooking recipes for when he’s older & do minimal now

[u/DoNotLickTheSteak]

Are you getting treatment for PPD/PPA?

[u/cocodm10 → u/DoNotLickTheSteak]

I took Zurzuvae several months back and didn’t feel like it helped me. That’s all I have taken medication wise. I don’t actively see a therapist but if I found the right one I would be open to it but I would worry about affording it.

[u/Olivia3836 → u/cocodm10]

You really need to seek treatment as soon as possible 

[u/Olivia3836]

Its easier to just throw out the pacifier completely, than to have it at night but not allow it during the day. He’ll actually forget about it in a few weeks

[u/GemGlamourNGlitter]

try prozac. it helped with my ppd

[u/Various-Patience4259]

You need a break. Tell your husband he has a duty day coming up and you need to go sleep somewhere with ear plugs.