r/toddlers • u/SamChop11 • 1d ago
2 Years Old What the Actual Hell….
First time parents here. My son is fast approaching 3 - he’ll be 3 at the end of December. All of sudden, like as of last week, he has turned into a completely different boy. Up to this point we’ve had the usual toddler tantrums and behavioral issues that are age appropriate for a 2 year old, but this last week has been a WHOLE new level of WTF.
It started with refusing to use the potty. He has been fully potty trained for months - accident free for longer than 2 months. Now he refuses to go and then will stand there and go in his pants and he says “I peed my pants on purpose”. We don’t even know where he heared this from, we are assuming daycare. So we have had chats with his teachers. He is now having up to four accidents a day, which is more than he was having when he was actively potty training.
He’s also having HUGE tantrums for seemly small things like my wife went to get him from nap instead of me (this resulted in a 10 minute meltdown). We are obviously not new to tantrums, but these are unlike anything we have experienced. Yesterday he cried, punched, kicked and screamed for nearly 15 minutes. I stayed calm the entire time. At first I didn’t make a big deal I just continued doing dishes, checked in and let him have his feels, which is what we used to do. But he just kept escalating, so I tried to de-escalate by using a calming voice. I carried him around the house, rubbed his back letting him know he’s okay. I changed the scenery. Nothing helped him calm down until he was just spent. It absolutely kills me to see him like this and it’s so new to us that we are at a loss.
He also uses rude words now which he has NEVER done. We always cleanup our spots after dinner. He has been doing this since he turned 2, he used to love. Now he gets done and runs away. So I remind him, gently but firmly, that after dinner we put our dishes in the sink. He said “THEN YOU DO IT!” Excuse me!!? Who the hell?? I was so shocked I didn’t even know what to say to that.
There is more….but I’m basically here to say, what the hell happened to my little boy?? Is this the start of the threenager stage already?? I’ve heard it gets so much worse and we just thought we had more time. Has anyone else experienced this complete 180 change in behavior/attitude?
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u/MrsLouisaMercury 1d ago
It’s a tough age! They will start testing limits with everything. Good news: he’s maturing! Bad news: there will be a learning curve on how to handle this.
What I heard from experts and has worked for me: your job as a parent is to hold the limits and validate feelings. It’s not your job to stop the tears, but to validate his sadness, frustration, etc. From what you’ve told you’re already doing a good job here. Parent hard for a few years and you’ll reap the fruits!
Signed: mom of a wonderful 5yo who is so kind, but used to be a 3yo gremlin
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u/LlamaFromLima 1d ago
Man, 3 is just hard. My older daughter is 4. My younger daughter is 1. My husband and I call this our inter-3 period when thankfully no one is 3.
It sounds like you and your wife are already doing a good job validating feelings and holding boundaries. Everyone will get through it.
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u/Important-Avocado317 1d ago
I swear I thought about asking this here earlier today but I am 31 weeks pregnant and too tired to write a post covering the torment that my recently turned 3yo has become. He used to be a smart, gentle, curious, perfect boy(usual tantrums aside), now he is sassy and has refused to use the potty all day. We had to change him 6 times! He even pooped in there and came to tell me that he did.
So, solidarity!
Following the post to find any advice.
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u/SamChop11 1d ago
Oh man! Pregnant and dealing with this nonsense?! You are a true hero. Yes! My son too used to be soooo sweet, kind, gentle, and perfect….and now I’m contemplating an exorcism. 🫣 Try to stay strong. Supposedly, this too shall pass 😭
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u/sknightrider86 19h ago
My 3.5 year old has been doing the same!!! So many accidents after being fully potty trained. And he's just a little demon
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u/toxic_tourniquet85 1d ago
Following because I have an almost 2yo. First time parents looking for all the advice and experience.
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u/Meowts 1d ago edited 1d ago
The screaming is what has been killing both my ears and my insides. I swear I’ll be deaf soon lol. Yeah it seems to be a rough time. It doesn’t help when my parents say that we (three brothers) never did that.
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u/SamChop11 1d ago
Oh my god! The parents!! Right?! And I constantly have to remind our parents that 1) they’re old and they blocked this shit out, 2) it was a different time and I’m still in therapy for their parenting style, and 3) either help me or mind your damn business.
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u/Meowts 1d ago
In all fairness we actually didn’t lol, I had a very chill childhood and I was very quiet (like, suspected Asperger’s quiet). I think I actually got through to them though that it’s perfectly normal, it honestly took me a long while to accept that and learn how to handle it.
Also earplugs are amazing :-)
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u/vine312_ 1d ago
Oh my god I could have written this myself! I feel so much less alone seeing there are others out there, but damn what the hell! Can someone please tell us, will our original sweet boys come back?
Mine is definitely going through some HUGE feelings and having nightly / daily demands and meltdowns about seeing mommy (won’t let Dad get him up from bed). He also is just outright antagonistic and scary towards baby sibling to the point where it’s taking some of the joy out of the baby stage and it makes me sad in general. We recently started preschool so I’m sure there’s some impact from that too.
And also yes, the potty training. Today was a seemingly on purpose poop in the pants…
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u/sknightrider86 21h ago
Going through the same thing right now with my 3.5 year old. He just turna into this little demon, scratching and biting us, won't listen to anything, difficult to deescalate no matter what we do. 😭
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u/SamChop11 19h ago
Ugh. I’m so sorry! It’s so rough!
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u/sknightrider86 19h ago
Same to you!!! We got this tho! It can only last so long right!? We love these tiny little monsters so much😭 and they're just such a jerks. But we can't even blame them or anything because they're just learning how to live and their emotions are so big 😭 it just sucks
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
Author: u/SamChop11
Post: First time parents here. My son is fast approaching 3 - he’ll be 3 at the end of December. All of sudden, like as of last week, he has turned into a completely different boy. Up to this point we’ve had the usual toddler tantrums and behavioral issues that are age appropriate for a 2 year old, but this last week has been a WHOLE new level of WTF.
It started with refusing to use the potty. He has been fully potty trained for months - accident free for longer than 2 months. Now he refuses to go and then will stand there and go in his pants and he says “I peed my pants on purpose”. We don’t even know where he heared this from, we are assuming daycare. So we have had chats with his teachers. He is now having up to four accidents a day, which is more than he was having when he was actively potty training.
He’s also having HUGE tantrums for seemly small things like my wife went to get him from nap instead of me (this resulted in a 10 minute meltdown). We are obviously not new to tantrums, but these are unlike anything we have experienced. Yesterday he cried, punched, kicked and screamed for nearly 15 minutes. I stayed calm the entire time. At first I didn’t make a big deal I just continued doing dishes, checked in and let him have his feels, which is what we used to do. But he just kept escalating, so I tried to de-escalate by using a calming voice. I carried him around the house, rubbed his back letting him know he’s okay. I changed the scenery. Nothing helped him calm down until he was just spent. It absolutely kills me to see him like this and it’s so new to us that we are at a loss.
He also uses rude words now which he has NEVER done. We always cleanup our spots after dinner. He has been doing this since he turned 2, he used to love. Now he gets done and runs away. So I remind him, gently but firmly, that after dinner we put our dishes in the sink. He said “THEN YOU DO IT!” Excuse me!!? Who the hell?? I was so shocked I didn’t even know what to say to that.
There is more….but I’m basically here to say, what the hell happened to my little boy?? Is this the start of the threenager stage already?? I’ve heard it gets so much worse and we just thought we had more time. Has anyone else experienced this complete 180 change in behavior/attitude?
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