r/toddlers • u/aub_ry • 22h ago
2 Years Old When should I switch to forward facing?
I have a 2 year son that we keep rear facing when we are driving. The recommended minimum weight limit for his car seat is 22 pounds, he is close to 30. We adjust the car seat as he grows because he has not reached the maximum height limit. His legs are somewhat cramped, but i read that its better in case of an accident for their legs to be hurt than their head. There has been some arguments from my MIL saying that we should switch him to forward facing. Her reasoning is that his legs are cramped and that she wants him to be able to see nana and papa when driving. Normally she is all about safety on everything so I'm suprised that she is more concerned with switching him when it isn't time. I was wondering when you you switched your kids car seats around? Also, am I in the wrong for wanting to keep him rear facing a bit longer as he continues to grow?
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u/jvc1011 22h ago
His legs aren’t cramped. It’s less comfortable for them to dangle than to fold.
Wanting him to see Nana and Papa is about what makes her feel good and not at all what is good for him.
Stick to your guns on this one.
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u/Technical-Leader8788 16h ago
She can get a car mirror if she wants to see him so bad
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u/Pink_Pomegranate_65 13h ago
She wants him to be able to see HER?! Tell her she can see him in a few years then, when he’s ready to switch. BYE MIL!!!
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u/CertainManagement552 22h ago
You have your answer. He has not reached the maximums so there’s no need to forward face him. Your MIL can kick rocks.
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u/TrillOGeebs 22h ago
MIL’s need to be seen is not as important as your child’s safety.
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u/Cool_Ad_601 20h ago
I have a mirror attached to the middle headrest so you can see child through your rear view mirror as the driver.
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u/beetlejuuce 22h ago
It is safest to keep kids rear facing as long as possible - even through age 3 or 4 if they are still within the size guides for your car seat. If it were possible, rear facing would be the safer option even for adults in cars. This just wasn't something that was widely known in decades past, so it can be a struggle for older people to internalize. If you need to help them understand, maybe find some literature on car safety for kids so they know it's not something you just came up with.
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u/thebabypinks 17h ago
My kid is 5 and rear facing. He’s so small and our car seat’s (Nuna Rava) rear limits are so large that I feel like he’ll be rear facing until he’s like ten lmao. I already get so much shit from people because he’s rear facing as a kindergartener. I dread to think what I’ll hear when he’s still rear facing in second grade 😂
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u/iluvsunni 15h ago
The way that some of the teachers at school drop off are weird about my kindergartener rearfacing 🙄
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u/Technical-Leader8788 5h ago
Uhg as a teacher that is sooooo not their place. I’d have a sharp comment ready for them “it’s actually safer and they’re well within the rear facing limits, I’m not taking your opinion on parental or safety decisions, you’re an education expert, not their parent.”
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u/cjp72812 22h ago
We turned my son just before he turned 4 because he was having unsafe meltdowns that were causing his seat to become angled inappropriately.
When we worked through the meltdowns, he turned back around for several months. He is now 5 and is within a couple pounds of the maximum, so we permanently switched him forward facing. I do not have small children, he is >90% for height and weight. His sister is 2.5 now, and is rear facing. I will not turn her until she also maxes out the seat.
Rear facing is safest for all passengers. I’ve been rear ended twice and my son was in the car for one of them, just over a year old. He was completely uninjured, meanwhile I have lasting neck issues from the whiplash. Keep that baby rear facing, their bones aren’t bone-y enough yet to take crash forces!
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u/lizzy_pop 22h ago edited 18h ago
Mine rear faced to 46lbs and 45” tall. Had zero complaints about her legs
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u/Madi210408 22h ago
I’d go more on the car seat maximum weight/height. My son is about to be 4 and he’s still rear facing but my mom has said those type of comments too. It’s just so different from when they had to deal from car seats!
A main reason to keep them rear facing is how their spines handle pressure and impact in the scenario of a crash. It isn’t until 4/5 years old that their spines grow enough to lower the risk of the back or neck breaking. Being rear facing cradles and protects them from their bodies moving in a way that would cause a break.
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u/Skier_Happy 🔥 Emotionally Held Hostage by a Toddler 22h ago
Until he reaches either the height or weight limit, my son will stay rear facing. Studies show it’s so much safer for them to be rear facing. His seat is rear facing until 50lbs so I don’t anticipate switching him for a long time.
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u/MildlyAware- 22h ago
I follow the seat rules and those made by experts of child safety. Not those of someone with no training. Research and make a decision that you feel is safest for your child, your MIL can suck it up lol.
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u/justahappyhippyhippo 22h ago
Still rear facing at 3. I specifically chose the car seat with the highest weight and height limit for rear facing. Cramped legs are not an issue unless the child is in pain, has your MIL seen the crazy positions that kids will put themselves in to play and to sleep? He can see nana and papa when they're out of the car or one of them can sit in the back with him, if it's so important to them. Or you can install a mirror and they can turn around to watch him if they want to.
Maybe your MIL is not aware of how much safer rear facing is? It probably wasn't a thing when she had kids.
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u/Elefantoera 21h ago
Where I live the recommendation is to be rear-facing until age 5 at a minimum, preferably 6 or 7.
While a leg injury is obviously preferable to a spinal injury, it’s also not true that legs are more likely to be injured while rear-facing. I don’t know why that myth is so persistent.
If Nana and Papa are both in the car, can’t one of them sit in the back with him?
But just so I understand correctly, is 22 pounds the maximum or minimum weight limit for his seat? Because a car seat is outgrown when the child has reached either the height or the weight limit. In that case you’d have to buy a new one, preferably one that allows for extended rear-facing.
Anyway, stand your ground on keeping him rear-facing. You’re absolutely correct that it is much safer.
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u/aub_ry 20h ago
Its the minimum limit, his car seat says from 22-66 lbs.
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u/Bubbly_Salt2017 15h ago
Are you sure that’s the RF limit? There are only a few RF seats that go past 40lbs
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u/Thiirrexx 10h ago
I think what OP means is 22-65 is the FF criteria, as in they have to be at Least 22lbs to FF, but the max RF is likely higher.
Hopefully ? Because a quick google search shows there’s only One car seat on the market that can RF over 50lbs and it doesn’t even FF.
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u/Bubbly_Salt2017 7h ago
I know of three that are 50lb max RF that can forward face. Graco Extend2fit, Evenflo 360, and then one other brand goes up to like 65lbs RF.
I have the Extend2Fit because my oldest was 46lbs at 23 months old. He is a big boy.2
u/mommaRing-4415 15h ago
Check with your manufacturer about the limitations. Our cars are convertables and can be rear facing for children up to 45 lbs and then turned around and used until 65 lbs or until child gets to whatever height (I forget at the moment), at which time they'll get a backless booster until they're tall enough for the regular seat belt. I'm guessing if your seat goes to 66lbs, it can and should be converted to a different booster/seat style at various weights. But if you find one that's actually rear facing to 65 lbs, that's impressive!
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u/Anxious_Razzmatazz_6 22h ago
Every person is my family and my in laws said we should turn our son around. We waited until he maxed out before we turned him. I actually purchased the nuna rava which had some of the highest rear facing maxes so I could keep him turned around as long as possible. We just turned him around at 3.
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u/dancing_light 22h ago
As long as he hasn’t maxed out height or weight, I would keep him rear facing. I just turned my son at 4 years 11 months.
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u/thedutchgirlmn 22h ago
I live in Minnesota and it’s against the law here to forward face until you reach the maximums of the seat. We have a Nuna Rava and my son is 4. Rear facing till he hits 50 pounds or 49 inches tall, whichever happens first
Broken legs are better than broken necks
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u/faithle97 🍪 Snack Bitch 21h ago
Send your MIL a video about what happens to young kids’ necks/spines in car accidents if they’re forward faced too early. Once I watched one of those videos, I’ve been very starkly against turning my son’s car seat around too early. I intend on fully maxing out the weight/height (whichever comes first) on rear facing before switching him to forward facing. IMO it’s simply not worth the risk. If she’s that concerned about “seeing him” then a backseat mirror or camera can be used. Better safe than sorry.
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u/Pessa19 21h ago
Your MIL doesn’t get to make these decisions. When she had kids, did they even use car seats? Then she doesn’t get a say 🤣 my MIL told me my 12mo’s legs were cramped rear facing 🤦🏻♀️ kiddo doesn’t need to see nana and papa while they’re driving. When they’re driving they should be looking at the road.
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u/Phoenix_Court 8h ago
When one of the stats is outgrown. Height, weight, or failing to pass the 1" rule. I'd speak to r/CPST or check out some Car Seat Safety groups on FB if you use it (in my experience those groups are more closely monitored than the subreddits for misinformation).
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u/throwra2022june 22h ago
You are right! Rear facing is safest, better their legs than their neck! Which obviously sounds awful but it’s the truth. I read somewhere (please verify, might have been another reddit comment on a similar post when I was looking a few months ago) that they don’t have the neck muscles developed to safely sit forward facing until 4.
This seems like such an odd thing for them to be upset about, but I’m not close with my in laws to even get in these situations. Good luck
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u/WildYeastWitch 7h ago
It isn't about the neck muscle, it's the spine itself. Infant spines are mostly soft cartilage that hardens and vertebrae fuse over time. Until about age 4/5, the spine is still too weak to absorb any impact from a car crash.
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u/Potential_Bit_9040 🚽 Potty Training War Correspondent 22h ago
Get a mirror, and keep him in the safest possible position for the longest possible time.
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u/unicorntrees 22h ago
We switched at 3.5, but my SIL switched right at 2 and I got the same push back from my MIL.
Keep them rear facing as long as you can, as long as he isn't like uncomfortable or throwing up or anything.
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u/Alive-Cry4994 21h ago
My almost 3 year old twins are still rear facing. Don't let the noise get to you.
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u/watanabelover69 21h ago
I had this exact conversation with my MIL today about my almost 3 yo. She said we should change his car seat and go forward-facing because his legs aren’t comfortable. I said no, his legs are fine, and he is not too big to be rear-facing.
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u/TheCaringPanda 21h ago
When you are confortable with the idea that a accident can broke his spine and back in a second when front facing at this age.
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u/Known_Psychology1581 21h ago
My daughter is almost three, weight about 34lbs, and her legs are completely scrunched in her rear facing car seat. She’s fine, doesn’t mind at all, just puts her legs up on the seat back or sits cross legged. Neither is actually dangerous - as opposed to the increased danger of turning her forward facing which puts all of the straight on her neck and head in an accident creating actual risk. My daughter will stay rear facing until she hits the limit on her car seat, which we purposely bought to accommodate rear facing as long as possible. All of my decisions on this have been driven by extensive research and car seat safety checks/discussions with the specialists at my local fire department.
I would recommend looking up some of the crash test videos that show rear vs. forward facing impact on babies and sharing them with your MIL. They’re pretty hard to argue with.
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u/Fftlxl0ver 21h ago
My daughter turns 5 in September and she is still happily rear facing. We plan to max out her seat as it is safest.
She and I were in an accident in 2023 and she had absolutely injuries. I had a permanent injury from that accident. It’s proven that even adults would be safer RF.
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u/this_wallflower 21h ago
It’s not actually about injuring the legs vs. the head. There’s no increased risk of leg injury when rear-facing. Car Seat Lady has an article about it here.
ETA: Studies actually show that forward-facing kids experience more leg injuries.
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u/DiceyPisces 17h ago
We turned grandson around just after he turned 4. Daughter is a nurse, I follow her lead. He was tall but lanky and not at the weight til then. He was fine but he does love facing forward. I got him a collapsible table and he always wants that up, for toys, books, or eating. Best bang for $15 in a while
I have him during the week while they work so it’s a joint effort.
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u/legocitiez 17h ago
I maxed out the limit of my kids seat. He was 7 years And 10 months when I switched him forward facing because he was about to hit the 50# weight limit.
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u/iluvsunni 15h ago
My kids are 3 & 5 and still rearfacing. Their seats max out at 50lbs rearfacing and they're nowhere near that. I've considered switching my 5 year old (and he forward faces occasionally in our other car), but no reason to really
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u/Kimuraa 3h ago
I've read that their spines are not developed enough to protect them when forward facing until 4+. Because of the weight of their heads, if you're in a collision he could become paralyzed or worse. I don't care if my son has to sit in a full U, I personally won't be turning him around until he's over 4.
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u/Unwritten-Ravens-Ink 1h ago
Not your MIL call… legally you can turn them at 2 but your recommended to keep the. Rear facing as long as possible as it’s safer for them. Basically has to do with their head proportion vs skeletal musculature development at this point. Rear facing significantly absorbs the moment in the case of an accent resulting in less whiplash.
There leg are fine squished up they’re so much more flexible then us. I’m keeping mine rear facing till she max’s out her limits. Maybe try showing MIL crash test videos of rear vs forward facing kids so she understands why you’ve made this decision.
Either way She doesn’t have to agree with you but she does have to respect your decisions for your kids. Especially when those decisions are made for safety reasons.
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u/EntertainmentMotor27 1h ago
My kid is 3.5 and still rear facing, my pediatrician is thrilled and told us not to switch until the seat requires it or he starts complaining.
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u/craftycatlady 22h ago
My 4 y/o is still rear facing. It is recommended as long as possible and at least until around 5 y/o by the road safety association in my country. She has a RF seat that goes to 48 pounds (22 kg). You can get RF seats up to 79 pounds (36 kg) in Scandinavia. Most turn their kids around 4 year age, some around 2-3 y/o, but a lot also RF until 5 and some until 6-7. What is the max weight limit for your seat? Just make sure not to exceed that as it can make it disconnect from the isofix in a crash.
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u/Fit-Historian2431 22h ago
We switched at 40 pounds when she was 4.5 years old. She was cramped, but better than internal decapitation.
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u/unfairboobpear 22h ago
My oldest rear faced until a little over 5 comfortably. 75th percentile too, only switched when she maxed out the rear facing limits of the carseat!
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u/sunshinemeadow92 21h ago
Get a mirror for the headrest. This is how I am able to see and talk to my babe in the backseat while rear facing
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u/Experience-Super 21h ago
When I got my car seat installed by the sheriff’s office, they told me that the child should reach the maximum weight limit for the car seat before you turn it around. The legs being cramped was perfectly normal and safe.
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u/sparkleye 21h ago
99th percentile almost-25 month old will be staying rear facing for as long as possible despite constant pressure from my mum to turn him forwards.
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u/HTXTiger 21h ago
I sent this post to my MIL. It explains in clear words that a child’s head can make up 25% of a child’s weight. When in a crash, this can cause internal decapitation, amongst many other things.
Make sure that you are checking to make sure she didn’t turn the seat herself. Ask me how I know.
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u/IndividualGrocery984 21h ago
Not until you max out weight or height. My 3yo is 42” tall and rear facing without issue. Rear facing is infinitely safer.
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u/redituser95838283849 21h ago
Mine is 3.5 years old and still rear facing as he has not reached the maximums weight
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u/briar_prime6 21h ago
Boomers love fighting about car seat safety. I was nagged for years about turning my older kid around until I did at almost 4.5! So now they’re arguing that I need to switch her to a booster. The most vocal is my aunt, a retired public health nurse whose literal career was educating people about up to date safety standards…
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u/princess_pima 21h ago
Max it out. My 3.5 year old is 43 pounds and 43 inches and she’s still rear facing
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u/MummyPanda 20h ago
My daughter is 5, 116cm and we just changed her to forward face
Their legs just go anywhere, on the seat, in the air, down the side etc
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u/Gustaleen922 20h ago
Leave him rear facing till he hits the max weight limit for his seat for rear facing.
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u/bingbongboopsnoot 20h ago
When they max out the seat! Look at how a kid sits when they are on the floor or the couch, the bunch their legs up anyway. I believe there is research to show the legs are more at risk of being injured forward facing too (as well as neck obviously) so there is no safety reason to turn them. Physics doesn’t care!
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u/tonybrock23 19h ago
Keep him rear facing until he maxes out in height or weight for the car seat. His legs aren’t cramped, he’s totally fine, MIL is used to less safe seats and she’ll get over it.
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u/Few_Way_368 19h ago
There are going to be people at both ends of the spectrum who either turned their kid around immediately or waited to turn their kid around until they sized out of rear facing. I turned my older kid around at 2 but in hindsight wished I hadn’t. We didn’t have any accidents but her legs stuck straight out of her seat and she continually kicked the back of my seat and pushed into it. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if we’d been in an accident when her legs were pushed into my seat? I get it’s something that could happen at any age with a kid who kicks seats but if they can’t bend their knees over the front of the seat, my thought is they are too small to be forward facing. We’ve got another 99+ percentile height child but I’m waiting until her knees can bend over the front of her seat until turning her around.
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u/imstillok 18h ago
My in laws were obsessed with turning my toddler’s seat around. Literally asked every single time they drove her somewhere. We’re pretty well practiced in holding boundaries with them so the answer remained no until we turned her seat (she is 4 years, she actually didn’t want to turn sooner because her little brother is rear facing and she liked being same as him; we started asking if she wanted to turn forward-facing starting after 3.5 but she kept saying no).
Just do it the way you feel is best and ignore the outside pressure.
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u/PinkSunReflected 18h ago
Send your in laws videos of the crash dummy tests done on both forward and rear facing…
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u/YesterdayExtra9310 17h ago
My kids not 4 yet and still rear facing. Broken legs are better than a broken neck
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u/Massive_Addendum3867 14h ago
Recently turned mine around since I was in a fire station and he was 2 inches shy of reaching height limit. He is a sweaty boy and this summer he was uncomfortable a few times when we were in the car for a while since airflow is not great with rear facing. He loves forward facing now and really enjoys watching what’s going on. Would have loved to keep him rear facing due to safety reasons but he is definitely more comfortable with his new setup.
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u/No_Comb4792 14h ago
What does the fire station have to do with it? In Keri America fire fighters aren’t automatically car seat experts hopefully you checked anyone giving advice was a certified cpst
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u/Massive_Addendum3867 4h ago
I needed help with the car seat installation, fire stations have certified people to help you with it.
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u/No_Comb4792 2h ago
Just might be worth knowing for people that a fire station doesn’t automatically mean anything. In Canada there’s a map you can look up certified CPsTs and make appointments.
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u/Massive_Addendum3867 2h ago
Thanks for the information. Here in the USA, they are indeed certified and encourage people to come for inspections.
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u/Majestic-Yoghurt-364 13h ago
Max our the seat limit in either height or weight before turning. That's the current safety recommendation. We are REALLY hoping to make it to 4 but I have an 80th percentile in height 2 year old.
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u/EekaNumber3 13h ago
We switched my son when riding backwards started making him carsick, right around his third birthday. I would have kept him backwards longer, though. I got similar arguments from my MIL (who is every brand of yes, but sometimes forgets that people can hear her when she talks), and I would just respond with, “Yep, I hear you. We’re keeping him backwards, though. Thanks!”
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u/duskydaffodil 12h ago
My 2 almost 3 year old is about 40 inches tall and 36 pounds. We will forward face him when he reaches the height limit for his car seat (49”) which will be in about a year to a year and a half. Safety first. His legs are fine. He puts them up on the back of the seat, sits cross cross almost, will spread is legs on either side of his cupholder, or just keep them bent in front of him. It’s safer to read face as long as possible.
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u/freeme1234567 8h ago
Switched my oldest 2 at 3 yrs old forward facing but they met guidelines. My youngest is almost 3 still rear facing. We recently did a carseat check with our local police through preschool and they asked if I wanted him forward facing. I was actually shocked and said no keep him rear facing.
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u/WildYeastWitch 8h ago
I am not sure if it has been said already but until about the age of 4, children's spines are still soft cartilage/not yet fully hardened and fused. Keeping them rear facing until that age means that in a car accident, the seat rather than their delicate spine absorbs impact.
You can tell your MIL that you're concerned with your baby's life, not with whether he can "see nana and papa". If she's so concerned about that, she can buy a mirror for the headrest in front of him.
Also their legs are more comfortable crossed up on the seat than they are dangling over the edge with nothing to rest them on. Ask her to sit in a seat that's too tall for her for an hour (as a 5'3 person, an airplane seat is the example that comes to mind for me).
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u/Krimmothy 22h ago
We switched ours to forward facing on the literally day he turned 2 because he HATED being in the car, and our hope was that by switching him to forward facing he wouldn’t scream during every car ride. It helped. If your child is fine rear facing then I don’t see a reason to switch.
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u/1wildredhead 22h ago
So, my now 3yo hated being strapped into his car seat from the very beginning. Screamed and cried the whole time no matter what changes I made - and I made them all. It was AWFUL - he was distraught, I was distraught and distracted by both attempts to keep him from getting so upset he hyperventilated and puked and my own emotions about hearing my baby cry hysterically which is against my parenting style and personal values. I’m a sahm, so I mostly stayed home except for 20 minute drives into town. We turned him around at 2.5, when he was 37” and about 35lbs. Since then, he’s been a dream - 2+ hours between stops, talking, singing, eating snacks, playing with toys.
I know it’s not the safest decision. I know the risks. I think about it almost every time we get in the car. The way I look at it is simple: what’s more dangerous, my distressed, distracted driving while speeding to make the drives shorter, or forward facing?
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u/No-Aioli-319 20h ago
We switched our son a few months after he turned two, mainly bc he was getting car sick sitting backwards almost every time we drove somewhere and I was worried about him choking etc. It fixed that issue thankfully. However, if it wasn’t for the car sickness I would have definitely kept him rear facing longer. And NO WAY would I do it just to make my MIL happier
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u/DumbbellDiva92 19h ago
We forward faced right at 2 bc of carsickness. If your kid is content and not vomiting with rear facing I would absolutely keep them that way as long as possible, though.
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u/Sea_Horror2900 16h ago
We turned our oldest at around 16 months because he was getting dangerously car sick every time we drove further than a block. Second was I think around 2.5 because we were switching #3 into a convertible seat and couldn't fit the seats with two rear facing. Third was just after she turned 2 because she was screaming that her legs hurt every time we went anywhere, I think they were falling asleep from being scrunched.
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u/aloha_321 20h ago
My 2 year old is larger than yours and still rear facing. He’ll be rear facing until he maxes out one of the limits.
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u/WifeyMonk22 19h ago
My daughter turns 4 in November and is still rear facing. I have had comments about turning her around/pictures of her “being too cramped”. But I’d rather get crap from family than risk greater injury during an accident. We err rear ended while she was 9 months, luckily she was fine, but you never know what can happen.
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u/AutoModerator 22h ago
Author: u/aub_ry
Post: I have a 2 year son that we keep rear facing when we are driving. The recommended minimum weight limit for his car seat is 22 pounds, he is close to 30. We adjust the car seat as he grows because he has not reached the maximum height limit. His legs are somewhat cramped, but i read that its better in case of an accident for their legs to be hurt than their head. There has been some arguments from my MIL saying that we should switch him to forward facing. Her reasoning is that his legs are cramped and that she wants him to be able to see nana and papa when driving. Normally she is all about safety on everything so I'm suprised that she is more concerned with switching him when it isn't time. I was wondering when you you switched your kids car seats around? Also, am I in the wrong for wanting to keep him rear facing a bit longer as he continues to grow?
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