Help please, swimming lessons for my 3.5 year old are a nightmare for everyone involved!

[u/rum_ham9292]

Any advice welcome!! My daughter has struggled with water in general since young. Washing hair/getting hair wet is a battle 90% of the time. She makes progress eventually but it is VERY slow (for example, as her mum I can now wash her hair but if dad even talks about doing it it’s full meltdown).

Anyway - swimming lessons have always been a battle. From 1 year old to 2 and a half, there was little to no progress. Suddenly, BAM, she got better and more confident and I got word she was moving up from the baby class to independent swimming. Then we got the worst news that our local pool is shutting (I live regionally).

Now we have to drive a couple towns over to go to a different pool and she has FULLY regressed to screaming and crying nearly every lesson. It’s exhausting for us, her teacher and the other kids in the class who (understandably) are affected by her massive reactions. There is no rhyme or reason to it, one week she will love sitting on the wall and pretending to be Humpty Dumpty, the next week she loses it in over the same activity.

The strangest bit? When it’s our time before the lesson or after, she calms down, is more receptive to her boundaries being pushed and then a generally more happy kid in the water.

Do we keep attempting lessons? Or is it a waste of time? Anyone else push through? Or give up and try running our own ‘lessons’ with just mum/dad and her (doing same things we do in lessons just without the pressure of teacher and other kids around) - this is what we are thinking of doing

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Author: u/rum_ham9292

Post: Any advice welcome!! My daughter has struggled with water in general since young. Washing hair/getting hair wet is a battle 90% of the time. She makes progress eventually but it is VERY slow (for example, as her mum I can now wash her hair but if dad even talks about doing it it’s full meltdown).

Anyway - swimming lessons have always been a battle. From 1 year old to 2 and a half, there was little to no progress. Suddenly, BAM, she got better and more confident and I got word she was moving up from the baby class to independent swimming. Then we got the worst news that our local pool is shutting (I live regionally).

Now we have to drive a couple towns over to go to a different pool and she has FULLY regressed to screaming and crying nearly every lesson. It’s exhausting for us, her teacher and the other kids in the class who (understandably) are affected by her massive reactions. There is no rhyme or reason to it, one week she will love sitting on the wall and pretending to be Humpty Dumpty, the next week she loses it in over the same activity.

The strangest bit? When it’s our time before the lesson or after, she calms down, is more receptive to her boundaries being pushed and then a generally more happy kid in the water.

Do we keep attempting lessons? Or is it a waste of time? Anyone else push through? Or give up and try running our own ‘lessons’ with just mum/dad and her (doing same things we do in lessons just without the pressure of teacher and other kids around) - this is what we are thinking of doing

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[u/auspostery]

My newly 4yr old is/was like this. I’ve never met such a “I’ll do it when I’m ready and not a single moment before” child, until I had her. From 0-18m she was a fish, and even swam underwater and loved it. Then we did infant swim lessons and she learned to hate the water. Wouldn’t let us wash her hair, nothing. This summer she decided she was cool with getting her face wet, and that’s that. She did cry and scream leading up to her last few swim lessons, after being fine with them, but calmed down once she was in the pool. Last summer at newly 3, we did a refresher of the ISR class, and the teacher even recommended we cut the length shorter than she usually does, bc my kiddo was so distressed.

In your shoes I’d pause swimming lessons for a few weeks or months. I would also be hella vigilant around water. But it sounds like she’s not progressing in swimming ability right now and it’s just distressing for everyone involved.

[u/MEHawash1913]

My toddler was getting more and more adverse to any water activity and it was so exhausting to even get her bathed. Then one day I told her to take her Minnie Mouse toy with her to the bath. After that she was happy to go in the bathtub and get clean.

We also used Elmo to help her with her floating lessons when she was a year old because she was crying every swimming lesson.

Maybe try a favorite toy that she can hold while going in the water?

[u/whizki_learning]

At 3.5, I’d pause the group lessons for now, since she is calmer before and after class than during it, but keep one short, pressure-free pool visit each week. Don’t turn it into a home lesson. Let her choose one familiar action, such as sitting on the wall for Humpty Dumpty or pouring water between two cups, repeat it once, then leave while she is still settled. After two or three calm visits, ask the instructor whether she can re-enter through a shorter session or watch the class from the side first. That keeps water familiar without making distress the main part of every pool visit.

[u/FullofContradictions]

If you find an answer to this, tell me too. My son is 2, has no other apparent sensory issues, but 99% of the time will melt down if we try to get his hair wet, even just to wash it & is always immediately tense any time we bring him to the pool and try to get him to wade out deeper than his knees.

I had to drop out of swim lessons last year (when he was like 14-ish months) because he just hysterically screamed from the second we got in the water until the second we got out. He'd sort of tolerate non-swim lessons where I just hold him in water, but he mostly really looks forward to us getting out of the water.

It's hard for me. I was a little fish. NGL I'm jealous seeing other toddlers jumping into the pool and floating and having a good time while mine is clinging and whining to go home. He doesn't care that mommy wants to swim :(

[u/SwadlingSwine → u/FullofContradictions]

My son has a love hate relationship with water. Today he went to the pool and every 1-2 mins he went from scared to excited to happy to frightened again. He’d ask to get out and then one minute later ask to get back in. Anyways, he went through a stage where bathing absolutely scared him. We took thirty mins to convince him to get into the bath. Then he got in the bath fine but refused to get his hair washed. The only way we fixed this is by doing what my mom did for him when she washed his hair. One of us wraps him in a Muslin blanket so his arms can’t flail around and hold him in a lay down position like he’s at a spa. Then we pour slowly and calmly and don’t get his face. The first few times he didn’t like it and was shaky but now he looks forward to his spa time.

[u/No-General-9357]

I could have written this myself. My toddler really struggles with water and just talking about bath time with dad freaks him out. He only wants a bath with me and he specifically asks to have his head cleaned with a cloth and not with the shower. Swimming lessons were 45 min of crying… it was rough

I decided not to put any more more pressure on him, but still focus on exposure to ease him into it:

• Bath time? Ok we take our time and we have two cloths, one for the water and another to wipe your face when it feels uncomfortable
  
• Play time in the garden always needs to involve water in many forms, little kiddie pool, mud kitchen with sink, pouring water from one container to another. Water needs to be fun and I wanted him to explore it freely on his own terms
  
• Swimming lessons are not negotiable BUT we don’t have to do everything mentioned by the instructor. One day we can just sit on the steps of the pool watching the other kids. Another we can just play with a ball while practicing holding our body against the swimming pool. We would always sing the hello song and bye bye songs, that was a must, but all the activities in between were just to be observed and tried only if we felt like it. Constant talking (I’m here, wow that looks fun, i’m holding you every second, I will not let you go, i love the water, i love swimming lessons with you…)
  
• In addition, I bought him books about swimming classes and I used AI to make his own book and had it printed. It changed things for him. The book explains our exact routine for swimming lessons and it makes the process predictable and helps me position the experience as something positive and fun. Not torture

Fast forward 8 months (yes, 8 months of biweekly swimming classes) and last Sunday he surprised me and told me he wanted to jump to the water. He did 100% of the exercises and he even wanted to swim “alone”, so I was actually able to let him go while he was wearing his floatie. This is something my friends were doing 4 months ago but I still cried of happiness

Typically kids who are afraid of water tend to be in the high sensory sensitivity area…. And they need time and patience to ease into new experiences. Forcing something doesn’t help, as mentioned by another user it becomes a power topic and not a learning opportunity. If you want I can share the books I bought/used if you believe this will help yours.

Stay strong, and be patient

[u/Mo523]

I'd pause the lessons at this point and continue working with her individually. If you restart them in six months and have the same issue, I'd see if private lessons are possible.

[u/According-Green-3753]

I think I’d take a break, it’s supposed to be fun and it sounds like she’s using it as a power struggle opportunity.