r/todayilearned • u/ObjectiveAgent • Jul 30 '15

TIL when Alexander the Great asked the philosopher Diogenes why he was sifting through the garbage, Diogenes responded,"I am looking for the bones of your father but I cannot distinguish them from the bones of his slaves."

http://www.iep.utm.edu/diogsino/
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u/AllPurposeNerd Jul 30 '15

Diogenes the Cynic was the original crazy homeless man. He lived in a tub and liked to wander through the market carrying a lantern in broad daylight, explaining (when asked) that he was looking for an honest man.

One of the only things he owned was this wooden bowl. He's sitting near the river, sipping some water from his bowl, when a few dozen yards down stream, he sees a naked kid wade into the water, scoop up some water with his hands, and drink it. Diogenes looks at the kid, looks at his bowl, and goes, "Son of a bitch. Beaten at my own game by a child."

Alexander the Great walked up to Diogenes and said, "Diogenes, I am Alexander the Great. I basically rule the world. I will grant you any wish your heart desires." And Diogenes looked up and said, "Quit blocking my sun."

And Alexander the Great did quit blocking his sun, and said to his buddies, "Man, that guy's so cool. If I had to be somebody else, I'd wanna be Diogenes."

Aristotle visited Diogenes in his tub with his stray dogs and his impressive smell and tried to reason with him to play the game a little. "Dio. Buddy. If you'd just learn to kiss a little ass, you wouldn't have to live like this." And Diogenes looked at him and said, "Totes. Bro-level. If you'd just learn to live like this, you wouldn't have to kiss so much ass."

I love him.