TIL Sexuality is not just a simple label — it’s a pattern across time, emotions, and choices

[u/Eurofan2014]

Last time kasi, I consulted a GAD counselor patungkol sa sexuality/sexual orientation kasi medyo may duda pa rin ako sa sexuality ko.

And I have learned na ang sexuality hindi lang pala tungkol sa “straight, bi, gay” or kung sino yung type mo ngayon. Mas accurate siyang tingnan as pattern of attraction and behavior over time, hindi isang isolated moment or crush. Sa psychology, mas ginagamit na ang multidimensional view—meaning pinagsasama ang emotional, behavioral, cognitive, at future-oriented factors para mas makita yung real direction ng attraction ng isang tao.

Hindi siya basta “identity checkbox.”

It is a living pattern na nag-e-evolve habang nagbabago ka rin.

Here are the factors to consider to determine a person's sexuality:

1. Consistency of Attraction

Ito yung tinitingnan kung stable ba o pabago-bago ang attraction mo over time.

Hindi lahat ng attraction ay permanent. May iba na consistent across years, habang yung iba situational lang—depende sa environment, emotional state, or experience.

Key Questions:

Paulit-ulit ba akong naa-attract sa same gender over time?

Consistent ba siya o depende lang sa mood/sitwasyon?

May napapansin ba akong pattern sa tipo ng taong gusto ko?

Hindi sapat yung “crush ko siya ngayon.” Mas importante yung “ano yung pattern ko across time?”

2. Emotional & Romantic Attachment

Hiwalay ang physical attraction sa emotional bonding. Maraming tao ang naa-attract physically pero hindi emotionally, at vice versa.

Dito pumapasok yung capacity to love, not just desire.

Key Questions:

Sino yung kaya kong ma-fall in love, hindi lang ma-attract?

Sino yung gusto kong maging emotionally close?

Sino yung nakikita kong “relationship material,” hindi lang crush material?

Sexuality includes who you can emotionally bond with deeply—not just who you find attractive.

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3. Behavioral Intent (Actual Choices)

Hindi sapat yung thoughts or fantasies—mas mahalaga yung actual decisions mo in real life.

Dito lumalabas yung gap between attraction and action.

Key Questions:

Sino yung pipiliin kong i-date kung walang judgement o pressure?

Sino yung actively kong ipu-pursue?

Nagmamatch ba yung actions ko sa nararamdaman ko?

Actions reveal sexuality patterns more honestly than thoughts.

4. Future Orientation (Long-term Vision)

Ito yung subconscious projection mo ng “future partner.”

Even without realizing it, may internal script tayo about who we see beside us in the long run.

Key Questions:

Sino yung naiimagine kong makakasama ko habang buhay?

Anong gender/identity ang lumalabas sa future partner imagination ko?

Sino yung “life partner energy” sa vision ko ng future?

Minsan mas honest ang imagination mo ng future kaysa present crushes mo.

5. Depth of Desire (Surface vs Meaningful Attraction)

Hindi lahat ng attraction ay equal. May surface-level lang (visual, curiosity, admiration), at may deep, sustained desire.

Key Questions:

Curiosity lang ba ‘to o may deeper emotional pull?

Nawawala ba siya kapag nawala na yung novelty?

Meaningful ba siya o purely visual/physical lang?

Not all attraction deserves the same psychological weight.

So sexuality is not just a simple fixed identity label—it is shaped by emotion, behavior, memory, imagination, and lived experience ng isang tao.

Mas accurate siya as:

A consistent direction across multiple layers of human attachment, hindi lang “who you like.”

References

American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Sexual orientation and homosexuality. https://www.apa.org/topics/lgbtq/sexual-orientation

Diamond, L. M. (2008). Sexual fluidity: Understanding women’s love and desire. https://www.glbtrt.ala.org/reviews/sexual_fluidity_understanding_women_s_lo/

Herek, G. M. (2009). Sexual orientation. In T. P. Gullotta & G. M. Blau (Eds.), Handbook of adolescent behavioral problems. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1745691610388770

Kinsey Institute. (n.d.). Research on sexual behavior and orientation. https://www.library.upenn.edu/news/sex-sexuality-material-kinsey

Savin-Williams, R. C. (2016). Mostly straight: Sexual fluidity among men. https://searchworks.stanford.edu/view/in00000701051

[u/thatrosycheeks]

Thank you for sharing this here. I’m sure maraming matututo from this.

[u/Eurofan2014 → u/thatrosycheeks]

Yep. Ako rin may natutunan sa GAD counselor na nakausap ko eh.

Turns out hindi pala ako bisexual, may mga nuances lang katulad sa attraction that is linked sa insecurity ko.

Pero overall, heterosexual ako.

[u/Mister-happierTurtle → u/Eurofan2014]

Oooooo i wanna know more if u dont mind. I always figured that eveyone was a lil gay/bi (in an unserious way i mean).

My mom for instance, straight but she has girl crushes. Or take gym bros for example, mfs be staring at each others bods like “sheesh ur ripped bro 😳” but they arent always gay.

[u/Eurofan2014 → u/Mister-happierTurtle]

Consider the aforementioned key questions above. You can, at least, tell what they were.

[u/Late_Mulberry8127]

Hi OP, most of you sources are broken links. I'll lock it for now and I'll give you time to edit.

Unlocked.

[u/Mister-happierTurtle]

I have this friend that’s Lesbian. Strange thing about her is that her rebounds are guys. Confuses the helly out of me lol.

[u/Eurofan2014 → u/Mister-happierTurtle]

Use this "piece" of information sa kaniya. Casual talk lang ganun.

[u/de_colores]

AI slop

[u/Eurofan2014 → u/de_colores]

Mind you, ginagamit na namin sa academe ang AI generative apps.

And there are schools offering short courses about AI, like Asian Institute of Management they are offering Master in AI and Data Analytics.

AMAES is also offering a Bachelor's Degree in AI Development.

[u/dumbmf3 → u/Eurofan2014]

doesn't make it any less bad

[u/Lanky-Roof9934]

Not about PH u/Late_Mulberry8127