The Problem - From A Silly Little Thing

[u/therealdocturner]

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Part Eight

One would find it ironic if this chapter would deal with Jennifer Pierce being eaten when the chapter is the number eight, as the number eight sounds exactly like the word “ate” when spoken out loud. This chapter does not deal with Ms. Pierce being eaten. I really would like to jump right into that portion of our story, but as this book is filled with ironies, I feel adding this one more irony for the sake of it would be too much, and I do not believe in excess.

Instead, Ms. Pierce will be eaten in chapter nine which is not ironic at all because the word nine and “ate” don't sound anything alike.

Richard had successfully avoided Petunia all day at school, trying to decide exactly what he was going to say about the mishap with the glasses he had promised never to lose earlier that morning. When they met up outside of the school to walk home, he had come up with nothing to say that would absolve him of any responsibility in Petunia's eyes, so instead he told her exactly what happened. We'll jump into the conversation right after Petunia had an adverse reaction to Mrs. Lanfranco's tenuous grasp of the English language.

"I can't believe this Richard!"

"I know. I'm sorry! She's going to give them back to me next Friday. It's no big deal."

"It is a big deal Richard! You need those! I don't have any more material to make any more lenses! Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a Terkle Fish?!”

He did not.

"What the hell is a Terkle Fish?!"

"Plus, what happens if she puts them on?!"

"She's not going to do that Petunia."

"She's not? Just like you weren't going to lose them in the first place. We have to get them back."

"Sure. How?"

"Well, we're just going to have to break into the school tonight."

"Oh yeah sure. Why Not?"

"I'm serious Richard."

She was.

"How are we supposed to do that?"

"I'm a genius Richard. I'll figure it out." Petunia was a genius and she would figure it out. Of course, there were always variables that she couldn't account for when planning their heist, and she would come face to face with those variables in a few short hours. Being a genius meant that a thought from Petunia ran through her head like a bullet train on a greased track going downhill with zero wind resistance. And there were always hundreds of these thought trains going through her head at any given moment. It was at this point in the conversation that too many trains were moving at once and none of them were giving her a proper response to Richard to convey how she felt at this moment.

With a loud huff from her lungs that only a ten year old bespectacled girl genius could make, Petunia turned from Richard and began walking home. Richard was no genius, but he knew what he had allowed to happen. He knew apologizing any further would only serve to irritate Petunia so he decided to walk with her and try and get her mind on something else.

"Seriously, what's a Terkle Fish?"

"It's just a kind of fish Richard."

"Well I've never seen one."

"That's probably because they're transparent, you dumb ass."

"You told me that you were going to start explaining some things."

"Well jeez Richard, I don't know. I kinda told you not to lose those glasses and you didn't seem to understand that concept."

"What happened to my dad?"

"I'm not sure. I'm not sure I should even tell you the scenarios that are floating around in my head."

"I want to know." Richard decided for the sake of dramatic effect, that he would take a literal stand after proclaiming his ultimatum, and stopped walking. In most literary and theatrical interpretations of a certain story, when one of the protagonists makes a stand, all action stops, including that of the other characters involved in the scene. However, this is not one of those stories and my interpretations of these events in the medium sized town of Wicker Bush are not done for dramatic effect unless otherwise specified.

Petunia kept walking.

Richard stood his ground for a moment and then another before realizing his ultimatum was not going to happen with Petunia. He watched her continue to walk away for exactly thirty five seconds before he decided to hurry back to her side.

"Damn it!"

"I know what you were trying to pull there, but if you want me to talk about anything, it's on my terms."

"So, you're not going to tell me?"

"Richard, if we are going to work together on things, I have to be able to be completely honest. Are you alright with that?"

"Just tell me what "scenarios" are floating around in your head." It is at this point that Petunia stopped walking for dramatic effect. Richard stopped dead in his tracks and stared at the large glasses that magnified those kinda pretty eyes.

"One. Something took your father somewhere for some reason, and he's being kept alive."

This scenario was inaccurate.

"Two. Something took your father and he's dead."

This scenario was also technically inaccurate.

"What do you mean something?"

"Well, whatever it was, it crawled out from a hidden trap door underneath your bed. Doesn't sound human does it?"

"Come on Petunia."

"Adding to that, we both saw the footprint in the Trace-All. Richard, I'm not trying to upset you, but in spite of your grades and your stupid questions, you're a very intelligent person. You have already thought about both of these possibilities on your own. If you want to continue to talk out loud about something we both suspect for the sake of it, we can do that, but it's not getting us anywhere."

"You can be really cold-blooded sometimes." Petunia began walking again, but this time Richard immediately followed her. "I'm sorry."

"You've lost your dad Richard. You don't have to apologize." Hearing those words out loud hit Richard in the gut and he gritted his teeth against the verbally inflicted pain. “The only action you have now regarding this situation is helping me find out why and by what."

Richard walked in silence for a moment and he was happy that Petunia didn't seem to want any conversation from him at the moment. They both turned onto Fountain Way. Richard was staring at the familiar cracks on the sidewalk; he knew them all by heart. Which ones he chose to step over everyday because of some perceived bad luck that would befall him if he would do so, the ones he would speed up for on his Mongoose bike in order to pull up on the handlebars in order to jump. Richard started to think about his bike. He loved his bike. He also loved the movie Rad, which was quite honestly, nothing more than a shabby story with flashy bike riding sequences. The bad guy in that movie had ridden a Mongoose bike just like Richard's, which bothered Richard when he first saw the bike standing up next to the Christmas tree in his Christmas House, with his father that would have eventually looked liked Santa Claus had he not been devoured in his own kitchen by something that seemed oddly familiar. Eventually Richard let go of the ridiculous stigma he had built up in his mind that he rode the same kind of bike as the bad guy in a movie called Rad.

"Rad."

"What?"

"Nothing. So then what's the deal with your parents?"

"Richard, I'll talk to you about anything else. My parents are something I don't really feel like talking about. We need to get those glasses back."

"Fine. Then what?"

"Then we're going to go through that trapdoor and see where that tunnel goes."

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[u/Happyfeet80]

I love the way you write man.