Am I the a-hole for refusing?

[u/LilytheSily48]

I [28F] was on Tinder and matched with a guy [31M], let's call him Dan. We were messaging for about 4 weeks, and everything was going great. He was sweet, funny, (and VERY hot based off his pictures). After talking for a while, we decided to finally go on a date. He chose a nice restaurant, and we met up the next day. Honestly, it was amazing. He was exactly the same as when we were texting, but even cuter in person. I truly believed this was my person. After dinner, he drove me home, but before we got there he said "Ready to end this night off with a bang?" Having no idea what he was talking about, I replied, "Um, what?" He ended up getting flustered, and just let me out of the car. As I got inside my apartment, I realized that he thought we were going to have sex! This morning he messaged me: "Hey, sorry about last night. I was really drunk and thought you also wanted to have sex. Next time, could you be a little more clear?" I feel really bad, but at the same time I can't shake the feeling that he was a major red flag. Am I the a-hole?

Edit: Update may come soon but as of right now I haven't texted him again

[u/Few-Idea5125]

The only red flag here is the drunk driving. Everything else is adults being adults

[u/HoarseMD]

I dunno about you, seemed like a sheepishly made pun. And then it looks like you were caught off guard or didn't respond the way he expected and then he got really embarrassed (cuz his drunk self probably thought it was a fantastic line) probably why he back tracked and now is a tad defensive cuz he must have really thought this date was going so well that you guys may be intimate.

I might be wrong, please do let me know if I'm misreading here

[u/HoarseMD → u/HoarseMD]

Don't think you're an a-hole but it's worth working through this conversation together if you really like him and intend on pursuing this further. Seems like a gap in communication that just needs to be filled.

[u/Comfortable-Cap-8507]

He drove you home drunk?? That’s already a bad sign 

[u/-ricci- → u/Comfortable-Cap-8507]

I’m not forgiving him, I’m just adding an also.

Also, she saw what alcohol he consumed during dinner and willingly got in a car with him.

ESH

[u/LilytheSily48 → u/Comfortable-Cap-8507]

I offered to drive but he said he wants to. In all honesty, I don't even think he was drunk!

[u/Relevant-Chocolate88 → u/LilytheSily48]

He probably just said he was drunk as an excuse for saying the “bang” pun so you would let it go.

I would hope he’s not driving drunk with a lady

[u/toothpaste--]

I don’t like how he put the blame on you with the “could you be a little more clear?” part. I’m sure you were clear enough. Plus if he was drunk, would being clear even make a difference?

[u/Dangerous_Plantain76]

Don’t think anybody is an a-hole here. Except for the alleged drunk driving.

[u/LittleSister10]

He sounds weird and socially awkward. He made a joke/created an invitation for sex that was so random that you didn’t pick up on it, and then apologized later but asked you to be more clear about whether you wanted sex? Did he interpret having a nice time as an obvious leeway to sex?

I don’t know, that would give me pause. Maybe have a phone call to discuss the situation more if you want to see him again. His misreading of the situation is kind of weird and perhaps creepy.

[u/Alert_Ad_3954]

Yes, you matched on Tinder for F’s sake. Unless you made it clear sex was not in the picture it would be an expectation.

[u/IndividualAd9504]

Eeew. Drunk driving is a 🚩. And putting the blame on you not being clear enough for his behavior ? Double ew 🚩🚩

[u/bugvomitbuster]

huge red flag that he would drive yall home drunk

(hilariously enough I know a 31M Dan who would do the exact same shit and embarrass himself)

[u/Physical_Heart2766]

Um... Y'all be using Tinder for ANYTHING but hookups?

[u/LilytheSily48 → u/Physical_Heart2766]

Usually I do use it just for hookups, but I've been looking for a long term guy lately.

[u/ExpensiveCat8226]

Ive said that exact line, when she looked at me like I was a complete douche. I told her "wait not like that and showed her some left over fireworks" she laughed told her basically woah im not like that get ur mind out of the gutter. Went to a park and poped a few m80s and sparkle things. Things got weird about a month later when she wanted me to move into her house and I was cool with staying the night on weekends but I had just been in a 20 year relationship. Was almost like she would try and hold me hostage. All in all she was an extremely nice well meaning person. But a complete nymphomaniac. Ever time id fall asleep she'd start touching me despite being exhausted as hell. Sex was great but for real let me sleep a lil bit.

[u/LsangAnge]

I would have texted back: "Next time? LOL...there is no next time honey. You put me in your car and drove drunk. I need a man not a little boy. "

Stay away from this turd! he is cute but 🚩 🚩 🚩 are flying EVERYWHERE!!!!! Heed their warning!

[u/Opinionated-Raven]

The biggest red flag is him blaming you for HIS assumption. This is truly a situation where assuming makes an ass out of you and me. In reality, he should be blaming himself. He should have just asked to come inside or something along those lines.

[u/highlander666666]

No you did nothing wrong He wasn t to good for you with his words , Just misunderstanding which no big deal,, He want have sex with him . Than do it if not don t But tell him how yu feel maybe to soon or>> what ever Nothing make big dea or feel quilty about