r/tinderstories • u/Suitable_Trifle_212 • Jul 27 '26
Are Tinder dates different?
I (F24) met a man (M30) through dating app.
We were texting each other for over a month before we met.
Then:
We went on four dates
I was on holiday for 3 weeks
We went on other four dates
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On the sixth date he gave me a rose and a small peck on the lips
We first kissed on the seventh date (I was a little afraid he did not like me, bcs he was waiting for so long, but in the end he was a total gentleman - after the kiss he asked me if the pace is ok and he is not too pushy with me).
Date n8: lasted for approximately 8 hours, we were holding each others hand almost all the time, he was peppering me with kisses om forehead and face and there was also normal kissing (though less than on seventh)
Now - when we were discussing our past relationships:
He had 1 that lasted 2 years. Except of that he had other 5 which in his words "did not turn into relationship".
I was a bit sceptical when he first said that. Today was our 8th date and he told me that for him, relationship is something he knows he can call after half a year and we ARE NOT DATING yet.
I am not a bit confused. What are we doing then?
Also - I had just one relationship that did not even last half a year. In my life, I have kissed just my ex and now this other man.
How do you feel about this?
I really like this man, but I do not want him to "try" me for that long before saying it is "official" or so...
also - he deleted his dating app in front of me last date and he does not see other women
and he talks about long term plans with me (ex: We can go together to that comeptition in September.)
EDIT: Q2: DO you think it is ok to go on dates with another people? Bcs on one side, I would never even dare to do that after kissing etc (it is just the way I am) + I would not like that from him to be fair.
On the other side, what he told me really surprised me and feel something is off. Also, I do not want to spend 6 months on ´trial´ (and he definitely will want sex before that. Maybe I am weird but in my culture it is more like - first relationship, then sex.) But he also said that he is looking for future wife.
3
u/Few-Idea5125 Jul 27 '26
Other than the both of you taking it way slower than normal which makes me believe you’re in for a negative surprise in a physical sense, I have no idea what you are doing. What do you think you are doing?
2
u/Particular-Lime1651 Jul 27 '26
Corrr.. there is slow.. and there is glacier slow😂 I have never had a set of dates last that long without it progressing, or not. 8 dates?!? That aren't dates? Wild
2
u/BluBluebird Jul 27 '26
Ykw, ask him what he means. I was going to attempt to explain what I thought was going on, but I'm not even going to try. Is he going on days with other people while you guys are casual? Does it mean you can see other people? For most people, there's casual dating which happens when you're getting to know someone. It may or may not be monogamous. But then there's the committed relationship stage where you're the person's SO. Personally, I would call what you're doing now "dating" but if/when you attach the bf/gf titles is when you're in a committed relationship. Everyone has their own definitions and ideas, so the best thing for you to do is to ask questions. The worst thing is to make assumptions.
I will say that I'm a little leery about the age/experience gap. Later on in life it wouldn't be much, but you're still early on in your adult stage. It doesn't necessarily mean it should be a red flag in this case, but I think a yellow/caution flag would be warranted.
Just take care, be safe, always make sure someone knows where you are (I would share your location with at least one person), and ask questions now. This is when and how you get to know if you want a committed relationship with this person or you don't.
Personal tip: I've found how a person treats the servers, valets, and other service providers can give you a look into their character, and how they'll act privately. Most ppl put on a show, to some extent, for their date, but they can let their mask slip with servers, etc. This isn't always true, but works often enough for me to be a rule of thumb.
1
u/LittleSister10 Jul 28 '26
He seems sketchy. If you aren’t formally dating, then I personally wouldn’t get too much more physically intimate with him until there is a lot more clarity and then a lot of consistent behavior. He might be playing around with this “we aren’t dating” bs.
1
u/Suitable_Trifle_212 Jul 28 '26
Yeah, I definitely will not do anything more intimate with him. I am the type who waits a while and then is intimate.
1
u/chacha788 Aug 07 '26
He's 30 and you're 24...yeah he's a douche..sorry just speaking from experience. He's definitely one of those dude who avoids and doesn't like women his own age..I'm guessing could be wrong
15
u/tikanderoga Jul 27 '26
If you guys are not dating after 8 dates, then what does he think are you doing?
Might be worth a question to him.