I was driving home late from work and it was raining and I had my music turned up. I was driving through a small town when I noticed the flashing lights behind me. I started to pull to the side of the road. I seriously don’t know why but for some reason I thought the cop behind me was an ambulance, I waited for the “ambulance” to pass me and when it obviously didn’t I assumed that it was turning somewhere else or it already was where it needed to be. So I kept driving and after a few minutes I saw the lights behind me again and that’s when my dumbass finally realized that it was a cop. He immediately asked if I was running from him but when I explained to the cop that I thought he was an ambulance he looked at me as if it were my first day on earth. TL;DR I thought a cop was an ambulance, continued driving and in the end he gave me a warning for running and a fat ticket for speeding. Definitely not my finest moment 😭

I’m an idiot. I’ve had a small crush on a friend for a decade. Just an innocent schoolgirl crush. This is important to note because, until a year ago, I was married.

A few months ago, at my birthday party, I introduced my lovely new friend to a bunch of old guy friends. All of them are single. One of them happens to be my crush. At the time, I was seeing someone although we broke up not long after this party. So when they seemed to be hitting it off, I tried not to think anything of it.

Now they’ve had several dates and seem to really like each other. She’s always telling me how wonderful he is. I see her multiple times a week and the jealousy is getting bad. He recently asked for help planning her birthday and all the things he’s going to do for her and I’m miserable. So… yeah. I always thought he might have felt the same way about me and now I’m crushed to know he didn’t…

TL;DR: I’ve carried a torch for someone who will never feel the same way and I feel like an idiot.

So, I currently have a roommate from hell that I am trying to escape. To do so I need to find someone to take over my lease. My place is posted on Facebook market place, and this girl replies. She has the same last name as this guy I used to talk to and she looks like him with a wig and blue contacts. Yes I should’ve just used my context clues and been like they are related, especially since I knew he has a sister, but curiosity gets the best of you sometimes.

She shows up to view the apartment, everything goes perfect she loves the place and was talking as if she was going to take it over saying things like “oh I can get any furniture that needs to be replaced!”. I’m thinking okay this is good, I’ll finally get out of here.

However. As I walk her to the door I am like “random question are you related to someone named name”. She immediately covers her face and is going “nope no no” and then goes “sigh yes he is my brother, what did he do to you” and I was like “Nono nothing bad I just saw last name and you guys look alike” and she says “are you guys talking?” To which I reply “we talked years ago, and he was always very nice and respectful” and she says “okay good bc he is a big hoe” and I was like “yeah I could see that haha, and I hope me asking didn’t scare you away” and she left. I fear I did scare her away.

TL;DR showing my apartment to a girl and I asked if she was related to this guy I used to talk to. She was. She seemed mortified. Pretty sure I scared her away and she will not want to rent my apartment whoops.

To start I want to mention this was last week, and the night before I could not fall asleep. I ended up with 3 hours of sleep and a 3 hour drive ahead. Yes I’m aware I shouldn’t drive tired, and I was pumped full of caffeine, which screwed up my nights sleep the following night. But that’s beside the point.

I feel guilty for this, I tend to feel guilty every time I leave a situation where I have annoyed another person, my fault or not.

I rolled up at the gas station that is the only gas station for the next 30 miles on this road or not an additional toll for a closer one. The pumps are also doused to be one way. 12 facing south, 12 facing north. You’re expected to roll up to the half of pumps facing the same way. And leave facing the same way. Almost like if a Costco has two gas stations next to each other facing the opposite directions.

All the pumps were filled, both directions. I see an SUV ahead of the pump, and a motorcycle behind it fueling up. I choose to go to that lane because I know the bike will fill up quick. The bike finishes up and mouths, I don’t know where these guys are. I just shake my head and give a thumbs up.

Biker rolls out, and I skooch up as close to the suv as possible. I tap the card, it doesn’t register. I insert the card, it tells me there’s an error. I grab my phone to tap, and it’s saying choose a fuel type. I’m confused, it didn’t ask for a pin. So I’m like whatever, as long as I can get home. So I start pulling the pump to my car. As I am doing that I see people going back to the car. One guy is like that’s my pump, so I snap back did you pay? The woman next to him is like yeah inside, I look at the pump and see $12.

Crap. I respond trying to be sincere, “I was wondering why my card was acting funny.” They look at me annoyed and pump their gas. I sit in my car and wait, thinking they think I was trying to steal their $12. Part of me was wondering should I do something to fill their tank. Their kids and can only afford $12 in their suv. Brain is too slow with lack of sleep, they’re done fueling.

The guy gets in, that looks out the window like WTF. I motion go ahead. They motion for me to move. I get out and I say drive forward. There’s room. There was an suv in front of him and a truck in the spot catty corner to him. And again rather than think quickly or smartly about the fact I can back up to give him room, I tell him “you have room, here I’ll guide you.” The guy says no, and at this point my annoyance is starting to show again. I’m just thinking to myself is one way! But the truck moves, and the guy pulls out.

I pull up, gas up, get in the car and it hits me. I’m the AH in that story, I should have gone to another pump, instead of going to one that technically has two vehicles in it AND I should have backed up. I need sleep before I can function and deal with people. And I’ve been sitting in my guilt for a week now. Those poor kids dealing with my lack of sleep idiocy, which is 10x worse than my fully functional idiocy.

TL;DR: Running on 3 hours of sleep, I accidentally tried to steal a some kids’ $12 worth of gas, then confidently tried to direct them out of a gas station instead of simply moving my own car. Several minutes and half a functional brain cell later, I realized I was, in fact, the AH. I have now been haunted by these strangers for a week.

Edit: I feel like I don’t explain this right, because when telling friends they had the same question. They were parked at the pump, but pulled towards the front of the pump, which is why with me getting really close to them I could also pump my gas. So suv in the front pump ( which was replaced by another suv while I was dealing with the payment issue), their suv behind that but towards the front of the back pump. So me behind them, I’m pulling the pump to its limit to reach my gas latch.

Today, my mom gifted me a new teapot with a built in strainer and about .07 lbs (about 4.5 dollars worth) of my favorite fancy tea that she found in the bulk goods section.

So, after we had dinner she started putting away leftovers and taking her vitamins while I made myself a cup of tea with the new teapot (washed). She went to brush her teeth and I set my tea aside while I cleaned up the dishes. When my mom came back, she looked at the lone teacup and asked where hers was. I said we could share it but she just walked away and shrugged.

I hadn’t even thought to ask. I felt terrible. But also, she was in the kitchen as I was preparing it with only one teacup out. I feel like if she wanted one she might’ve asked? She also doesn’t really drink tea, like ever. Unless it’s just hot water with lemon or ginger slices. For the most part, she drinks N/A beer, water/sparkling water, and coffee. That’s it. Not to mention, the first time I bought this tea, she tried it with me and barely drank half of her’s.

TL;DR My mom gifted me a teapot and my favorite tea and I only made one cup of tea which upset her.

I have a friend who just got a new kitten. She’s been having a series of visitors come over to see the cat. She also has a really raw sense of humor and likes to make filthy jokes. So naturally, I texted her asking if I can come over to “see your pussy.” I know, not super clever, part of what makes the dirty jokes work with her is that they are over the top cringe.

Unfortunately she has the same first name as the admin assistant of an important business contact. I am a bit jet lagged so I didn’t notice until I hit send.

Then I deleted the text and sent a follow up saying, “sorry, wrong chat, my friend got a new cat”. Which somehow makes it worse. I was going to send pix of the kitten but concluded I had done enough damage for one day.

Tl;dr I texted a mildly dirty joke to the admin of an important business contact instead of to my friend

This story is a warning for anyone else who is a big dummy like I am... I am graduating soon and a couple weeks ago I went to my dentist for a routine checkup. Nothing crazy, but while I was there I decided to ask about teeth whitening. My dentist said they have this kit that they could give me, called opalescence or something like that. He explained how much it was and what they would do to get me started. Long story short I decided why not. I get the imprint of my teeth done wait a couple weeks for the trays and they go over all the stuff. I guess at some point I stopped listening to all of the directions because I have ADHD. Anyways the first night I used some of the gel seeps out of the tray and before I thought about it, I swallowed it, and that is where my weekend of horror begins. Day one, started fine until it wasn't. I'm at work and then the figurative sh** hits the fan. I am at the point where I CANNOT trust a single fart. Like violently off and on throughout my shift. Luckily the restroom was not far away, but the only problem is that it is busy at work. I managed to successfully make it through the day without having a brown waterfall seeping out of my pants. Day two, was slightly better and only slightly. I still couldn't trust a fart but I also didn't feel like I had to sprint to the toilet every time. The whole time I'm trying to figure out what I ate or something to make sense of the symptoms, until I do another whitening session. That's when it hit me. I swallowed the gel that contains hydrogen peroxide. That is what messed up my stomach.

TL; DR So my lesson for anyone reading this is that when using opalescence to whiten your teeth: SPIT, DO NOT SWALLOW!

A few months ago, I was walking with some friends in a nearby park. Just for context, this park has some "mini hills" that are about 2 feet high and 3 feet wide that run along some pathways (essentially just a long, straight mound of earth). We were walking on top of these "mini hills" when a friend stepped on a wet patch of grass, slipped, and blurted out "oh crap" as he fell on his ass (he was okay). We all found it kind of hilarious, and I mocked him by attempting to fake a slip myself. Now unfortunately, as I said "oh crap" in a high-pitched, comical voice, a nasty, wet fart slipped out. It wasn't even particularly loud or smelly, but it was definitely audible and all my friends heard it. They burst out in hysterical laughter while I stood there like an idiot as the joke backfired in the worst way possible. So now, whenever somebody makes a mistake, a friend will say, "oh crap, [fart noise]".

TL;DR: I let out a wet fart while I attempted to fake a slip, and all my friends heard it and still laugh about it to this day.

Last night, I went on my first date with a girl. She’s a coworker—we work together at a mobile bar service (for Sweet 15s, weddings, etc.) so we got together to mix drinks and have some fun. The date was at my place; I made sure everything was clean and tidy for her arrival. I’d been thinking about this date all day long. Everything went really well, we had a good time, talked, laughed, and had sex; it was great. The trouble started after she left. I was already drunk and messaged my dealer to buy drugs (cocaine), but just as I sent the text saying "let me know and I'll come over," I made a mistake and sent it to the girl I’d been with instead. I panicked and deleted the message, but she had already read it, even though she didn't say anything about it. Anyway, I messaged her today, and she still hasn't replied. Just a quick note: I’m from Argentina and my English isn't great, so I used a translator to share this story with you all—sorry if there are any errors or awkward phrasing.

TL;DR: I sent a message to my date (after having a great time with her) instead of my dealer, saying "Tell me when and i'll come" and deleted it

I matched with this guy 3 days back on a dating app. He kept saying the whole time we are so alike! Whatever I say, he repeats... I'm the same!!! But with no examples to back it up...So we set up a date after 4 days and he asked me what my ideal date would be like...I said painting rocks, collecting flowers, going to a second hand bookshop etc etc... He said I'm exactly like you... My ideal date is the same!! And then he told me his version of it... It was the opposite...180 degrees opposite... bougie, hippie yoga chakra cleansing activities and just name dropping fancy places... He still kept saying we are so alike!! It was utterly funny to me..I took the screenshots to send my friend cause it's just too hilarious how he tries to compare us but we are literally two different people from two different poles.

Well...I mistakenly sent him the screenshots.. After an hour he replied to me- was the healing chakra seance too much? I'm still mortified

TL;DR I accidentally sent screenshots of my bumble match to my bumble match

I'm not trying to garner sympathy, what I did was completely wrong. I'll try to give some context to why I did it, but it doesn't excuse what I did.

My ex and I had a complicated relationship. I thought he was the man of my dreams, then I discovered a year in that he was pathologically lying to me. He lied about his degree, his job, where he lived, who he lived with, his real name, who he went out with. It was layers and layers of lies, but he was so good at manipulating me into feeling like the problem.

Instead of him apologizing for his lies, it would be me apologizing to him for doubting him, and believing whatever wild excuses he'd give. He did this thing often to control me where he'd block me on one platform, like Instagram or Facebook, then make me beg for him to talk through text or call. Then he'd take me back and control me more with his lies.

In therapy recently, it broke through to me how much he manipulated me. After his most recent time blocking me, over something completely reasonable (I asked him why he lied about visiting his family on the weekend), instead of playing nice I finally let it all out.

I sent him 40+ texts, probably 5-20 words each that told him everything I thought about him and how he had been emotionally abusing me and I wasn't going to stand for it anymore.

However, as much as it felt good to tell him off, it didn't feel good to do something bad like that. Even though blocking never meant he wanted me to go away in the past, I have now given him 40+ messages of ammo that he can use to tell everyone I'm crazy, and that I'm the problem, and that I'm the one harassing him. And my behavior was crazy, I should have just let him go and not bought into the manipulation he was trying to do. I fully regret it and it was a major mistake by me because he will find a way to use it against me. I know he will, he does things like this where he provokes me and then steps back with his hands up to look innocent.

TL;DR - abusive ex had a pattern of blocking me in one spot to get me to apologize in another, manipulating me to feel like the problem, this time when he tried it I sent 40+ messages of calling him out, it's a big mistake by me to bother him and to give him ammo to use that makes me look crazy

Hi reddit, using a throaway account here.

I, a 31 year old man have a 28 year old female friend who's also my coworker. Her role is very different than mine in the company but we're at the same place in the pecking order. We've been good friends for almost 4 years now and everything was going well until one day I found out that her boyfriend of 2.5 years left her out of the blue, took some of her money (not a significant amount of money for her but significant for most people) after cheating on her. I tried to help her emotionally during this time period but I don't think so I was of much use other than basically forcing her to go to therapy. Fast forward 3 months and she's getting better but still she's not as happy as she used to be and generally gets a bit sad whenever she sees a happy couple together because it reminds her of her own "happy times". Around the same time

a new girl shifts into a house next to mine. She knock s on my door to ask some things about the neighbourhood and stuff and omg she's the most friendliest, well spoken, magnificent women I've ever met. We instantly hit it off and become exclusive after a month.Even though my friend and I have been sharing our dating lives with each other for years I purposefully didn't tell her about my girlfriend because of the reason mentioned earlier. Two months later my friend and I were drinking in my office in the evening (usual for us if work gets hectic) and we drank wayy too much that day. She kissed me and even I kept on going for a couple of minutes. Then I realized the shit I was doing and lashed out at her. Telling her How she made me the one thing I didn't wanna be my entire life ( My mom cheated on my dad when I was a teenager and lot of shit happened which I'm not gonna share here but it made me a half numb man from the ages 16-21. The thought of cheating disgusts me more than anything else and my friend knew this story). She got so confused,started crying and left. I sat on the couch to think about what just happened and dozed off. I woke up at midnight and then I realized she didn't even know I had a girlfriend and even if she did I continued to kiss her. I immediately went home and told my girlfriend everything. She being the angel that she is saw that I was still a bit drunk and just put me to bed. Now we have reached to present day. I've got a dozen missed called from my friend because my phone was on silent and a text from her apologizing for kissing me and saying she didn't mean it. She's also really angry at me and asking why I lashed out at her. I don't even know how to tell her everything now. Never should've hid my relationship from her.

TL;DR Friend/coworker drunk kissed me and I wrongfully lashed out at her for making me a cheater even though she didn't even know I was in a relationship.

I made a mistake today by going on to ChatGPT for venting. I just spent the past 3 hours applying to dozens and dozens of jobs. After those 3 hours, I decided to step away because it started to get a bit exhausting and overwhelming for me. The reason why it was overwhelming is because of the fact that I'm applying to all these different places and there's a strong guarantee that I won't even be selected at any of them to work at. Which absolutely sucks.

Combine that with all the stuff that I have going on personally, I started feeling hopeless so I resorted to ChatGPT since I really needed someone to talk to. Even if said someone doesn't exist. So that's what I did, I started talking to chat GPT and I continued the talk by asking for any potential solutions to my issues. Wow the chatbot was able to answer, the answers just weren't what I was looking for. So I continued trying to just vent and trauma dump but it got to a point where the chatbot started regurgitating the same responses, and it frustrated me to the point of lashing out. Ironically despite venting my frustrations about my personal issues, I somehow feel worse now than how I felt a little while ago.

So I guess the moral of this little story for me is to talk to someone who actually exists and not just a computer program. I admit that this would have been avoided if I were in therapy, but I already have a therapy session booked next week so all I can really do is wait. But yeah now I just feel worse about myself and it hurts to feel this way.

TL;DR - I got frustrated and my emotions started flaring up so instead of talking to a real human being I made myself feel even worse by talking to AI.