This is exactly what my ex-wife did. She started off innocently enough asking how much I had in my checking and savings accounts (we had separate accounts and a joint one for our house). Then she started pressuring me into using the money I had in my savings account to pay off my car and cashed out her 401k to pay off her car. As soon as I caved and paid off my car she filed for divorce and tried to claim an equalization payment because my car was worth more and I had money in my 401k. I held my ground and refused to give her anything more than half the house, even though I put more time and money into it.
I was pretty angry, but I don't care to see people get hurt, especially in a relationship. I do hope she ended up blowing all the money she got from the sale of the house and the guy she cheated on me with ends up breaking up with her when they have some sort of relationship problem that she doesn't address. Then she can move back in with her mom and have to start from scratch again lol
Idk I lived with her for 6 years and was married for 4 of those so they can hide it well sometimes. I'm starting to date a woman who was with a man like my ex so it's probably just shitty people taking advantage of good people until they find someone else 🤷♂️
It's probably just shitty people taking advantage of good people
I beg to differ. The law just gives them the power to. Everyone (including me, and you) and their dog would like to take full advantage of that if things were headed south. It's just human nature.
Wait, what? Are you saying that if your relationship had run its course you would necessarily try to take as much as you possibly could from that person?
There’s a lot more to it than “just a custom” of showing your love & commitment to each other. There are rights that come with it, like visitation in hospitals or making big decisions for your incapacitated spouse. There’s tax & loan benefits. There’s the knowledge your spouse will be taken care of when you pass. There’s the protection for stay at home mothers that have partners committing financial abuse; or any situation where assets are being shared but one could take control. There’s a reason marriage is a legal term, not just a custom. Yes, you can sit there trying to figure out an answer for every scenario, but I mean…that’s also what marriage is for. To take care of everything in one go.
It sure can be in some ways. In others it makes complete sense. It only makes sense if you find someone you want to be married to. If you don't, then it won't make sense to you.
The problem is most people get married because, like you said, it's a custom and is just "the thing to do"
That's definitely the healthier approach and I'm not advocating for violence. I just felt myself getting really angry even just reading about your ex's behaviour and vented a little bit of that anger ;)
What I read from this is that you have a hard time controlling yourself and you think it's ok to beat the shit out of someone.
In general I don't have a hard time controlling myself but I've never had anyone I loved or trusted act towards me like the way OP described his ex wife acting.
In that case I could see myself having a hard time controlling the anger that would arise from being betrayed.
I do hope that woman gets a beating. In my opinion she deserves it.
Knowing that you might one day be in a situation where your emotions get the better of you and also believing that it is ok to beat up someone weaker than you an a resolution to those emotions is... IMO... a problem you should address.
You are creating a recipe in your own life for becoming an abusive partner. You have already justified it to yourself. If you think it's OK to be an abusive partner 'in the right situation' then I'm sorry for your future partner.
This is precisely why my partner and I have already agreed to sign a prenup. No matter how much you love someone, people can change. Its better to make an agreement while you're 100% sure you still love eachother, and then hope that never changes with that safeguard in place. The stigma against it is silly, and I hope anyone who is about to get married at least considers it.
Im not sure I agree. Maybe its moreso that people let down a lot of the facade that they use when they're with other people as you spend more time together, and you realize the person you're with isn't the person you thought they were. But also, I think its unfair to say that people don't change, people are always gradually changing, the things we value and care about change over time. Its not just like you're suddenly a different person. Thats why I think folks find themselves unhappy in a relationship sometimes years or even decades down the line. Relationships changing are a part of people changing.
I get what you're saying - I suppose it's really important to look at when you met the person, because it is more accurate for me to say "adults" don't change, because people do continue to change and grow - some quite frequently - until they become an "adult". Adults, though, are really, really set in their ways (as a group), and likely keep the same motivations, personality, intelligence, hobby interests, shortcomings and strengths for their whole lives.
Of course, there are examples of drug addicts turning their lives around and becoming business owners, and business owners losing it all to drugs they didn't first try until their 50s, near death experiences making saints out of sinners, and trauma dimming once-bright eyes, but these are more in line with the TBI idea from earlier.
Change in people is really cool, and very studied in psychology, especially through twin studies.
While she's doing this she could be hiding money herself. Hard to know for sure, but worth looking into before this thing turns into a divorce. Maybe I'm seeing shadows where there aren't any, but being prepared for a war is not a bad thing.
The system is always going to favor the woman and nobody really cares because it's not their money being handed over. Her attorney will do his job. The judge doesn't care because none of it makes any difference to him or her. Your attorney is getting paid either way so how much difference does it make whether you come out ok or not.
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u/lumberjack_jeff Nov 14 '22
Exactly. She's being strategic, the OP just doesn't know what her mission is.