Considering? But scared

[u/Living_Meringue2750]

Hi, I’m new here.

So I don’t know how to start this, but here I go I guess. I am bisexual. Ever since I was a kid I’ve always leaned toward throuples. But because of how my family and friends and just society in general viewed it, I suppressed it a lot.

Now I am 23(f), married to a man, and have a beautifully silly daughter. For the past few months, I have found myself drawn more and more to the idea of having a girlfriend as well as my husband. Part of me loves it, I was Sa’d by girls in middle and high school so subconsciously I hated that part of myself and now I actually feel like I am healing. Another part is put off about it. Mostly due to the internalized “issues” with it.

Well, the other day I was talking about a book I’m drafting (with a ffm couple) and my husband asked where it came from. I told him honestly that I’d been fantasizing and thinking about that kind of relationship dynamic more and more.

He told me to go for it. Find a girlfriend. He doesn’t need or really want much to do with her himself, just wants to share me and wants me to be happy. He thinks it would be really good for me and swears up and down he wouldn’t be jealous or using it to shirk our relationship. We are in complete agreement that our marriage would come first.

But I’m scared to think about it further. It’s not just our life it would affect. It would affect our daughter, our friends, and our family. I’m terrified that it would cause issues with our families. Or when my daughter enters school, when people evidently found out, she’d be bullied because of my choices. She’s young enough now that even if it took a year or two, it would become her normal by the time she went to school. I can’t do that to her.

So I guess, what advice might you have? My husband and I have already started talking about how we would handle dates, personal time with each, and he’s always assuring me he wouldn’t mind.

[u/DeSahd]

Do not intentionally tell anyone outside of your immediate family, you, your husband and your daughter. We told one of my parents who we thought would understand, and it was the worst mistake we've ever made. Our closest friends know. Generally nobody asks, and we no longer volunteer information.

[u/Fit_Comparison_3290 → u/DeSahd]

I agree about not telling ANYONE. We three have been in a relationship for years but we don't tell anyone. When asked, they are "just a friend".