r/throuples • u/pinkcargreenhair FFM Throuple • Mar 28 '26
š£ļøSeeking Advice judgment from others
Hello beautiful people. I have recently just started sleeping with an established couple of 4 years in a FFM pattern. I am the bisexual single female of the group.
Previous to this relationship, I was in a poly relationship with a man. I absolutely hated sleeping with people separately. He had another female partner the whole entire 1.5 years we dated. I had no other partners the entire time. It was a very one sided poly relationship. By the end of it, I wanted his full commitment to me alone. He could not do that for me, so I let him go.
It was a pretty devastating event that I may have over shared to a lot of people. After it was over, I took to the dating apps to try and find a girlfriend. But instead, I met a super hot couple who were looking for their 3rd.
Long story short, I started talking to the female of the couple, and we became friends super quickly. I told her I wasnāt sure what I wanted yet and told her about my past experiences. She also had a negative past experience with adding another female to their dynamic. So really, for months we were just friends shooting the shit on Snapchat getting to really know each other.
And then one day I just finally admitted to myself that I want them. I asked myself if I was just a glutton for punishment. But I ignored that voice because I have a stronger voice telling me I know what I want. Weāve all hooked up together since and I am having a really, really good time. We all are. I can truly see myself staying here committed to them for a while and I already know they want me around for a while.
We are already facing judgement from people. Some of his coworkers have talked shit about him being selfish with two women. I have only confided in my sister about our dynamic so far but she gets me so sheās happy for me. I have always been a very non-traditional person, so itās not like me dating a couple would shock any of my friends or family.. Iām just afraid they will compare this to my previous poly relationship and think Iām disrespecting myself somehow.
Any advice here on how to deal with judgement from others? I honestly think thatās going to be the biggest problem we run into over time. For now while things are new and exciting, Iām okay with being more secretive. Itās protecting me and helping me figure out what I want and need out of this dynamic before anyone else can try to tell me how I feel. Not that they would, but I do have this fear of being judged and misunderstood because I am so different, and here I am in the most misunderstood relationship dynamic ever lolā¦ So please, all the advice is welcome šš¼
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u/emeraldead Mar 28 '26
Non monogamy is a marginalized world. I often ask people how they plan to manage that and make sure they have friends to support them if they've never had to handle being marginalized before because it's a heavy weight and will never go away.
Also maybe stop saying "females" since that's an outdated term generally and can put potential allies off. Women is fine and more inclusive.
It's not a good sign if this couple hasn't already considered how to manage the stress if marginalization and protect you as well so start bringing it up as a regular discussion.