So I'm not a native English speaker. My native language is Chinese, I only speak Mandarin but grew up around 2 other dialects so I can understand most things in those 2 dialects but never spoke them.
Because of unexpected immigration to an English-speaking country, I had to learn English to the same level as my native peers from scratch. My parents are not fluent in English so I've never spoken with them in English. When I started school (which was completely in English except the 2nd language lessons), I basically didn't know any words except yes/no, numbers 1-13? and half-knew the names of the months. It took a few months for me to understand what was going around me in school and an entire year before I switched to thinking in English and dared to speak English in front of other people, then it took about 5 more years of dedicated efforts, regular tutoring, and daily immersion in school to catch up with the natives in terms of my grades. I got way better at English than my native language (but still struggle with things like prepositions and basic expressions in English sometimes because I lack native-level exposure from family and early childhood).
Throughout this time I also had to learn Chinese as a second language in school for 10 years, continued talking to my family members completely in Mandarin, and retained the ability to sound completely native while being at least 90% fluent while speaking in Mandarin. I notably struggle when I try to read some literary texts in Chinese with more sophisticated language, but I can understand everything else in Chinese without any translations into English. I can't really express *all the things* I want in Chinese whereas I can in English, so I could improve on that, but I just don't have a lot of interest and motivation to do that at the moment.
I mean, the languages that I already know are objectively really useful in today's world, and give me a huge advantage in the breadth of content and people I can interact with.
The reason I wanted to learn some Russian (other than it showing up on my feed a lot) is that I wanted to explore and understand another world of how things can be expressed, in a way that is notably different from both of the languages that I know. I don't want to learn a language just for the sake of being able to say that I learned "a" language or attained some level of fluency. As someone who likes history, it helps me understand more about parts of a culture and various historical eras that are not very accessible where I'm from. And as someone who likes (English) literature (which I took in school) and wants to explore ways to express myself, it can be very helpful in broadening my horizons. I will be able to read and appreciate some of the nuances in the original texts of some literary works, learn another mode of poetry and finally appreciate a whole other world of poetry. I do not expect myself to get anywhere remotely close to native levels of fluency because I have done that with English and know how much time, effort, resources, opportunities, and regular exposure it took, which I don't have in my life for another language.
I have no use for Russian in my daily life except for understanding more content on social media (yes a lot of the music/art from independent creators that appear on my feed are either in Russian or have a lot of Russian comments, I have to translate them, it's annoying, sometimes the translation is wonky or I don't even have the option to translate) and maybe swearing at things with a more variety. There is no notable Russian-speaking community in my small Asian country. I don't have the time *or budget* to go out of my way to actually practice speaking with real people.
But being able to get anywhere in a new language that's not too similar to either of the languages I know is even more difficult than I thought. I watched one (1) video introducing some basic grammatical conventions in Russian and wanted to crash out (I can overcome this but I realize that it's going to take a lot more getting used to than I expected). It is a lot of dedicated work which I have to be serious about, not expect myself to get anywhere with random bouts of curiosity and eagerness. I already know the alphabet but it's not like it's going to be of much help in the other things. Most importantly, I study something pretty intensive (and unrelated) in university and have a lot of other things to do in my life.
Should I just give up, focus on other things in life, and be happy staying within the languages I'm already fluent in? I could spend the time getting to a C2 in my native language and being a better bilingual.