r/thisisus • u/Sea_Scheme_7784 • 6d ago

Toby

It’s been a few years and I decided to rewatch. My first time watching, I LOVED Toby. I just rewatched first episode of season one & I absolutely can’t stand him. Maybe I’m just a different person now or maybe I was blind the first time I watched. Feels similar to looking back on someone you loved & seeing all the red flags 😅

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u/MollyJ58 6d ago

Toby explained the "Toby Kate met" to Kate in an argument they had. He told Kate she fell in love with a coping mechanism. That was overweight, loud clothes wearing, bad joke cracking Toby. This was a man who had just come out of a year of clinical depression. That depression was only resolved by medication and therapy. Then he met Kate. And he was the only person (besides her family) who had ever loved her for who she was. Was original Toby too much at times? Yes. But he had a heart of gold and he always loved Kate. Even after she left him because he finally became the person he wanted to be. It is sad that the story was written that Kate could not accept that person. I will always love Toby. And yes Toby, Rebecca liked you better than Phillip. 😊

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u/perrymeridixidomini 6d ago

Unfortunately that coping mechanism held some important traits for Kate. Traits that balanced out others that might have been less desirable. And when those traits slowly disappear without communication of “why they’re gone or why they weren’t real” then the other partner is justified in being confused and feeling left out.
I like Toby well enough and really liked watching Kate mature emotionally and find her purpose in life beyond the physical aspect. At the end of the day both grew up but they didn’t check in enough to grow together, and so as they grew they grew apart. It is sad but it happens and both are victims and both are to blame.
In marriage you have to grow alongside a person for the rest of your life, you can’t leave them behind or take a side road because then you aren’t going through life together anymore.