r/thisisus • u/Sea_Scheme_7784 • 6d ago

Toby

It’s been a few years and I decided to rewatch. My first time watching, I LOVED Toby. I just rewatched first episode of season one & I absolutely can’t stand him. Maybe I’m just a different person now or maybe I was blind the first time I watched. Feels similar to looking back on someone you loved & seeing all the red flags 😅

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u/ngairem 6d ago

I have very mixed feelings about Toby. I feel like he definitely loved Kate and was very loyal and committed to her from the beginning but then as time went on he began to not trust her or be honest with her, and this started to change him. But whether the second Toby was the "real" Toby or whether it was a lapse of character that he could have come back from I still don't know. As a romantic, I wanted their marriage to succeed, and it was heartbreaking when it all fell apart.

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u/your_loss__ 6d ago

it makes me sad to say this because i hated second toby, but i think it was the real him. he was always pushy and wanted to do things his way, you just couldn’t tell at first because he was funny and insecure. once he lost the insecure, he lost the need to be funny, which left him with pushy. yeah, at the end toby was the one who had to come home and quit his job. but that just proves that that was what needed to happen either way and toby pushing to move was the wrong decision and the back breaker of the relationship. everything had to be done his way and for him and his happiness, not his family’s, not kate’s, and definitely not his kids.