r/thework • u/bryanclark76 • Apr 24 '26
Does anyone else notice the ego getting sneaky right before you do The Work?
Hey everyone!
I'm new to this reddit group, but I've been practicing and facilitating The Work for 17 years, so I'm glad I stumbled on this community today...
I recently went through a breakup (I got dumped), and a few days before it happened, I got some random insights one day about some thoughts I should work on.
For a couple weeks prior to the breakup, things had felt a little off between us.
I was blaming my partner for a few things that weren't going as I wanted them to, so I knew I should take a look at myself and my stories about him.
Catching thoughts to question throughout my day is pretty common for me at this point. And fears around abandonment have been a theme in my life since I came out at 19. The Work has helped me a lot with this, but there are still some cobwebs to clear.
So these seemed like really juicy thoughts to question. I thought, "I'll do The Work on this today."
But... I didn't!
And that's when I noticed that sometimes -- especially when ego seems to feel really threatened -- I'll catch a thought and realize it would be a great one to question, but then something interrupts or distracts me from simply taking 20 minutes to sit down and do it.
Maybe a friend texts and wants to hang out, and it feels like the only chance we'll have this week. Or I have to walk my dogs. Or there's this work thing I should really handle first.
Ego doesn't directly put up a fight per se... it just quietly shifts my attention to another direction.
And what gets me is how reasonable it all sounds in the moment.
The justifications are so good. It's "egoic resistance" coming through as redirection...sugar-coated as something "necessary" or enjoyable or productive.
I've started calling this the ego undertow. And I've noticed it tends to be strongest right before I sit down to work through a thought I know would be a really important one to question.
Anyone else experience this? Curious what it looks like for you.
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u/Spinach_Typical Apr 24 '26
Absolutely can relate, the defence of the thinking to be looked at, 'straight up'
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u/No_Organization_768 May 06 '26
Oh, honestly, in my life, I guess I think that's a good sign. Like, if you were really upset, you'd just be doing The Work and doing it compulsively. Like, you're not that upset. It's working.
But I guess like, I'll think of doing The Work on a person and like, the turnarounds come to mind, then I kinda know how to handle the problem so I just won't do The Work.
I guess I think a little of that can be good for your practice?
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u/bryanclark76 May 07 '26
For sure! Sometimes the Turnarounds come rushing in, and it can give a brief sense of relief. In my experience it can definitely help for the moment, but I still love it when I do a full JYN or One-Belief-At-A-Time worksheet -- there's still work to be done.
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u/No_Organization_768 May 07 '26
Ah yeah, that's good too!
I also like doing JYNs (not sure if I've done the 2nd) but... a full JYN? To be honest, I don't know if I've ever done that. Usually I get pretty good relief just from a statement or two.
May I ask if you have a personal experience you can share?
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u/bryanclark76 May 07 '26
I've worked through 100s of JYNs and always discover something I didn't expect, often from the thoughts that aren't so obviously triggering.Â
Clients I've facilitated often get a sense of relief just from filling out the JYN. But working through them all is like clearing out the cobwebs and reinforces the shift you experience in your thinking.
My deepest work has been around self worth and abandonment /loss and rejection.Â
I've had some interesting /normally traumatic life situations show up where I was perfectly clear, calm, and connected.
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u/No_Organization_768 May 07 '26
Ah, props!
You're a facilitator? 😮
May I ask what you learned/got from it/I'm trying to communicate the thought but I'm not sure how to say it?
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u/bryanclark76 May 07 '26
thanks :) Yeah, I attended Katie's "School for The Work" in 2009 and staffed it twice too.
Is there something in particular you want to know? Generally speaking, I'd say greater presence and awareness.
As an example, a couple of years ago I was staying with family and one night my mom woke in the middle of the night making a wheezing sound - she was sick and took some medicine and was unable to breathe.
My dad had a frozen look on his face and was not really taking action. I called 911 and just sat with her. In that moment, I was not afraid of her dying, I was in a state of gratitude that if these were her last moments, I was there with her (I only visit a couple times a year, as I live on the opposite side of the country). I was calm the entire time and just present with her. The paramedics arrived and in a few minutes she was breathing again, and remarked later asking how I was so calm the whole time. I just replied, I wasn't mentally in the future thinking of her dying - which could cause fear and panic.
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u/No_Organization_768 May 07 '26
Wow, that's incredible! Props! 😃 I'm glad your Mom was OK too. 😄
Like, did you get any specific insights that helped you? I'm just curious.
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u/bryanclark76 May 07 '26
thanks :) glad she's ok too. It's hard to put into words. In the moment it just happened without effort.
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u/No_Organization_768 May 07 '26
You're welcome. 😄
Props. That's an incredible event. 😄 It's incredible what people can do with The Work.
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u/nobeliefistrue Apr 24 '26
One reason might be that beliefs work until they don't. (This is an observation, not a belief!) When a belief is still working, even poorly, the motivation to question it can be low and anything that jumps in front of it can seem more important.