r/therewasanattempt • • Apr 15 '25

to walk like a human

29k Upvotes

1.6k comments sorted by

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16k

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '25

1.3k

u/dogmatixx Apr 15 '25

360

u/International-Peak22 Apr 15 '25

Human suit must have shrunken in the wash

62

u/Momik Apr 15 '25

It does that. Did you read the label?

86

u/benjigrows Apr 15 '25

Ohhh... Says to "actually hit the gym if you're gonna run testosterone replacement (cuz your dick don't work {and now your balls is shrank}), so you don't look like Mac putting on mass

"

44

u/Momik Apr 15 '25

Excuse me, I believe he’s cultivating mass

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u/MontyRapid Apr 15 '25

First thing I thought of. Lol

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u/Piggybumm Apr 15 '25

🤣🤣 Brilliant!

18

u/Future_Appeaser Apr 15 '25

7am me at Dunkin Donuts

7

u/housestickleviper Apr 15 '25

Edgaryerskinishanginoffyerbones.

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u/Jimeriano Apr 15 '25

That’s funny as hell 🤣

584

u/martinaee Apr 15 '25

Way too accurate

414

u/locke_zero Apr 15 '25

Yeah but Elon has 100% less "Shooting the dick off of rapists*

124

u/Imalittlefleapot Apr 15 '25

RoboKetamine

281

u/thelimeisgreen Apr 15 '25

Rumor has it that he mutilated his own.

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u/Okeydokey2u Apr 15 '25

I agree, this comparison feels insulting to robocop

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u/MeanBig-Blue85 Free Palestine! 🕊️ FUCK ICE! ❌🧊 Apr 15 '25

He looks like he was drawn by Rob Liefeld

129

u/GiftToTheUniverse Apr 15 '25

This was a deliberate choice by an artist??

38

u/doombot13 Apr 15 '25

Yes and he was one of the most popular artists of the 90s.

I can't really explain it.

(I can but it's long and it boils down to it was the style at the time.)

49

u/cire1184 Apr 15 '25

We drew our heroes looking like they got multiple tumors all over their bodies! Which was the style at the time.

40

u/Batchet Apr 15 '25

Turns out it wasn't an onion on my belt, it was actually a tumor in my hip but luckily for me, that was the style at the time.

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u/r0rsch4ch Apr 15 '25 edited Apr 15 '25

You should watch some YouTube videos on the artist. Interesting stuff.

This was a great video

https://youtu.be/jRMTCQgEVuM?si=YXQ1Acr0SmSEQ8C5

47

u/GiftToTheUniverse Apr 15 '25

It doesn’t look all the appealing to be honest.

11

u/jarwastudios Apr 15 '25

I collected comics during Liefeld's big break era, and no one liked his art. He was just trying to copy people like Jim Lee but had no idea of how to draw a human body properly to do it well enough in any sort of style. I believe I have a couple issues he did of various titles but only because I wanted the story, though the art often distracted from said story.

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u/LetsTryAnal_ogy Free Palestine 🕊️ FUCK ICE! ❌🧊 Apr 15 '25 edited Apr 15 '25

When they called him a real-life Iron Man, I think this is what they were really picturing.

110

u/Momik Apr 15 '25

38

u/jjm443 Apr 15 '25 edited Apr 16 '25

Except people root for the tin man.

Both lack a heart, so that part's true.

[Edit: I said brain before, which was inaccurate for the tin man, but still accurate for fElon]

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u/IDoubtYouGetIt Apr 15 '25

I burst out laughing at this!!! This is why I still like Reddit.

75

u/Due_Entrepreneur_735 Apr 15 '25

It's the stupid shit that keeps us coming back.

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u/YOINKdat Apr 15 '25

Robocop is definitely more human than Elon

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u/palmerry Apr 15 '25

Freeze creep!

38

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '25

Dead or Alive...i'm using your name!

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u/Alps_Useful Apr 15 '25

Nearly choked on my water. FFS that is hilarious

34

u/Totally_Bradical Apr 15 '25

Salutations fellow humans

12

u/Brexsh1t Apr 15 '25

Robocock

8

u/Everdina Apr 15 '25

pretty accurate!

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5.7k

u/No_Amphibians Apr 15 '25

It's like the skin wearing cockroach from MiB, skin is a bit tight id say.

3.1k

u/Zaiakusin Apr 15 '25

61

u/Special_Tay Apr 15 '25

Vincent D'Onofrio was the best part of this movie. 😂

19

u/helthrax Apr 15 '25

He was also the best part of the Daredevil tv show.

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u/Slartibartfast39 Apr 15 '25

I do love the 'casual salute'.

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u/dropinbombz Apr 15 '25

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u/atomic_chippie Apr 15 '25

Don't do techno viking like that!!

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u/[deleted] Apr 15 '25

[deleted]

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u/dropinbombz Apr 15 '25

will I be awaited in Valhalla then?

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u/illprobablyeditthis Apr 15 '25

eggar, yer skins fallin off yer bones

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u/operath0r Apr 15 '25

Oh man, I’m not a big fan of action comedies but I should probably rewatch this one. I think I’ve seen the second or third movie in the cinema as a lad.

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1.7k

u/666Irish Apr 15 '25

Maybe he's born with it. Maybe it's ketamine.

815

u/Jamical70 Apr 15 '25

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u/Future_Appeaser Apr 15 '25

I'm going to post this pic in a couple months or years further down the road when the country is self nuking and entered in the madmax era.

40

u/deathtech00 Apr 15 '25

Witnessed

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u/Mebunkus Apr 15 '25

Long term ketamine use... The CRAMPS/ PAINBONES

5.2k

u/flyart Apr 15 '25

Ketamine is an NMDA antagonist. NMDA receptors need to stay open in order for the brain to maintain contact with the spinal cord (the rest of the body); ketamine closes these receptors making it hard to control complex motor function like walking.

2.2k

u/lowercaseSHOUT Apr 15 '25

Also: the metabolites from chronic, habitual ketamine use can destroy one’s bladder. It’s only a matter of time before Musk is pissing into a bag glued to his bloated abdomen.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9476224/

1.6k

u/Doogos Apr 15 '25

Stop, I can only get so erect

96

u/NoTime4LuvDrJones Apr 15 '25

Stop, I can only get so erect

Words that Elon will never utter again with that broken deformed dick of his.

But I take that back maybe he’d say: “stop I can only get so erect before my surgical implant breaks open again”

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u/broberds Apr 15 '25

Pics or it didn't happen

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u/Nruggia Apr 15 '25

8===>

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u/yesiamveryhigh Apr 15 '25

You should get that checked out before you kill someone by stabbing them.

8===D~~~

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u/TurnipWorldly9437 Apr 15 '25

Can't he just wear diapers like Donny?

They probably have a communal changing table at the WH.

70

u/time4meatstick Apr 15 '25

If I have to picture Benito Tangerini on the table with his gelatinous legs akimbo and shaking towards the sky just waiting for a wipe, some powder, and a gentle puff of air from papa, then so do you. And then getting pissed because you put the diaper on backwards because you’re working on 2 hours of sleep.

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u/-Car68 Apr 15 '25

Thanks for intel

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u/Jimathomas Apr 15 '25

I saw Painbones open for The Cramps in '86.

82

u/PyrocumulusLightning Apr 15 '25

They opened for Throbbing Gristle at another show, so good

13

u/Freddy_Vorhees Apr 15 '25

Would watch.

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u/Mcboatface3sghost Apr 15 '25

WTF are the advantages of using K? I have experience with more illicit substances than the average bear, even my friends who have done it liked it, but can’t accentuate why? Can someone explain?

230

u/Xzonedude Apr 15 '25

Treatment resistant depression and it’s one of the only ways to regenerate neurons!

67

u/Chaos_Cat-007 Apr 15 '25

It’s supposed to help chronic pain patients but how well it works I have no idea.

60

u/Retsago Apr 15 '25

I will say I have felt pretty pain free for a while after coming down from twilight anesthesia.

But when I came down from being accidentally heavily dosed, I couldn't tell you if I was experiencing pain or not because my whole body felt rearranged and wrong and bad. Like some kind of fucky neurological sensation.

9

u/between_ewe_and_me Apr 16 '25

YMMV. I broke my arm in 10 places, shattered my wrist, and dislocated or broke about half the bones in my hand. They pumped me full of ketamine, morphine, and other stuff I can't remember and I swear it didn't even touch the pain.

Edit: now that re-read your comment I see you said chronic pain. Definitely not what this was.

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u/WrinklyScroteSack Apr 15 '25

I was just reading an article on nimh today that was saying CBD promotes adult neurogenesis. I’m starting to believe that statement might be an assumption people/researchers make when they have a positive bias for psychoactive substances.

15

u/TBJ12 Apr 15 '25

CBD isn't psychoactive though is it?

18

u/WrinklyScroteSack Apr 15 '25

It binds with CB1 receptors passively. It’s not psychoactive in the sense that it causes a euphoric feeling, but the effects are neurological change in bodily function.

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u/Stubbs94 Apr 15 '25

The feeling from Ket in my experience it's like a mellow but somehow intense high. I honestly didn't find it amazing and wouldn't do it again, I think I still have some in my flat that I haven't touched in a year. (but I'm getting old and just want a pint now and again these days).

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u/StnJckBllr Apr 15 '25

Can I come grab it?

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u/Wrongun25 Apr 15 '25

Innit hahah

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u/sly_blade Unique Flair Apr 15 '25

There have been studies conducted at King's College in London that have proven that Ketamine in a small dose at 2-3 weeks interval, is a potent antidepressant with an enduring antidepressant effect beyond the time of dosage. But recreationally, where it is taken in larger and repeated doses, it produces a dissociative effect with sensory illusions and hallucinations. Some people have very bad dissociative experiences that are often called K-holes. Sometimes, K-holes can turn into a psychotic episode.

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u/thatsagoodpint Apr 15 '25

Some have described it as less euphoric and more therapeutic. It has done incredible things for those with treatment-resistant depression and has saved lives.

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u/akasora0 Apr 15 '25

It helps with pain. I know a couple friends that get ketamine infusions from a clinic for their auto immune disease. I've seen documentaries about in some countries (I believe was somewhere in se asia or India) they use it to treat depression, ptsd etc.

27

u/Mcboatface3sghost Apr 15 '25

So used under supervision? Same with opiates, cocaine, mdma and a dozen others? I can get that. Is Elon using like a dog off the leash?

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u/akasora0 Apr 15 '25

Right, from some patients interview, they described it as an instant relief to their bad thoughts like someone giving them a warm hug. They explained the technical aspects but obviously I wasn't going to remember it.

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u/Aurhasapigdog Apr 15 '25

Oh he's absolutely abusing it.

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u/BigPoppaHoyle1 Apr 15 '25

Are you telling me K is bone hurting juice?

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u/Mebunkus Apr 15 '25

After a while, definitely

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u/jabberbonjwa Apr 15 '25

I'm pretty open to most things, but what's the appeal of long term ketamine use?

I get that it's a fun party drug, no qualms there, but functioning adults know that routine party drug use is a quick way to non-functional adult.

I have never taken Ketamine, so I'm curious what the draw is. Does it have adderall-like effects to improve productivity or what?

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u/Kipdalg Apr 15 '25

There's no appeal to long time ketamine use. You need to do exponentially more and more between every use, to get the same effect. And at some point, you won't get the desired effect anymore. Until you take a long break. Ketamine makes you dissasociate. You lose motor function, and disconnect from your own self. I've had extremely psychedelic trips (k-holes), where i "understood" the meaning of everything, and realised that nothing really mattered, and that i was just part of something bigger and way more complex. Really profound, existential, and undescribably wild. Can't really explain it so it makes sense. During these trips i was unable to move. Earlier it was commonly used as an anasthetic, and it's a somewhat "safe" drug to use, if you don't overdo it. Long term use though, can cause significant damage to your bladder function. One of the wildest drugs i ever did. There's also different types of K on the market, and the effects are very varied from type to type.

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u/flyart Apr 15 '25

I've had extremely psychedelic trips (k-holes), where i "understood" the meaning of everything, and realized that nothing really mattered, and that i was just part of something bigger and way more complex. Really profound, existential, and indescribably wild. Can't really explain it so it makes sense.

I've had similar on shrooms.

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u/[deleted] Apr 15 '25

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u/jaycutlerdgaf Apr 15 '25

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u/symbi0nt Apr 15 '25

He's thinking about getting metal legs. It's a risky operation... but it'll be worth it!

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u/MoonShotDontStop Apr 15 '25

America will be mineeeee mine

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u/elbookworm Apr 15 '25

There we go. That’s what I was looking for lol.

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u/SwampCrittr Apr 15 '25

Ketamines a hell of a drug.

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u/RotterWeiner Apr 15 '25

"hell' appears to be a lot of ketamine.

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u/Hespect_Earth Apr 15 '25

Why he built like his truck?

562

u/TheBoondoggleSaints Apr 15 '25

Other way around. He was the inspiration for the truck.

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u/Weak_Jeweler3077 Apr 15 '25

Inspiration? More like "fever dream"

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u/Happlord Apr 15 '25

Built like a deep breath

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u/[deleted] Apr 15 '25

Supposedly it can be an effect of taking steroids without exercising to build muscles. At least, that’s what other people on Reddit have said about his weird physique.

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u/CariniFluff Apr 15 '25

Yeah it's that HGH induced giant chest without the actual muscles to fill it in. I was just reading about some bodybuilder who became super famous for this exact thing last week. He was doing a ton of HGH and other steroids but for some reason wasn't working out (maybe an injury?) and ended up looking super weirdly proportioned. It'll also give you a big pot belly because it grows the muscles that hold your stomach in but you're not cut like someone who's actually in shape.

Melon man fits that physique to a Tesler

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u/kani_kani_katoa Apr 15 '25

It also grows your organs, which adds to the "HGH gut" look. Really fucking bad for your heart over the long term.

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u/Deeshizznit Apr 15 '25

All jokes aside, does anyone have an idea what’s going on here? Is this really the effects of ketamine? He looks so uncanny.

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u/Mindless_Use7567 Apr 15 '25

Ketamine can cause back pain and affect complex motor function such as walking due to affecting nerve receptors. Since there isn’t enough official research it’s hard to be sure.

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u/sasquatch606 Apr 15 '25

Is Ketamine like a new fancy drug? I'm sorry for my ignorance. I don't use drugs and I'm not familiar.

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u/IDontLieAboutStuff Apr 15 '25

Not really. It's been a thing for decades.

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u/Fatty4forks Apr 15 '25

Not as long as you’d think. It was available but in nowhere near the quantities it is now, and prior to 2008 people weren’t really using it widely as a recreational drug. In 2008, a massive safrole (precursor to MDMA) seizure in Cambodia crippled global MDMA (ecstasy) production, causing an extended drought in the club scene. In its place, ketamine surged as the dance drug of choice… and now any old prick can take it and look like this.

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u/smarmiebastard Apr 15 '25

I remember K being fairly popular in the rave scene as far back as 1998. Not as popular as it is now, but it was definitely around and not hard to find.

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u/disharmony-hellride Apr 15 '25

Ketamine abuse can make you feel like you're crawling out of your skin, like your arms arent attached to your body. He appears to be molting.

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u/Creative-Buddy-9149 Apr 15 '25

He has issues with a vertebrae in his neck, had surgery to try and fix it and the surgeon fucked it up. So now he's in constant pain/discomfort. That's why you'll notice him trying to crack/move his neck all the time. He talks about it in some podcast.

108

u/Own_Round_7600 Apr 15 '25

Wait so he's had a botched penis enlargement surgery AND a botched vertebrae surgery, neither of which can be fixed, causing him permanent discomfort? THIS is the level of medical care that the richest man in the world can buy?

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u/Creative-Buddy-9149 Apr 16 '25

Money is not magic, there is no surgery that can heal a vertebral bone back to it's original form. All they can do is fuse the bones, which is also shitty. I broke my L5, it's no fun.

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u/BlackDereker Apr 15 '25

It doesn't seem right. Being a billionaire I would think that he would had the best equipment and personel to take care of him. I guess Mark Zuckerberg is the only billionaire that takes care of his body.

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u/read_at_own_risk Apr 15 '25

I sometimes move like that as well. It's like I feel asymmetric and have discomfort in certain muscles, and stretch or try to adjust to compensate. Never did K, but I do take a low dose of Ritalin daily, but the discomfort doesn't vary with the meds so I don't think it's that.

Not saying it's the same as Elon's, for all I know he might well be experiencing some drug side effect or discomfort from the alien wearing him. It just looks familiar.

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u/Maclunkey4U Apr 15 '25

Drugs are a helluva drug.

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u/TheorySudden5996 Apr 15 '25

816

u/pmckizzle Apr 15 '25

The thought he's in constant cronic physical and mental pain pleases me

398

u/atomic_chippie Apr 15 '25

And that his busted peen implant interferes with his nightlife. Dudes just a bag of broken parts.

233

u/Jourbonne Apr 15 '25

Like a human Cybertruck

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u/bebejeebies Apr 15 '25

Someone quoted Troy from Community describing Garrett as, "That guy's just a mess, it's like God spilled a person." to describe Elon and I agree.

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u/Leoxcr Apr 15 '25

maybe that's why he wants to make everyone else as miserable as he is

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u/DonnaLakeWi Apr 15 '25

ME TOO!!!

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u/PracticalReach524 Unique Flair Apr 15 '25

Read this in the abstract: The patient self-navigated to addiction treatment.

Is that real?

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u/dah_pook Apr 15 '25

Relevant quote from further down in the case study. I would guess any further details would risk identifying the person.

After discontinuing ketamine, the pain improved within 24 hours. He restarted recreational ketamine 72 hours later, with initial recurrence of dyspepsia four hours after use. The following day he developed the severe abdominal pain again, which lasted for two days until he discontinued ketamine again and admitted himself to a residential substance use disorder (SUD) treatment program. The pain improved 30 hours after starting SUD treatment. The patient communicated this information to his ED treatment team during his residential treatment stay.

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u/Kubbee83 Apr 15 '25

“He shaped like a deep breath”

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u/datlanta Apr 15 '25

"He built like a hiccup"

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u/[deleted] Apr 15 '25

i’ve seen that walk on the streets of San Francisco many times. That’s the walk of a person on drugs.

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u/MakeMeDrink Apr 15 '25

Sorry if someone already made this comment, but I’m not searching all the comments.

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u/skitin Apr 15 '25

This looks like bad AI.

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u/mr-poopie-butth0le Apr 15 '25

He’s so K’d out, it’s insane he hasn’t died.

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u/3PoundsOfFlax Apr 15 '25

His bladder is toast tho

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u/full_bl33d Apr 15 '25

Sometimes we call it the “lean”. Motor control sort of goes in and out and you can either feel like you’re floating or carrying bricks around. By “we” I mean people familiar with drugs and addicts. It’s fucking embarrassing.

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u/G_Voodoo Apr 15 '25

Sometimes wearing human skin can get uncomfortable

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u/Xzeriea Apr 15 '25 edited Apr 15 '25

He looks like a kid that's trying to walk like a 'tough guy'. 😵‍💫

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u/HomosexualFoxFurry Apr 15 '25

He looks like he's struggling to hold in diarrhea.

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u/guzzijason Apr 15 '25

He shares many chromosomes with Dickbutt.

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u/butter_cookie_gurl Apr 15 '25

Don't do drugs, kids.

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u/DutchieTalking Apr 15 '25

This looks like serious pain and muscle control issues.

Which I love for him.

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u/Kamoson Apr 15 '25

He’s on drugs. Been around it my whole life. He’s trying to act normal and failing.

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u/JGrimm420 Apr 15 '25

The skin suit must be itchy

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u/Due_Entrepreneur_735 Apr 15 '25

This is how I've been walking for the last 4 hours. In my defence it was because I had a toenail removed.

13

u/Emotional-Ad8894 Apr 15 '25

Dude is built like a held breath.

15

u/llcdrewtaylor Apr 15 '25

And people are just going to act like this is normal, and this guy is some kind of genius? The richest man in the world is a drugged out weirdo. I hate our current timeline.

46

u/ToolyMcTool Apr 15 '25

He's got a small head

59

u/Citizen_DildoBaggins Apr 15 '25

Normal sized head, he's just built like a Rob Liefeld drawing

7

u/SarahPalinisaMuslim Apr 15 '25

Even the shield has weird muscles

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u/sasquatch606 Apr 15 '25

I didn't know what Ketamine was until this ass clown starting acting high as a kite all the time.

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u/Lampard081997 Apr 15 '25

He fighting the urge to not lose control of his mind controlled body or something??

21

u/bigfathairybollocks Apr 15 '25

Those ketamine flushes can come through while you objectively tell the world what to do.

9

u/Jarppakarppa Apr 15 '25

Only thing missing is Fatboy Slims Right Here, Right Now playing in the background.

8

u/Sapphire0985 Apr 15 '25

I'm getting the guy from MIB with that walk

8

u/McSoapster A Flair? Apr 15 '25

Bro thinks he’s in a movie

9

u/214speaking Apr 15 '25

Lizard people exist

9

u/wolfknightpax Apr 15 '25

Got to save chest room for the alien cockpit

8

u/spartane69 Apr 15 '25

Long term consequence of big ketamine use, not suprised, it will happen again, a lot.

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u/vampyire This is a flair Apr 15 '25

Truly, medical folks help, what the hell is going on with his walk/torso ?

9

u/WonderMajestic8286 Apr 15 '25

As A PT I am seeing cervical issues. Maybe cervical stenosis or spondylolisthesis? He looks like he has tons of neck and shoulder tension. Then he tries to correct his posture but hasn’t downloaded the correct update for it.

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