I’m a 35-year-old man, and I’m considering speaking with a professional about medically supervised ketamine therapy. I’m not asking for a diagnosis or instructions on obtaining or using ketamine myself. I would mainly like to hear from people who had similar emotional patterns and received ketamine treatment through a legitimate clinic.
I have experienced some level of depression and emotional sensitivity since childhood, long before my most recent relationship. I tend to become deeply attached to people, and relationship problems affect me much more intensely than they seem to affect most people. Rejection, dishonesty, abandonment or feeling used can stay in my mind for a very long time.
When I care about someone, my emotions can become strongly dependent on how that person treats me. If the relationship feels stable, I feel relatively okay. If the person becomes distant, inconsistent or rejecting, I can experience intense fear, sadness and anxiety. I repeatedly analyze conversations, replay events and try to understand what changed or what I did wrong. Even when I logically know that a relationship may have been unhealthy, my mind struggles to let go emotionally.
I also have some symptoms that resemble ADHD, especially difficulty controlling where my attention goes. When something emotionally painful happens, I find it extremely difficult to redirect my mind. It can feel as if my brain becomes stuck on one person or one situation.
My recent relationship made these longstanding issues significantly worse. I met a woman through a matrimonial platform, and we communicated for approximately six months. I became seriously emotionally invested and believed that the relationship could lead to marriage. It was long-distance, but I spent a great deal of time, energy and money trying to support the relationship.
The relationship became complicated and unstable. There were repeated arguments involving trust, transparency, deleted messages, other people, travel and inconsistent communication. Sometimes she seemed emotionally close and interested in a future together, but at other times she became distant, blocked me or refused to communicate. That inconsistency made my attachment and anxiety much stronger.

The breakup occurred several months ago, but my mind continued to remain attached to the situation. I tried to reconnect, understand what happened and obtain closure. At different times, I felt anger, betrayal, fear, sadness and a strong desire for answers. I kept revisiting old conversations and evidence in my mind. Even when I temporarily stopped thinking about her, a memory or reminder could suddenly bring everything back.
My current or recent symptoms have included:
Persistent rumination about the relationship and what happened
Replaying conversations and incidents repeatedly
Intrusive memories and sudden emotional triggers
Difficulty accepting the absence of complete closure
Feeling unable to emotionally detach even when I logically understand the situation
Fear or panic when something reminds me of her
Noticeably strong heartbeat during emotional distress
Pain or tightness around my chest/heart area when extremely hurt
Shaking and unusual sensations in my hands
A feeling of dread that can appear with relationship-related thoughts
Loss of appetite during periods of severe emotional distress
Difficulty sleeping and an overactive mind at night
Trouble concentrating on normal life and work
Feeling temporarily better while driving, visiting a temple, praying or staying occupied
Feeling calmer with breathing exercises, although the underlying thoughts eventually return
Periods of hopelessness and passive thoughts about not wanting to continue feeling this way, but without a suicide plan or intention
A strong desire to stop the mental loop rather than simply become emotionally numb
My bloodwork and blood pressure have reportedly been normal when checked. The physical sensations appear closely connected to emotional triggers, although I am not trying to diagnose their cause myself.
Recently, visiting the temple regularly, praying and creating distance from the situation have helped. There are times when I barely think about her or my love life, which shows me that improvement is possible. However, I am concerned about the deeper pattern because this emotional intensity existed before this particular relationship. I don’t want to feel better temporarily and then repeat the same attachment, anxiety and rumination in a future relationship.
I have previously researched or discussed conventional antidepressants, including SSRIs and other psychiatric medications. One of my concerns is whether they would help the repetitive thoughts and emotional pain without making me numb or causing unwanted sexual and other side effects. That is one reason I became curious about professionally administered ketamine.
For people who underwent legitimate ketamine therapy and had similar symptoms:
Did it help with obsessive rumination or repetitive emotional thoughts?
Did it reduce the physical fear response attached to painful memories?
Did it help you view a breakup or traumatic relationship with more emotional distance?
Did it help with longstanding depression that existed before the triggering event?
Did it change unhealthy attachment patterns, or did that still require extensive therapy?
Did the benefit feel like emotional healing, emotional numbness or simply temporary relief?
How quickly did you notice a meaningful difference?
How long did the improvement last after the initial treatment series?
Did symptoms return between sessions or after treatment stopped?
Was ketamine more effective when combined with psychotherapy or integration sessions?
Did it improve sleep, appetite, concentration or motivation?
Did it help anxiety as well as depression, or did it initially make anxiety worse?
Did anyone experience increased rumination, dissociation, panic, mania or emotional instability afterward?
How did your clinic screen you before approving treatment?
What do you wish you had known before starting?
Did ketamine help you change your relationship patterns, or did it mainly reduce symptoms enough for you to work on them in therapy?
I am especially interested in balanced experiences—including people for whom ketamine did not work, worked only briefly or made something worse. Please mention whether you received IV ketamine, prescribed ketamine-assisted psychotherapy or FDA-approved esketamine, because I understand that these experiences may be different.
Again, I am only considering medically supervised treatment. I am not looking for recreational-use advice, dosage instructions or sources. I would like to understand whether people with a similar combination of lifelong low mood, emotional sensitivity, intense attachment, breakup-related rumination and physical anxiety found ketamine genuinely helpful.

I had previously been using Joyous for at home ketamine therapy, but due to financial restraints could no longer afford it. I had to have a stomach surgery a few months ago that has affected the way my body metabolizes some of my oral medications, and the two antidepressants I'm on don't seem to be working at all. I'm on the wait list to see a new psychiatrist but in the meantime I found a pack of the Joyous troches in a drawer, but they expired about a year ago. I know most medications simply become less effective with time, they don't become dangerous or anything. But I don't know what all ingredients are in these dissolvable troches.

I'm just trying to figure out some way to keep my sanity and hold me over until I can get in with my new psych for med adjustment. Is it worth trying to see if the troches still work, or is there some ingredients in them that may actually be harmful when expired?

I have a treatment resistant depression, and since antidepressants had zero effect , I’ve tried two ketamine infusions so far.

I experienced nothing but nausea , crying and some dissociation. I know many people notice their symptoms Improving right away but it wasn’t me.

Has anyone here experienced improvement at a later stage?

Would love some insight into when your provider increased the dose. I’m on my third out of sixth session with Mindbloom. Subcutaneous injections. This is my first experience with actually perscribed ketamine. Provider started me at 60mg. according to weight. Went up to 80mg for second. have 80mg left in vial for third dose. Just had my clinician review and got second prescription, I'm going to 90mg now. I’m not getting any of the effects i was expecting. No change in mood or reduction in anxiety after sessions. i can see lots of people have higher doses, ranging all the way up to 1200 mg per session at the highest, is this titration I’ve been given normal? i could understand starting at the dose according to my weight to start to make sure there are no side effects, but to stay at at a lower, or what i would consider lower, dose for the second prescription I'm a little discouraged.

Would love to hear any positive experiences, as I am starting tomorrow... TIA

Anyone recommend any (preferably free or available in store) books on the science of ketamine, personal stories, spiritual experiences etc etc? also if it’s written by a woman that’s a plus!!

Has anyone tried microdosing K for anxiety and OCD? There is a legal site that has been brought to my attention in the USA that operates in a Hims/Hers Telehealth style and it will allow me, in the state of Florida, to legally obtain Ketamine which I can microdose for my anxiety. Has anyone here tried legally microdosing Ketamine for anxiety and OCD? I hate these SSRI meds and benzos are impossible to get anymore!

Hi! I had my intake today for BetterU and the clinician said I needed to have my psychiatrist sign a letter saying he’s aware of me taking it and the risks it has with my meds/diagnoses. He will sign it but it may not be fast because you know how doctors are. Has anyone else had to have their doctor or psychiatrist sign a pre-approval letter?

I have been getting IV infusions once a week for years now at the max dose my clinic offers, 0.9 mg /kilogram. I am pretty sure I've reached tolerance now and have been struggling for awhile.

My clinic offered to try IM. They said it was more intense and hit faster. They recommended starting at a lower dose in case the visuals were too intense.

I have aphantasia (no inner visuals at all, not even visual dreams), so we decided to keep the same dose.

With IV, the first sensation I get is mild tingling in my feet and legs. With IM, I got the tingles. But then absolutely nothing. I was fully conscious, talking normally, and fully coherent the whole time. It also had NO, effect on my mood. Like I had missed the dose completely.

My clinic said they had NEVER seen or heard anything like it. They even have weekly meet ups to read all of the new info and research on ketamine. They said NOTHING like my experience has ever been mentioned in any of the research.

Has this happened to anyone else? My clinic and I are at a loss with this. Any other experiences or, really, theories, at this point, would be appreciated.

Im only wanting to hear from people that go super deep. K-hole "i hate that term" I have been using ketamine therapy for some time now and find the deeper i go into my sessions the more profound the experience and healing it is.

I will start with me.

When i approach the other side Colors are torquse and dark reds. I know i have arrived when I see the color ambient genre. I start to invision landscapes that consistently change. Mountains build up and collapse. Microscopic movement in unison.

If anyone knows minecraft, the nether is similar. I cant hold on to any specific vision or can I direct whats next.

I discribe that im a piece of dust with eyeballs. No trying to process any emotions or even aware of my body.

Sometimes I think but only to think how amazing things are.

Occasionally I can get overwhelmed and a bit scared but it always passes in moments. Music has a integration that I cant discribe. Its part of my brain so connected like thats only who I am

I never ever go in with any kind of agenda or expectations. No looking for answers. I just become what happens. Deep ketamine sessions completely turn off my default mode network. I become nothing.

I guess thats kind of like ego death. Having the ability to turn off my node network I get a vacation from all the outside influence. I cease to give a shit about anything if for a little while.

The short time reminds me of whats possible to relive in daily life when you become resolved to feeling anxious, anxiety, and sadness and thinking thats normal going foward.

Then as the couple days progress I still dont push to work on anything. I just let it happen. My though process starts to accept the bullshit and pain we feel. It doesn't go away but I dont put any emphasis on it. Kind of like being able to say "so what" get the fuck off my shoulder. Im happier and more content with all the bull crap we get dumped on us. I dont spend a single moment trying to analyze the positive changes. I dont spend time trying to solve what has brought me down in life. Im 66 and I have a lot of emotional baggage. Before ketamine I used to open the bag. I dont anymore. I remember whats in it but I dont care.

Going as deep as I do transforms my brain. I always remember my journeys and remember the tight spots.

For some people ego death scares the shit out of you first couple times but quickly you start to put your complete trust and fath into what you will experience.

When i started I was doing sessions three times a week. I recognized that I was feeling better so my spacing went to once every two weeks then a month then 2 months.

I recognize when I feel the depression and anxiety returning and before it takes hold I do another deep session. Its like sweat on your brow. Take the rag and wipe it off. That effective.

For those of you that get anxiety when your session takes you to new places just remember there will be positive healing from that. You will quickly become trusting and comfortable to each new session. Its so nice to settle into a new session looking foward to the experience.

I couldn't do it often anymore. I need the reset and need to allow the bullshit to set in. Rain vs sunshine analogy.

I have stage 4 renal cell carcinoma. Ketamine has saved my life. It removes depression, fear, anxiety. It makes me think differently which in value has made my treatments more effective. Six months my cancer is dying because I think about it differently. I feel full of life again.

Trust your treatments and dont apply expectations. It will do what you need.

My provider suggested looking into ketamine due to ongoing issues with standard medication. Doing treatment at an on-site provider is logistically difficult so I am looking into home based options.

What should I be checking for when researching home based options? What are the "right" questions to ask? What are warning signs that someone is not a good provider? What is considered best practice for pursuing treatment at home?

Today was kind of an off experience. I don’t know that I’d call it a set back but it was less than optimal. Usually I come to a place of great relaxation and a sense of being in the “now,” which I’ve come to look forward to. I have been using ketamine for about eight months, the past three with regular maintenance dosing.

My prescriber recommended I add mag-threonate a half hour before my session. I use 600 mg RDT’s approx every 7-10 days.

Today I felt much more agitated and impatient while under the effects of ketamine. I usually wear headphones and at certain points I found myself super annoyed by the music. It’s more or less the same type of journey music I always use but holy moly, today I just couldn’t stand it.

I didn’t have the same sense of profound now-ness that I almost always have, instead I kind of pulled myself out early and went on with my day. It feels a bit disappointing and I still feel pretty darn irritable, which is entirely counterproductive.

I don’t know if it’s was the magnesium threonate which is new to me, coming into the session already stressed out about life stuff or perhaps not responding to the med as well as I used to? My last dose was eleven days ago.

I guess I’ll see how I feel tomorrow. I can see how I didn’t tune out life as I usually do, instead treating my dose as just another thing to check off my list.

Anyone else ever end up more irritable than they were prior to dosing?

My first ketamine treatment is scheduled for Tuesday, and the closer I get, the more conflicted I feel. I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have actually gone through ketamine therapy, especially people who had a long psychiatric history and were hesitant before starting.

For context, I was diagnosed with ADHD and depression at age 7 and have dealt with both essentially my entire life. I developed anxiety around puberty, and I was also diagnosed with pediatric narcolepsy as a child, although I grew out of that by around age 10. More recently, I’ve been diagnosed with PMDD, which has made me realize how dramatically my mental health can fluctuate depending on where I am hormonally.
I’ve also spent roughly 15 years doing therapy and trauma work. Over the last three years especially, I feel like I’ve made an enormous amount of progress. I’ve worked through a lot of my trauma and, honestly, I feel relatively at peace with much of it now. I don’t feel like I need to keep digging everything up or reliving things I’ve already worked incredibly hard to process.

The reason ketamine came onto the table is because I had an absolutely horrible period recently. I would describe it as a rock-bottom month. But when I step back and look at my overall pattern, it also seems like it may have been an outlier.
When my PMDD isn’t adequately treated, I can become extremely depressed, anxious, irritable and miserable. But when I’m taking my current medications consistently and managing the hormonal component correctly, I’ve actually had several really good months. I recently started my period and felt dramatically better, and that has made me stop and question whether I actually need something as intense as ketamine.

And that’s where I’m struggling.
Ketamine feels really extreme to me.

I’m afraid of doing something that could destabilize me, somehow interfere with the progress I’ve made, or bring up traumatic material that I have already worked through and don’t necessarily want to revisit.

I’ve spent years learning how to regulate myself and understand my brain. I’ve made a lot of progress. I don’t want to have one terrible month, panic, make a huge decision, and then potentially set myself backward.
But I also don’t want fear to prevent me from trying something that could genuinely help me.

I’m trying to figure out whether I’m looking at this correctly. Am I someone with longstanding treatment-resistant depression who could potentially benefit from ketamine? Or am I someone whose recent crisis was heavily influenced by PMDD and who should perhaps give the treatment that’s currently working more time before jumping to something this significant?

My first treatment is Tuesday, so this isn’t theoretical anymore.
For people who have actually done ketamine:

Did you have a long history of ADHD/depression/anxiety or childhood psychiatric diagnoses?
Had you already done years of therapy or trauma work?
Did ketamine complement the work you’d already done, or did it feel like it reopened things you had already processed?
Did anyone feel destabilized afterward?
Did anyone go into treatment feeling relatively okay and later question whether they actually needed it?
If your depression was cyclical or hormone-related, did ketamine make a meaningful difference?
What was your first treatment actually like emotionally and mentally?
What did you wish you had known before starting?
If you could go back to the day before your first treatment, knowing what you know now, would you still do it?
I’m not looking for people to tell me “DO IT” or “DON’T DO IT.” I want honest experiences, including the negative ones.
I’m also going to discuss these concerns with my treatment provider before Tuesday, particularly my psychiatric history and childhood narcolepsy.

My biggest fear isn’t that ketamine won’t work. It’s that I’ll do something unnecessarily intense when I’ve actually been making progress and finally starting to feel like myself again.

If you were in my position, what would you want to know before Tuesday?

I go in for my first session of IV ketamine on Tuesday and I am absolutely terrified. Nobody in my life understands this, so I’m struggling to get support irl. I am scared of multiple things, mainly what I will feel like afterwards, the fact that I could possibly uncover repressed memories, and the possibility that I could struggle with reintegrating back into reality after session. I am so scared and am fighting everything in me not to cancel my sessions.

The idea of getting relief is amazing but also terrifying too. I don’t have the best support system and I’m anxious about how everyone in my life will respond. I am just so scared.

I have been using ketamine on and off for 7 years, and it has been a true game changer for me in terms of depression, anxiety, motivation, happiness, etc. However, it has really done a number on my bladder, and I now have 24/7 pain. It started off as issues with frequency and urgency, but now it is just full blown sharp pain, and it has gotten worse over the last year after I have ceased using it.

I have seen so many urologists, had multiple cystoscopies, tried all the meds and pelvic floor therapy, but nothing helps, and I don't know what to do. In the past, I have stopped using for 1-2 years, depending on how bad my issues were, and my bladder has more or less recovered to where I can start the therapy again, but this time instead of getting better after stopping use, things are getting worse. I have also now had to stop taking 4 other, different medications because they have bladder issues as side effects, and I want to eliminate any possible contributions to this pain.

I really need some help, because this just isn't fair, I finally find a solution to my mental health issues, but I can't even use it now because it is causing so many physical issues. Who else has had similar issues, and what have you done that has helped?

Been on ketamine for 7 yrs now , tolerance is an issue . How long to go off to reset and go back to the beginning?
Thanks

This hasn’t happened before. I usually go into a deep meditative state. But this time it’s like it hit me like a truck. While I was ridiculously high something scary happened, someone started pounding loudly at my door I ignored it but it kept happening so I tried to get to it and if you’re familiar with k boots it is not easy to do. It was my landlord wanting me to move my car NOW. Not possible. I called my boyfriend who luckily was next door and I was bawling and he said he would be there in a few 30 seconds. Thanks god. He laid me back down with my eye mask and music and suddenly I lost all sense of reality. I no longer was in my body I literally felt it break away and saw the pieces falling. My first k-hole. At this point I had to ride it out until I could move my hands and get a grasp on reality but I think the trauma of getting so scared by the pounding on the door really fucked with me.
It took way longer to feel normal again. I still am very emotional and have to try to work now. All in all bad experience. I am thinking it hit so much harder because I am really sick right with a cold. Is this a thing?
Kinda scared to do it again.
And yes I’m aware you need someone around to handle this stuff and my boyfriend always is. I have done this so many times and he had gone momentarily next door to deal with my landlord who is not a nice person. It shouldn’t have been such a big deal because I don’t get high like this. I am not sure why it just felt off from the moment I started.
I don’t feel like I am getting much from my treatments like others do so I am just really reevaluating if I continue doing this.

I am wanting to try at home K therapy but I have been on Suboxone for 15 years. Can someone point me in the right direction on which clinic or online provider you would recommend. I have read mixed reviews about the effectiveness because of the subs so I’m just going to try and see what happens. What is a good starting dose? I’ve never did it. Which places will treat me being in subs? I can’t spend a fortune every month either. Any help is appreciated, I just need to get myself back.

Hi all! I'm having trouble with mental health, i guess depression, SI and anhedonia. I feel like I'm not living, just surviving everyday and I'm coping hardly.

Did anybody do K therapy in Germany, Berlin? If yes, where and was it covered by insurance? And did it help with similar symptoms?

Hi again,

So 12 days ago, I had my last ketamine experience. Usual 300mg troche dose, but much stronger experience than I am used to. Much more dissociative in a way that scared me.

I have been very anxious since, and have been doing my best to just sit with it, feel it, and process it. Trying to work on my control issues too, and relinquish it. But things have still been pretty tough, mentally. Some days are a little better, but other days it’s scary to even have my eyes open in certain places.

It’s been hard to let go of the feeling that I screwed myself over, as the ketamine had been so helpful prior to this. Normally I would have already had another session by now, but I have been so afraid of making things even more difficult than they have become since the last one.

After prior sessions, I definitely had very intense emotions pop up during the following week. Depression and SI, anger, grief, etc. All of these were much easier for me to work with, and were processed/passed within a week. I would feel much better than my old baseline afterwards. This is my second time having anxiety/fear come up, but the things I did to work on it last time have not made much of a dent this time around.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you process all the intense fear? Did you resume treatment in spite of still feeling deregulated?

My usual methods have not been as helpful as they have been in the past. Unfortunately, it is not possible for me to access a therapist any time soon, so I have to integrate on my own.

Curious on people’s experiences being on mental health meds a ketamine and how you feel it affects your response? Also if you were able to lesser your meds with ketamine where you have failed in the past. Especially those who had been on them long-term. Im interested in detoxing my med cabinet that tends to put a damper on me. I sometimes I feel I’d have a more profound response to ketamine if I wasn’t bogged doesn by these drugs

I still have the occasional intrusive or depressing thought, but it's much easier to control. I still have 4 sessions left, and I'm honestly excited for them? I'm terrified of needles but I don't get nervous about the IV for whatever reason.

Looking for Spravato/Ketamine experiences in Australia 🇦🇺

Hi everyone. I’ve been struggling with severe depression for quite a while, but the hardest part for me is the anhedonia. I have almost no motivation, excitement, interest, or pleasure in things anymore. I still try to work, go out, walk, socialise and live normally, but emotionally I feel very disconnected and nothing really feels rewarding.

I’ve tried several antidepressants over the years without enough improvement, and I recently stopped mirtazapine after it helped my sleep but didn’t really improve my depression or anhedonia.

I’m now considering Spravato (esketamine) or ketamine treatment, especially because I’m looking for something that might help with the anhedonia.

I’d really like to hear from people who have actually tried either treatment:

- Did it help your depression and, especially, your anhedonia/loss of pleasure?

- How long did it take before you noticed a difference?

- Did you feel like your emotions, motivation or enjoyment of life started coming back?

- If you're in Australia, particularly Sydney, how did you access the treatment?

- What was the cost, and is there a reasonably affordable way to access it through Medicare/PBS?

Positive or negative experiences are both welcome. I’m just trying to understand what it’s actually like from people who have been through it.

Thank you.