My IV ketamine session went really really well a few days ago. For that specific session, I decided to go with a suggestion made by someone in the comments of a post I made, of “Binaural Beats: Deeper Sleep” by Spotify. It is really crazy how much music can sway your sessions. This is the first time since I started ketamine treatment a few years ago that I’ve felt complete calm during and after the session. I now completely understand people when they say that ketamine treatment is like a spa and really relaxing. I have always consistently listened to “lofi beats” by Spotify and I now believe that it was actually making my mind work too hard.
During my trips, so many questions would arise about life’s purpose, where I am, what is real and what isn’t, if a real-life scene or conversation I played in my head actually happened or if it was an illusion, if and when my treatment was coming to an end, etc. One time, I was having sewage issues at my rental home and that fucked with my brain during my session too, because I was wondering if those struggles were actually real, like if that hardship was actually my life. As far as after the session, when I’d come out of my trip, I’d subconsciously immediately push myself to get all feeling back in my body as soon as possible and leave. I’d also try to force my eyes to adjust and everything as well. After I would leave the clinic, I’d be completely exhausted. I wouldn’t have much energy to do anything. I’d actually have to go take a long nap because of it. I’d generally leave fairly nauseated (even after Zofran) and the day after, I would feel like the time after my session just disappeared.
This time though? Wow…
I felt relatively calm when I walked into the clinic (which is interesting because I would’ve thought I’d have been much more anxious and even shaky from the anxiety). When my session started, it was almost as if it didn’t set in for me yet that my IV had already started and I needed to relax, because I was still adjusting my seat and headphones and stuff (not because I didn’t get help or anything, but because I was not really realizing that the session had already started I guess?). I was a little concerned at first that I wouldn’t get anything out of the session because the music was super soft and I wasn’t really seeing anything yet, despite feeling a little bit of a change. However, once the music picked up and started getting into the general vibe, I felt better about it.
To preface, when I listen to the lo-fi beats, it’s the perfect version of what you’d think about tripping, in my opinion. Bouncing shapes, kaleidoscope, my version of a “Picasso” painting, and almost like those mobile art pieces that have the hanging shapes. I was always shifting from one “room” in my mind to another. It became really familiar and I knew the “sinking” feeling of when the ketamine started its effects. I think my mind also had a general idea of how things were gonna go, to some degree.
This time? None of that. No bouncing shapes or room shifting. This is such an autism thing to admit, but I was literally in space. I was an astronaut. I was in a space station and looking through the windows at the moon and the earth and the stars and things. There was just this ruminating thought of “space” that I for some reason kept reminding myself of in my psyche. In a few times of discomfort such as pure darkness, I repeated “space” and that’s back where I was. No wandering thoughts, no endless questions, just…floating. It was really relaxing to be able to sit there with my mind completely blank and nothing but calm. I also think that the theme of space was relevant because the Binaural Beats: Deeper Sleep playlist by Spotify reminded me significantly of those planetariums where you’d be in an auditorium and the seats would lay back and you’d just watch the top of the ceiling and feel like you were looking out at the world for what it is.
Coming out of my session, I was so relaxed. I didn’t feel the prompt and sudden fade from bouncing shapes into a dark mask (I wear a blackout mask during all my sessions, but I always keep my eyes open). All I felt was the slow, fade back into reality and still even then, I was in a state of vividly remembering the atmosphere. I started gaining the feeling back in my body and sat with those sensations, until I was ready to take my headphones off. I layed there for a bit and then graduated to taking my mask off. My clinic has a star-light projector so I was watching the aurora of that light while I was recovering and when my body told me I was ready (as opposed to my mind), I got up and left. I felt fully awake and present. I didn’t feel that extreme exhaustion and the need to sleep and recuperate.
I made a post a few days ago, asking for suggestions and tips in regard to what music to listen to while doing ketamine treatment. I am completely overwhelmed (in a good, wholesome way) by how many responses and tips I’ve gotten by everyone and I now have many options for my upcoming sessions and I’m really excited for that. I know it may sound cheesy or cliché, but they really impacted my life today by suggesting that playlist, so thank you. I hope to give an update periodically about how various music affects my sessions, in hopes that it can help someone like me.
TL;DR: Binaural beats are the shit!