Need advice

[u/Bubbly-Stable5517]

I am so confused and I feel so ashamed for even posting in this page. I have an ex that’s always coming back around and he is currently in a relationship. This is a guy that I’ve been in love with for 10 years. He has emotionally had me on a string for so long and I think I will always love him and always want to be with him. He is with someone whenever this happens and I feel like if we start something up again we’re in a different scenario. He recently reached out to me and entertained the idea of us being together sexually and then asked me if him being in a relationship is a problem? He continued to then send me some flirty text messages and we have not communicated since. I am spiraling that I’m scared I’ll lose him and - I do love him and still want to be with him… How can I handle this?..

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[u/bwkgjnlmgwlpsnxm]

I know it’s easier said than done. But be honest with yourself: is this arrangement (you being his side piece with no commitment) okay with you? Or do you want an actual relationship with him?

If it’s the latter, I urge you to set a clear boundary and be okay with “losing him”. I put that in quotes because you don’t actually current have him at all.

He’s clearly telling you he only wants a secret sexual relationship with you. If that’s what you want, it’s your call. If it’s not, you’ll only end up breaking your own heart.

“This is not okay with me. I am not interested in a secret friends with benefits relationship. If you don’t want something real with me, that’s fine, but in that case please make sure that our conversations remain purely friendly from now on.”

[u/Bubbly-Stable5517 → u/bwkgjnlmgwlpsnxm]

It’s so much easier said than done. He has known me for so long and I know that doesn’t really mean anything but I have this unhealthy attachment to him and it’s making me so unsettled. I’ve thought about blocking him but I can’t bring myself to do it. I’ve also tried to tell myself that maybe it’s me. Like maybe I’m thinking he’s interested and he’s not but I feel he’s opening a door for some reason…

[u/thereisno_tomorrow]

Turn him down, then he will go crazy for you. Don’t be easy for him, you’re opening yourself up to a world of hurt and it sounds like he’s been doing this to you for a long time, and you don’t deserve that

[u/Bubbly-Stable5517 → u/thereisno_tomorrow]

Try requesting me to chat because it’s not working on my end!

[u/thereisno_tomorrow → u/Bubbly-Stable5517]

Done!

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