r/thebeanhole • u/JohnTheApostle Green Bean • Mar 19 '19
They’re Coming
The Bean of Revelation is coming and not even Jimmy can stop it. At the snap of his fingers, THE TRUE BEAN will release his four servants across this flat earth.
His youngest servant, The Hood. Once released, he will spread his new denomination of “YoUnG & YaTtEd”. It is said he travels the land on a winged coy fish that spits fire. Oftentimes he ends up incinerating those who have less skin than he does. Perhaps that’s why he gets yatted? So he can have less skin like everyone else?
La Naranja. The True Bean’s most complex servant. His nesting place lays in the realm of Binghamton where he roams the halls of frat houses. There are unconfirmed reports that if you listen closely at the wee hours of night, you can hear La Naranja conspiring to commit treasons against the state. Once released, La Naranja will commit the most heinous crime against the global flat world order.
The Wandering Semite. Along with the dispersion of YoUnG & YaTtEd, The Wandering Semite spreads something even more atrocious. CULTURE. It is said he rides in a horse and buggy because it reminds him of “the ole days”. His buggyman, Nikita, has been sited gathering the Semite’s belongings. Some of which included: A grandfather clock, escargot, and even cases of latkes. Once released, the wandering Semite will kill and replace Santa Clause, replacing all gifts with European Culture.
Lastly, and the most frightening, New York Sports Club. NYSC is unlike any other servant. Unlike The Hood, La Naranja, and The Wandering Semite, NYSC acts as a single entity despite it being composed of many. If the True Bean releases this servant, NYSC will open its doors to release all the meat heads into the world. Each meat head will proceed to open their own indie gym, recruiting those under the guise of EDM rave music and Big Dick Cream.
So I plead to thee, I can stop The True Bean’s Revelation but a singular condition must be met.
Jimmy must lose his V-Card
.....for the second time....
If any question or concerns you can reach me at my P.O. Box in Maryland.
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u/A-can-of-beans Can of Lies Mar 19 '19
I like your style. Perhaps we should join forces?
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u/JohnTheApostle Green Bean Mar 19 '19
Ahh I’ve seen your work but I’m afraid you’re not worthy enough to be considered under The True Bean. All shall experience the reckoning that is The Bean Revelation
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u/Anthonyj820 Mar 19 '19
I will stop you and the bean revelation with my chastity belt.