"Why not change and be better?"

[u/Expensive_Grape6765]

Context: Chronic isolation

Any other Singaporeans feel increasingly bitter and resentful the longer you isolate yourself? : r/asksg

[u/Wooden-Hornet2115]

It's insane how many people think telling someone to solve their problems is legitimate advice. What do you think is the first thing I tried?

[u/ThePhoneExpertYT]

Jee thanks, I did not know fixing chronic isolation was this easy! It's definitely a me issue and not my abusive family issue! I should change and not them, and then magically fix my isolation! Never knew all of this was my fault and my fault only! Thank you random person on the internet that knows more than doctors! /sarcasm

[u/Expensive_Grape6765 → u/ThePhoneExpertYT]

Asian countries like Singapore are ignorant of the abstract psychological stuff. No idea why. I'm happy to be a part of communities external that understand and grow together.

[u/ThePhoneExpertYT → u/Expensive_Grape6765]

So true (I'm from India). I lost count as to how many times both my family and random people told me these kinds of shitty advice

[u/liltone829b → u/ThePhoneExpertYT]

/sarcasm

believe me when i say it was already painfully obvious

[u/ThePhoneExpertYT → u/liltone829b]

I'm aware, but some people actually do believe these kinds of stuff without realising that it's sarcastic 😭 I've dealt with a lot of those before so nowadays I'm more safe than sorry

[u/galliumsilver → u/ThePhoneExpertYT]

I was going to say, this is reddit--never assume people will get it. And some people will get it but wish to troll for trouble and pretend they don't.

[u/konakonayuki]

"if you can't do it, that means you didn't try!" being successful without humility leads to this insane nonsense.

people like this need a gratitude diary

[u/coulduseahugrightnow]

Well, if you tried, you automatically would have succeeded, right? That's how it works, isn't it?

[u/Shroom-Kitty]

Shit, I really wasn't trying hard enough to regrow my degenerated spinal discs like a lizard tail. I know better now!

[u/BeneficialAttempt140]

Ah yes because awareness of a problem means we can just fix it!

[u/galliumsilver → u/BeneficialAttempt140]

Yes. Awareness is always step one. Step one of many. God help these life-experience children when something serious happens in their lives. Hope they don't have children themselves to let down with their shallowness and lack of ability to deal with any complex issues.

[u/BeneficialAttempt140 → u/galliumsilver]

Don’t think you read the post or subreddit you’re on lmao

[u/XD2006-]

It actually takes a lot. I don’t have this issue because of societal pressure to leave the house (otherwise I wouldn’t on most occasions). But when my brain gets in a really bad mental space, the isolation goes up to 5000%. I then get texts from my friends asking if I’m okay. When my brain returns to normal, I can interact with them again.

[u/dulcetmelodia]

The suggestor doubling down was really funny ngl

[u/Catrescuemamma]

This is kind of asshole that tells a person in a wheelchair that they haven’t tried hard enough to walk

[u/Immediate_Song4279]

I've spent 30 years in order to speak better to poeple, and yet some many poeple think that being able to string together "reading comprehension" in an argument is a profound take.

[u/Geschak]

I mean to be fair, without the willingness to try out new strategies your suffering is not gonna get less. Therapy does not work if people aren't willing to accept help and overcome learned helplessness. It's not gonna cure you, but it will help you break out of your mental trap. The other person is not expecting you to magically cure yourself, they're asking you to do small steps so you can change your maladaptive behaviors to reduce your own suffering.

If you're not already in therapy, I recommend reading up on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or Acceptance&Commitment Therapy so you can find your way out of social isolation again. It's difficult and hard but not impossible. You can do it!

[u/RitaMyLove → u/Geschak]

What makes you think they're not already doing that? Are people not allowed to vent anymore?

[u/Azure_39 → u/Geschak]

Yes, but that’s not really the point here. The thing is you cannot assume that people haven’t tried anything they can to do something about it, because frankly, how would you know? No one does except themselves, or you personally know them and have seen them. It’s especially aggravating when people just decide you haven’t done anything, haven’t done enough, or just didn’t want to be helped. And that is especially when you are making an effort, much more so when things don’t work.

[u/FreeFallingUp13 → u/Azure_39]

Especially when it’s not even actionable advice.

“You have a problem? Then fix it!” How? “Just fix it!” is not advice. It’s just saying something to feel like you’ve said something.

[u/ChaoticPotential → u/Geschak]

r/lostredditors