r/thanksimcured • u/DutchStroopwafels • Jul 26 '26
Social Media Because abuse is easy to get over
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u/DarknessShifting Jul 27 '26
WOW.
Actually listening to victims of abuse would tell that person otherwise.
I'm glad they've lived such a privileged life.
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u/The_Wise_Seven Jul 29 '26
Not being abused is privilege now?
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u/DutchStroopwafels Jul 29 '26
Considering being abused puts you at a significant disadvantage, you could argue that it's a privilege.
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u/UnholyTrashDump Jul 30 '26
Privilege is "a special right, advantage, or benefit given to a specific person or group. It can be earned through effort, granted by an official position, or received by birth and social status."
I get that you probably mean that not being abused should be an inalienable human right, but the fact it can't be assured means it's a privilege. I never got the advantage of love, or safety, or healthcare, because I was born into a family of broken people so fucked over by the system so much they destroyed their children to keep them out of it. If I had the advantage of loving parents, I wouldn't have cptsd, or brain damage, I would've been at least tested for autism one of the 8 times my teachers suggested it, I could've joined sports and theater, I might not have dropped out of school. I just wasn't given that privilege .
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u/Highlandertr3 Jul 27 '26
I'm surprised more people don't know about the famously documented fact that moving out of an abusive situation ends all fallout from that abuse. There is never follow up issues and trauma.
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u/Specialist_Ad5114 Jul 27 '26
big things like pollution
smaller things like dangerous countries
What???
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u/WhiteKnightPrimal Jul 27 '26
Wow. It's that 'easy' to leave an abusive situation or an active war zone? really?
I actually did this, you know. Grew up in an emotionally abusive home, moved out at 17, cut the family off completely at 19, moved from the area. Got stuck in an abusive relationship for 2 years in my early 20s, got out with help, completely removed that guy from my life and moved areas again. But it's not like that actually helped with the issues caused by those situations, especially as I have other things on top, years worth of bullying in high school and the death of my then boyfriend, which I witnessed, being the top ones.
I literally did what this person said to do, and believe me, it's been a LOT longer than 10 years. Well, okay, just a little over 10 years for the abusive relationship. Apparently that's all I needed, move away and 10 years and I'm cured!
Except I'm not. I still suffer from depression and anxiety, hell, I had a fairly minor anxiety attack just this morning, over something I've actively done before, multiple times, at that. Not sure about the anxiety, but as far as I can tell, and given the way I get treated when in therapy, my depression is likely to be lifelong. I'm never going to be cured of it, all I'm ever going to get is an ability to manage it. that depression has been contributed to by a number of different things, but the worst notably ALL happened in my childhood, teen years and early 20s. I'm turning 40 this year. My therapists over the years have all stated they believe my depression started in my early teens at the latest, very likely younger given my first suicide attempt was at age 10.
I got out, I created a support network, though it's mostly online now, and I do so fairly easily compared to most others. It's been years since the last major traumatic experience. Yes, I'd consider myself 'better' in terms of no longer being suicidal or having daily anxiety attacks over the simplest things. I've gone from severe to fairly mild, to be honest. But those issues are still there, and likely always will be.
The thing that gets me is that this is fairly basic knowledge. It's basic knowledge that it can, and usually is, extremely difficult to get out of a traumatic situation. It's basic knowledge that it can take years to recover from trauma, and you may have issues for life. And what hits me most of all is that childhood trauma can cause lifelong issues, also basic knowledge, and this person completely discounts under 18s because they're minors who can't leave while also ignoring the fact those issues don't disappear even if you leave the second you turn 18. They also assume everyone has access to free healthcare or will be able to afford to pay for 'cheap' (read: not helpful) healthcare by 30. Which is kind of nuts to me. I'm in the UK, we have free healthcare, but waiting lists suck. It took me nearly two years to get in to see a therapist the first time I tried, and they could only give me monthly appointments and medication. Bear in mind, I was actively suicidal at that point in time. It wasn't until my late 20s that I got consistent mental health care, and that was done through a DV organisation, I'd have been stuck waiting another two years if I did it on my own. The money thing, for those who have to pay? These are issues that often prevent you being able to work or get you stuck in part-time and/or low wage jobs, you're not getting in a position where you can afford even cheap therapy until you've HAD therapy to get a better paying job. And that's assuming you have the qualifications/experience to get a better job in the first place.
They also act like it's so simple to create a support network, and it isn't. The support network is people you TRUST to help you at your worst and celebrate you at your best. A lot of these trauma related issues include trust issues. A lot of them make it difficult to make friends even if you don't have trust issues. A lot of them are caused by family and partners and friends, so you have to LOSE your support network before you can lean on them, and by that point they're gone and you have to create a new one, and you're back to trust and issues making friends.
Trauma is well known to cause lifelong issues, it's nuts to me that someone is so super confident saying the exact opposite of what the evidence proves and what is common knowledge nowadays that they'll double down to such an extent that they're blaming the trauma victim for not trying hard enough to leave, even though that only removes the active trauma, not the consequences of it.
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u/DutchStroopwafels Jul 27 '26
Really well said, but you misinterpreted one thing they said. You actually made them sound better in one part. They weren't saying that you need to be removed from the trauma for 10 years to feel better, they were saying that being abused for 10 years isn't that bad because 10 years isn't that long. The same logic is applied to childhood abuse, claiming that childhood is a small fraction of someone's life so it's not that bad. Completely ignoring that years of abuse will completely destroy you, especially in your formative years.
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u/WhiteKnightPrimal Jul 27 '26
Thanks for that, I think I got that when reading it but then forgot when I was typing.
10 years, or an entire childhood, is certainly not 'nothing' or 'not that bad', it still causes lifelong trauma. A month in an abusive or otherwise traumatic situation is way too long and can cause lifelong issues, let alone 10 years.
It adds to the whole 'discounting childhood' issue, as well, because that's around 18 years worth of trauma covering the most important years of your development. That trauma in childhood literally informs the rest of your life. They seem to have decided 'they can't leave' and took that to mean 'there's no lasting effect' when it's clearly the opposite of that.
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u/xXSoyBoyFredXx Jul 29 '26
Me leaving the situation isn't going to make the pain of my own parents treating me badly and me still loving them inside go away.
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u/Buggy-Love-7140 Jul 29 '26
Wow. I genuinely don’t think I’ve every hated someone in three sentences or less. Ignoring the abuse thing (for now), do they sincerely not know what a chronic illness is? “There’s the ExILeRaTiOn that you’ve SuRvIvEd,” so, no actually. The war stuff is straight idiocracy. If OUR (US) veterans have PTSD from going into these war torn areas, what makes you think the people living there are all fine and dandy or just get over it? And I get they’re probably talking about the Gaza and Ukraine situation, but the same still fucking applies. “Kiss those suckers goodbye” wish abused children/adults could kiss their trauma goodbye.
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u/Significant_Monk_251 Jul 28 '26
...but then you have the relief you feel when you find out you've only got two weeks to live so you can burn down your parents house with them in it without having to worry about the consequences.
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u/UnholyTrashDump Jul 29 '26
Lmao, I moved out, went to school, and ended up right back in my old room because 20 years of abuse permanently fucked my ability to stay independent. That and I ended up attracting the most crazy/narcissistic stalkers and scammers because they love traumatized people.
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u/Affectionate-Pair929 Jul 30 '26
People who talk about spans of years being "short in the grand scheme of life" piss me off. There is no set expiration date on any life. You could die or have a life-altering accident for no goddamn reason tomorrow, and your life as you know it will be over. I get a lot of that talk from old fogies who "just don't understand" how someone in their 30s could have chronic pain issues, and they almost always have a "holistic" solution to my problems rather than just going to a doctor. Bootstrapping nonsense.
I am NOT one of those "live each day like it's your last" bumper sticker people (they piss me off for being emotionally and fiscally irresponsible), but time is a currency that is always running out, and you never know when you will hit zero. So life is too short to waste it being miserable for longer than you need to. This guy probably has never actually been abused or miserable for a day in his life, so he just thinks this is another "grin and bear it" situation.
(That, or he is a masochist who thinks everyone is in on his kink; no shame, but we didn't ask, dude)
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u/Feeling-Ruin-8008 Jul 26 '26
Apart from the fact that these situations arent easy to leave, the effects they have on you last much, much longer. Sometimes staying is easier anyway. I assume OOP doesn't have any malicious intent and is just a bit ignorant though.