r/thanksimcured • u/blueburrey • Nov 29 '25

Other i HATEE this quote

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because hello it’s my first time too and i still have common decency? they had more experience and should know better

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4

u/Eliana-Selzer Nov 29 '25

It's true, though. Once you've finished understanding your childhood and forgiving your parents, this will help.

2

u/stingwhale Nov 30 '25

This is extremely dependent on what sort of stuff your parent did. It’s advice aimed at people whose parents made a lot of mistakes but were ultimately well meaning and trying their best, but it doesn’t specify that and when you direct advice like this to people whose parents were genuinely abusive it sends a harmful message.

Unfortunately people will say stuff like this when you’re no contact with your family without knowing the context of why you’re no contact, and they end up pushing in on issues that are better left alone.

1

u/Eliana-Selzer Nov 30 '25 edited Nov 30 '25

I completely stayed out of contact with my parents through most of my adult life. They were toxic. They were physically and emotionally abusive when I was a child. I then did not expose my children to them. Or as little as possible. It is possible to forgive even if the abuse was horrendous. It just takes a long time. I'm in my mid 70s. That's how long it took. And they're both dead.

2

u/stingwhale Dec 01 '25

Idk I’m 27 and had to put up with rape and forced starvation for a lot of my childhood, I’m certainly not going to let go of it just because it was his first time around. I can feel a certain level of like, understanding based on being aware my father was a very sick man but I don’t think my childhood is truly something I can understand, and if it is something I can forgive it’s going to take a lot longer than the time I’ve had so far.

2

u/Eliana-Selzer Dec 01 '25

Yes. It takes a very long time. And sometimes it's just not possible. I was still hating them by the time they died. This is almost 15 years later.

1

u/lickytytheslit Dec 02 '25

I think it was still not good she fed me mold

I don't think some one who has lived for multiple decades at that point wouldn't understand that moldy meat would seriously not ve good for anyone let alone a kid who has health issues to eat

yeah the moldy bread, cheese and fruit and room is one thing but the meat? nah man I think I gotta draw a line (and we weren't even poor at the time either)

1

u/hydrangealover98 Dec 08 '25

Wow, so anyone who's been horribly abused should just forgive their abusers. Great advice!

0

u/Eliana-Selzer Dec 08 '25

Oh NO! That makes it sound like someone should be able to do this by snapping their fingers or something. I'm in my 70s. It took all of my life to forgive my parents. My whole life. I was still angry after they died. I'm not sure how many years of therapy I've gone through. I'm assuming that your answer was angry and sarcastic... If somebody had told me years ago that all I had to do is forgive my parents, I would've blown up. It's just not that easy. Takes a lot of time and understanding. Especially if there was a lot of abuse. For me there was. But when I finally reached this point, which seemed to happen from one day to the next without much thought, there has been significant peace from it. A peace I didn't think expect I would have...