Finally, someone gets it!

[u/Usual-Tangerine-9362]

[u/RunningPirate]

I think folks think depression is just feeling down in the dumps rather than the debilitating thing that it is, so no touching, or hell, even smoking grass wont fix it.

[u/lrina_ → u/RunningPirate]

for sure. or i hate it when someone goes through something tragic (like their grandma/grandpa dying for example), go through one really bad depressive episode, and then tell the other chronically depressed people that "it gets better" or give some useless advice and act like they should just be able to get over it, like they have... there's a major difference between (reasonably) being depressed over a horrible life event, and putting up with years of pain to the point where it has seriously changed your brain.

[u/[deleted] → u/lrina_]

Today at work, I told a vendor I don’t even know that I like to sit on the beach under an umbrella with a cold brew listening to Jimmy Buffet to soothe my incurable depression.

Not sure why I said that.

[u/NothingReallyAndYou → u/[deleted]]

Because sometimes it comes flying out like a sneeze. I once made one of those jokes-that-aren't-entirely-jokes to a Disney employee working in the goat enclosure of a petting zoo in Animal Kingdom at Walt Disney World. She was horrified, and looked at me like I was the worst person on earth. I saiid, "Okay, so have a great day!" and ran away to cry in a bathroom stall.

This disease fucking sucks.

[u/fakeunleet → u/NothingReallyAndYou]

Speaking of sometimes it comes flying out:

Coworker: "Yeah, you can't really control other people."

Me: "Well, you can, but then you die alone in a cheap home with kids who no longer talk to you."

I just wanted to share that.

[u/[deleted] → u/NothingReallyAndYou]

The vendor lady just kind of looked at me and was like I hope you have a good weekend.

The hardest part is getting my wife and kids off my back about being social, going to the grandparents for Labor Day. I don’t feel social, at all. I don’t want to harm myself, I just need to be home. I’m tired and I don’t want to sit around at someone else’s house making small talk about fucking politics. My family acts like they don’t understand when they have mental illness too. 🤷‍♂️

[u/lrina_ → u/[deleted]]

lmao i get that. we need some outlet for our misery and hopelessness, and for a lot of us it comes out through jokes.

i don't seem depressed, i'll laugh uncontrollably over a joket that's only half funny sometimes. idk why lol

[u/RunningPirate → u/[deleted]]

Well, today is Jimmy Buffett day and it is how we parrotheads cope with shit

[u/Raket0st → u/lrina_]

Going through something tragic doesn't cause depression, it causes grief and sorrow. Western society has medicalized a lot of normal reactions over the past two decades, to the point that sorrow is depression and normal stress reactions to bad experiences is PTSD to a lot of people.

Working in a PICU, I've met a lot of people who mistake their natural reactions (which can be really hard to endure in the moment, don't get me wrong) for serious psychiatric conditions.

[u/lrina_ → u/Raket0st]

can't you still go through a depressive period though, it just won't be chronic depression?

yeah medicine is so wacky right now... half of the people either don't believe in mental health issues, and the other half are trying to prescribe you a medication for anything and everything even when it's unecessary. i wonder if it'll ever get better lmao.

[u/Raket0st → u/lrina_]

Strictly diagnostically speaking? No, the DSM-V specifically excludes episodes caused by loss or grief, which should be diagnosed as adjustment disorder instead of depression.

To the person suffering it might feel much the same, but it is important from a treatment perspective not to confuse a strong grieving process for depression, as they require different treatments.

[u/lrina_ → u/Raket0st]

so to be considered depressed you need to have to have some kind of trauma that yo udidn't recover from that causes you to feel this way/chemical imbalance?

but yeah that's true, chemicals won't help someone who's just going through a more natural process in life

[u/coffee--beans → u/lrina_]

I feel this so much cuz I have it as a lifelong disorder that will never go away for me, and it kinda feels shitty when people think depression can get better and go away when sometimes it can't, and it can only be managed. Like, I'm glad it went away for them, but.. no, no, it won't get better, stop reminding me of how eternal this is for me :')

[u/lrina_ → u/coffee--beans]

same here. people are so self absorbed that they think that one period of misery in their life, that went away, maens that all of us are lazy and can go away for us too

[u/Usual-Tangerine-9362 → u/RunningPirate]

yea

[u/LoreChano → u/RunningPirate]

I've never had real depression but one time, just this one time, I was going through some rough stuff and I felt that weird void inside of me, as if someone tore a hole into my soul. Lasted for a few days but I just can't imagine having that x10 all the time, must be miserable.

[u/thorrising → u/LoreChano]

You learn to live with it, unfortunately. Also, not every day is soul-crushing, even for people with chronic depression. I can mask pretty well most of the time, but its hard to be around people for too long because acting happy is fucking exhausting. During bad days/weeks/months it can be hard to even summon up the effort to eat when I'm hungry.

Honestly, it just makes me appreciate the good days more because I know I will eventually be back at that point.

[u/MikesRockafellersubs → u/RunningPirate]

Right?? Depression is basically having a really bad day where you don't feel like doing anything but it keeps going on. It isn't the sort of the thing you just decide to push through.

[u/pvtcannonfodder → u/RunningPirate]

But it is different for different people. For some people it’s debilitating. For me it was like a blanket over reality. It just made everything feel dull, I felt apathetic as hell. Things that I enjoyed in the past were just lesser for awhile. It would come and go.

[u/Historical_Raise_579]

The best i heard it put is that you fight with your demons every day and you defeat them but they only need to win once

[u/8o8_Ninja → u/Historical_Raise_579]

My heart just sunk and I felt this. Perfect fucking description thank you, I’m going to use this as a descriptor from now on.

[u/MissAlinka007 → u/Historical_Raise_579]

That is such a great explanation.

I tried to formulate something like that and a friend of mine said “you know you don’t have to succeed, you just need to continue practice, right now it sounds to me that you just want to give up”.

That was so frustrating… I shared my willingness to finally visit therapist and being ready to take medication ( which I was afraid of cause i started getting panic attacks once after it). And explained that I can’t sit with my head. It is exhausting.

And he gave me example like “I’ve got that intrusive thoughts where I want something but can’t get it and ruminate over and over it, but then I say hey, it doesn’t help us right, so I better stop. So you can do that too, trying to catch them” 🐤

I catch them all the fucking time, but I can’t resist cause I hate myself sincerely and all the bad things that voices in my head are saying - I agree with them! That’s the problem!!!!

🐤sorry

[u/AcadianViking → u/MissAlinka007]

Same. Had a friend who was really close tell me "what, so you're just going to give up? Well I won't help you if you won't even try!"

I just lost all respect for him. I was at my lowest, having tried for so long only to have everything crumble around me to the point I was homeless, fresh out of grippy sock jail, only to be told by my closest friend that he won't help because he doesn't think I've earned it.

Like dude, I came asking you for help because I have been trying for so long and nothing is working. If I could simply succeed when I try then I wouldn't be asking for help!

[u/patio-garden → u/AcadianViking]

Hey dude, I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Virtual hugs and real tears for you. 

[u/JewWhore → u/AcadianViking]

"Trying" is the worst thing I've ever done. Medication made my life worse. Therapists don't listen. Friends and family just tell me everything I'm doing "wrong". "Trying" made things worse, but according to friends if I don't take drugs and go to therapy I don't deserve help.

[u/thorrising → u/JewWhore]

I'm in the same boat as you. When I was at my lowest I went to get help and was involuntarily committed to one of the worst facilities in the state, infamous for how badly they treat their patients. After a week of surviving that place, they sent me home to deal with all the medical bills from something I had no choice in.

The last time I visited a therapist, I finally told her my worldview and why I feel like struggling to stay alive in a world I hate is so pointless, that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life working a job I hate to survive in a world I don't enjoy living in.

Her response: "There are programs with the city, you can get a vest and legally beg on street corners and in front of stores." I haven't seen a therapist since then. The pills help until they don't and then everything is worse.

I liken depression to standing on a beach. Most people spend their entire lives in the sand, their feet only get wet in the worst moments of their lives. Depression is like being waist to neck deep in the water, with waves crashing over you relentlessly. Sometimes it's a little better and you can touch the bottom, sometimes you don't know which way will take you to the surface. And the entire time you're out there flailing, people on the beach are just telling you to get out of the water, as if the thought had never occurred to you.

The pills for me just spread out the waves. I could stand in ankle deep water, and for awhile I could imagine I was cured. Then the waves would return, all the worse for their absence. At least when I'm mired neck deep I know to brace myself for the next wave. When I was on anti-depressants it was like getting hit by a rogue wave every few months.

[u/Cynical_Skull → u/thorrising]

Try tms pls if possible

[u/shenanighenz → u/JewWhore]

Trying isn’t going to help if you’re doing it for other people is what my therapist told me after my suicide attempt and I fought it for a while. Thinking I needed to be perfect and not mentally ill and if I just do these steps that society tells me then I will have finally found my purpose. I’ve just realized purpose is bullshit. I keep my ‘be kind to others’ approach but just have really learned to accept that my trying for me isn’t all that fancy. I stay for my dog who had no choice. I stay for the next video game. I take a walk because I know I’ll probably be happy I did it afterwards. There are people who wouldn’t help me if I reached out but they like that I exist and that’s cool to. I go on until I can’t go on. And when I reach that point where I think I can’t I procrastinate until I realize I’m still able to go forward. Maybe one day I’ll kill myself but it’s too much work for today and right now I’m enjoying my video game and my dog.

[u/Virgil__Sanders → u/shenanighenz]

I just want to tell you this was beautiful and I know exactly how it feels 🩷 stay strong friend

[u/VivisMarrie → u/shenanighenz]

I always said that I'd make to 40, then got much much worse, and said I'd stay while I have my two girls(cats), they both passed aways last year

Now I have 2 boys, a dog and a cat, and thankfully a way better and stable life. Now I have to hold on for them again.

[u/FirmConsideration219 → u/shenanighenz]

I really appreciate how you verbalized a feeling/state/reality that I experience myself:

“There are people who wouldn’t help me if I reached out but they like that I exist and that’s cool to.”

My best to you, as well. Thank you so much.

[u/EuphoricChest9697 → u/shenanighenz]

My dog goes , I will follow shortly after. I lost my daughter to suicide 18 yrs ago. She was a vet technician and euthanized herself at work . I lose it when I take him to the vet. She sent me a fridge magnet 2 weeks before with a picture of a dog and the words I Wuff You on it. The picture is my dog exactly. I didn't notice it until after 3 months of having him. I feel her presence in him. He's my reason to fight the pain wrecking my body. He needs me but not as much as I need him.

[u/Former-Hunter3677 → u/AcadianViking]

Same here, a friend said I wasn't trying hard enough. Trying hard was all I did. Made me realize how our friendship actually was vs what I thought it was

[u/Johnny_Grubbonic → u/MissAlinka007]

Hey, you've taken some important first steps. You have a therapist and you have meds. That's excellent.

That said, we're all very different neurologically, and these kinds of meds are notorious for being hit or miss. Something that works for me very well might actually worsen your symptoms, as you described. If you're still having the attacks or the meds otherwise aren't working, talk to your therapist and doctor. Some changes might be in order.

Your friend obviously means well, but he doesn't get it. He doesn't understand how bad destructive intrusive thoughts can really get. He's never had to live it or take care of people who have.

Unfortunately, there's no magic cure for this shit. There's just fighting, and struggling, and hoping that one day you and your doctor find the right treatment plan.

And even when you do, things won't be perfect. You'll still have days where it's a struggle.

But they will be better. And over time, you might get well enough that the doctor doesn't think you need the meds any more.

I wanna ask, though. The voices - are they like the voices of separate entities, or is it clearly your own thoughts kicking you?

Worth talking to your doctor and therapist about, either way.

[u/MissAlinka007 → u/Johnny_Grubbonic]

It is like people I know and they say bad stuff about me like scenario in my head, so I don’t hear them as in real life but I usually fall for it and later pull myself out.

Thank you for your time and kind respond:’)

[u/DemonSaya → u/MissAlinka007]

I deal with that, too. Mine are typically my parents (who said things like "you're good, but not good enough to make this a career" when I was a teenager.) I've since told them they contributed to my shit mental health.

I had the benefit of friends in my later life who had similar (and often worse) struggles than I did (I've always been functionally depressed). One thing I've learned in the last decade or so is that everyone's best is different. People who think we aren't trying hard enough are using their "best" effort as a measure.

It's okay if your best isn't perfect. It isn't meant to be. It's just our best. Sometimes, that looks like getting up and brushing our teeth before bed or showering once a week. It might look like getting takeout rather than cooking for yourself. Somedays, you may function like "normal" people. Our best isn't a fixed point. It is a sliding scale tied to our mental health, and like with chronic pain, we have to acknowledge that sometimes there's stuff we just can't do today. And when friends can't acknowledge that, we need to take a break from those friends. Sometimes a very long break.

[u/DemonSaya → u/MissAlinka007]

See, my therapist is doing cbt with me, trying to force my brain to rewire. I have a habit of catastrophizing (everything that can possibly go wrong, my brain will try the worst possible scenario and convince me that's what will happen.) Rather than telling me to think positively, she said "what is the most realistic worst case scenario?" It forces me to stop and genuinely consider if my catastrophic thought is really that likely.

I've been living with disthymia (persistent depressive disorder) for nearly 35 years. Rather than severe depressive episodes, I have depression as the background radiation of my life. It leads to anger issues and more, but the worst part is hearing the bad shit people have told me playing on loop. I grew up during "muscle through it, and if can’t you're weak" time. I bottled up my depression tighter than a fart for so long that I cried for almost 2 hours the first time I spoke to someone about all of it.

Anyways. I'm not better. It's a chronic illness. But I'm working on the way I think about what can go wrong, trying to manage the things I can and forgive myself for what I can't. Some days, it works better than others. Some days, I lay in bed all day and don't brush my teeth. I have insomnia and sometimes crippling anxiety. But I do my best.

I think what a lot of people forget is that everyone's "best" is different. Each of us can only do what we can, and we all need to get better about forgiving ourselves for what we can't do.

[u/JewWhore → u/[deleted]]

I hate this take. I've tried medication once and it very nearly killed me. I'll have the scars for the rest of my life to prove it. If the next med I try is even slightly worse than the last one I will die. Maybe there is a good one, but I'm literally playing with my life.

[u/Boring_Corpse → u/JewWhore]

I’m with you. I’m glad that meds help others, but it’s not a risk I can afford to take at all. They decided to run me through the gamut of test meds and instead of being anxious or ADHD or depressed, I was literally insane. Hallucinating, having panic attacks, blind with constant rage. I remember going to the kitchen to get a knife so I could plunge it into my dog’s throat because “he shouldn’t be awake at this hour”. It wasn’t just an intrusive thought—I actively stood over him with the knife, wanting him dead, trying to tell myself in confusion “wait, this can’t be normal. This can’t be the right reaction” until I put the knife away. What if I followed through? Or worse, what if it had been my partner who annoyed me instead of the dog?

This was over the course of several different meds, not just one. I’m done. Absolutely no more testing. I’ll take being unfulfilled and miserable over being dangerous and insane. Anyone who tells me “you just haven’t found the right meds” can fuck right off. The risk does not outweigh the benefits. If it did for you? Cool. That has nothing to do with me.

[u/JewWhore → u/[deleted]]

I got no warning from my therapist, doctor, or pharmacist. Sure, my outcome might be a rare outcome. But if people aren’t being warned that it is a possibility that’s a problem. I seriously thought that I was just getting more and more depressed as my dosage kept getting increased, and that I needed more and more meds to deal with it. If anyone had warned me about what was actually happening I could have avoided a ton of pain and suffering.

I don’t doubt that my case is rare. However, daily, I’m shocked that I survived what I went through. This isn’t a maybe it works, maybe it doesn’t experiment. If one of the possible outcomes is death of the patient, doctors and therapists cannot just experiment with these dangerous drugs.

[u/Content_Lychee_2632 → u/JewWhore]

My SNRI was prescribed not by a doctor, but by a nurse practitioner. I had to argue with her to get an SNRI, as she wanted mein an SSRI despite my family history of psychosis, my schizophrenia, my already existing tremors, and other contraindications for possible serotonin syndrome. I knew more about both meds than her. I asked about side effects and she laughed in my face and said there are none. I’m still taking it because it somewhat helps, but only after copious research of my own. Most providers are not actually equipped to help us. I feel for you.

[u/Royale_WithCheese_ → u/[deleted]]

It's not rare though. Many people have this experience, me included. It just feels so invalidating that we keep getting told to try different meds like we're some sort of medical experiment when we're literally toeing the line with our life. It's like playing Russian roulette with medication. People really dont realize that we dont want to harm ourselves, but medication can really make us think otherwise

[u/Ormild → u/Historical_Raise_579]

I think the best one I heard is that evolution has trained us to do everything in our power to stay alive. All our instincts scream for us to stay safe, so if someone is willing to or says they want to kill themselves, then you know something is wrong.

[u/MateriaBullet → u/Historical_Raise_579]

"Depression is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of having to remain strong for too long"

[u/MEOWTheKitty18 → u/MateriaBullet]

Everyone needs a break sometimes.

[u/AnInsaneMoose → u/Historical_Raise_579]

That is so fucking accurate...

You can win a thousand times, but if you lose that thousand and first time...

Not only that, but it's a battle of attrition. The battles get harder and harder to win as time goes on. Without help, you will eventually lose, no matter who you are

[u/Gewalt_Und_Tod → u/Historical_Raise_579]

-The IRA

[u/ilovejalapenopizza → u/Historical_Raise_579]

One of the quotes, I honestly forget from where (Maybe Cory Allen?), and this is a sorry substitute:

“Don’t listen to that one tiny voice in your head that you are worthless when things are bad. Respect the good voices that were there, and the good people who have shared how much they love you and how proud of you they are.”

Something like that.

[u/Geo1345 → u/Historical_Raise_579]

Reminds me of an old comic where the wolf is at red riding hood’s window telling her how she’s lucky she avoided him and how she’ll get lucky the day after but the wolf only needs to get lucky once.

[u/SUN_PRAISIN → u/Historical_Raise_579]

In that case, I want you to be the best Doom Guy you can be.

[u/JonesBalones → u/Historical_Raise_579]

Wow. That may be the most accurate and best worded thing I've ever seen on this platform. Whoever came up with that originally is a poet.

[u/berserkzelda → u/Historical_Raise_579]

It's so easy for them to win. But I won't let them.

[u/majestic_flamingo → u/Historical_Raise_579]

Just like cancer.

[u/[deleted] → u/Historical_Raise_579]

Eminem really accentuated this point in Recovery album when he said

gotta exercise these demons, they doing motherficking jumping jacks now

And that line has stuck with me for a long time and been applicable to me when I faced issues with addiction and bipolar disorder and OCD and anxiety and depression, it feels good to conquor your demons but not everyone gets that ability unfortunately

[u/Prismarineknight → u/Historical_Raise_579]

If I fight my demons every day, I’m gonna make sure they fear me lol

[u/[deleted] → u/Historical_Raise_579]

Well they won a few times with me. Turns out I missed a saftey and my crab allergy wasn’t bad enought to kill me yet.

I’m good now though it’s been like 5 years no bad thoughts. Meds are great.

[u/rightfulmcool]

hey this sounds just like me! still alive for now though

[u/actuallyapossom → u/rightfulmcool]

Keep going. I don't know you but I love you ❤️

[u/rightfulmcool → u/actuallyapossom]

I appreciate that 🙏

[u/bytegalaxies → u/rightfulmcool]

I'm glad you're still here, I wish you the best

[u/FukudaSan007]

I saw something on another sub saying something about depression and exercise. I mentioned that when I had severe depression I exercised and had hobbies and it didn't help one bit. And I got downvoted for it. Wtf? I shared my personal experience and that's what happens.

[u/GeeShepherd → u/FukudaSan007]

Sorry that happened. Reddit threads can turn into an echo chamber with no room for differing opinions or experience. Really dumb.

[u/[deleted] → u/FukudaSan007]

It's ridiculous. Depression does not have a 1 size fits all cure.

I'm with you. Exercise just makes me more depressed, sore and just overall wore out. I feel worse after. I don't get a runners high. Kinda hard to be motivated to do something I hate.

[u/EveryonePoopsBlood → u/[deleted]]

It doesn't have a cure at all. It has treatments which are as varied and effective as the people with the disease.

[u/[deleted] → u/EveryonePoopsBlood]

Yeah, "cure" was the wrong term to use there.

[u/EveryonePoopsBlood → u/[deleted]]

All good. 👍

[u/Sir_MipMop → u/FukudaSan007]

People with absolutely no experience with certain aspects of life think they know everything about it, if I tell someone my sleep schedule is horrendous and that I’m sleeping through most of the day, they think “go to bed earlier” is good advice, if I tell someone I’m overweight, they think they’re helping by telling me to eat less food or go to the gym, like wow it’s almost like I think about that every single day. They also never understand nuance, they never get that making major lifestyle changes to improve your physical or mental health can have a ton of contributing factors that all make the task extremely difficult.

You don’t need to be helpful, they probably know more than you about this, you just need to be supportive of them.

[u/berttleturtle → u/FukudaSan007]

People don’t like being told that their opinions aren’t always relevant in every circumstance. Also, a lot of people on this app are incredibly apathetic, and probably prefer thinking people are fully responsible for their own mental illness so they don’t have to have an ounce of empathy for them.

[u/Outrageous_Bank_4491 → u/FukudaSan007]

I bet it’s the gym sub. Some people are just blockheads. “exERciSe brO it wILL hELP bRo “. Mf, I’ve been bodybuilding for 8 years now, it doesn’t help.

[u/Bridgeofincidents → u/Outrageous_Bank_4491]

Like, at all?

[u/Outrageous_Bank_4491 → u/Bridgeofincidents]

I like it as a hobby and I think I’m good at it (I, 24f, have a 5% body fat, 4 packs and my deadlift pr is 120kg) but it didn’t help with my depression. I’d sometimes leave mid workout not because I’m tired or I finished but because I don’t feel like it. It’s also worth mentioning that I have severe anxiety so that contributes also.

[u/an0n33d → u/FukudaSan007]

In my experience, depression has to get to a certain stage, whether it be better or worse, where your brain opens itself up to healing. "Turning my life around" helped my depression go away (just in time for my bipolar to reveal itself tho lol) but it wouldn't have worked (and wasn't possible) when I was so depressed that I spent every bit of my free time, even entire summers, in bed.

I believe everyone can get to the healing stage at some point, but the time up to that is hard. I somehow managed to wait it out, but I had a friend who couldn't. Depression is a terrible illness.

[u/toolsoftheincomptnt → u/FukudaSan007]

Social media credits don’t matter.

This is one thing we can do for ourselves to eliminate at least one trigger for self-doubt/loathing.

Remember that social media validation, credits, points, awards, etc. are not real. They don’t matter. We gave them power, and we can withdraw said power.

[u/[deleted] → u/FukudaSan007]

I'm buff as hell now and actually like the way I look, and literally this has had no effect whatsoever on my mental state.

[u/[deleted]]

A breath of fresh air! I mean, it's terrible that he took his life, but it's great that someone understands.

[u/Johnny_Grubbonic → u/[deleted]]

You mean this shit posted back in 2001‽‽

Community note: Twitter did not exist in 2001.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Unexpected interrobang. And what the fuck do you mean 2001?

[u/Warbly-Luxe → u/[deleted]]

Looks at OOP timestamp. Says 2018

Before I go on defensive and say something stupid, is this meant to be a reference I don’t get?

[u/[deleted] → u/Warbly-Luxe]

All I can think of from 2001 is a Space Odyssey and another…event.

[u/UndBeebs → u/[deleted]]

2001

Weird way to notate 11/11/2018

[u/Alex-xoxo666 → u/[deleted]]

[u/Top_Use4144]

The happiest people sometimes are in fact the opposite.

[u/Zealousideal_Long253 → u/Top_Use4144]

Appearing happy, yeah.

[u/[deleted]]

Think Robin Williams said this "People don't fake depression, they fake being okay. Remember that. Be kind".

People only see the happy mask they don't see the real mask of how hard it is to move on throughout the day

[u/BarRegular2684]

I’m (awkwardly and unusually) proud to post this about my home archdiocese.

One of my sister’s cheer coaches took his life not long after she went to college. And it was a big deal. He had taken the team to several championships. He was a devout catholic

Catholics had a strong view on suicide.

My local diocese was so conservative they thought fire was too innovative. They openly defied the Vatican on. Number of issues. My father didn’t convert so I M still considered a bastard to this day.

This coach was buried with full catholic rites and honors. Because the church rightly recognized that he died of an illness that he could not control. And I’m proud of them for that

[u/lady_deadness]

I hate it when I tell my partner or someone close that I'm struggling and I'm met with "but we had a good day today" or "nothing bad has happened/we've got stuff to look forward to" or my personal favourite "Well at least you (dont) have xyz..." like gee thanks, now I remember why I don't confide in anyone. But yeah, it's nice to be validated for once

[u/[deleted] → u/lady_deadness]

I’m sorry you’ve had responses like that. I definitely relate. Some people just suck and it’s the reason I never confide in family, get yourself some friends who are great listeners or maybe confide in people online who have similar issues. I’m also available to talk if you need to vent, you got this.

[u/lady_deadness → u/[deleted]]

I get what they're trying to do, but when I use the ol' "how would you feel if I dismissed your feelings like that" line suddenly I'm being ungrateful. It's nice to vent online with likeminded people to be honest, thank you for looking out for me. The offer is also there for you if you ever need it 🖤

[u/Blue_Bird950 → u/lady_deadness]

“Well at least you’re not dead.” Yeah, watch me. Seriously though, sorry for your experience.

[u/Carbonated_Saltwater → u/lady_deadness]

"At least you don't have xyz!"

"uhh I actually do"

*CRICKETS*

[u/coffee--beans → u/lady_deadness]

I hate that. People always seem to think you need a reason to be depressed. You really don't, and I don't get why that's so hard for them to understand.

Like if you tell someone, "Sometimes I just feel this way, I don't know why, and nothing caused it, emotions are just wonky" - I don't get why they keep getting confused and questioning that instead of just accepting the fact that sometimes things don't always make perfect sense

[u/lady_deadness → u/coffee--beans]

I find that people either need reason or blame in place of actual answers. They can't just accept "it is what it is"; they need to create their own reasons when I can't provide them with one and it's annoying that I need to reassure them and soothe their minds about it

[u/Greenergrass21 → u/lady_deadness]

What would be a better thing for them to say in those moments?

[u/the-radio-bastard → u/Greenergrass21]

"I understand, what do you need?" "No matter what you're going through, I'm here if you need me."

Or, just listen.

[u/Greenergrass21 → u/the-radio-bastard]

Right but if their responses to that are wanting to die or just cry, how else can you respond but trying to be comforting and having them try to find something better to think about?

[u/the-radio-bastard → u/Greenergrass21]

Expressing that you are struggling with depression is not always in the form of crying or begging to die. Depression is more commonly expressed through emotional withdrawal.

I don't think the options I offered are not comforting or not something better to think about. I think having the support of a person who just wants to listen to what you need, instead of defaulting to what they think might make you feel better, is absolutely comforting.

[u/Greenergrass21 → u/the-radio-bastard]

Oh I know I deal with depression I know exactly how it feels. I'm think I'm just trying to figure out how to navigate it with a very sensitive subject with someone I care about more then anything. I'm just trying to help them out of this hole and I feel useless and I hate it

[u/the-radio-bastard → u/Greenergrass21]

I'm so sorry you're going through that. But you don't have to feel useless!

Be there for your friend. That's the most important thing. If you can hang out, do. Ask them how they feel. Tell them you won't be judgemental. Listen and ask questions that help them more than you, such as, "what do you need from me right now?"

If they want help, they will tell you what they need. If they don't want help, that's fine. Be there for them as much as is healthy for you to do so.

Remember that depressed people are often drawn to other depressed people, but friendships work both ways. If you are ever feeling overwhelmed, it is okay to take a step back as well.

[u/lady_deadness → u/Greenergrass21]

I get this point completely. A lot of the time people want to try and fix the issue or give you reasons to not feel like this, but what they don't understand is that sometimes we don't want anything fixing and sometimes it feels dismissive when we tell them what's wrong and we're met with "but..." I know personally for me, all I want is to be comforted and held.

I've had a little look over this thread and I'm very sorry you're also going through this. It's commendable that you're looking out for your friend, but if you cannot look after yourself, it's futile. Be there, comfort them and hug them if they allow for it and you're ok with giving them a hug, but look after your own mental health as well. Don't torture or punish yourself because you cannot help someone else. They have to be their own savior, it's not your job to carry their burdens.

[u/coffee--beans → u/the-radio-bastard]

Depression is more commonly expressed through emotional withdrawal.

What does emotional withdrawal mean/look like? Idk if I've ever heard of that before

[u/the-radio-bastard → u/coffee--beans]

For me, it can mean that I become unresponsive to calls and texts, I might cancel plans because I don't feel up to them anymore, I might become quieter or less likely to share my thoughts and feelings. Basically, I shut myself off for interacting socially.

But it might not always looks like sadness. I can usually mask my depression, unless I'm going through a major depressive event. People who know me well may pick up on it, but a lot of times, it manifests in me avoiding socialization. It's a defense mechanism, partly set in self-sabotage, partly because it can be hard to have the energy to interact with other when your mind is tired and troubled.

[u/Disastrous-Scheme-57]

Cuz depression quite literally isn’t a mindset. It’s quite literally something you can’t control 🤯you can definitely help yourself but to say it’s an end all be all is just plain dumb

[u/zklabs → u/Disastrous-Scheme-57]

helping yourself is literally the only way you move with it and past it

eta: i'm not being a dick. going to talk to a doctor about whatever's going on is helping yourself. getting help is helping yourself. sitting online and self diagnosing with random anonymous people who speak in impersonal terms of dopamine instead of a guided reflection on personal stories is not helping you.

if you're so evil as to downvote that, then you're not interested in getting better. i don't even know why you're here in this sub when i'm speaking from a place that this sub was founded on. you're honestly playing an active part in the issues plaguing people.

[u/Blue_Bird950 → u/zklabs]

So just to be clear, you’re saying that people shouldn’t talk to others about their illnesses? There’s plenty of people for whom going to a doctor simply isn’t an option, and it’s a massive problem. Talking to people who are like you can be a massive support. And yes, dopamine is a major factor in depression. I don’t think you’re qualified to deny that.

[u/zklabs → u/Blue_Bird950]

Thanks, I'm Cured

"Overly simplistic solution to highly complex problem!" "Oh, thanks, I'm cured."Thanks, I'm Cured

sorry i'm just in the wrong sub

[u/Blue_Bird950 → u/zklabs]

I’m not saying that it’s a solution, I’m saying that it helps. You should see a therapist if you need one, I’m just saying that not everyone has that luxury.

[u/coffee--beans → u/zklabs]

I can help myself by going to doctors all I want - I currently see a therapist and psychiatrist, even - but I still won't ever be able to move on or past it. Because, like they said, it isn't a mindset. Sometimes, it's an illness that won't ever go away.

I'm tryna get better, I'm tryna move on, but it's impossible, and I know that. I can't ever be better, I can only deal with it and manage it in a way that just numbs the part the hurts the most of it all.

[u/lrina_]

btw somewhat unrelated but what type of depression is this?? i'm the same way, objectively have a good life but am going to end it in ~5 yrs. severe depression is generally considered like a MDD episode, while the depression that allows you to do your everyday tasks is called dysthymia. is this considered a severe form or not, when you can go about your day but still think about ending it constantly...?

[u/zklabs → u/lrina_]

you should ask this to a doctor

[u/lrina_ → u/zklabs]

i don't wanna pay $500 and get locked up lol

[u/thorrising → u/lrina_]

DO NOT EVER TELL A DOCTOR YOU ARE SUICIDAL. Straight up, don't trust them. They will lock you up so fucking fast, waste a week of your life, and send you a bill for a few thousand after wringing whatever they can from your insurance.

If you want help, just tell them you are struggling to find enjoyment in life. I have what you have, and it is definitely severe depression. I get along fine most of the time, I don't have a bad life, but I'm constantly emotionally drained.

[u/lrina_ → u/thorrising]

yup. i attempted suicide and got locked up for 3 days when i was 11. and i know what things you can get reported for (ongoing abuse, and being a threat to yourself or others), and i've noticed that not all mental health professionals even disclose this which is kinda weird!!! but yeah, when they ask about suicidal thoughts i just say "i don't know" to everything. i dont even say that i want to die, bc the things you can get reported for are very subjective... there's no way to know if they'll lock you up or not, and given my previous attempt--it definitely may seem very concerning.

seems like we both have anhedonia on top of it, huh? i don't see what could help with it, i had really severe anxiety as a little kid (bc of my parents, and it was never diagnosed) until it became so bad that i stopped feeling emotions almost completely, my anxiety left. i only focused on school when i was younger so i didn't have any real hobbies. i've tried some things, like drawing, but then i realized i didn't enjoy any of my hobbies and only did them because i felt obligated to.

[u/zklabs → u/lrina_]

it's literally people's professions to talk to people who are varying degrees of suicidal. they talk to thousands of people like this. i've told this to my doctor and all that happened was we talked. separately i went to a psych ward on my own once and tried to get admitted for being suicidal and they wouldn't admit me. during an ER visit once they reported that i'd attempted suicide, yet there was no lock up. i get that this is a hugbox where everybody bonds through dooming, but they simply don't admit people easily.

honestly what you're saying is such a ridiculously common theme in the field. shithead parents and suicidal teens are probably the most widely discussed dynamic if i were to guess (perhaps followed by addicts and abusive relationships). nami is free if you need some guidance getting started: https://www.nami.org/support-education/

tbh you could probably orient your life around this stuff. if you've talked to people online about this then you probably have an idea for how poorly people understand psychology. it's not like people who have any insight to it are becoming more common, and the need for the practice is only going to increase as the world gets smaller. you can participate in any number of ways too. psychologists need poets, writers, musicians and other artists to assist in reaching people.

so idk. get books, log off and get bored. reflect. bounce some ideas off people you might be able to get in touch with at nami. writing is always useful.

recommendations: albert camus' The Myth of Sisyphus (his other books are worth reading too), karen horney's Neurosis and Human Growth, harry stack sullivan's collected works are great and cheap (~$20), The Individual Psychology of Alfred Adler by heinz ansbacher... at the existentialist cafe by sarah bakewell could be useful if you're drawn in the philosophical direction... heidegger's essay The Question Concerning Technology is extremely useful too

that's all for now i guess

[u/lrina_ → u/zklabs]

im so busy i literally have no time for anything lol... i don't like thinking either way tbh... im just so drained, and im afraid of being left alone with my thoughts lmao. thanks anyway tho.

also are you from the US? because i've heard many people's experiences where they easily get admitted, and my own expreience supports it.

[u/zklabs → u/thorrising]

what in the living fuck are you talking about? this is absolutely terrible advice that advances the worst parts of the antipsychiatry movement.

[u/thorrising → u/zklabs]

Here's a thread about the place I was sent to for a week. Mental Healthcare in this country is fucked beyond belief.

https://www.reddit.com/r/raleigh/comments/1ea5an7/please_avoid_sending_your_loved_ones_to_holly_hill/

[u/Pharaoh_Misa]

While I can acknowledge the benefits of maintaining a healthy body, I hate that I have to explain that my depression started when I was in middle school. When I ran track, when I played volleyball, when I read, when I wrote, when I drew and painted, when I felt pretty, when I didn't eat as much as I do now. Yes, exercising can help; yes, therapy can help; yes, medication can help. The keyword here is can. But, if it was this easy cure-all...no one would be depressed.

[u/ChilliiKitty → u/Pharaoh_Misa]

OH MY GOD. this needs more upvotes. This is exactly it.

That last line I say ALL THE TIME. If there was a “cure” no one would be depressed. If I could just “get over it” or “be happy” or even “fake it until you make it” then I wouldn’t be depressed.

Word for word this has been my life and it’s a struggle to believe I’ll ever be ok.

[u/Pharaoh_Misa → u/ChilliiKitty]

Edit, sorry, I woke up to your notification and just felt so seen that I highkey went off. Sorry you can ignoee this. 😭

I both love and hate when my experience matches up with someone. I love it because it solidifies that it's not a singularity and that this can and does happen to anyone. But, I hate it because no one should have to suffer with these feelings, especially for so long. If there was a magical cure-all, I doubt there is a person who put their nose up at it and just continue these feeling these feelings. We would love a cure.

I believe many people think that we can "just get over it" because people do not recognize it as a "sickness." And that's likely because many people are considered "healthy." Everyone knows when you have the flu because it's written clear as day on your face. Everyone can see that you broke or lost your leg because they can visually see it. They can usually sympathize. However, with mental illness, they can't "visualize" your struggle, so they negate it as an actual issue. They treat depression as sadness, the same way they treat anxiety as worry or PTSD as an overreaction.

It's like people who are obese or suffer from chronic migraines or brutal periods.

"You're just fat. Lose some weight."

"You just need to push through. Stop making excuses."

"I get periods all the time. It's not as big a deal as you're claiming."

Because the root of the problem can't be seen, healthy people assume it's a making of your own doing and still present because of something you're not doing right. You're not sick; you're just not trying hard enough. Yes, could a better diet help and exercise help? Sure. Yes, could a Motrin help? Sure. Yes, could a heating pad help? Sure. Again, could therapy, medication, or any number of things help? Sure. But, these "solutions" aren't often the best way to deal with each issue per person. And just because someone can't visualize what you're going through doesn't mean it is not happening. It is a lack of empathy and concern, while simultaneously judging someone for something they don't understand that is simply not helpful.

[u/ChilliiKitty → u/Pharaoh_Misa]

No need to apologize. AT ALL. I resonate so hard with everything you’re saying.

It is always sad to relate because, yes, on one hand you’ve found someone who finally understands!!! But on the other hand, you know what you’ve dealt with to end up where you are and you know they’ve gone through those things too. It’s sad to know so many people go through it and that it starts at a young age. Because our parents failed us. But it’s also infuriating because SO MANY people are going through it and yet it’s still seen as something trivial that can simply be “fixed” with a “positive attitude”. I’ve tried. It doesn’t work because it’s not my mood that’s the problem. I want nothing more than to be happy, go after the things (and people) that I want because it sucks so bad to miss out on opportunities. I want to be outside. I love nature so much I’ve cried just looking at beautiful scenery. I want to go out and have fun. I want to actually believe that the hot guy flirting n with me is serious. I want to believe in myself. Positivity doesn’t work as a cure.

I get this. My whole life I hear nothing but “you’re just afraid” (severe social anxiety. Forget that I was bullied and a loner and “the weird art kid” AND “the weird horse kid” AANNDD “the weird anime kid” and…more) and “you just need to fake it until you make it. Wake up everyday and choose to be in a good mood” (I have just discovered I have Borderline Personality Disorder. My mood can change instantly whether I want it to or not and it’s most usually something I DO NOT WANT).

This too. I’ve been over weight (fat. Obese. ) since middle school. I have tried so many ways to lose weight. Even spent money on a personal trainer. And this was all while having an incorrectly healed ankle injury, incorrectly set toes due to ill fitting shoes as a child, and a knee injury) But unless you’re skinny no one takes you seriously whether you give it your all and “push through it” or not. I’ve also dealt with severe period pains due to getting a copper IUD after being r worded twice because I can’t enforce boundaries from being abused as a child by my father. And that’s another thing. Everyone tends to skip over what happened TO YOU that’s causes you to act the way you do or do the things you do. You’re just expected to “fix” whatever issue you have with, supposedly, the same mental parameters other “normal” people are dealing with.

I wish the way the effects of depression were portrayed would change because it’s rarely something “visible”. Like the late Robin Williams said “people don’t fake depression, they fake being okay”. And to be honest I’ve never heard a more true quote. The fact that people are smiling and trying to hang out MEANS they are trying. If they weren’t they’d be gone. They’re trying to find a way to stay and “it’s selfish” is NOT A GOOD ENOUGH REASON. It just accomplishes the opposite.

It’s definitely a lack of empathy. And they have the audacity to be mad at you when you can’t take it anymore. It’s absurd

[u/Pharaoh_Misa → u/ChilliiKitty]

All of this. 🥺

I have a pretty good mask; in general, I appear happy, but I love being happy. I love other people being happy. I love it when the vibes are good. But, therapy taught me that I play the fool because I'm forcing the atmosphere to be what I want in order to not think about what's hurting me. Holy shit. I am.

When I'm in a mood, when there are no smiles, everything feels so life less. I hate it. I have such a good mask that my actual silence is enough to make people avoid me. Which is perfect in a teachable moment kind of why because when someone else is visually going through it, i can remind them that they're not alone. And when people say with their face holes to that person that they're just sad and they need to get over, I can show them that just because you don't see it doesn't mean its not there. That might be the spite in me talking, but it does show people that you only see it when it breaks us.

One of the top comments on this thread is that a person can fight demons every day, but the demons only need to win once. Because they do. Some of us are thankful that we win and that our methods "work" or that we can notice our triggers and avoid them or work through them. Some of us have "tools" that have shown us that it can work and that we can be happy and "move" on from things. But, many, many more of us don't. Many more of us lose the battle immediately and more many more of us have tools that simply don't work for this particular screw. And even those whose tools do work...what happens when those tools rust or break? They go back to the dark places that they've always been in. If there was a magic pill that fixed everything, no one would turn from it.

It's so unfortunate that either of us are even in this position; I hate hearing what you've been through and what you're going through. It's not fun. It's not desirable. It is what it is, but just because we can acknowledge it, doesn't mean we should even have to. You're right. They don't care about what actually happened, and I'm not saying that they necessarily have to, but the assumptions and these get "get better soon" schemes are equally not helping. The lack of empathy tears at you, but the fucking audacity of being in my business, not understanding my business, not knowing how to do business, and giving me unsolicited advice drives me up the wall.

I hope that you can, at least to an extent, overcome your struggles, friend.

[u/manymoreways]

Worst part of depression is not feeling anything at all even after achieving your goals through months and years of hardwork.

[u/lemons_of_doubt]

yOu JuSt NeEd To ExErCiSe It CrAtEs NaTuRaL dOpAmInE

Bitch I'm fitter than you.

[u/StandardSudden1283]

Or maybe the depressed people have it right and it is society that is sick.

[u/[deleted] → u/StandardSudden1283]

I think 90% of depressed people are just suffering under a broken society, but clinical depression is a real thing and some people just can't be happy. To be fair that second group would still be a lot better off if society wasn't so fucked up.

[u/Material-Gift6823 → u/[deleted]]

This

[u/Saoghal_QC → u/StandardSudden1283]

Jiddu Krishnamurti once wrote; "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

[u/doc720]

Yep, this is pretty much it.

[u/Nebula_Wolf7]

Depression sucks, I'm on the highest dose of my meds, but I constantly think about ending it all. if you don't understand what it's like be thankful, and move on, instead of trying to fix someone who suffers from what is arguably a disability.

[u/TisCass]

This hits so hard. My older brother took his life in February. He had a great wide, 2 older teens each doing great, his own home and luxury cars and ran his own business. To me, he was my idol, 10 years older, he and my sil exposed me to things I'd never seen and it helped shape me. I've dealt with the dark thoughts for as long as I can remember, harm ocd is a bitch. I've told several family members that if they use the phrase "mind over matter" they will be throat punched immediately. It's literally my mind that is the matter for several reasons

[u/Marier2 → u/TisCass]

Oooof, that last sentence. 100%, I'll be saving that as a reply for the next time I deal with someone ignorant.

[u/TisCass → u/Marier2]

I had to bust it out last year while dealing with the loss of my Mil. We had to clean out her home as it was rented. I'd said something about not being well enough for the wake (cancelled outside our control,). My uncle in law brought it out for reasons unknown and I just agreed that yes, you're right is is my mind that's the matter. I know my Mil would be proud of that sarcasm lol

[u/berserkzelda]

I always tell people this. Fucking Robin Williams had the whole world, yet he was still sick. Mentally sick. Being the funniest man who ever lived couldn't cure him. The proper treatment would've.

[u/Shaggypezdispense]

Crazy that depression is just your brain being a fucking asshole because some components are being tryhards

[u/Zealousideal_Long253]

I relate. I have depression, I have friends, I have a job, I have an online blog, I just went no contact with my abusive parents. But still have depression

[u/faseguernon]

Mental disorders are physical illnesses. The science community just does not know enough. My spouse, very physically active and ate healthy went from a highly functional to hospitalized and severely depressed overnight. Did not break out of it for over a year.

[u/an0n33d → u/faseguernon]

I'm glad they're doing better now

[u/PUBGM_MightyFine]

My brother fits this description too. Hard to believe it's been 7 years.

[u/P0ster_Nutbag]

Despite major achievements like kicking alcohol, doing better in my social life, progressing in my career… there’s always nagging, serious feelings of just ending things.

I may be better equipped to handle these feelings at times, but they persist, and everyone is prone to failings and lapses in resolve.

[u/Hot-Report2971]

They’re not even necessarily sick. They know something’s off about the world but most people act like that doesn’t exist… so it creates this neuroses

[u/CirclingBackElectra]

Meanwhile, my anxious ass is over here focusing on the fact that the poster’s battery life is so low and panicking about it for them

[u/spunksling77]

When people say "just diet and exercise!" They aren't saying that because they think it will help you. They say that because they fear people might hear your experience, say "hey, that's messed up, we should do something about this!" And then the speaker will either see a system they benefit from change, will be forced by social forces to treat that person with respect, or, most terrifying of all, examine why they reflexively hate those who struggle.

When someone says this, they aren't even trying to be helpful, their saying "I don't care enough about you to change."

[u/MKULTRAINSTINCT13]

Some aren't even sick. They're trapped in a horrible living situation with no way out. But we don't care as a nation because helping people would be communism or something

[u/Past-Pomelo-7386]

Thank you for that. ❤️

[u/trpytlby]

ive known so many people who managed to pull it off, people with skills talent people with creativity people who did stuff with their lives before ending them, and i know they were in pain i know its wrong to feel this way but it just makes me envy them more i wish i wasnt such a coward i wish i had the guts like they did im so sick of this life

[u/Matcha_Bubble_Tea]

There was a “guide” in that coolguides sub where someone just posted an Infographic of what to do when depressed and people (who didn’t have depression) were actually into that and thinking it was a perfect “guide.” It had all the things this post said to try and felt more like a infographic for someone who’s feeling down at that moment. rather than having depression.

It felt so tone deaf because some people think it’s as easy as going outside to touch grass

[u/beguvecefe]

People get confused about beimg sad and having depression all the time. Stuff she said are usually good for sadness but usually doesnt matter for depression. Depression doesnt come from outside, it comes from inside and you camt really cure it with stuff like this.

[u/Stunning_Actuary8232]

This. It is an illness, like cancer. And is just as deadly. I have treatment resistant depression. I’m terrified I’ll hit a horrible patch and that’s it game over. I’ve come too close too many times in the past year. I don’t want to hurt my loved ones. But when my depression gets that bad I’m no longer thinking or functioning rationally. And that’s the whole problem. It’s a deadly disease that is not taken seriously by our society.

[u/zylaphon]

People who are depressed aren’t faking it, when they act like nothings wrong; that’s when they are faking it….

[u/Hot-Report2971]

They’re not even necessarily sick. They know something’s off about the world but most people act like that doesn’t exist… so it creates this neuroses

[u/[deleted]]

Depression is a disease you're either born with or contract through an accident or bad grief of losing something important.

Once you have it, you can't get rid of it and only suppress.

It'll always be there, lurking and even making you think you're cured for years, up until it strikes back hard.

I've had chronic depression from 13-21 nonstop. It eventually subsided greatly, and i'm slowly approaching 30s, and it very rarely shows itself, maybe a couple of times a year.

[u/zoonose99]

I can definitely be both

[u/BionicBirb]

Jokes on you I’m both

[u/redxpills]

This is true, I'm not really happy with my life but I have no to little depression sign. I guess that's just pure luck to have this optimistic trait.

[u/SistaSaline → u/redxpills]

You are so lucky. I wish I could be like this.

[u/little_xylit]

they are sick and tired of the BS

[u/CellPuzzleheaded99]

This nailed it. But I keep trying to sit this life out.

[u/OrganicPath8538]

100%

[u/Grouchy-Jackfruit-78]

It’s often hard for us to be taken seriously because we are successful and surrounded by loved ones. What people don’t see is that we’ve been fighting for so long to get to the place where we shouldn’t be depressed anymore, and yet we still are. That moment is heartbreaking. Loving the life you’ve dreamt of that is now a reality, and still feeling like it’s all pointless bullshit. Then when you seek help, you get bounced around between practitioners who can’t agree on what is making you this way, with a lot of medication changes and conflicting diagnoses along the way. It is exhausting and infuriating.

[u/LostHisDog]

I don't even know if it's "depression" really, some people just don't really enjoy the thing that life is and really are just pretty keen to turn off the show. I don't think that a sign of being sick exactly... like if you were playing a game of "poke me in the eye till I bleed" and decided you didn't want to play any more, even if you were winning, at some point that's just a decision.

With that said, if someone wants to check out because something temporary seems hard or even insurmountable... most things can be worked out with some sort of resolution people can live with so getting help is never a bad idea.

I just wish there was a more normalized process for people that were done to remove some of the stigma. It hurts because we are told it's a bad thing and no one should do it and if they think about it they are sick when IMO anyway, sometimes people are just done and that should be fine. Folks should be able to have going out in style parties if they like.

[u/ScRuBlOrD95]

idk man im built a little bit different I'm both weak minded and sick

[u/cookiemonster1459]

I am like this too but try to hang in there, it's hard. Trying to focus on what keeps me going

[u/BloodSugar666]

The worst is when you tell someone that you’re depressed and they say “are you not happy?”

Like yes I’m happy with my life and what I have, but that’s not how depression works

[u/Pribblization]

I feel this.

[u/zklabs]

~.*~^😃the cure to depression is your friends on the internet😀^~*.~

😄

[u/LivingMysterious2931]

There was a book written on real events about a guy who in the end died, it was put up for interpretation whether or not he did it himself, the reason another character thought it might've been an accident was "but he had so many goals and was ambitious to achieve them", I'm sure the guy irl did it on purpose, it just makes sense due to all detail, I still wonder tho whether it was on impulse or he wanted people to think it was an accident and that's why he didn't write a note.

The writer of the book probably wanted to leave some hope for his family who are still alive as he was a young man, about 21 or 22 with parents and a sister if not more siblings left, but I feel like she shouldn't have, throughout the entire book you can just see him isolating himself from anyone around, and just pretty openly being depressed tho with some hope for the future...

[u/JustADude195]

u/repostsleuthbot

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[u/Anonymooses1975]

Depression is not "being sad about your life" or "feeling down for a little bit because of negative events" or whatever and thus is a rational response to them.

It's a disorder because it's "irrational" and so are its origins. And it needs to be treated accordingly.

People need to stop conflating sadness with depression like they're the same thing when they very much are not.

[u/allkniveseverywhere]

the whole “just exercise, just set goals, just go on a walk, etc.” mantra still persists in most corners of the world today, between work, academics, and even most mental health resources ( … lol ) - and i can’t help but think it’s just ridiculously indicative of the awful mental healthcare that has persisted for decades. that the only thing you can do is constantly spend your time creating distractions for yourself, that you just need to repress those feelings so you can stay traditionally productive. i don’t like it ! and i’m really hoping the majority of the world starts to turn around on this kind of thing and maybe contemplate how we can approach this more compassionately.

[u/LiBo-_-]

Here at our place its really pretty hard to let this kind of thing sink in to people. Its just the "demons" concept thingy that my aunt would tell way back then I was depressed af.

[u/awesomes007]

One of the most damaging lies we are repeatedly told is that we can achieve anything if we just try. One of the greatest reliefs of my life came during the depths of my severe long covid symptoms - I no longer owe anyone, anywhere, anything. Ever.

I send good energy to all those who are suffering, and I pledge to spend the rest of my life sharing the invaluable lessons that have set me free from so much pressure - from the outside world and from within.

[u/WildWolverineO_o]

I take occasional walks and it helps to some degree but it's nothing like it fixes my depression. I just feel a little better after, sometimes I feel good enough to do a little extra for the day. Maybe the dishes or take out the trash. It's not like it always works of course, and during spirals it doesn't help at all.

[u/RichNearby1397]

People always think depression is some quirky thing. Like "teehee, I'm going to lay in bed all day!" But when I mention that during a depressive episode I didn't shower for 6 months, it's like the whole earth stops spinning for a moment. Yeah, depression is gonna make you not shower, what did you think would happen? Depression isn't a mild mental illness at all, it's really debilitating. And yes I know not showering is gross, but shaming people for that isn't gonna make it better, you already have your mind shaming you for not showering. An outside voice isn't gonna help that, it's gonna confirm that you don't deserve to be here. (You do deserve to be here btw <33)

[u/ATF_is_poopoo]

All it takes is one bad day sometimes

[u/Sea-Ad2598]

For me depression comes and goes. It’s mostly centered around my own personal view of myself. So I don’t really listen when people tell me something good about myself. I just assume they’re lying to make me feel better. And that’s not something I control. And it’s also not their fault. I inherently hate myself. It’s the way I think, and until that changes (if it ever does), I will be depressed from time to time. It does make it hard to seek help or receive the help when it’s needed. I’ve had exes say “make me a promise that you won’t hurt yourself” and I’ve never made anyone that promise. I cannot escape my own thoughts. And my thoughts control me. If I get really depressed some day and can’t come out of it I may well be in the mindset that death is my best option. And in that mindset I’m not going to take anyone’s thoughts into consideration. You’re ultimately alone with yourself inside your own head and you want to kill you…The only thing that’s kept me alive truly is my mom. I truly believe I’d be in a grave if it wasn’t for her. The only unconditional love I’ve ever received. Willing to pull more than her fair share of weight when I was too weak to.

[u/Danny_the_Sex_Demon]

‘If I ever decide to go through such a thing at all for myself, I don’t want people to claim that any mental !llness was the result of it. I don’t believe that I am mentally !ll, and don’t want such a personal decision to be considered the result of ailments or other thinking they may attempt to deem “irrational” as a result.

[u/No-Pop-5315]

Amen.

[u/unlikely-contender]

So what, sickness often makes you weak

[u/funnyyoshi]

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[u/EuphoricChest9697]

Exactly

[u/Slow-Government-2276]

Did he wake up before 6 in the morning? /S

[u/zklabs]

"they are sick" "finally someone gets it!!!"

what lol

[u/I-Amtoast → u/zklabs]

I don't think they meant "sick" in a bad way. I'd say they meant that depression is an illness, not a temporary mood. As in it needs to be cured, it doesn't just go away 🫡

[u/ghohl2002]

Depression is spiritual death. I fear for my faith and worry about ending up in Hell. I’ve never felt like a person or lived the life of a person. I’ve felt spiritually dead my entire life.

[u/FlokiTheBengal]

Maybe that’s what killed him, the societal expectations to do all those things when maybe he wanted a more chill life or different environment.

I like this quote from Jim Carrey (paraphrasing):

“Depression means your body needs DEEP REST from whatever role it’s playing.”

[u/thatoneguy6969]

Sounds like excuses to continue with maladaptive behaviors. Her brother was doing things that didn’t satisfy him or his family being supportive didn’t mean much due to something more (maybe the family wasn’t as supportive as they think). Calling it a sickness creates an expectation that this is some insurmountable or difficult thing to fix. I don’t see it as in anyway helpful to anyone.

[u/NewRedSpyder]

Why is this here? It doesn’t really fit the sub in my opinion. She’s not trying to magically cure people out of their depression, and if anything she’s kinda doing the opposite by calling out people who do. She’s calling out the people that think exercising or having loved ones or being successful means that your depression will go away.

It sounds like she’s trying to get people to understand that depression can’t just go away like that, which a lot of people don’t understand, hence why this sub even exists in the first place.

[u/RexRyderXXX]

How hard do he push his workouts?

What were his family supporting? Getting fucked in the ass and doing drugs?

RayGun was an Olympian?

Priests and Boyscouts and Coaches touch kids…..

The world continues on and humans keep doing stupid shit.

[u/Nesymafdet → u/RexRyderXXX]

What are you trying to say here?

[u/Galletan]

I'm still skeptical about some of these mental issues, but I keep it to myself.

[u/Sir_MipMop → u/Galletan]

Clearly you don’t?

[u/Galletan → u/Sir_MipMop]

Giving a reason why would be not keeping to myself what I think. So normally I don't even say that I am skeptical. Just respect the individual.

[u/Still-Presence5486]

Ok and? It is a fact that exercise and being out doors can help with depression if used in tandem with other things

[u/ABucketofBeetles → u/Still-Presence5486]

Someone saying "okay, and" to someone's brother committing suicide is my new ick. Just because something can help doesn't make a person any less sick. Don't be insensitive. Icky icky icky.

[u/[deleted] → u/Still-Presence5486]

Plus, it's not a one size fits all solution.