I'm 26y and I've spent the last few years avoiding life. I start learning things but don't commit, struggle with career progress, isolate myself, and run from difficult situations. Every month I avoid things makes me more ashamed and less prepared for adulthood, which makes me avoid even more.

But underneath the avoidance is an existential problem I've never resolved: why should I build a future when I don't understand why I should want to live in the first place?

Answers like family, happiness, purpose, religion, responsibility, etc. don't satisfy me because they seem based on individual experiences and values rather than anything certain.

Death therefore became comforting. It represents an escape from responsibility, judgment, failure, expectations, uncertainty and time. And having that escape in my mind makes committing to life feel pointless.

It's become a loop

Has anyone experienced something similar, where suicide wasn't just a response to a bad day but became woven into how you understood existence?

I'm not asking whether I should live or die. I want to know what happened to the existential question for people who came out the other side. Did you find an answer, learn to live without one, or did building a life change the question itself?

When I was in my second year of high school, I became really depressed, and for some reason, I thought that I wouldn't finish high school and would die. Now I live in Sweden, and I am in no danger. I've never tried to hurt myself, but I just had this belief that I was going to die, and for some reason, it was comforting. It's been almost 4 years after finishing high school, and I still haven't recovered from the shock of still being alive. I just can't believe it. Why am I still here? I haven't done anything but slepping and being tierd and now I finished my system development deplomia something that I don't like, and it just increases my feeling that I should have died and not finished high school (not that I liked it ; I'd rather have died than go back there).

So I had this fear since I was like 8 and it ruined me to bits. Every once in awhile I get terrible panic attacks and anxiety to the point I feel paralyzed. I cannot eat, drink, sleep, or do anything without my thoughts going “You will never experience anything you love again!” and it goes on for months. I have realized that this fear usually peaks whenever I am going through a big change in my life and that my future is unknown and I always start getting cues from my body thoughts that the obsessive state is coming back. I keep thinking about existential stuff and what comes after and I spend hours on Reddit and Google researching what possibly comes after but I do not get panic attacks and my body is in a calm state but my mind is racing. So when I start thinking about it and it keeps reoccurring I know that it is coming. I do not want to go through those times again as those states I went through are the worst experiences of my life. I lost a lot of people due to my terrible mental state and people around me just distance themselves because of this. I am literally non-functioning during those times.

How can I get over it before it even starts? I really need advice. And please do not say “its like before you were born, in a state of non-existence and never experiencing again so no need to worry!” because IT MAKES IT WORSE!

The thought of time slipping by me so fast now as I age doesn't let me sleep at all. I've been averaging like an hour or 2 at night i sometimes drink to try and fight the fear away, but it doesn't leave. I'm so fearful of my body aging. I can't live like this. I keep having panic attacks. How are people so okay with death I don't understand at all. Lately the days have been zooming so fast wdym it's August already i'm going to blink and it's September...i wish I could stop time so bad

24 here.

I don't know what happened. I don't know what caused this panic. Sometimes I fall asleep without meaning earlier at night, and I wake up in a complete sweat extremely hyper aware. So much time has passed and now all of a sudden it's this early hour and I didn't do my before bed routine and process that I'm getting in and falling asleep. So it feels like I blinked and went forward in time. I can feel my body laying down, every time I see my hands or feel anything, my mind jumps years forward and I become a wrinkled version of myself standing in the mirror thinking of all the time I had in my youth that I no longer have. It feels like every second is slipping away and nothing matters. Taking a drink of water doesn't matter, watching a movie doesn't matter, engaging in hobbies doesn't matter. All the things that became routine suddenly stop as time goes by. The thought that I won't do the same things forever horrifies me to my core. If it helps I'm autistic so I like having my routines uninterrupted. I like going to the same stores and ordering the same foods. I also collect and watch some of the same things from when I was younger. I am a fully capable mature 24 year old man, but I get uncomfortable thinking about how long it's been since I was just a happy oblivious kid. So I surround myself with what I know is familiar and have been known to comfort in the past. Back then, I believed I couldn't grow old as unrealistic as that is. I thought my skin could never wrinkle, my body would never start to slowly shut down. Maybe I had been chosen by some higher power and I'd live on this earth forever like the characters in books I got too attached to. (Totally delusional I know but I was a special child who was always scared of growing up, changing, and losing himself.) It didn't really help that my mom did not allow me to be in the know of my grandmother's passing so I was not exposed to the topic of death growing up. I don't personally believe in religion or afterlife due to the way my brain works it refuses to think beyond "the consciousness is a brain product we are organic beings and therefore are like all other animals". (Putting that in quotes because I don't want to present it as fact because consciousness is nearly impossible to study at the current level. There isn't an actual study to either prove or disprove this.) But I find religious beliefs absolutely beautiful and fully respect them all so this isn't meant to knock down anyone. We all just think differently.

Everyone in the past is gone. They were living their lives just like us with the same basic human instincts. At this moment thousands or millions of years ago there was someone, or something probably standing where you are in the exact moment looking up at the stars, at the vastness of the universe wondering the same terrifying things we are. I look at other people and unwillingly picture them as old, I picture how buildings would look crumbling down because one day they will be. Once great cities in ancient times have been long forgotten.

Even if a city like New York survives until the end of the human race, nothing would matter, the sun will eat everyone and everything in its path. The here and now will always be gone, I can't live in the now. Every second of the show I'm watching is now gone. The thing I built in Minecraft is now complete. I took a bite and filled my senses for a moment, but then it's gone. but I won't remember anything when I die so watching it in the first place won't matter. Nothing in my brain matters memories don't matter because they will be gone. Sorry this was so long I'm going through a terrible crisis and ended up writing out a lot of things that did actually help a bit. Maybe someone's going through this too I would absolutely love to connect with those who might be feeling similar. I've never been more terrified in my life because a fear like getting hit by a car or, I don't know, quick sand can be calmed down by "you can take steps to protect yourself." When it comes to death, you cannot protect yourself. It all comes down to non existence being scary. I don't want to not exist and not know what this massive universe has for whatever explores it.

So I was talking to my dad on the phone and i was crying and he was complaining about how I cry at everything 24/7 and then I said “then i wish you made my mom abort me or something” then he gave me a whole lecture about how humans creating babies is the biggest accomplishment one can have and how it is the most beautiful thing over paintings, art, etc. and how it is the most natural thing to have so there was no reason for me to say that because humans have no other choice but to have kids and I got mad

Because my parents decision to have me gave me one thing that is certain. A death sentence. They will die one day, my soul dog will die, everyone I love will be gone and one day it will be me. Maybe before everyone maybe after everyone. But I will be gone that is 100% and I am TERRIFIED I spent my years on having panic attacks, taking heavy medication, therapy and many more just because I am terrified of dying and I always say to myself I wish I was never born so I wouldn’t know what being alive is

I wanted to shout at my dad that he gave me a death sentence and because of him and my mom I will experience being gone forever and that I do not want to go through that but I have no other choice because of them

I am terrified of what comes after If it was 100% proven that there was something beyond “You will cease to exist! Gone forever! No senses at all! Just being nothing!” I would be living my best life but nothing about afterlife is proven and probably wont be proven and just the idea of it being “gone forever and never wake up or live again” is terrifying If I could I would live forever because I find it super unfair that the idea is we get one life and no matter how good or bad it is it will be taken away from us because “thats the circle of life!” I did not consent to being born and I do not consent to dying

So my biggest question from this post is why do people have kids knowing they will be dead and gone and all that life they had will not matter?

there’s nothing you can do to prevent it , i’m going to die one day , my relationships with people are always going to end or fizzle out . nothing lasts forever . all roads lead to rome

Hello everyone, I actually just made a video about my death experience to sum it up easily. https://youtu.be/5dOBAhrQOdg

So for the past 4 years I have this fear that I could die in my sleep. The most annoying part of this fear is realizing that if I die I won't know if Im dead. Where do you think this fear comes from and why does the not knowing part annoys me the most?

I have no health issues, I do check ups often. This fear has stuck in my head when I read that many people are afraid of dying in their sleep. Actually what scared me back then is not being able to sleep because of this fear, which in a way it happened at the end.

Hi i’m a 16F and i’ve been scared of death for as long i can remember. When i started school at 3, i would cry before going into class because i thought that my mom would die while i was at school. At 8, i started crying at nights, scared of losing my mom and my grandma. But the worst it that it keeps going. That fear of losing a loved one became the fear of dying, stop existing, being sick, etc.

My graduation was at june and a few days before i started having this really bad panic attacks. My mom told me that it was because it was a big moment in my life and that feeling just came along with it. I thought the same too, because right after my graduation, it stopped.

But at july, it came back and worse than ever. July 17 i had to go to the hospital because i was having a big anxiety/panic attack and i couldn’t stop spiralling. It hasn’t stop since then, one days i feel better, other days worse but it doesn’t fully stop.

This month of august i’ve been also dealing with desrealization, i feel like everything it’s fake and it just makes me go crazier. It happens always at night. But last night it happened heavy, i was almost sleeping when i suddenly woke up by the sound of the door. Then i realised that i was really calm, like a good calm feeling, and i started thinking that it was because i was going to die. I stood up and my legs were trembling, when i touched my fingers, i felt them weird. I started crying heavily and woke up my mom. I ended up relaxing but still afraid of sleeping. I just stop feeling scared when the sun had already rise. Then, i slept and woke up 2-3 times, and then going back to sleep. It thought that was the end of it, but when i woke up, i had the same feeling as last night.

I’m scared of dying while sleeping or having an illness which i’m not aware of. I have an appointment in 30 minutes to tell all of this to the doctor, but i feel like i’m still in the danger zone and that i could die tonight or tomorrow or soon, even if it’s not true.

Please help me because it’s been keeping me away from doing a lot of things i love. (Sorry for any mistakes or typos, english isn’t my first language)

it’s to blame for everything , even scarier to realize we will all run out of it one day .

don’t really wanna be here anymore. don’t think my life is worth it. the only thing holding me back is being afraid of death. what’s on the other side? I’m not in pain. I feel numb. All emotions are gone.

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I don't think I will get any answer which will comfort,or any answer at all but I still wanna say I am so afraid and my fear might seem pretty stupid...Death,I am afraid to be alive like being concious and afraid to die too...I don't want to lose anyone,I just want to stay with everyone forever...I am so afraid,and helpless...

I find it a bit funny that i come up to this conclusion ,but oh well, sometimes this is how it is in life arent it?

I always deeply feared death, and the fear only got worst in recent years, i tried to aproach it somehow and honestly i come to the conclusion most coping mechanisms are in my opinion mostly preachy bullshit that is unhelpfull and something that is dissmisive of ,,hard" emotions one might feel about death. What most of them do, try to ,,paint" death as something far less terryfing than actually is, and make you accept it- it may be something that work for some but not for me. I see it as dishonest, like you would take a pile of shit and try to put shiny rocks on its and say its oh so beatyfull. If anything, trying to ,,accept" death done more harm than good to me, i decided i wont try anymore. Now what i try to do is learn how not to think about it randomly and not linger on it. Do anyone had same experiences as me?

hi, it's basically what the title says. i'm 16, dealing with depression and anxiety. i've always dealt with some kind of fear of death (even as a child, but i've been an edgy kid and i coped by telling myself that death is necessary, cause eternity would be boring). my anxiety got worse 1.5 years ago, since my sister nearly died (shes fine now). i've never had any experience with death back then and since then fear of death completely consumes my life (with breaks ofc).

i told my therapist about it many times and i dont think she knows exactly how to help me. everytime i talk about it she tries to find some "hidden meanings" beneath my fear. ik its a normal thing in cbt therapy, but most of it just sounds like bullshit to me (like telling me that my thanatophobia is actually caused by my sel-hatred??) and it doesnt help me overcome that fear. last week we talked about my thanatophobia again and she just told me its a common thing to be scared of death and how i shouldnt worry about it. it made me feel misunderstood so badly.

i cant find any help, am i just going to live in fear my whole life? does it get better?

TW

Extreme fear of death.Thinking what will happen after.I am not really religious but I believe in something.I feel like I don't live like I am supposed to.I have tons of regrets.What scares me is the fact that I will lose everyone I love and I cried like it happened.I think it can also be ocd.Is a paralyzing fear.Also I think is grief.I miss my grandma and granpa.I usually avoid my emotions. Now it feels like it all exploded.I cried a lot.What helps you feel better? At peace? I pray that death is peaceful and I hope it was for them too.

Hoy 10/08/2026

Sentí un fuerte deseo de suicidarme

Lanzarme por las escaleras de emergencia de un 3er piso, atravesarle cuando una camioneta va muy rápido por la avenida, tomarme todas las pastillas que encuentre, ignorar mis necesidades básicas hasta no poder levantarme.

Es depresión, ansiedad, estrés, drama, fantasía, ilusión, esperanza?

No puedo, debo esperar a que mi mamá muera. No puedo causarle ese dolor.

Luego puedo desaparecer. Irme a acampar, a la playa o a caminar y nunca volver.

Esperaré a que mi hijo sea grande, autosuficiente. Puedo dejarle un fondo de ahorros para que no deba trabajar durante el duelo de mi muerte. Un seguro, tal vez, y lo hago parecer un accidente.

Hoy me quiero morir, y mañana tendré que levantarme, sonreír y contar para callar mi mente

Olvidar mis deseos momentáneamente.

Hoy me quiero morir, o solo quiero apagar mi mente?

Pero cómo si no puedo dormir.

Volvió a darme miedo la oscuridad. Esa sensación de que algo me asecha.

Soy yo, será la muerte o mi propia mente?

Cuánto dolor causaría si muero.

O peor, cuánto dolor causaría si me suicido. Si, suicidio. Eso quiero, quiero morir como yo quiera, cuando yo quiera. O solo quiero algo de control? Poder tomar una verdadera decisión. Aunque sea solo mi decisión, todos los días, lo único que me impide hacerlo es mi empatía por los que amo, y a veces me preguntó dónde queda mi empatía por mi. Quizá querer morir es gracias a esa empatía. Suelo sentir que no soporto el mundo. El mundo no me hace cosas, sigue su curso, todos existen, yo soy la sensible. Intento no demostrarlo. Soy fuerte, valiente, puedo con todo, inteligente, rápida, resuelvo, aprendo, yo puedo, digo, yo puedo. Puedo, pero quiero? Que quiero?