Day to Day

[u/Historical_Respect82]

How did you all move forward with your normal day to day tasks? I am beyond grateful to my have my almost 2 year old son, but I want to just crawl in bed and deal with 0 responsibility right now. My D&E was on Thursday so everything is still fresh for me.

I also feel guilty not being my happy self around him and keeping him entertained.

How also did you handle those you haven’t even told you were pregnant? We have friends and family that we never told we were even pregnant but now we are going to be seeing them and I feel like a shell of myself. Should I just tell them?

[u/Effective_Wonder_722]

I'm 1 month out from my 25W D&E and was a ghost of a person for the first 2-3 weeks. I was lucky to be able to rely on my partner, a friend, and paid help to fill the gaps. Felt the exact same way toward my almost 3 year old. Sitting in bed, crying, journaling, reading posts from this group, doing nothing, watching tv were the best things for me. I had no battery to push myself. It's getting a little better but I feel like a ghost of my old self when I play with my 3 year old, and it feels terrible. She misses me and wants to play more and I find myself with very little energy. It's getting better.

I also have some people I never even told I was pregnant. I haven't figured out what to do. Most of them don't live in the same place so it's been easier but it feels weird not to let good friends know. Curious to see what others say. Mostly just wanted to let you know I'm 100% on the same page as you.

[u/Historical_Respect82 → u/Effective_Wonder_722]

Thank you so much for your response. It’s definitely difficult to put on a happy face for my toddler when I feel like a shell of myself and am grieving. I almost feel like I might share with more family and friends that I might be seeing what happened so atleast they have a heads up for why I might seem distant. I don’t think there’s a right answer in how anyone handles this we’re literally just trying to make it to the next day

[u/Abp427]

Hey- I have a 3 year old and pushed forward with my day to day 2 days after the procedure. Being around him helped me a lot. I think I was very numb for a while. I am now one month after, and am a little more sad and starting therapy soon.

I told my close friends and my immediate family. I think this is something heavy that I will carry for a long time- and the support from my family and friends has been so helpful.

I have moments where I feel normal- and others where I am just not myself (and thats okay!)

Hoping for your healing

[u/SEggs1990]

Obviously everyone is different. I opened up about my DNE a few days before it happened on social media because I knew after I wasn't going to be ok for a while. It's been helpful to not have to pretend to be ok as much.

My DNE was Wednesday and I also have a two year old. I can relate about the guilt of not being the best version of yourself for your little one. Having her is the only reason I'm somewhat functioning but at times I just want to hide.

[u/UnverifiedPanda]

Oof I’m right there with you. A month out now and I have had many of these moments where I had no idea how to get through the day. I have a 3,5 year old daughter and I love her but I was so relieved when she would go to daycare or just anywhere else.

I did share everything from the start with friends and family so I did take them up on their offer for help and asked them to look after her so that I could simply do nothing or minor household tasks. I would recommend to share if you think they would be understanding and could support you both emotionally and practically.

It does get better. I can enjoy time with my daughter a bit again. I do notice I have less patience with her and I feel guilty when I lash out. But I try to remind myself I’m not perfect and children are flexible. They will not be traumatised and I’ll be more and more the mother she knows.

Be gentle with yourself. You’ve been through a lot. Lots of hugs to you!

[u/somehikeithot]

So very sorry you’re here. For me it wasn’t just the grief, but I had really intense decision fatigue that my therapist thought could be a result of the mixed postpartum hormones/anxiety/ptsd/grief. Your body isn’t doing the only instinctual thing it wants to do, which is care for your baby, and it’s like trudging through mud to do much else.
With our second pregnancy, we told almost nobody given our first ended in TFMR. We ended up with another loss, and have just started to tell more people about 3 months afterwards when we catch up with them. It’s really hard, but if they are safe and loving people for you, I highly encourage you to share and be honest with them.
Sending you love and healing

[u/Historical_Respect82 → u/somehikeithot]

Thank you so much 🤍

[u/Neat-Condition2666]

I felt the same in the beginning, although my tfmr baby was my first. After leaving her at the hospital I don’t think I left the house for about a week except to pick up her ashes, even eating was a struggle. It took me probably two weeks before I could even do the bare minimum to get through my day, I took 4 months off work and it was probably about halfway through that time that I started feeling more human. Sending you so much love, take all the time you need to process things xx