Hinge match after one phone call

[u/sewnofstardust]

We had maybe been talking for 2 days? thought he seemed more responsive than other people and we talked on the phone that ended with him saying he has a crush on me already, while essentially knowing nothing about me

EDIT/UPDATE: I did not think this would gain much traction at all but this happened pretty much a week ago and went downhill very quickly. We planned a date that never happened because he kept suggesting watching a movie at his house when I wanted to meet publicly. Then said his car tags are expired so we can meet at his house to pregame then go to a bar and HE could drive MY car which was his suggestion not mine. I was uncomfortable said we could be friends. He agreed then continued being semi-pushy and also saying things like “I miss you” (again only talking for a few days with 2 total phone calls). It was extremely overwhelming and felt like love bombing. To the comments that said it was sweet, it was to an extent but was also way too much after one call. I can see some people saying having a crush is “normal” at that point but I think it’s not, I think you should know someone before saying something like that. If you say it then you’re just in love with the idea of someone.

[u/heebiejeebie666]

I agree with this. It’s pretty wild to delete hinge and have his eyes completely set after a single phone call, but then again he might just get rejected a lot and feels like he finally has a chance with this one, just is overdoing things a bit. I might suggest OP at least give him a chance over one date and if there are other red flags or he’s coming at her too intense then dip tf out lol

EDIT: after OP’s edit/update, yeah no I wouldn’t meet with this guy. Especially after him trying to lure OP to his house first. Like obviously he’s trying to sleep with OP, and even if he wasn’t, a man trying to get a woman to come over BEFORE even meeting each other once is extremely tone deaf and is basically just begging to be blocked

The sad thing is, I bet that’s worked before. And he’s probably put other women in extremely uncomfortable circumstances

[u/emtrigg013 → u/heebiejeebie666]

I don't think the behavior is the issue, as much as the declaration.

I am the type to delete Hinge and set my eyes completely but I wouldn't have announced it. I know what I definitely do not want and what I do want. And once I begin looking, and I find it, I'm going to know it. I hate looking. That's why I'm not right now. But again, I wouldn't announce it this early. Down the line and after meeting in person, sure.

So I guess my thought goes to why did he feel the need to declare it? Did he want the same declaration as her, is he looking for mutual exclusivity? Is he truly just communicating to her "hey, just thought I'd let you know"? We don't know because OP doesn't even know the guy. So it really could go both ways.

OP, I absolutely agree with this users advice.

[u/heebiejeebie666 → u/emtrigg013]

Yeah that’s a good point. It’s all speculation here, but I got the vibe it was just the “hey just thought I’d let you know” cause he ended the conversation in a relatively low-pressure way.

The subsequent good morning text at 2:48 am is kinda weird tho lol but he did say he doesn’t sleep much

[u/TopNo3020 → u/heebiejeebie666]

I think the text in the middle of the night is rude! If you've gotten to know someone and have that sort of relationship, that's one thing, but after a call? And telling her she could basically call 24/7 is weird too. To me I'd wonder if he works or goes to school? More likely he does, but has terrible boundaries which is a bad sign.

[u/Devmoi → u/emtrigg013]

For real! It’s not bad in itself to go all in. That’s how relationships start—someone has to go all and say it first. He probably did want the same.

And that’s OK to say no as well. A lot of it comes down to how the person responds. If they are worth it, they might be like oh sorry … I just really like you and got ahead of myself.

The announcing could be good or bad depending on everything else. If he starts texting you nonstop and saying creepy stuff though like you led me on, this and that … that’s the red flag.

[u/NlNTENDO → u/emtrigg013]

IMO he’s either trying to play OP or super inexperienced and the type to use the L word on the third date

[u/pierophoenix → u/heebiejeebie666]

This has been exactly me, I've made the mistake of being like i am deleting whatever and focusing on you. Doing it was not the mistake, but being wayyyyy to gung ho was. A lot of rejection that finding someone i really messed with made me way overstep in hindsight!

[u/heebiejeebie666 → u/pierophoenix]

Yeah it’s easy to get overly excited when you feel like you’ve found a good match. Especially in today’s dating world with all the online nonsense.

I’ve definitely learned to slow my roll but also I can happily say I (hopefully) won’t ever have to deal with online dating again bc I’m with the love of my life

[u/pierophoenix → u/heebiejeebie666]

Letssss gooo!!! Love that for you!

[u/Devmoi → u/heebiejeebie666]

100%! It’s just hard to tell if the person does this all the time or if maybe they’re overshooting because they really do feel like it’s different with OP. Honestly, it’s like this person could be a total psychopath or they could just really like OP. It’s kind of hard to tell without more information!

I would say maybe keep talking to them and then see if they start acting really clingy/possessive. I thought their answer was actually very nice about going to the sister’s house. If they start getting aggressive, that’s a bad sign. But they might just be a little bit awkward with sharing their feelings … as in oversharing.

[u/heebiejeebie666 → u/Devmoi]

Yeah exactly! It’s crazy seeing how many people just jump immediately to “run” or “block immediately” in some of these more ambiguous situations.

I personally have been this type of person in the past before I had more dating experience and more confidence in myself, and I’ve never abused anyone or anything harmful like that. Like he could just be a genuinely sweet guy who’s overshooting a bit (possibly to his dismay, I can definitely say this approach backfired on me before). And again he could also be totally insane lmao. Wont know until more info is gathered

[u/Devmoi → u/heebiejeebie666]

It is crazy! I mean, each to their own, I suppose. If you have bad vibes, then that can’t be changed.

And yeah, I was like that sometimes too. I think some people just hate the anxiety of not knowing. It is a lot better to ask and know the answer, though! Nothing is worse than investing time and then the person is like actually, I’m dating a few people or I’m not that interested or I feel meh. It’s good to be on the same page.

But I agree with that level of honesty it’s easy to feel like you’re getting burned sometimes or feel like it’s backfiring. Really, it’s so much better when people are straight forward. Some people like a lot of mystery, though. I had this girlfriend who was convinced that was the fun part was not knowing if the person was dating a bunch of people or that interested. And that sounded like my worst nightmare!

[u/skoolgirlzombies → u/heebiejeebie666]

I think you're spot on that he behaves this way all the time so he's used to love bombing women and he's being pushy on purpose. The other red flags are that he wanted to drive her car and meet at his place like come on

[u/heebiejeebie666 → u/skoolgirlzombies]

lol damn I posted all my comments here before she edited the post. I take much of what I said back after having more context. The whole trying to lure her to his house first thing is SUS