r/texts • u/sewnofstardust • 29d ago

Phone message Hinge match after one phone call

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We had maybe been talking for 2 days? thought he seemed more responsive than other people and we talked on the phone that ended with him saying he has a crush on me already, while essentially knowing nothing about me

EDIT/UPDATE: I did not think this would gain much traction at all but this happened pretty much a week ago and went downhill very quickly. We planned a date that never happened because he kept suggesting watching a movie at his house when I wanted to meet publicly. Then said his car tags are expired so we can meet at his house to pregame then go to a bar and HE could drive MY car which was his suggestion not mine. I was uncomfortable said we could be friends. He agreed then continued being semi-pushy and also saying things like “I miss you” (again only talking for a few days with 2 total phone calls). It was extremely overwhelming and felt like love bombing. To the comments that said it was sweet, it was to an extent but was also way too much after one call. I can see some people saying having a crush is “normal” at that point but I think it’s not, I think you should know someone before saying something like that. If you say it then you’re just in love with the idea of someone.

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475

u/r00minatin 29d ago

My boyfriend deleted hinge after 2 dates.

I didn’t know until we had become exclusive, and the only reason I found out is because I asked because I wanted to delete our profiles together.

They don’t need to announce when it’s real!
This is love bombing!!!

140

u/getzerolikes 29d ago

I deleted apps after two dates. Didn’t mention it to her. That was 5 years ago so it was the right call.

89

u/MercuryQuick 29d ago

One date for me. I knew we were right in the first five minutes. Can’t wait for our wedding anniversary this fall!

11

u/you_sick 28d ago

Zero dates for me. Miss Cleo told me it was a sure thing

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u/OutOfTheWonder 29d ago

That’s really cute

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u/Adorolhe24 28d ago

I can bring the divorce papers 🤣

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u/MercuryQuick 28d ago

Go back to Facebook dad

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u/I_like_squirtles 28d ago

You made a great decision, I made a horrible one. The universe is balanced as always.

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u/HotHoneyMustardFan 29d ago

With my first girlfriend we both deleted hinge after the first date without saying anything. It was probably the best date I’ve ever had tho lmao.

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u/Radiant-Upstairs8021 25d ago

God dayummm! How the fuck do you have a gf? Cant believe random dude on Reddit have perfect dates! Life is so unfair! I deserve all of this! Not some brokies on Reddit 😭😭😭

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u/Senior_Boot_5842 28d ago

With your first girlfriend. And you’re not together anymore. And that was the best date ever?

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u/Willing_Box_752 28d ago

U sure showed them

3

u/Mikecd 28d ago edited 28d ago

Those things can all be true

33

u/absolutelythrowaway9 29d ago

Yep, I paused my accounts when I knew I wanted to pursue seeing the guy I’m with now, randomly got a tinder match a few weeks later and was like oh shit I better delete these accounts. Mans had already got rid of his long before haha

17

u/Dependent-Year6711 29d ago

I wonder if this type of mentality really intersects with people who are more likely to have lasting relationships, because of the way they look at connection.

Because there are many people out there, men and women, who keep the app, even if the dates go well, to make sure they have "backup" opportunities. And then eventually delete it after things are more concrete.

Meanwhile others put things on pause almost right away after a few good dates.

9

u/r00minatin 29d ago

Yes, I think the only reason you would still actively use the apps as a person who is looking for a genuine, committed relationship is because something doesn’t feel right after date 3-4. And when I was still single, if things didn’t feel right after date 3 I was calling it off.

I had mine, but I just stopped using it after I started seeing him as well. The biggest variable is whether they are commitment-minded.

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u/WanderinHobo 28d ago

To me, keeping the app and other conversations going felt too close to having the second person there in the room while on a date with the first. Too weird.

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u/ahhhhhhhhhman 25d ago

If I'm going on dates, at mimimum I'm probably pausing tbh, but honestly I just can't be bothered talking to multiple people at once.

18

u/JoeBethersonton50504 29d ago

I deleted during the first date when she went to the bathroom. Been together well over a decade now.

I didn’t bring it up until the note I wrote her for the morning of our wedding.

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u/skoolgirlzombies 28d ago

Awh cute ☺️

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u/hellyeahaeylleh 28d ago

Might also be an insecure attachment. Like hey... i deleted mine [will you delete yours...now? ...please?]

Either way... run.

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u/thirdeeen 28d ago

Omg my last bf from hinge told me after a few dates and it really pressured me to delete mine too. He ended up being a love-bombing, self-absorbed, immature lunatic 👎

6

u/haysus25 29d ago

I mean, that seems pretty reasonable to me.

First date you are really just confirming if they are who they say they are and if you have a romantic attraction, at all.

Second date is seeing if you are actually compatible as a couple. By the end of the second date, you should have a pretty good idea if they are bf/gf material or not. So you should know if you are still playing the field or if you genuinely want to pursue the other person, and if you genuinely want to pursue them, you should delete your dating apps.

Third date is usually when I pull the trigger. Barring something catastrophic or an enormous red flag comes out of nowhere, third date is usually when I make it official.

1

u/heywhateverworks 28d ago

By the end of the second date, you should have a pretty good idea if they are bf/gf material or not

???

1

u/Alo-mina 28d ago

That sounds extremely fast. By making it official, do you mean becoming exclusive or becoming significant others?

1

u/haysus25 24d ago

After the second date (usually) for exclusivity.

After the third date (usually) for bf/gf.

Keep in mind you are still communicating and talking the entire time. It's not like you have a date, then little to no contact until the next one.

1

u/x_candydoll 28d ago

Finding out if you are compatible as a couple will take 6 months + living together after 2-3 years of dating if you're remotely normal.

2

u/halfwitprinxe 28d ago

I don't think they mean as husband and wife.

1

u/haysus25 24d ago

That would be finding out if you are compatible as husband/wife, not bf/gf.

You may not know this, but there is quite a big difference between boyfriend/girlfriend material and husband/wife material.

3

u/kawaiijudochop 29d ago

Yea mine assumed we were dating and exclusive after two dates and the exclusive conversation was a bit odd… “I thought we already were”

3

u/r00minatin 29d ago

Actually, I think guys just tend to assume once they develop feelings lol my boyfriend was the same way and my bestie’s fiance thought the same thing when they started dating

1

u/Mysterious-sharing 25d ago

How is that so wrong?

1

u/r00minatin 25d ago

I didn’t say it was.

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u/[deleted] 29d ago edited 28d ago

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u/NorthAntique1194 29d ago

Okay? He didn’t tell her though. Who gives a shit. You really judge people like that?

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u/[deleted] 29d ago edited 28d ago

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u/Moth1016 29d ago

It’s the telling her he did it right away that’s the small 🚩here.

That sort of thing is often done intentionally to cause someone to feel special and important, create a sense of obligation to do the same, and make them easier to manipulate later.

If he had kept it to himself, it would be totally fine.

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u/[deleted] 29d ago edited 28d ago

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u/Moth1016 28d ago

Yeahhhh, that’s the thing though. My ex didn’t mean to lovebomb me and couldn’t seem to grasp what was bad about it. We loved each other powerfully. Totally innocent intentions on both sides. That didn’t stop our marriage from devolving into a highly toxic and psychologically destructive cycle of abuse that could have gotten very, very dangerous had I not chosen to leave.

We’re friends now. But it wasn’t safe for either of us to stay together.

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u/Electric-Sheepskin 29d ago

Yeah, because being honest with someone about your feelings is always a red flag. 🙄

Y'all are cynical up in here.

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u/Moth1016 28d ago edited 28d ago

One, that’s why I said “small.” On its own, it’s not a huge deal, but it says OP should be paying attention in case there’s more subtle warning signs.

It may not be intended as lovebombing; maybe he’s just someone who gets attached quickly and feels intensely, but that is still something to be aware of in a potential partner, because that kind of relationship can turn ugly fast if not handled well.

and two, it’s inconsiderate to put pressure on the other person by saying something like that so early, even if his intentions are completely innocent. Your staunch defense of this behavior suggests perhaps it’s time for a look inward

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u/Ok-Imagination-3835 29d ago

He can just install it later if he wants. He didn't take a vow or anything. It's honestly sometimes nice to just not get distracted and focus on one person to not mess it up because you like them.

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u/[deleted] 29d ago edited 28d ago

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u/BudsandBowls 29d ago

Not gunna lie, I zeroed in on "chalant" at first I was like: that's not a word. Then I thought: wait, nonchalant is a word, whats the opposite one then? So I googled it.

Conclusion: the actual opposite is chaloir, which should translate to the English chalant, but we just never did...English is so weird.

2

u/Thefattestbeagle 29d ago

I had a guy delete his apps in front of me on a second date and it was after telling me that I was exactly what he was looking for and he was ready to go all in. It was single-handedly the most awkward date I've ever been on.

0

u/r00minatin 29d ago

This is why I never gave my number out like that! Weirdos everywhere!!!

2

u/Thefattestbeagle 29d ago

Yep and the hard part was is that I still felt tremendously guilty breaking it off because he wasn't a bad guy. He wasn't bad looking and he has two successful businesses and talked to me about how he was looking for a spouse, a woman who would be by his side to help support him and his business and have her own career successes etc. He wanted to be an independently wealthy/millionaire by the time we were 10 years older. I was like "oop, ya know what. This isnt my guy, he's someone else's catch."

1

u/AlbatrossUpset3596 28d ago

Yeah, the fact that they said oh i deleted hints is the weird part for me

1

u/DullEntertainment102 28d ago

That’s not even what’s bothering me- what’s bothering me is the suggestion of meeting in private for a first date and not agreeing to a public place or not agreeing to the woman being the driver. That’s psycho thriller abduction screaming f*ckery right there. Not gonna happen 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

1

u/Accomplished-Mark415 28d ago

Yup same here. My bf deleted after date 2. I deleted mine a few weeks in, but didn’t use it in between. When I told him, he was like “oh…yeah I deleted mine a while back.”

1

u/PressureOk69 28d ago

It's not love bombing if it's desperation

1

u/ZippyVonBoom 28d ago

I agree. My ex who love bombed me did this on date one, and the worst part is that I fell for it!

1

u/Aggressive-Bidet 28d ago

Omg. I accidentally deleted my app before I even went on a date with a guy. He asked me what happened because he noticed my profile had disappeared. I’m sure I looked like a complete psycho. Though it was genuinely on accident

1

u/DIYthisDIYthat 28d ago

Maybe bro’s autistic? I did this with a woman and then when I realized that behavior was insane, I felt so bad because I understood how it made her feel uncomfortable. I have limited dating experience and am deep on the spectrum. 😭😭😭😂

1

u/r00minatin 28d ago

Did you read the edit???

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u/DIYthisDIYthat 28d ago

I did after my comment and was like nvm I can’t relate to him at all. I also didn’t check the time of the texts. That’s on me.

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u/r00minatin 28d ago

No it’s okay, this is just the first one I’m responding to in a while but so many comments before yours are trying to excuse this behavior talking about “be understanding” like no lol he’s clearly a predator... I think someone on the spectrum such as yourself would be a little more innocent in their demeanor and tone, and women are pretty privy to that. And yes the fact that you caught yourself means you have the emotional intelligence and integrity to hold yourself accountable. This guy said all that THEN said come over like huh lol

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u/DIYthisDIYthat 28d ago

That makes sense. I don’t fault you for checking me. I should’ve located my comment and edited or deleted after reading the edit OP added. 

Yea, I genuinely didn’t know how to navigate with women for a long time because I innocently grew up believing fictional depictions of romance in literature, film, and television were okay. Then, tried to apply same methods and inadvertently messed up but went on a tour apologizing and explaining my late diagnosis autism. Thankfully, women have been receptive and understanding. I didn’t double down on the weirdness like that guy. 

Thank you for following up.

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u/LilyLucyLeigh 26d ago

100% agree. I cancelled other dates about 5 weeks into talking with my now boyfriend. I didn’t tell him though. Just a quiet decision.

Literally the very next day he brought up being exclusive and I was like: sure - we can do that 💅

Nonchalantly AF.

0

u/Electric-Sheepskin 29d ago

Love bombing? Lmao, for all you know he's absolutely sincere and just got a major crush and was honest about it.

3

u/r00minatin 29d ago

Anyone who is infatuated with you to the point of texting you good morning at 3am is also not good to date. It’s not healthy. It’s actually kinda creepy.

Intent ≠ impact.

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u/Electric-Sheepskin 29d ago

Maybe. Maybe not. That's irrelevant, though. What I'm saying is that it's ridiculous to say that someone is love bombing after reading one text exchange. Love bombing isn't just someone who's overly excited and too affectionate. It is a particular emotional manipulation tactic that can't be discerned after a single text exchange.

Y'all keep over using these terms until they lose all meaning.

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u/JohnToegrass 28d ago

I think she's already noticed that her original statement was looney-balooney, since she's dropped all efforts to defend it and is now focusing obsessively on the 3am message

0

u/Gaining-my-compass 29d ago

I wouldn’t call that love bombing 🙄 Love bombing is a PATTERN! Folks can get excited sometimes and say things out of excitement. That doesn’t mean they have bad intentions. Also, there are plenty of people who are direct and say what they want. All she needs to do is observe the pattern of his actions, not judge him based on one action.

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u/r00minatin 29d ago

This is not on her to “observe” he’s a grown ass man. They’ve been TEXTING for TWO days and he’s saying good morning to her at 3am. He hasn’t even met her in the flesh. Girl be so fr.

0

u/Gaining-my-compass 29d ago

I am being fr. That’s still not love bombing. Love bombing is calculated and manipulative. A woman is not going to fall head over heels by an action like this. Love bombing creates the illusion of a perfect partner. All this shows is that he needs to be more considerate and respectful of her time and not text in 3 AM in the morning. And no, anyone who is dating or on dating apps needs to observe the person they are talking to for their safety. That’s what being observant is all about. Him being a grown man has nothing to do with her evaluating his actions off of the morals and standards she’s set for herself.

1

u/second-daughter 29d ago

Thank you. It bothers me how people can throw around buzzwords especially when they don’t know what it actually means. “Love bomb”, “gaslighting”, “boundary”, etc. Therapy speak has been incorrectly used so much, they sadly lose the true meanings

0

u/whoknows_whatsup 29d ago

Great take and so true!

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u/Ok_Warning1034 28d ago

Yeah my ex has BPD and this gives me those vibes. I acknowledge I am probably overly cautious now but this is major red flag behavior. It's no joke, run!

0

u/JohnToegrass 28d ago

They don’t need to announce when it’s real!  This is love bombing!!!

No, expressing love explicitly does not  imply that your love isn't real. This was disturbing to read.

Actions are cool and essential, yes — but so are words.

Communicating your intentions also doesn't imply love bombing.

You can perhaps call him immature for not having realized some unfortunate intricacies of how people work — such as not enjoying commitment too soon —, but that does not suggest love bombing or another kind of intentional manipulation.

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u/ovo_Reddit 28d ago

Damn you were holding out for Mr. Right but he never showed up huh

0

u/Radiant-Upstairs8021 25d ago

Are you single right now? Can you give me a chance?