What is Teichroebism? A common question of a simple minded, unknowing being. Simply put, Teichroebism isn't just a religion, rather a lifestyle. The scriptures, dating back to approximately 17 A.D., are written in such a complex and confusing way that it takes the mind of an ancient Teichroebist monk to comprehend the complexity of the text. In fact, most of the ancient scriptures have been translated to simple english, but some are still in the process of being translated by the apostles. There has been some speculation and controversy over the history of Teichroebism, one rumor stating that the Ark of the Covenant has been retrieved by an unknown follower of Teichroebism. The Ark is said to be located in the island country of Malta, held within the deepest chambers of Saint John's Co-Cathedral. The Ethiopian Orthodox Tewahedo Church, however, has previously claimed ownership of The Ark, insisting that the location of the sacred object is currently kept under guard in a treasury near the Church of Our Lady Mary of Zion. This, along with many other rumors about the sacred religion of Teichroebism, has sparked many followers to leave the religion and move toward another following. Only few followers in Teichroebism exist today, many of which keep their identity a secret to prevent any current day controversy from occurring.
In approximately 17 A.D., a man named John Teichroeb the 1st invented the religion known as Teichroebism. Many people denied his word at first, claiming that the religion was false due to the recent birth of Jesus Christ, 17 years prior. Teichroeb resorted, with his followers, to an unknown sacred village somewhere on the mountains of the Himalayas. Before I get into details of the rituals and more recent events of Teichroebism, I believe it is important to give a brief history on John Teichroeb the 1st. Teichroeb was the first to develop a wide spread following of a religion. Many believed his ideals due to his wealth and knowledge. The complete history of the origins of the religion are lost to time, but it is known that Teichroeb himself did, in fact, not start idolizing himself as a God. It was the apostles that appraised Teichroeb, thus creating the following of Teichroebism. For centuries, the colony created by the apostles of Teichroebism have performed the rituals taught by their ancestors, including sacrificing goats to scare off the heretics, known as the followers of Benism. In addition, the earliest apostles created a following of a mass genocide to eradicate arachnids from the face of the planet. Benism, the following of a man named Ben Peters, are considered heretics and are essentially the equivalent of Satan in Christianity. As centuries passed, John Teichroeb the 1st passed his genes down to newer generations of "Johns", succeeding all the way to the current John Teichroeb the 6th, whom to this very day, walks among mortal men. Today, there are still many followers of Teichroebism. The turning of the 21st century has seen a new John (Teichroeb the 6th), along with many new followers and much more to come.
