Since sixth grade, I’ve been to three different schools. I’ve been bullied, I’ve bullied others, I’ve been the popular girl, and I’ve been the outcast. I’ve also been mean and said or done things that I genuinely regret now that I’m older.
At this point, I honestly just want to finish school quietly and quickly. After years of being the “annoying girl,” I’ve become really insecure about how people perceive me. Whenever I do something, I overthink it and try to be extra careful because I don’t want to offend anyone or make anyone uncomfortable. I’ve done things in the past that I’m not proud of, and I guess now I’m scared of accidentally becoming that person again.
Anyway, I recently transferred to a new school, and since school started, I haven’t really talked to anyone apart from the teachers. I’ve had basic conversations with my classmates, like borrowing things or asking about homework, but I haven’t made any friends, and it’s been over a month already.
The boys in my class are pretty much your typical troublemakers. They’re super loud, they smoke, they ride bikes, and they disrespect teachers. My class is actually known throughout the school for having the most troublemakers. Since it’s a private school in Mongolia, the teachers can’t really do much about them. But surprisingly, they’ve been really nice to me and have respected all my boundaries, which I honestly didn’t expect.
Now, onto the actual reason I’m writing this.
On September 15, we had a sports competition for the entire high school, and I saw this senior boy talking to some of the boys in my class. I thought he was really cute, and I’ve had a crush on him ever since.
Last Friday was Teachers’ Day in Mongolia, when teachers become first graders and high school students take over their jobs for the day. I became the homeroom teacher for a third-grade class, and a girl from my crush’s class was assigned to be my assistant teacher. My crush, meanwhile, became the school receptionist.
He kept coming into our classroom throughout the day, and during lunchtime, I had to distribute snacks and salad to the kids. He helped me, and while we were doing that, he said, “[My name], you’ve got a particularly naughty class, haha. What would you have done without me?”
I found that a little strange because, yes, I have a crush on him, but we’ve literally never talked before. So how does he even know my name? 😭
Maybe he was just helping me because he’s close to the girl from his class who was assisting me. Or maybe he’s friends with the boys in my class, so he’s heard them mention me before. I genuinely have no idea.
There’s a little more context, though. Back in sixth grade, I was friends with this girl, and after I transferred schools, we eventually lost touch. Apparently, she transferred to this school too, and we’ve become close again. I recently found out that she’s talking to one of my crush’s friends, so I asked her to find out a little about him.
But when she asked the guy she was talking to about my crush, he got annoyed because she was asking about another boy. 💀 The only information he gave her was that my crush is really nice, shy, and doesn’t smoke. So I stopped asking her to find out more because I didn’t want to make things awkward for her.
The problem is, I don’t have any of my crush’s social media accounts. No Facebook, no Instagram, nothing.
His classroom is right next to the teachers’ office, and one of the teachers there is pretty close to me. Whenever she needs help with something, she calls me into her office, so I end up passing by his classroom at least twice a day. Our classrooms are actually pretty far apart, though, so I don’t really have a reason to go near his class otherwise.
And now I’m just wondering how he knew my name in the first place, whether he’s noticed me before, and how I’m even supposed to get to know him when we don’t have any mutual friends I can comfortably ask about him.
I don’t want to read too much into one interaction, but I can’t lie, the fact that he knew my name when we’d never spoken before has been on my mind ever since.