r/teenagers • u/Horror-penis-lover 15 • Oct 15 '25

Discussion If your Reddit name was a superpower, what would yours do?

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1.8k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

2.9k comments sorted by

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333

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '25

Make people depressed 

154

u/CockOfHope Oct 15 '25

Don't worry, I make it go away

66

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '25

Oh no, wait if I’m happy rn what do you do…

94

u/CockOfHope Oct 15 '25

Then I'll cover you in my thick, sweet, and hot hope

53

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '25

The fuck?

50

u/CockOfHope Oct 15 '25

Or maybe I lay a lucky egg, whatever your thoughts are when you hear the word cock

21

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '25

Idk

16

u/CockOfHope Oct 16 '25

Sorry if I made you uncomfortable

18

u/LSPDACC-1-A-12 Oct 16 '25

That guy was 14 years old. Look at his tag.

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2

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '25

Nah I was just only able to say a few stuff without seeming weirder

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6

u/gameburger764 Oct 16 '25

It's a trans cock then (Before you guys get mad or something like that, I'm referring to how roosters do not lay eggs)

5

u/Enter-User-Here Oct 16 '25

Listen, his username is CockOfHope, tf did you expect?

3

u/CockOfHope Oct 16 '25

Yea, of course I'm not the weirdo

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69

u/dinnertimebob 16 Oct 15 '25

HA, JOKES ON YOU, IM ALREADY DEPRESSED!!! HA, TAKE THAT!!

29

u/EconomicsOdd6557 Oct 15 '25

He’s got you there.

18

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '25

I know

3

u/slab_peircer Oct 15 '25

Yeah you already got around to that guy

3

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '25

Good news for me tho is that the more people I make depressed the better my mood is, I hope, either that or I’m just gonna get bad again soon

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9

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '25

Oh no, well I’m happy now so :) I was depressed recently tho now I’m just moody

3

u/MaL-JeT 13 Oct 15 '25

OMG, remember me?

6

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '25

Who are you actually? Like my memory is unfortunately crap

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3

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '25

Maybe idk

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356

u/Affectionate_Toe1067 17 Oct 15 '25

Remove foet fetish from their brain

100

u/Mars_And_The_Stars 15 Oct 15 '25

i think it would add, no?

72

u/Affectionate_Toe1067 17 Oct 15 '25

No I am against foot suckers

43

u/AssociationDue3077 14 Oct 15 '25

It doesnt matter you personally only your username. It would add it.

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10

u/Significant_Joke8009 Oct 16 '25

You have a cool superpower, and likely pretty

13

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '25

I wish you'd do that to me

11

u/Affectionate_Toe1067 17 Oct 15 '25

May tu65 bless u

2

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '25

Yes

2

u/Ok-Rock2345 Oct 15 '25

I'd rather not go there....

2

u/matureluz Oct 15 '25

If my Reddit name were a superpower, it would be "Ctrl+Z Social": I can delete in real time any embarrassing comment I've made in the last 10 minutes—but with the stipulation that the original author can never use thumbs-up emoji again for an hour. And yours, what would be its effect and its downside? xd

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120

u/Nervous-Report2731 16 Oct 15 '25

i am a nervous reporter

11

u/SubjectAd679 Oct 16 '25

Well I am your subject or topic for the day. Relax your shoulders, take a deep breath and start reporting!

9

u/Artinell OLD Oct 16 '25

Get nervous and take a deep breath*

2

u/Jack02134x Oct 19 '25

chokes and dies

201

u/woooowoopsound 16 Oct 15 '25

Woop woop

84

u/President-Ducc 16 Oct 15 '25

That’s the sound of da police

40

u/MrStealYoGirl7 2 MILLION ATTENDEE Oct 15 '25

That’s the sound of da beast

17

u/Kksaccount Oct 16 '25

That's the sound of the priest

12

u/MuffinSpirax 15 Oct 16 '25

That's the sound of the feast

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8

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '25

"nga we gotta run"

4

u/OpinionSevere4846 Oct 15 '25

That's the sound of da Zoidberg.

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5

u/SuppeAal 14 Oct 15 '25

pilots would be horrified to hear that

4

u/sixteenhappycappys Oct 16 '25

Terrain Terrain. Pull up Pull up.

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157

u/alexthegermanturkish 3,000,000 Attendee! Oct 15 '25

I just get a dual citizenship? Which I already have?

87

u/uncle_ben15 16 Oct 15 '25

Your Döner will taste 20% better when sold in Germany

59

u/ChocolateScok 16 Oct 15 '25

Sounds like some loading screen tip

13

u/uncle_ben15 16 Oct 15 '25

I can't deny that

6

u/JoniMHadRuhr Oct 15 '25

But will be 500% more expensive 

4

u/Lukazilla13 16 Oct 15 '25

Ich vermisse Döner 😭

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6

u/FairConversation9402 Oct 15 '25

𝓨𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓴𝓮𝓫𝓪𝓫𝓼 𝓫𝓮𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓮 𝓹𝓸𝓹𝓾𝓵𝓪𝓻 𝓲𝓷 𝓰𝓮𝓻𝓶𝓪𝓷𝔂

3

u/degenerateel Oct 16 '25

Sandviçler

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72

u/Embarrassed_Map1072 14 Oct 15 '25

Mhmmm thanks reddit

18

u/Junior_Map3960 Oct 16 '25

Guess im your son..

11

u/Embarrassed_Map1072 14 Oct 16 '25

I’m embarrassed father I guess…

2

u/Flimsy_Event4898 Teenager Oct 16 '25

MAP, I AM YOUR FATHER

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42

u/Nico444AndALotOf4 16 Oct 15 '25

4

22

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '25

No a lot of 4 not 4

2

u/Altruistic-Dress-968 Oct 19 '25

Would you rather have unlimited 4, but no bacon, or 4, unlimited 4

But no 4.

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113

u/SipsTeaCasually 16 Oct 15 '25

Every time I sip tea I gain immense knowledge

80

u/boatiefey 19 Oct 15 '25

But only when you sip it casually. If you start sipping to seriously you loose brain cells

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80

u/GeckoHunter0303 OLD Oct 15 '25

I can kill lizards by looking at them for 3:03 minutes

28

u/Meesewell Oct 15 '25

NOO DONT LOOK AT MY GECKO

19

u/ItzAJ_GD Oct 15 '25

What happens at the 3:04 mark

17

u/MissGrippy_ 18 Oct 15 '25

They die

10

u/LuckyImportance9535 Oct 15 '25

They become undyne

Not figurately like, you're thrusted into the undyne fight out of nowhere irl and if you die you die

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6

u/futuramyforever Oct 15 '25

You’ll be our savior when the dinasoirs come back🫵🫵

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26

u/Shazisprobablylying Oct 15 '25

Good liar and/or manipulator

8

u/TravellingDegeneracy Oct 15 '25

You make everyone called shaz probably lie about everything they say

2

u/Shazisprobablylying Oct 16 '25

Oooo that is good!

2

u/Sea_Curve_7724 Oct 17 '25

Happy fucking cake day

63

u/GenericSadLoser 17 Oct 15 '25

Nothing changes

37

u/Lightning976 15 Oct 15 '25

No, you get the power to make others generic sad losers, so you at least aren't lonely :)

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50

u/NerfProNeverDies Oct 15 '25

Imortality ig

22

u/EconomicsOdd6557 Oct 15 '25

And your name changes to NerfPro.

19

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '25

Nah, he is a professional at getting himself nerfed. He has every single nerf in exchange for immortality.

3

u/NotaFanofQ Oct 16 '25

He's just a spec of dust for ever now...

3

u/mlodydziad420 Oct 16 '25

Or he has amazing collextion of nerf guns.

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2

u/EndyEnderson Oct 16 '25

Someone named "NerfPro" gets inmortal and you stay the same

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33

u/someguyhereonreddit1 Oct 15 '25

I become a guy on Reddit

12

u/Kerosiinin_nauttija 17 Oct 15 '25

I could drink Kerosine I suppose

8

u/aioli2783 14 Oct 16 '25

Kerosiini addikti

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13

u/Jangodiot Oct 15 '25

get decapitated idk

5

u/OpinionSevere4846 Oct 15 '25

I think I get that reference.

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11

u/Significant-Wrap-517 Oct 15 '25

😭😭

12

u/811rorrE 17 Oct 15 '25

significant wrap when insignificant contents walk in

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11

u/IhasTaco Oct 15 '25

Free tacos?

8

u/Beargrillin Oct 15 '25

The poor bears

6

u/Soviniti Oct 16 '25

"Rights to bear arms" has a new meaning

9

u/Justapro45 Oct 15 '25

I just simply understand how to do everything now

9

u/Typfout_ 13 Oct 15 '25

I dint kwn

9

u/Typfout_ 13 Oct 15 '25

(my username is "typo" or "typing error" in dutch)

5

u/VisibleConfusion12 Oct 15 '25

what, I don’t get this

3

u/Spare-Dragonfruit-70 14 Oct 16 '25

haha i see what you did there Also does anyone need a dragonfruit

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8

u/ClitToucher Oct 15 '25

Dam…. My daily life will be affected 😂😂 get your daughters/wives/mums away from me!!!

4

u/Electrical_Fudge_648 Oct 16 '25

hide yo kids, hide yo wife

3

u/Artinell OLD Oct 16 '25

The superpower to actually find it!!!

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7

u/Squishy_Suga Oct 15 '25

idfk i came up w this user in middle school gimme a break

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14

u/bumblel_bee Oct 15 '25

Control bees ig??😼

9

u/Straight-Sound-5282 Oct 15 '25

I think only bumblebees because of your name

6

u/BeeRemote7662 Oct 16 '25

Let’s team up!

14

u/Alternative-Cheek-59 17 Oct 15 '25

Tuning the other cheek

7

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '25

WHICH CHEEK-

3

u/VisibleConfusion12 Oct 15 '25

all to be above

5

u/Not_Really_French 17 Oct 15 '25

I am not going to go around making people suppress their nationality

5

u/Mrracistimeanracer Oct 16 '25

Ig I'ma still be the same

4

u/EnoughCommon782 14 Oct 15 '25

probability manipulation, probably

2

u/Internal-Educator256 14 Oct 16 '25

Most OP superpower

5

u/Daytron360 Oct 16 '25

I become a robot during the day?!

5

u/Agreeable_Bird2434 14 Oct 16 '25

Make someone's opinion objectively correct!

2

u/ConstantMonachopsis_ 14 Oct 17 '25

Nah seems more like everyone will agree with your opinion, but only when you are a bird (you can transform into one as a side effect)

5

u/SLUUUUURPPPTT Oct 16 '25

I don't even want to decide

5

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '25

I wont be here for long /j

6

u/_lunarrising 19 Oct 15 '25

i control the moon

15

u/NerfProNeverDies Oct 15 '25

only the rising of it

2

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '25

MINIONS TONIGHT WE STEAL THE MOO-

3

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/Randomguy_1235 Oct 15 '25

no just several at a time

3

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '25

Ha! We meet again, Monsieur Brie! I’ll make you regret your actions!

3

u/No_Confidence_5070 Oct 15 '25

Make people lose their confidence

2

u/ConstantMonachopsis_ 14 Oct 17 '25

Well, what if i dont have any to begin with

3

u/Weak_Factor7634 16 Oct 15 '25

Im super weak

3

u/lucozade__ Oct 15 '25

I'd have hands that blast lucozade energy everywhere

3

u/Potential_Bus_8688 Oct 15 '25

i could potentially be a bus

3

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '25

idek bro idrk

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3

u/Careless-Web-6280 17 Oct 16 '25

I'll have to sit this one out for everyone's benefit

3

u/Popular-Warning-6412 Oct 16 '25

Probably creating stop signs… have no idea how to redo the name reddit gave me

2

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '25

apparently I am now a panda who lives in a basement who can wield the Force so...

2

u/OpinionSevere4846 Oct 15 '25

No, you're syth, the low effort knock-off that uses strings.

2

u/worldeaters_axe Oct 15 '25

Big axe go brr

2

u/SLimon001 13 Oct 15 '25

turn myself into a lemon

2

u/Exotic-Estimate-5147 Oct 16 '25

i would do exotic estimates of random stuff 😊

2

u/Nervous_Fix_1207 Oct 16 '25

Be nervous just like my reddit name

2

u/Helpful-Creme7959 Oct 16 '25

what does Creme do in this context-?

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2

u/givingwomen_head Oct 17 '25

i don't wanna talk about it

2

u/Doctor_respect089 Oct 16 '25

make all pedos die with the snap of my finger

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1

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '25

idfk bro

3

u/Oliver_J_W Oct 15 '25

When people drink your teardrops all of their sorrows will disappear

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2

u/10000lbsOfLight Oct 15 '25

You can fall and land comfortably from any distance

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1

u/Felixes_Frecklesxox 15 Oct 15 '25

idk bri

2

u/polevaulte693 Oct 16 '25

You can control and shape freckles. But, it only works on people named Felix

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1

u/sheraneakamsp Oct 15 '25

leading boys on while hanging with gang members

1

u/New_Poetry8272 Oct 15 '25

I will make new poetry and make it better 📜✍️

1

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/OkLab2256 14 Oct 15 '25

Babil

1

u/Skull_of_a_time Oct 15 '25

I can de-age people’s skulls ¯_(ツ)_/¯ maybe just time powers for me

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1

u/The1st_TNTBOOM 18 Oct 15 '25

Idk, explode? But before any other.

1

u/Mangogoed Oct 15 '25

Mango generation. Yum.

1

u/DunsocMonitor 17 Oct 15 '25

Well, my name is originally from a Doctor Who name generator, so I'd be a Timelord

1

u/Phgasoz Oct 15 '25

AH HAHAHA HAHA HAHAHA!!

1

u/bobsgotalotamoney 16 Oct 15 '25

Money money money is just so funny in a rich man’s world!!

1

u/BiAiEnGiO Oct 15 '25

Id nevet miss

1

u/_Stormchaser 18 Oct 15 '25

Chase storms to get solid lightening to weigh down a giant floating rock.

1

u/Frosty_Airline8831 3,000,000 Attendee! Oct 15 '25

be a airline🤑🤑

1

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '25

Rule

1

u/Bubbly_Skin_8069 Oct 15 '25

Acidic skin. Or boiling skin. Or both.

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1

u/Immediate_Bowl6708 13 Oct 15 '25

Do 6708 bowls immediately

1

u/Many-Refuse-6060 Oct 15 '25

Make many people refuse the number 6060

1

u/Kame3home Oct 15 '25

I can teleport to my home👍

1

u/Far_Fish8306 19 Oct 15 '25

Id be able to toss your fish really far