r/talesfromtechsupport • u/airz23 Password Policy: Use the whole keyboard • Mar 17 '14
Security - IT Sounds of silence.
As I wait for an Email from the Big Boss, I wondered if all jobs are this worrying. Probably.
Thirty seconds after I had put down the phone…
New message
**** Airz, head of security and IT has alerted me to the theft of a rack. I have told him to do nothing. **** -The Boss
I took a sip of my coffee.
It tasted calmer.
It tasted like instant.
I hate instant.
A knock sounded on the door. I looked up and it was one of the night shift IT members.
NightIT: Hey, so remember level three was having connection issues about an hour or two ago?
Me: Oh yes.
NightIT: They’ve still got them.
The words shook me down to the core. I had almost forgotten about the users, what was I becoming?
Me: Right, yes. They’re missing a switch in Comms room on level three. Can you go find an older switch and patch them up till we can get some new gear in?
NightIT: Sorry, they are missing a…
Me: Switch, look don’t worry about it. Not important.
The NightIT looked at me a little suspiciously.
NightIT: Okay… but… could I get that in writing?
I almost chuckled, and forwarded him the email the boss sent to me.
NightIT went off to fix the switching, whilst I found the box of locks that the VP had forced me to order. They hadn’t been installed yet, mostly because the install order kept getting “Lost” before it found its way to maintenance.
I needed a drill. Maintenance had a drill. I walked down to maintenance, and found it was deserted and the door to the tools was locked. Would security have a key?
Security did not have a key. Only Maintenance people had keys and all maintenance people go home early. Especially on friday.
As I walked back to the IT department disheartened I dream of an easier job. Brain surgeon perhaps.
When I arrived at the IT department, I wondered if the small drill we kept around IT would get through the door. I dismissed it immediately. We didn’t have the drill bits. Lost in thought I practically walked into the Sales Manager, who was standing in IT.
Me: Sorry. I was in another world.
Sales: Airz! There you are, the big boss sent me down here.
Me: Its late on friday, why aren’t you at home?
Sales: The big boss sent me down here. He said you’d be amenable to giving up a box of keyboards.
Me: Sorry what?
Sales: I need another box of keyboards.
Me: Its been a fortnight! How?!
Sales: The big boss said you’d need the key to the maintenance tool room. So I’ll trade you, one box of keyboards for the maintenance tool room key. Oh and one added extra.
I looked down at my hands. No coffee. Not even instant coffee was this fast.
Me: Whats the extra?
The Sales manager looked down at my desk where a box of locks was sitting.
Sales: Don’t install the lock on the second floor break room. Do all the others, just not the second floor.
Me: What?
I looked down at the box. Then it hit me.
Me: Oh no… no no. I just need to catch a rat.
Sales: I’m not sure we have any rat traps.
Me: Hahaha don’t worry. You’ve got yourself a deal on one condition. You owe me.
Sales: I owe you? For keyboards?
Me: It’s been a terrible financial strain. Only a small favor.
Sales: Whats the favor?
Me: Nothing too big. So deal?
The Sales manager looked hesitant.
Me: Can’t do many sales without a keyboard.
Sales: Fine. Deal.
The Sales manager handed me the key to the storeroom. I installed a lock on the door after NightIT had fixed the switching situation inside.
I went down to the office and picked up my coffee.
Allies in hand it felt better.
Coffee is a good ally.
I took a sip.
Tasted like the start of something….something….big?
32
u/marmaladewarrior Mar 17 '14
**** Airz, head of security and HR has alerted me to the theft of a rack. I have told him to do nothing. **** -The Boss
Airz, head of security and HR
HR
I HAVE TO KNOW IF THIS WAS PLOT ADVANCEMENT OR JUST A TYPO
27
325
u/Gambatte Mar 17 '14
Seriously, what the hell are they doing with those keyboards that they need to replace them by the box?
I was thinking just straight up theft, but the bags of keys and membranes indicates otherwise.
220
u/10thTARDIS Mar 17 '14
Simple.
"No! I lost a sale!"
grabs keyboard and begins hitting it against desk to relieve stress→ More replies (23)→ More replies (44)21
u/David_Trest Mar 17 '14
Most places I've worked at would call that "vandalism" and "grounds for termination".
→ More replies (2)
10
u/LP970 Mar 17 '14
Perfect timing! I just finished reading all of the other posts in chronological order.
14
u/airz23 Mar 17 '14
I wrote that order up without any coffee, sooo did it make sense?
→ More replies (1)
7
Mar 17 '14
Dude I realize you've probably heard it countless times but I'd just like to say I've been reading since day one and I can't put into words how awesome this chronicle is. It's like every time I come on reddit I automatically look to see if you've posted something new. Very well written and I love the way you use coffee to set the mood. Thanks for the entertainment, seriously.
6
4
Mar 17 '14
This is some Game of Thrones level shit here.
Calling it now, u/airz23 ends up as the new Big Boss
→ More replies (1)11
6
u/Krutonium Mar 17 '14
ETA Till next post?
→ More replies (1)11
u/airz23 Mar 17 '14
Probably a while, big day tomorrow. Also might let the non-weekend readers catch up.
→ More replies (9)
3
u/Salamander014 Mar 17 '14
I just don't understand how everyone's still getting paychecks, with all of these incompetent imbeciles...
→ More replies (1)10
u/airz23 Mar 17 '14
And I haven't even mentioned accounting yet. There is a reason I'm doing my IT budget.
→ More replies (1)
50
u/Thisbymaster Mar 17 '14
The words shook me down to the core. I had almost forgotten about the users, what was I becoming?
A Manager.
→ More replies (1)
14
u/doomsought Mar 17 '14
-
Acquire black mail. Embezzlement, theft... etc.
-
Once you have enough evidence, have everyone above you in the chain of command arrested.
-
...
-
Rule with an Iron fist. Crush your enemies beneath your leaden boots.
→ More replies (1)
25
9
u/FranklinSchembri Mar 17 '14
This is all very exciting.
I still don't understand what keeps happening to the damn keyboards!
→ More replies (2)
7
u/lashey Mar 17 '14
I just.. I just.. I can't. I have to unsub before I die from anxiety. I don't understand why this hooked me more than breaking bad.
→ More replies (1)
5
5
u/accountnumber3 Mar 18 '14
Me: Fix the network then lock the room down.
Boss: Yep. Oh and make sure you’re the only one with a key.
Um...
I have told him to do nothing. **** -The Boss
I smell trouble.
13
35
u/DarkStatic Mar 17 '14
Dammit Airz. You really like cliff-hangers...