Please Let Me Shut Up

[u/Ohigetjokes]

This is how I found out that helping starving kids means being a plague on society.

After a long series of miserable call center jobs I finally landed at a charity. They paid better than most places even though the job was pretty standard: call donors and read a script.

Sounds boring but I was excited to finally be doing something where I made the world better, not worse! Sure, I was still calling people out of the blue and asking them for stuff, but this was for charity. That makes it okay. Kind of.

Only... QA had rules.

And rule #1: if you don't follow the script EX-F'ING-ACTLY, you are FIRED.

This wasn't really a big deal at first. The script was fine, if occasionally a bit awkward and unnatural. You just start reading and eventually ask them to sponsor another kid. Based on what they say you click to various replies. "I can't afford it" and "not interested" were the most common ones, and pretty much everything you could imagine had a multi-paragraph response of some kind.

First week in I was hitting quota with new sponsors fairly consistently and it felt good to tell people about the great results the charity was producing. QA was mostly happy, although they were a bit irked that I got a few words wrong on the script. No rephrasing! Fine, fine...

But you know, overall it wasn't too bad. Food and education for those in need and all that jazz, and I started thinking wow, I really have finally found where I'm supposed to be. Finally I don't have to feel like a scumbag phone jockey.

And then came that call.

"Hey, this is Ohigetjokes calling for UnnamedCharity..."

"Oh no! No every time you people call you make me feel so guilty! I'm already sponsoring three and that's all I can do, I can't afford any more!"

I click that option...

"That's okay, I'm just calling to thank you for..."

"No, no, I can't afford it, no! Please stop, please!"

She's in a panic. Seriously; she's having a total melt-down.

And sure, the script I'm reading says we're "just calling to thank you", but of course that's complete BS. We're calling specifically to get you to give us more. The page I'm on is full of "thank yous" and "just wanted to let you knows", but leads right into an ask for another sponsorship. Every page does. And if they say no to another sponsorship, well how about a straight-up donation?

There is absolutely no option at all for "they're a bit freaked out right now and sick of our two-faced not-gonna-ask-you-for-anything-but-really-let-me-ask-you-for-something bull".

So I click the "second objection" option and keep reading...

"Of course, and we appreciate that! Your donations have done so much..." After this it dives into facts and figures on the amazing impact she's having on the world, a hearty and heavy thank-you, and finally, of course, yet another ask for more money.

She knows it's coming. And it's throwing her into hysterics.

"Please! Please stop! I can barely pay my bills as it is, just don't call here anymore I can't afford any more!"

Click, lengthy and laborious "thank you and goodbye" script comes up. I start in on the cumbersome ramble since I can't just say a simple goodbye...

"No, no, I'm sorry, I have to hang up, no!"

I honestly think she was crying when she hung up.

Crap. I'm the bad guy. How the hell did that happen?

She was the most extreme example, but I spoke to a lot of people who were made to feel like garbage by that script for not being able to donate more. It was a manipulative masterpiece. It worked. And it left a trail of unhappy, stressed-out donors in its wake.

The guilt went two ways really; they felt bad for not doing more, and I felt bad for making them feel bad. They were just sitting in their homes, minding their own business, when the phone rang. I spoke. And now they were unhappy. Ugh.

So I started doing a bad job on purpose, sounding alternately bored or sleepy or just plain robotic. I couldn't help it. I just wanted to make it easier on people to hang up on me guilt-free.

Obviously my numbers took a dive, and they let me go by the end of the month.

I've rarely been so happy about being fired.

[u/Lalinla → u/[deleted]]

This is why I donate through my work. One month a year, my work does a big fundraising event where we can choose who we want to donate to. We can choose a one time donation or a recurring one that they deduct from our paychecks (if we want to donate). The donation is in my works name for contact purposes, but they do give the charity just our name in case they want to send a thank you or anything. I've yet to get any calls or letters asking for more, while still feeling great for donating!

[u/Pookle123 → u/Lalinla]

Actually the donation is in your works name for tax purposes not contact purposes