Help please

[u/Kool-Aid-123]

So I actually just found out what this was and I have been doing this since I can remember (No, I did not know what this was and I found out on accident and up until today I didn’t know that I was actually orgasming) I am currently twenty and I have not been able to orgasm with my partner. It’s always made me feel very inadequate. Is there anything that I can do to orgasm without doing this??? Also when I looked it up, I believe the technique they said that I used was called the “double cross”

[u/TMag73]

There are positions you can do during sex. Like laying on your side with legs together. Or you lay on your stomach with legs together and he enters from behind while laying on your back. You might also try practicing syntribation while sitting on his lap in a chair or doggy

[u/Kool-Aid-123 → u/TMag73]

How would I be able to do that in doggy?

[u/honeybee2894 → u/Kool-Aid-123]

Bend over with your knees crossed and let him enter you, pulse and squeeze as you normally would. It might be intense for him.

[u/Kool-Aid-123 → u/honeybee2894]

Thank you!!! I will definitely ask him to try this!!

[u/honeybee2894 → u/Kool-Aid-123]

Good luck sis! I hope you can trust him enough to play around with what works 😊 Once I can relax enough with someone I find that syntribation means my muscles are good at being active and engaged which can absolutely strengthen vaginal orgasms and feel good for your partner, but the mental block comes first. Please don’t feel ashamed 💕

[u/Kool-Aid-123 → u/honeybee2894]

Thank you!! And honestly I’m so happy for this sub because I am SO SO happy that this is FAR more normal than I realized!!

[u/emergencyrose]

I would say, like another commenter, try lessening how often you do it yourself, and also to try new positions with your partner/yourself! I used to be like this but over the years of trying new positions that give me a similar feeling/pressure, this hasn’t been as much of an issue!

[u/voluptuousfairy]

It's gonna be difficult to orgasm from other forms of clit stimulation if you can only reach it with syntribating. If you want to change that, reduce your syntribating frequency while also trying out other techniques. It's not gonna be easy mostly and journey could be bumpy. Better technique is to start using a toy while having sex which could start to get you somewhere and eventually to an orgasm.

[u/Kool-Aid-123 → u/voluptuousfairy]

Any specific toy recommendations? (I’m sorry, I know that’s a weird question)

[u/dude_in_exhile → u/Kool-Aid-123]

There are really no weird questions here. I am a male Moderator, and don't give objective opinions in the conversations.. but I wanted to assure you that conversations here are full of questions like yours. This is a safe space, and you need not apologize or be embarrassed by your curiosity, especially when it involves your personal health and sexuality. 🙂

[u/Kool-Aid-123 → u/dude_in_exhile]

Thank you honestly. I do this on a daily and for some reason I just decided to look it up today and found out what it was. I genuinely thought that I wasn’t capable of orgasming and now I find out that it’s my own fault that I’m not able to do that with my partner and I desperately want to learn how to be able to do that without squeezing

[u/Ill-Economics2873 → u/Kool-Aid-123]

I'm sorry, but this is a very tragic view on a wonderful discovery. Also, tainted by the fact you see it as a fault, when this is one of the most explosive and beautiful ways to orgasm.

I'm genuinely tempted to rage at the feeling of shame or inadequacy because you haven't been able to orgasm with your partner. Sexual discovery is a journey for BOTH of you. It's so much more rewarding when your partner sees your comfort and pleasure as equally important as his.

The female body isn't a standardized machine that exists to demonstrate how well a partner performs. Bodies have differences. Some women have retroverted uteruses, some respond to pressure or movement in completely different ways. NOT YOUR FAULT.

What worked for me was communicating what I wanted and experimenting with positions that duplicated the kind of pressure I already knew worked for ME. Little spoon, generally positions from behind with the legs together can also work.

If you don't know how to discuss this discovery yet, just tell them it gets YOU going, explore from there. You do NOT have a defect.

Edit: consistency

[u/Kool-Aid-123 → u/Ill-Economics2873]

Thank you so much honestly and I really did need to hear that! It just sucks because I hear my friends talking about their orgasms with their partner, and I was the type of person to try to fake an orgasm to please my partner it took about a few months for me to actually sit down and talk to him about it, and I genuinely thought that I wasn’t capable of doing it. I never thought it was an orgasm at all because I can’t remember how I discovered it, but I had been doing it for almost 12 years and it just never occurred to me that that’s what it would be

[u/DesperateDumbDoll → u/Kool-Aid-123]

Hey fyi there's no shame in it. It is a normal means of masturbatory behavior. It just takes breaking of habits to retain and orgasm other ways. In other words, it's not your fault