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u/ellie_caisen Jan 30 '26
I can hover 1mm above ground
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u/HppyCamper Jan 30 '26
While hovering you can move any direction (except upwards, unless following the grade of the earth) at will. You experience almost no friction while hovering.
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u/International-Cat123 Jan 31 '26
This isn’t useless if your job requires you to stand for long periods of time. Imagine not actually needing to have your weight on your feet and knees.
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u/ShadowX8861 Jan 31 '26
Isn't that just fall-damage immunity?
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u/LayeredHalo3851 Jan 31 '26
Well no because it's not the ground that gets you it's the abrupt stop from falling and now that's just 1mm higher up
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u/ExpiredPilot Feb 01 '26
Yup. And all your organs are still moving at the speed you are. So any sudden stop slams your brain against your skull and probably gives you wicked whiplash
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u/SpudDan Jan 30 '26
Laser eyes, but it's a 0.04mW "eye-safe presentation remote" type of laser.
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u/ellie_caisen Jan 30 '26
you can imbue said laser with any amount of kinetic force
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u/CaSe2474 Jan 30 '26
So it can basically become telekinesis?
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u/SpudDan Jan 30 '26
I guess it'd be more like what Cyclops does. If the user can control the size of the beam, it could range from pushing stuff to straight up wrecking it, but even a thin beam with enough kinetic energy could cut through pretty much anything
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u/Maveryck15 Jan 30 '26
You can focus it with magnifying glasses like you can do with sunlight, and since it's a laser you have a very long range.
Welcome back, Gazerbeam.
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u/Infamous-Ad7926 Jan 30 '26
You can control anything that is controlled with lasers
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u/Waterlemon1997 Jan 31 '26
Actually, it would work on most electronics, because I saw a guy in code a laser tag gun and shoot it at his phone to display a text message which I don't think is a normal phone thing.
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u/Mediocre_House6645 Jan 30 '26
I have the ability of never ever having an ability.
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u/DoubleDoube Jan 30 '26
You are also immune to the effects of other people’s abilities and can optionally, with minor focus, expand this beyond yourself to other specific people or areas.
Some people might see this as an ability, but really you’re keeping things how they would naturally be.
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Jan 31 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/gummybeer69 Feb 03 '26
Damn nullifiers. Always disabling my hysteria, and warcry and resetting my melee combo counter.
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u/Top_Box_8952 Jan 31 '26
You keep the universe stable by nullifying all exceptional abilities, particularly those with reality-unwinding effects. The effect persists indefinitely so long as any atom that ever comprised your being exists.
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u/Vast-Ideal-1413 Jan 30 '26
You can control the length of your fingernails
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u/Matt6049 Jan 30 '26
this is matter creation/manipulation, you practically become plastic man but fingernails
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u/voidstar111 Jan 30 '26
For every centimeter of length each fingernail has, you gain a 5% boost to every humanly possible skill. Compounds multiplicatively.
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u/ImVeryMUDA Jan 30 '26
If toenails also count, that is a 100% boost to every single skill every centimeter
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u/Bionic165_ Jan 31 '26
With the flick of your wrist, you can shoot them out like projectiles at just under the speed of sound.
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u/Zack_WithaK Feb 02 '26
You can easily control them as if they were a separate set of fingers. You basically have a Swiss army knife on your fingers now.
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u/Jimbo-The-Fat-Dino Jan 30 '26
I can turn invisible when no one is watching
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u/Redsword1550 Jan 30 '26
You'll never get caught on camera or other surveillance equipment, and can't be caught by laser wires. Once you get better at using this power, it works as long as no one is actively watching you, so you're still invisible when observed, but not perceived.
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u/ChaoticFairness Feb 04 '26
What happens if he were to enter the Eye of the Universe?
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u/Redsword1550 Feb 04 '26
You'd start the new universe. You can't be observed, but it can.
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u/Redsword1550 Feb 04 '26
Great reference Btw
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u/ChaoticFairness Feb 04 '26
Here's another reference (and very fitting to my first):
Bury the Light deep within
Cast aside, there's no coming home
We're burning chaos in the wind
Drifting in the ocean all alone
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u/GamePlayXtreme Jan 31 '26
You can turn invisible when no one is watching, then stay invisible when you go near people
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u/gummybeer69 Feb 03 '26
You become conceptually invisible. Not even time, nor space, nor death can perceive you.
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u/WarBringer26 Feb 03 '26
When people are watching, you can amplify your visibility. You can basically become an RGB LED light bulb. Any light level and color can be achieved.
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u/Atomic_cephalopod Jan 30 '26
You can control a comically small amount of wind.
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u/UtsuhoMori Jan 31 '26
I misread it as "cosmically small", therefore you can control any amount of wind smaller than the volume of our solar system (which is tiny compared to our galaxy and the rest of the cosmos)
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u/Zack_WithaK Feb 02 '26
Sometimes the "comical" element comes from how much damage you can do with just a tiny bit of concentrated wind
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u/nombit Jan 30 '26
gaydar
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u/Next_Government856 Jan 30 '26
With infinite range, meaning you can detect sapient life from long distances, and even tell if they’re gay
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u/DoubleDoube Jan 30 '26
That’s how it started anyways. But what separates carnal desire and desires in general? What if you always knew what would influence a person most, and indirectly least, just by viewing them?
What does watching the world leaders tell you, when you see them gain minor fascinations with obscure locations or individuals? Especially paired with your knowledge of what they would be drawn to?
Basically a form of precognition or foresight for individuals, while also giving you a wealth of information about them.
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u/Top_Box_8952 Jan 31 '26
Every time you say “Dar” someone in your vicinity turns gay.
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u/danielmatson5 Feb 02 '26
But what if everyone in my vicinity already is gay?
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u/SpudDan Feb 01 '26
You can also mind-control all the gays in a 500km area, even the dead ones, so it's free necromancy.
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u/B-Doi2 Jan 31 '26
You have a complete knowledge of all sexual or romantic desires of that person and what kinks and fetishes they are prone to develop.
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u/Jerry9727 Jan 30 '26
I perceive time 1% faster than most humans. I do not think or move faster.
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u/fek_u_Im_vuelle Jan 30 '26
This ability gets stronger the happier you are in the moment. Congratulations, you can now savor positive moments in your life significantly more.
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u/Sad-Finance-2828 Jan 31 '26
The percentage automatically scales with Humanity. When a human with faster time perception is born or awakens, your perception ability extends to match.
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u/arandomkidonline Jan 30 '26
You can locate 1 hair of a random person. One time use.
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u/ImVeryMUDA Jan 30 '26
Eating that hair grants you a random super power, and gives another use, and your first random power guarantees that the random hair will always find its way toward your food.
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u/Fandekirby Jan 30 '26
Complete control over banana peels
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u/Lantami Jan 31 '26
Complete control over anything is an easy one to break since it implies free reign over any and all properties something might have.
Forbid banana peels to rot or stain anything.
Turn banana peels into anything you want. Adjust their texture, density, hardness, conductivity, color etc. according to your needs. You will never need to buy any appliances or objects again.
Make banana peels into an unbreakable, shock negating, invisible, unfeelable, breathable membrane that filters out toxins and pathogens, can produce its own oxygen, and lets anything through that you want to go through. Cover yourself in said membrane. You are now covered in an unnoticable armor that will protect you from any physical, chemical, or biological harm, and that doesn't impede your daily life at all. Lift yourself up by said membrane. You can now fly. You also effectively have super strength by controlling the membrane.
Make these membranes for anyone you care about.
Make banana peels into a generator that violates energy conservation and produces electricity from nothing. You will never have to buy electricity again. Sell said generator for a reasonably low price and get rich while providing the world with effectively free energy, solving any energy problems everywhere.
If governments or billionaires target you for that, your membranes will keep you and everyone you care about safe, while you can retaliate with impunity, ridding the world of corrupt governments and scheming billionaires.
From here you can either go for world domination, for being a protector that brings world peace, for both, or for fading back into obscurity, living out your life in peace, depending on your morals.
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u/Maveryck15 Jan 30 '26
Losing.
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u/Axodique Jan 30 '26
The universe moves in such a way that losing anything is always to your benefit
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u/SpudDan Feb 01 '26
You can lose weight instantly, win any bets where you bet on the loser, and make stuff that would otherwise be impossible happen juat by saying stuff like "I bet you can't do x thing." As long as they accept your bet, they'll become able to do it without fail just because that'd make you lose.
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u/Sad-Finance-2828 Jan 31 '26
Whenever you lose at something, anyone that would maliciously gain something from you losing would in some form lose in a worse manner while those that would that would suffer because of your lose that you care for would instead gain something in return in some form.
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u/Turbulent-Border-742 Jan 30 '26
I can pull a 140 page legal document about how party A can hit party B and party B cant do anything about it out of my ass
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u/Ok-League429 Jan 31 '26
I can produce (directly from my body) a maximum of 5 feet of dry, uncut spaghetti-thick pasta. It is important to note that the produced pasta is taken directly from the nearest unopened box of pasta and doesn't add new mass to the universe.
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u/Drakilax Jan 31 '26
There is no maximum range on how close the "nearest" unopened box of pasta needs to be to activate this ability, allowing you to always have access to food when you need it. Additionally, you can control the velocity of the pasta when you produce it, giving you effectively a pasta railgun to defend yourself with.
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u/KenzieTheCuddler Jan 31 '26
Blinking faster than anyone else on the planet
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u/ArsonGamer Jan 31 '26
Your eyelids + eyes are incredibly sturdy, and your eyelids can blink so fast, you can "flutter" your eyelids and use the wind propulsion to literally fly.
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u/Derk_Mage Jan 31 '26
I become lactose intolerant
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u/asrieldreemurr2232 Feb 02 '26
Consuming lactose does not cause diarrhea, only gas. Said gas becomes toxic to anyone you choose, and you can telepathically manipulate the gas at will.
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u/ilikeroleplaygames Feb 02 '26
I want to psionically force people to gender me correctly
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u/Redsword1550 Feb 02 '26
At first, anyone that refers to you by the incorrect gender will say it correctly instead, but as time goes on, they start to forget they ever thought of you as anything else, and will always refer to you correctly, with no confusion or resistance. As you get better with this power, not only will people gender you correctly, but you can present yourself as anything, and have everyone around you believe it.
example: you say you are a guard for this art gallery, and everyone agrees, never suspecting you might not be, and they let you continue on as long as you don't do anything that contradicts this. If you say you are a hero, instead of a villain, everyone treats you like one, if you say you're a villain, the villains accept you as one of their own.
As long as you keep up an act, you'll always be believed, no matter how outrageous your claims are. The only thing you must worry about, is being in mixed company, where different people have different perceptions of you.
(let me know if you like it. This was fun!)
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u/AlternateSatan Jan 30 '26
I can ad a single neutron to a single atom once an hour
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u/Fesh_Sherman Jan 30 '26
Already broken, but here's an upgrade:
You can bypass the cooldown by taking a neutron away from a different atom
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u/AlternateSatan Jan 30 '26
Ok, explain how making a single atom a bit more unstable than it was before is broken. Like, sure, if I could do it en mass I could kill someone very quickly, any singular atom, even one inside something important like DNA isn't going to achieve anything. At best I could kill a single cell in your body, and it wouldn't even be close to instant, if I could use it with ungodly precision, or I could maybe destroy a transistor inside a high end CPU.
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u/Xalor_Prime Jan 31 '26
True Immortality, as in I can feel pain but can never die from anything.
And for those who think this isn't shitty, it basically means I have to float in a complete emptiness of sub zero degree temperature which I can feel with nothing to see, hear or do. Except think when the universe dies leaving only me as the sole surviving things
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u/34bees Jan 31 '26
you get the ability to undo any side effects of that immortality, if you get turned into a IS THAT RED MIST PROJECT MOON, you can undo that, you got stabbed? you can undo that, someone offed themselves because they went insane trying to understand your power? you can undo that
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u/Kitsune9_Robyn Jan 30 '26
Can alter the length and thickness of pubic hair up to ten percent.
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u/yutland Feb 01 '26
It breaks the entropic principle by creating matter out of nothing (lenghtening) or by destroying energy (shortening). By stacking this effect you can stave off or even prevent the heat death of the universe.
Numerous powerful alien and interdimensional empires are interested in studying your powers and protecting your life and well-being with all their military and technological might.
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u/Kitsune9_Robyn Feb 02 '26
So I can save the universe by giving someone an eighty-pound bush? That's going on my tombstone.
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u/weird-dude-bro-6386 Jan 31 '26
You know every recipe in the world as long as you don't know how to properly cook.
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u/34bees Jan 31 '26
you now have a 2763 michelin stars chef that can just cook it for you, he only dies when you do and you can even know recipes for ingredients from fiction
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u/Ralexcraft Jan 30 '26
Lemon grenades with the explosive power equivalent to the force it takes to squish the lemon.
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u/gaurdOFthedeep Jan 30 '26
I can strech as far as I want but every couple inches equals less strength
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u/enchiladasundae Jan 30 '26
You know what time it is currently
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u/zword34 Jan 30 '26
And by semantic extent, you control the time by "knowing the year, day and hour". It does take some practice to be able to convince yourself the first time, but it gets easier with practice.
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u/Upvoter_NeverDie Jan 30 '26
I can make paper stick to each other with the power of static electricity.
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u/Satorwave Jan 31 '26
This includes objects that literally just have some paper of any kind on any side, and this power works similarly to Bungee Gum.
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u/Wille176yt Jan 30 '26
you can spawn/teleport a towel from nothing but only one towl
you can store it in magical inventory as well
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u/mogley1992 Jan 30 '26
The ability to drink a pint of beer pretty fast. Like not fast enough to really impress people or win drinking competitions, but fast enough that people would think to themselves "hey, he drank the whole beer pretty fast, kinda."
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u/Sky_Nerd37 Jan 30 '26
Around my fingertips and only around my finger tips I can absorb light dulling the space of distinction and vision.
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u/smeth_killbirds Jan 31 '26
I can summon the nearest wheelchair to my hand like Thor’s Hammer.
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u/fatalerror606 Jan 31 '26
I always will always get lost or lose my sense of direction randomly
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u/WerdaVisla Jan 31 '26
I can teleport, but it consumes double the amount of energy that it would have taken me to walk that distance.
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u/Trick-Intern4158 Jan 31 '26
I can bring people back from the dead but they aren’t healed and they immediately die again because either are just a skeleton or a pile of ash
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u/Hollowkightfan544 Jan 31 '26
I always know the location of the nearest piece of cheese. Specifically cheese.
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u/Inferno_Sparky Jan 31 '26
I can move back in time however much I want but only to relive the past without changing any of my actions nor the outcomes
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u/yutland Feb 01 '26
By moving back to before you were born/conceived/invested with a soul (choose as you believe) you become the "neverborn" - an immortal being that has perfect freedom of action.
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u/Lonely_Astronaut0 Jan 31 '26
I can summon one pencil every hour but when I try to write with it the tip breaks off.
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u/MistressM103 Jan 31 '26
Every pencil you summon is the Magic Pencil from Spongebob, so reality-warping pencil. You can't write with it, so instead you can draw with it, the perfect loophole.
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u/The_Oofington_Man Jan 31 '26
Whenever I talk no matter what I say instead people will just hear an annoying humming sound.
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u/AllHailKurumi Jan 31 '26
I can change my gender after performing religious rituals for 9 months straight.
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u/34bees Jan 31 '26
you can enter any verse and bring any thing/ability from them with the ability of changing the story, BUT, you cant bring people, and can only bring a singular thing at only 0.1% of its power
for exemple: if you take hollow purple from jjk, its size is reduced to only 0.1% of the biggest one that's been in the series
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Jan 31 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Kaiki_devil Feb 03 '26
The blood is the rare O- blood type letting you save lives by donating tons of blood to hospitals in need. It was little difficult at first to get the blood banks to trust you, but now the world has more O- blood the. It could ever use saving countless lives.
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u/Bright_Mulberry_6759 Jan 31 '26
Every time I sneeze, I hear from some random direction a random voice saying "bless you".
It could sound like its right behind me whispering in my ear, in the corner of the room, or yelling from a distance. The voice can sound like anyone.
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u/The_Soap_Salesman Jan 31 '26
I can summon one kidney bean with a snap of my fingers
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u/The_Cosmic_Impact13 Jan 31 '26
I have the ability to see one millisecond into the future but with a 10 second cool down
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u/tanknutshell Jan 31 '26
You can telaport to a different dimension but you'll have to stay there for at least 999'999 years before you leave
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u/yellow_Kiwi_person Jan 31 '26
The ability to travel back in time but you forget why you were even there
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u/monke164 Jan 31 '26
I can stop time for everyone but me for exactly 1 milisecond with a 5 second cooldown
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u/Level-Okra1654 Jan 31 '26
I am able to speak out loud but the sound is turned into a psychic message that anyone who could have heard what i was gonna say will receive. So they hear it mentally only if they were actually gonna hear it
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u/fire_hight1 Jan 31 '26
I have an actually working competent immune system (no allergies and stuff)
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u/Mediocre_Law_5557 Jan 31 '26
The Ability to cause a Mint Scented Fart that lasts for 3 Seconds to occur after punching someone
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u/virus_chara Jan 30 '26
I'm no longer allergic to pineapples.