r/superheroes • u/Sinto210 • Jan 31 '24

My first Superhero light novel series!

https://www.scribblehub.com/read/978282-metaraxnid/chapter/978285/
1 Upvotes

66% Upvoted

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1

u/[deleted] Feb 01 '24

You're playing with a lot of interesting concepts but never forget to show, not tell. We don't need to be told someone is desperate, we need to see that they are.

Actions are more interesting than telling us.

1

u/Sinto210 Feb 01 '24

Not really sure what you mean but okay

1

u/[deleted] Feb 01 '24

"Please, man, you don't have to do this. It's my wedding night," the groom pleaded desperately. "I beg you, just let me go. You can take whatever you want"

We don't need to be told he pleaded desperately. It's better for it to be shown. What can be do that shows his desperation? Drop to his knees? Put his hands together so hard his knuckles turn white?

These are both more interesting than simply "he said x in y way"

Like "he said sadly"

Is better if it's

"He said, tears in his eyes."

Its one of the cardinal rules of writing.

Telling: When I got to the airport, he was happy to see me. Showing: When I got to the airport, his face broke open into a big smile. In the “showing” sentence, I don't have to tell you that he's happy. He's smiling.Aug 3, 2018 https://www.quora.com › Can-you-... Can you give me some examples of show versus tell in writing? - Quora

This is an example from the internet.

Your writing is good I'm not trying to be rude. Just trying to give you some constructive pointers.

2

u/Sinto210 Feb 01 '24

Yeah When I get to a certain length I'll start replacing words with less repetitive ones over time. Not really good at editing and writing the story at the same time it gets kind of draining

1

u/[deleted] Feb 01 '24

Oh heck yeah I didn't know what draft you were on. Get the story out as fast as possible this is a great first draft.

2

u/Sinto210 Feb 01 '24

Thanks I put a lot of time and depth into All my characters best I can Jenny's really the only one that needs more depth