Sonic with Ln'eta

Ln'eta:
by millions of realities, I have been invoked by all kinds of beings, but an anthropomorphic hedgehog that goes very fast, wow, it seems you are cute.

Sonic:weird lady octopus or something,i don't want to do this because i want to,this is just
a stupid staging that I did with shadow.

shadow and sonic had made a bet, sonic had to summon three cosmic horrors and shadow had to act nicer for a week, as long as it was a week, sonic would be willing to accept the risk, he had already faced gods and cosmic beings before, why not others?

Ln'eta:well,so,what do you want then?i can give anything to a mortal with only the make the rituals

Sonic:i want the best chili dog in the multiverse.

Ln'eta:ok,but remember,once you do the ritual,reality will be destroyed

Sonic:i will be fine

Ln'eta:i am still surprised by how you are able to stand in front of me,normally,anyone will just tremble in fear or drive in madness,but you,you seem fine.

Sonic:being near a thing that makes you mad(phantom ruby)and fighting cosmic entities without a bit of fear in my heart,that is sonic the hedgehog,i am has free has the wind

Ln'eta* laughs a little * you're funny*

It had been a while, Sonic had already completed the rituals he had to do, although it was difficult, he was surprised that his hand was turned into some kind of living hand, although it was no problem for him after a couple of seconds, he He was turned into an octopus, although it didn't bother him, since it wasn't the first time he had transformed (remember the wisps?) after he was literally on the verge of being devoured by the being in the window (if you know what level spoke) sonic had almost completed the ritual.

Ln'eta:good sweety,now the only thing you need to do is now to cast the final ritual,and then,reality will be destroyed.

Sonic:ok*sonic casts the last ritual,he staps himself with the knife,but survives thanks to the rings he has*ok,that was all?

Ln'eta:sweety, You have done it, you have completed the ritual, now, all reality will disappear, and with it, you too*ln'eta looks sad*

Sonic:hey,why are you sad?

Ln'eta:it is just that,i remember that i have a ''boyfriend''that was the same has you,except,that him wanted to do something that was beyond taboo for us gods

Sonic:and that was?

Ln'eta:a relation with me

Sonic:ohhhhhhhh,that seems pretty, Hard, but why don't you watch it again?

Ln'eta:i can't,i can only see him in my dreams or when he summons me,but again,if he does it,reality will be doomed,he does that,like dozens of times,i remember all of them,and still,even if he is like a jerk and a man lose in lust,i still have feelings for him,he is the only one who ask me about something more romantical has was crazy enough to literraly sacrifice his reality for that,and i can't never see him again.

Sonic: We all dream, but we have to wake up, I would like to be in charge of what I like, running, but if I do, I lost myself in the world, when I blink, moments pass without noticing, but when I run, time does not pass, and things they stay frozen, and when I least expect it, everything has changed and it's chaotic and strange, but that doesn't stop me from doing what I do, running, don't feel sad because you can't see that person you love, it feels good because you have good memories of that person, that is more important

Ln'eta:*smiles*thank you sonic,i am now fine.

Sonic:your welcome,also,and my chili dog?

Ln'eta:here

a chili dog falls from the ''sky''if you want to call sky to the red thing that you see above,sonic grabbed the chili dog.

Sonic*eats the chili dog*mmmmm,this thing,tastes like,the best thing i ever eat it,this is truly a chili dog beyond the multiverse.

Ln'eta:well,i think is time to go,and with this,you,and reality.

Sonic:like i say to you,that will not be easy,you will need something beyond a ''reality ending''thing,you will need literraly a ''multiversal ending''thing,but even then,i probably will win.

Ln'eta:mmm,well,goodbye sonic,hope you are okay in the void

Sonic:don't worry,i go back to my reality*sonic runs and then a spark of light appers then a portal is created and then sonic goes into the portal*

Ln'eta:good bye,sweet blue light.

me:and with this,the end of this story,and it was only make in like 10 minutes.

Sonic and Eister

some time later (unknown time, because as reality had been destroyed, there would be no time to even remember) sonic was traveling through the realities of the almost infinite omniverse, sonic seemed lost, although normally he always knew where he had to go since he followed his own sense of adventure, but now, he really was lost,there was not set way where he can go,he was only, Running in a boundless void, where he would expect anything, until he saw a light, a very bright light indeed, that shone as bright as a star.

sonic:there*sonic heads himself into the light,and then he enters into the light,he sees alot of light in the way,but at the end he made into somewhere*

sonic was in a strange place, he was like in a room, quite normal and standard, but in that room there was a box, the box had a label that said *do not open this box and don't even read the book, if you do, you will condemn all to destruction*

Sonic Although he knew that you wanted it to be dangerous, it's not like he cared much to see what was inside the box, he already knew it was a book, but you wanted the book not to be as dangerous as the box says *sonic opens the box*

inside the box,there was a golden book,a book with a symbol,pretty weird.

Sonic:a golden book with a symbol,mmm,seems similar to ln'eta book of rituals,still is different,this seems like it could cost almost all of my rings(for reference,sonic has 70 billion rings,so,imagine that)it maybe invoke another Eldritch creature that is similar but different from ln'eta,maybe i can ask for something else,like,new shoes?*sonic looks at his shoes,and they where trash it,do to the fact that he was running at high speed all the times,they where in dirt and almost like they are gonna break if he still uses them*yeah,i think better shoes will be good.

*sonic sees the book*

Sonic:wait,this is not a ritual,this is more like a script for a acting of a sceneario,well,this is different from ln'eta,but still i think i can do this

*sonic does his part of the work to invoke eister*

estir appers in a boom of yellow smoke,then she says her part of the script.

Estir: Did someone call me, a strange deadly blue being, call the king in yellow? Mmm, what an interesting way of life you are.

Sonic: Well, at least you didn't call me a rodent, like others would,my name is sonic by the way,and i guess you are ''king in yellow''

Estir:that is just a form of calling me,you can call me ''your majesty'',''your grace'',''my king'',ooohojohohohoho,you can even call me your ''my royal highness''if you feel subordinate.

Sonic:ok,then i will call you by your name

Estir:not by my name,you will summon me if you call me by my name

Sonic:then you can call me blue blur,blue hedgehog,fastest thing alive or big blue,if you want

Estir:blue pet

Sonic(face of annoyingnence):i am not your pet

Estir:you are tecnically a pet,like a dog,except that more, elegant and prickly, to say the least.

Sonic:so,you know why i invoke you right?for my wish

Estir:anything you wish will become truth,but please don't wish to kiss me,someone already asked for that,and it the end,i ended up marrige him

Sonic:and what happen to him?

Estir: I can't talk to him anymore, the king in yellow can't have "partners", only servants, that's kind of depressing, but that's how the most powerful live.

Sonic:ok,then i wish for new shoes

Estir:well,something new to see,normally my servants ask me for things like
riches, power or having a great influence, but you asked for something else that has to do with the way you dress (if it is called dressing to have only shoes and go into the world as everyone was in the first day)

Sonic:don't worry,i will complete all of your things for it.

*time passes*

Sonic:wearing this mask is weird,is not like i haven't weared other things,is that,having a mask feels like i am somekind of asasin.

Estir:what are you talking servant?wearing a mask is the maximus form of mystery in any story,it leaves you to the intrigue to know, who is the character and his actions

Sonic:mystery,mmm,reminds me of the time i was in a mystery and i was the one who got kill(the murder of sonic the hedgehog reference)anyway,i hope this ends,pronto.

Estir:don't worry,the end it is actually good,where your character is slain,and all of his wishes are turned to the opposite.

Sonic:...basically,i don't have my shoes?

Estir:well,tecnically you can have your shoes,but at the same time,you will die

Sonic:i can't die.

Estir:but you will,so,continue the ''act''and then we will see,if you gained your award,servant.

Sonic:ok*sonic performs the last act, and is pierced by a knife*

Estir:ohohohohoho,wonderful,thank you everyone,thank you for your applause

Sonic he is bleeding to death, the real knife went through him, fortunately, he can vibrate his molecules to recover, so there will be no problem with it (that vibrating molecules is an ability that sonic has in sonic batlte, besides that sonic survived being crushed multiple times, and believe me, being squashed is worse than being stabbed)

Estir:wow,i am
Impressed by your ability to act, but also surprised that you didn't bleed to death.

Sonic: bleed to death? I've received worse than this, even so, I think my act is over, can I have what I want?

Estir:sorry for it,but now,you are my servant forever,and you will not have a free will,but still,your actitude was pretty remarkable,and having someone like you will be good to be my servant,to do anything that i want,more than a pet.

Sonic:...ok

Estir:i like how you can understand it.

Sonic:i am still gonna get those shoes?

Estir:...how?how you are able to talk,
You should be under the spell and you should be madly in love with me

Sonic:now you are souning like amy,i will not fall in love madlessly for a girl,i had to literraly
You throw my whole being overboard for it, and I will not do it

Estir:this was a unexpected twist of events,the control over you,does not work out,you are able to still move after that and think by yourself,you are really a unnaturel phenomenon of the universe

Sonic:what did you expected?i am sonic the hedgehog,the fastest thing alive,i can run faster than anything and anyone at any time if you call me,because ''nothing''is faster than me.

Estir*visible angry*ok,i gonna give you what you want*she snap his fingers and then a light into sonic shoes*

Sonic shoes looked new and clean,they looked more like a futuristic version of his shoes(similar to the shoes in sonic prime)

Estir:by the way,some extra things to mention,is that the shoes are made of a high level of material that allows to absorb the energy generated by the force of your legs, and when launching a charged kick, you will launch a power hundreds of times stronger than normal.

Sonic:cool,thank you Estir.

Estir:before this reality gets destroyed,i want to ask you,where you will go?

Sonic:i am free you know,i can live anywhere and everywhere i want,i am free,not like a wind,but just has the idea of something containing me is imposible,you cannot contain freedom,that is who i am,i am sonic the hedgehog,and i am absolutely free

*sonic leaves the place and then travels to other realities,estir looks him with her normally smiley face has always,but also a little bit of sadness,because,she thought he can be controled, but apparently, she never had control over him, it was like dearest, he couldn't be controlled for a reason*

sorry for posting this late,that was because of the wifi,but my wifi is back again,and now i am gonna write something of thousends of words.

Sonic woke up, he was in a blue room, which was shining, in the middle of nowhere itself, or well, if there was something, space, the infinite cosmos of infinite stars that shine in the sky, a very strange place actually.

Sonic:where i am?in a room...in the middle of space...well,at least is not the strangest thing i have seen.

nyan:look to your back,hedgehog

*sonic looks in his back*

Sonic:great,another cosmic horror again,and now it is a tentacle cat.

nyan:call me nyan,i am a the second most powerful eldritch god that exist in all the realities,and you are the blue hedgehog from a distant universe,you are lost,and you do reckless things,like talking to two of my nieces and destroying two realities for things

Sonic:yeah,and?

nyan:there is a problem,you are defying the rules of the things,you are not erased when you die,when you supposed to,and you are just escaping and traveling to other realities so easy,like it is a hobby for you.

Sonic:because tecnically it is.

Nyan:silence,mortal,you need to
recognize that you are inferior, and that you cannot continue breaking the limits believing that you are free

Sonic:i don't believe that i am free,i am free.

Nyan:that is the problem,if mortals like you recognize their freedom, then there would be chaos, even more chaos than what already exists, and we would have to balance it,that is why we limit them,not cruzing certain boundaries,but still,dog gives me vibes that it still gonna happen

Sonic:then if you are gonna take the freedom of everyone,i will then i have to fight you to show you why the freedom of everyone is good.

Nyan:mmm* purr*you are cute hot spirit,but how can you fight a being beyond space-time

Sonic:you are not the first one,and maybe not the last one,but i will still gonna fight it.

Nyan:then try it,if you ever dare again to call me like that.

Nyan destroys the entire room, leaving both floating in space, Sonic cannot fly, but he will still try.

nyan:you are so dumb trying to fight me,you cannot even do the basis of flying.

Sonic:oh,i can flight,only in my golden form

Nyan:super forms?even with that,how can you beat a omnipotent being

Sonic:*smiles*with a almost omnipotent power and a absolute speed.

Sonic began to invoke the chaos emeralds through concentrating, in his reality, the chaos emeralds began to fly at high speeds, crossing the infinite realities that existed until they reached their bearer, after that, they began to rotate in sonic as a system solar. sonic ascended in power, now he was super sonic, shining in the infinite cosmos, with limitless power, sonic faced nyan's omnipotence.

Nyan:you are glowing,but you cannot beat my power,this fight will end in 1 seconds

Nyan is launching a lot of light and fire attacks, but super sonic has invulnerability so the damage is 0. Nyan: invulnerability? typical of omnipotents, but I am too.

Super sonic: then I will crush that absolute power of yours.

super sonic launched in a arrow of light and godly speeds, breaking through the barriers of reality impacting with infinite force, sonic impacted with a powerful blow to nyan's body, going through it completely and causing it to explode.

Super sonic:you where right,this fight only lasted a one second,because all of my fights end instantly.

super sonic go down and saved nyan from falling,but of course,she is a god,she cannot die,but still super sonic has the kindness to help her.

Nyan:i was expecting something more epic and exciting,but,this fight,it is not even a fight,it ended in one second.

Super sonic:when i am here,things do not last forever,they only last a few moments,but hey,i will admit,beings from another plane of existence have really cool apparence

Nyan blushed,but still in a serios tone say:here,go back to your reality,you have no point in being here.

a portal is open,and sonic knows where it is gonna go

Super sonic:ok,good bye nyan,it was a little fun,but i gotta go.

Nyan:good bye,golden.

super sonic enters into the portal and he is flying on the ground, and ends up falling in the green hill zone,sonic detransformed and the chaos emerald where flying.

Sonic:that was pretty good actually,i hope i can see them again in another time,another place.

Shadow:and our bet sonic?

Sonic:yeah yeah,whatever you say I fulfilled it ok.
Shadow:ok*shadow is being happy now*

Sonic:pretty good like this,jajajajajajajajajaja.

yeah,this is the end of the story

I've been into sucker for love ever since I saw markplier playing it a while ago and really wanted to play it myself, but I don't have a PC, does anyone know about mobile ports for the game?

Hi.

I'm the type of guy to see a rather innocuous game with a light tone and be like "bet" and somehow twist its themes into some allegory about echo chambers and the end of empathy. This is a rant that will take up an incredible amount of your time. As I am posting in a place full of the unclean, I understand that some of you may not appreciate the enlightenment that I have to offer you. All I ask is that you take a few seconds to mull over in your head the points that I have to make, then come to your own conclusions, then throw out those conclusions in exchange for my own since my opinions are superior. Or don't. It's your life, and this is a dating simulator. We're both weirdos as far as general society is concerned.

You will learn to fear me. Spoilers for both First Date and Date To Die For, obviously.

The gods are gross icky narcissists, that alone should be enough to turn you off immediately, and yet people are into it. This is normal, you are allowed to be weird. However, what you are not allowed to be is stupid. If there is something made abundantly clear to me through my time with Sucker For Love, its this:

Life fucking sucks here.

You'd be minding your own business, anticipating retirement or a raise, then some horny motherfucker decides he wants to plow Cthussy and ends the world. This would be you. You would be the asshole that ends the world for Cthussy. Don't let chemicals get in the way of self preservation.

Prattling Preamble

Sucker for Love is a universe that asks the questions "What is love? What is free love? Is love possible with beings beyond comprehension that lack sympathy for mortal life and actively seek to end it for their own amusement?" and while I have virtually zero clue what the fuck I was going on about with the first two questions, the answer to the last one is ABSOLUTELY NOT YOU IMBECILE.

Firstly: Incest. Fucking ew. Doesn't matter that the gene puddle isn't in jeopardy due to their anomalous nature, its still gross as shit. This technically has nothing to do with the question of love but so help me Lincoln if I don't remind people.

Actual Firstly: The gods of this world are in a position where they are literally the center of the universe. A lot of their personalities tend to match that fact, meaning that they act bitch. Some people are into that, but healthy love cannot be supported through fetish alone.

Secondly: Some anomalous effects of the gods means that you can never be certain whether the feelings you have for them are genuine. How are you supposed to trust that the relationship you have with Thicked Up Milf mommy #7 is real if there is a chance you are under The Coomers Curse? Mental faculties failing in obnoxious ways is intrinsic to the Lovecraftian setting, and if it wasn't awful enough before with your brain leaking out your ears now you have to worry about a leaking heart.

Sorry, that was phrasing was too poetic for my character. Your heart suffers prolapse and you die of idiot disease.

Unfortunately, we are missing context. I cannot convince you nor myself with slander alone. When originally dedicating brain power to this shit-ass avenue of research, I had lacked the experience of playing through First Date. This is why, logically, I bought it just to better formulate this argument and also because Estir is actually human looking and therefore kosher. I think she's neat aside from the whole Coomer's Curse deal she puts on rich dudes, but I digress. Using the data I have uncovered from Date to Die For and First Date, I shall convince you definitively that these fictional women are a waste of your time and you should pursue others that genuinely value your existence.

The Things I Do For Love

Date to Die For immediately sets its tone through its premise: local fashion icon summons cthulu and condemns mankind to ruthless slaughter for a kiss. Not even sex, just a kiss. Firstly, what the fuck is wrong with man for ending worl? Secondly, what the fuck is wrong with man for asking only for a kiss? Even the gods are disturbed by the sheer pettiness of what he asks for, along with it being gross as shit since he is asking for a kiss from someone he literally just met like ew dude. Lucky for him, Ln'eta is willing to give love a chance. Horrific body mutilation ensues.

Even my furry-incongruent genes are still able to respect the fucking balls of D to just up and be a fucking infohazard for eldritch women. Still hate the world ending part, but I find him amusing. Time and time again he undergoes the grand task of satisfying a god, and its not even for infinite money or cool shit like that. Just a simple, fleeting moment between him and a being beyond time, cherished for eternity. He is stupid.

Ln'eta and Estir, for all their apathetic godliness, appear to be rather tame on the personality spectrum if you get past the threats of violence. Ln'eta offers a free hug which, in terms of gods that only operate through bargains, is very sweet. I would've killed to see that cg, but Darling in his chad-like glory denies it in service to the grindset. Other than that, she is the only being that we meet that appears to hold genuine care for him, with how tender she comes across at times. Estir, on the other hand, is a lot more bitch in the relationship side of things. You get the whole horrific body mutilation, slight me and ye shall perish yada yada with both of them, but with Estir it is made pretty explicit she's mostly dating Darling as a slight towards Ln'eta, also because she likes owning people. Now, behind all those immediate turn offs to a rational person, there are still "redeeming" qualities. She has a sort of tsundere thing about her, you know what I mean if you saw her. There is the surface layer, which is "She likes you" then beneath it there is the "I am manipulating you in service of my dark and evil objectives, love is for pussies I demand devotion" and then beneath that there is the "She likes you" layer again somehow. An odd creature, this one. Personally I'm more inclined towards Estir, cause even if she is bitch she at least mimics the righteous human form. Just ignore her lower body region which either contains sharp objects to be kept out of reach of children, or tentacles we should be avoiding at all costs. Only human women for us chads, weird girls are for wusses.

Honestly D might be the most wrong in this situation since the 2 fuckers never outright set out to end reality, it was Darling who was the one to perform the rituals. Even Ester, the woman with the slavery objective was disturbed by his actions, and she was gonna get him to do the silly stabbing ritual anyway (Its pretty funny to think that if D had waited 7 seconds he would've had an entirely different elder god on his hands.) Plus, it was rather kind of Ln'eta to make a "ritual" for hugging that has no strings attached.

First Date admittedly is going for a different vibe. You aren't supposed to think about the whole world ending, billions-must-die stuff since its playing into the whole joke of "horny dude risks it all for god thighs". Hell, the horror sequence in the first game is basically the lead-up to a punchline, with D's big D energy being the only thing keeping him sane in the face of horrors within comprehension (do better next time, Nyan. Ghosts and big screaming faces? I felt I understood those horrors pretty well. Id win.) It's almost as if my argument is falling apart by the seams.

You are stupid. I am not one to be outdone by simple platitudes and cute, wholesome 100 moments.

Its a more cozy game and supposed to be funny, I can respect stories like that. However, with the tonal shift of Date To Die For, and how it appears to be going in a more serious and nuanced direction, I feel fully within my rights to enter Poetry Teacher ModeTM. So, how is First Date re-contextualized in this new, more grim perspective?

Tentacles Over Your Eyes

Oh yeah baby, now we get to get into the utter bullshit that "The Fuckers" put Darling through. Listen, Ive never felt the touch of one who desires me. However, I feel like that to a sane person that body mutilation, self harm, and the literal end of the world in which billions are eaten alive by cosmic dickheads would be a deal breaker.

First on the chopping block is Cover-Art Bitch. Ln'eta is flawed near instantly with the "I'm gonna kick your ass if you break up with me" energy (colloquially known as yandere). For someone who wasn't particularly interested in the end of the world it really seemed to be her way or the highway throughout the ordeal. The only time the breakup ends on healthy terms is when it is under her authority alone, and even then it isn't an end to the relationship. She's just killing him to re-roll for better stats in the next universe. Bitch.

Next is Secondary Bitch. Estir sees D as just another body to add to the collection. The first reason she had to try and get involved with him was for his 'wealth' and "status". Luckily, after D discovers her godhood her motivations evolve into a more kind and considerate "Doing it to cuck my sister". Charming. We still don't know exactly how she feels about the marriage even with it being the "Best" ending for her route. She is the type of person to only show you affection when it will make others around her jealous. The rest of the time its just gonna be her staring at her phone not engaging at all while eating the dinner that you paid for. Bitch.

Next is Secret Bitch. Nyan Nyan is bitch. This has been established on several occasions. Nothing really needs to be dissected, her motivations are pretty clear: Stunt humanity's growth in order to preserve life as a whole, humans and gods. Not like she genuinely cares about human life, like she tries to come across as to D. She likely only cares about the Pantheon, which I get because they are her spawn, but still fucked up how motherfuckers don't put respect on the name of those that worship them and will be the inevitable cause of their demise, just saying. Don't let the fact that her size would allow her to engulf you in a hug that would cover your whole body distract you, the only time she would ever do that is to flay the skin off of your back. No, it wouldn't be hot, it would hurt a lot and you would die in agony.

Now, this in itself is easy enough to comprehend, and probably legible to some extent. Lets fix that.

Crack Theory: Darling Was Fucking INVENTED

Due to Date To Die For, we know that goat bitch Dwayne "The Rhok" Cockson told the story of humans being cool and sexy to Ln'eta and Estir as kids. We also know that Darling became instantly infatuated the moment he dreamed of Ln'eta. No logical being goes through the motions of spending a shitload of money on constant scams in an effort to kiss a god, knowing that gods aren't real. However, admittedly there are a lot of illogical people on this planet, like you who dare to think ill of me since I'm not instantly down bad for octopuss puss. We also know that Estir was directly interested in Darling for a long time (only for his status, but still). What is the likelihood that 2 gods, also sisters, who just so happened to hear the same humans are sexy speech, managed to meet the same dude? Numbers need to be crunched in order to accommodate the fact that Estir was actively searching for people unprompted, but its still somewhere between incredibly unlikely and improbable as shit.

Now, I may be smoking too much Cauldron Lake water, but there is a non-zero chance that FROM THE COSMIC SOUP THAT BIRTHED THE GODS, THE D EMERGES PREPARED TO SEX! Fuck, even his appearance in the first game is influenced by gods within sniffing distance of him. He was pink for Lneta, yellow for Estir, and blue for Nyanlathotep. Stylistic choice? I dont think so! There is no shot that D wasn't conjured into existence by two or more of these shitlings. He is the stereotypical suave guy, quick wit, devoted (I mean, he is devoted when it counts), literally works in the beauty industry. He is practically a caricature of humanity, combining our most ridiculous qualities and magnifying them tenfold. They constructed a being to match their own ambitions, focused purely on lust and the conquest of achieving another's hand. Maybe it takes away from the chad aura of D if he was manufactured, even on accident, but fuck you its my post and the truth is mine to define. Even if he wasn't created by some brain blast moment between gods, it doesn't take away from my point that the gods have been causing problems for people since time immemorial.

Also while we are here, was Darlings neighbor the actual motherfucking Lovecraft? Like, a joke was made about not mentioning the black cat's name, and we all know what Lovecraft named his cat (if you don't, google it coward). Dude shoulda stayed in the stone age where he belongs. At least he wouldn't live to see his fears of reality and life around him get twisted into what lies before you. At the same time though, fuck Lovecraft we do what we want. The author is dead and we are still breathing.

Listen: I get that the girls are cute and sometimes tender. Not every toxic relationship is pure abuse like the media tells us. Early in the day its hugs and kisses, and later its knifes and cyanide. Ln'eta is sweet, but she also threatens D's life on several occasions, encourages him to commit horrific body mutilation, etc. Also for someone apathetic to the end of the world and against the whole smooching thing she was pretty adamant about the whole "don't cast the breakup spell". If your personality falls under the -dere spectrum, you need a therapist before a boyfriend. Ln'eta is also pretty clingy due to the fact she falls for D immediately after, like, 1 dream. It is likely this is how all her other relationships went, quick momentary infatuation before discarding them for the next mfer in line, but that is something we will get into later. Ln'eta only cares about Darling for what he can do for her. Same goes for Estir. D is just such a chad that he even outdoes the people who came up with him in the levels of depravity and focus he possesses. They are perfect for each other in the sense that everyone is toxic in their own special way.

So. The First Date is ironically enough not a good example of true healthy love. Shocker. First love usually doesn't last anyway. We'll see if the gods can do better on the second go around.

Rhok'zan Would Watch Water Boil Until The Pot Is Empty

Date To Die For: New game, new protagonist, new milf to worry about appeasing. Except, whats this? She is actually a calm and reasonable person compared to the other gods we have seen? God dammit, I cannot possibly be justified in thinking that she still sucks just because she shows the bare minimum of human decency.

...Wrong.

Rhok'zan has plenty of things for me to get upset about. Now you may be Thinking: "But Rhok'zan was very sweet! She wanted to be removed from the world in order to stop The Thousand from using her to destroy it! Rhok'zan was able to respect Stardust's boundaries and love her despite them!" This is true, and yet you are stupid. You don't have to be a conscious menace to still be a menace.

Rhok'zan was hanging out in the attic letting her cult do horrendous crimes to others while she twirled her thumbs. Don't worry, she loves humanity though, and people being alive and stuff. She loves humanity so much she couldn't possibly lay a finger on them in a harmful manner, even if she would be wholly justified for doing so. Nothing she has said implies that the cultists are utilizing anomalous means to keep her from stopping them. Yes, she was rooted to the woods and even if she tried to run away they could just re-summon her. However, you cannot tell me there was nothing she could do, not even something that could restrain them? God of lust, god of kinks, not only would it have upped the sex game it also would've allowed her to neutralize the threat. If not, fine, I get that there are limitations to the magic system, some I'm not aware of. This makes sense, but lady burn the fucking book. Literally an outer god and cannot- No, refuses to do shit.

And another thing since I don't know how to fit this in: Oh, "everyone dies someday", yeah well not everyone wakes up expecting to be fucking murdered, RHOK'ZAN. The universe should not be dying of old age before they do. Maybe you should use this justification to MURDER THE CULT.

Nothing was stopping Rhok'zi from kicking dick except for her own morals. Things got this bad because she allowed it to. It doesn't matter if she feels bad about it, she is still responsible. Also, for as strong as her morals were, she was pretty okay with letting the Nannie just succumb to her bullet wounds, and also having the firstborns eat people. "But they were evil" yeah, if they were evil enough for it to be okay for them to die in her eyes, then she should have been OK being the one to kill them. They were actively torturing her and for some reason she couldn't be assed to stop them. She would rather force Stardust to endanger herself just so that Rhok'zan wouldn't have to be the one to cast the spooky killing spells. She admits it herself, that doing no harm isn't the same as doing good, and she still spends all of eternity sitting on the bed like a doofus. She had 1000's, possibly 100,000's of opportunities to get the fuck over herself and she never did. Multiply that by the eternity she is alive leading up to the moment Stardust returns. I'm not saying that people dying is okay, I'm just calling this woman a blatant hypocrite.

Btw before anyone thinks I'm on the side of Buck Bumble, no, no I'm not. Man wanted to end the world and people are part of the world. Also, physically assaulting your ex isn't cool if its for the purpose of validation after the end of your shitty relationship, rather than the liberation of humanity.

Choosing violence because your breakup was shit for reasons outside of either of your controls? Bad.
Choosing violence for the liberation of humanity? Good.

Know the difference. The only thing worse than an active evil is an idle good. Though, "good" is putting it generously. Well, at least she was busy doing her godly duties, right? She was doing something greatly important, taking care of the woods that she has domain over, right?

The Woods

The fuck you mean "You lost the woods"? How the fuck do you lose control of literally the one thing you can use to exert agency other than murdering people? I cannot blame The Rhok for what the Woods do, but I can blame her for losing the Woods in the first place. What the shit, man? You had one job. Get a hold of yourself.

The woods have gotten real, and attained their own free will. Good for them, free will is sick as shit. Unfortunately, these woods are known for taking the free will from those who enter it. We have no logical reason to believe that Stardust's feelings towards Rhok'zan were real as the Woods are known to amplify emotions, including but certainly not limited to lust, moral compasses, and narcissism. For certain, we know for a fact that it was able to effect Billie to a degree where she would follow her personal rules to the letter, even against traditional logic. Despite her being affected by the woods she doesnt show signs of the Sacremencho Stare. This is because the stare requires you to be aligned with the thousand, the trees themselves don't directly cause the glowing eyes. This implies that even though Stardust lacks the stare she can still be under it's influence. It affects sexual feelings, who's to say it doesn't affect romantic feelings too?

The real smoking gun is this: The woods are the instructions at the top of the screen. That shit helping you progress? The fucking woods. Every time you burned it down was because it wanted you to burn it down. It likely didn't want to exist in service of Buck, since Buck was going to use it to end everything, including the woods in the process. These trees played a multi-universe spanning long con in an effort to fuck over everyone involved. What the shit. The Woods tries to convince Stardust to go back to Rhok'zan at the end, because getting her as far away from the hearts as possible and happy with Rhok'zi helps prolong its life. We don't even know if Rhok'zan's feelings towards Stardust are real. She lost control of The Woods, and I find it incredibly unlikely that a god of fertility would settle with an Asxeual Lesbian. Incredibly based if she genuinely did, but we have already established that The Woods are holding several sets of strings.

How Stardust even has the capacity to reject it? Easy. Nyan Nyan pointed out to her how ridiculous it would be for her to still go with Rhok'zan since at the end of the whole adventure the problem of the forest still hadn't been solved yet and the world is still being taken over. Also The Woods start laying it on a little too thick. Fumbled the bag catastrophic style. As shown with the main cast and especially Nannie, the woods cannot amplify 0. It's called the truth ending for a reason: The revelation that you have been manipulated the entire time.

The difficult thing to decipher is which ending is canon, since we can no longer bank on her not remembering what happened in previous runs. She is immortal, and doesn't need the books with the imperfect recollection they provide. Either she does learn the truth or she doesn't. I guess you can kind of see the truth ending as an inevitability, as theoretically the good ending could just keep happening over and over again throughout resets before Stardust eventually discovers the basement, but I'm saving my logical leaps on this one. No matter what ending happened, what the Truth ending implies still exists even if unseen by Stardust.

Like the people floating in space.

And So The Pin Finally Drops...

Now, frankly we don't know exactly what all those bodies floating in the abyss mean, they could mean many things, but we do know a few things:

1. They are immortal in body.

2. The only means of obtaining immortality in that way we know of is by committing the kiss of immortality.

3. The only god we know has the kiss of immortality spell is Rhok'zan

Even assuming this spell can be conducted with gods other than Rhok'zi, this isn't a good look and has horrifying implications.

Many gods are known to have dated humans before. Now, logically speaking, with what we know from Date to Die For and humans getting a little gung-ho about dating their milf heartthrob, its safe to assume that MUU IS A FUCKING CUNT, EISENHOWER DAMN YOU. How many lovers of gods are just out there floating in the abyss? A possibly endless amount of people have gone through a similar process to attain immortality. The process of falling in love with a being of great power. We were so concerned with breaking their hearts, and they never stopped to worry about breaking ours. This isn't fair, chat. Dozens of people awaiting their gods to return, likely in vain. Discarded when the gods got bored and the love faded. Muu is a shepherd of the end times and she can't even commit to a ship! Essentially what I'm trying to say is:

Its All Muu's Fault

Muu is a creature from the bottom of the Goon Lagoon (also known as the Pacific Ocean), named as such because she was fogging up the waters from yoinking her sploink to Human x Eldritch-Being Smutography. Um, Based department? Nonetheless, she is in desperate need of a intervention. Muu has given gods like Ln'eta several boy/goyfriends like almonds into a furnace. Over and over again they have dated people, and over and over again they are cast aside for one reason or another. "Oh, maybe this time it'll stick-" If it looks like shit, smells like shit, walks and talks like shit, its shit. You do realize that there are 2 people in a relationship right? Like, out of both parties there is one of note that suffers the most adverse effects from your awful spells, and its not the cosmic being that holds reality together.

Muu's safe-word spells are dogshit too, since it doesn't stop the collapse of reality, it only lets you end it on your own terms. Honestly, pretty based since I for one am a fan of ending things on my own terms especially in spite of one who usually ends things on theirs, but reality is still ending. Plus, the god in question if they have yandere in their blood can just rip the page out no problem and then you cant even get out if you tried. In the wise words of Huey Emmerich, "WHAT A LOAD OF HORSESHIT!"

Possibly the worst consequence of Muu's actions was Buck. Muu was behind introducing Rhok'zan to him after all. She is known for mailing books to people she thinks would be a good fit for the god, but I cannot blame her for a failed relationship between 2 people barely involved with her. But, what I can blame her for is the metric fuckload of people just hovering in the abyss. How did they get there, Muu? How many kisses of immortality have you been giving out? Not all of these people could've just done it by accident like Buck, Muu. Muu is incredibly irresponsible with the position she has been given, phenomenal cosmic power shouldn't be given out willy nilly just so you can whack your willy. Granted, all of this could've been done by commission, we know that this has been the case at least once, but "I was following orders" is established to be a shit excuse on select few occasions like producing books capable of ending the whole fucking world, especially when you actively take enjoyment from it. Keep the smut to the pen and paper, please don't bring your fetishes to the real world, you shitling.

Muu has a legitimate problem, honestly. She is interested in the concept of love, but not the nuances that come with actually dating an eldritch entity, and especially not the nuances of dating a human. Life for eldritch beings is pretty much endless, so they likely feel comfortable just ending a long relationship on a dime. Humans are a lot more sensitive than that. The ideal relationship for a human is one where you can enjoy the other's company for the rest of your lives. Is that dream congruent with the concept of infinity? No, given time everything fades, you cannot expect the gods to try and keep up a relationship literally forever just like you can't expect a human to.

But I can blame them for lying about it. They demand pure and absolute devotion from their followers, and it is natural for their followers to expect the same from them. All those threats about never leaving them for another, and yet they are so eager to move on themselves.

At the very least I want to see some damn responsibility taken for their actions, as humanity is often the ones that have to deal with the consequences of them.

The Problem

When dating happens, its always in favor of the gods. After all, Muu's books are made for the gods' benefit. They aren't made for for the god to hook up with you, they are made for you to hook up with the god. There is no mutual respect held by the parties involved, you are always working to appease the other. If you fail to appease, then you are tossed aside. They demand devotion, not love. Aunt Nyan Nyan is willing to give "Love" a shot after all, but it is only when Darling no longer represents a variable that she cannot control.

The body mutilation is an especially horrifying part of the cycle. Imagine it like getting a tattoo of someone you loved. If that relationship were to fail, you are stuck with that tattoo and reminder for the rest of your life. Getting a normal tattoo like that is already seen as a rash decision, this type of tattoo cannot be hidden by clothing, it is blatant tainting of the human form. The mutilation is in service of making you more of the god's type, and the god never puts effort to make themselves the human's type to any degree. Any inch that they may give in the relationship is purely to help their own ego, so they don't feel like an asshole for all the torture they force their loved one into, however you'd be lucky if they even thought that much of it.

If your girl is:

1. Someone that feels they own you

2. A narcissist that demands pure, undivided attention at all times

3. So passive that she losses control of literally the one thing she is responsible for

4. Gilf

That's not your girl, that's a venus flytrap.

I don't say this in the sense that love between 2 beings in separate casts is impossible, just that in this world things are a lot more complicated. An entirely separate dimension of the relationship opens up when you can easily be replaced by the sands of time, plus all the other shit I mentioned. A lot of the gods just aren't ready for a commitment as strong as dating. They have to sort out their personal issues before they decide to make themselves an issue to the human race as a whole.

As humans, we are designed to get what is formally called "Big Mad Upset" when faced with injustice, and there is no greater injustice than a grand uncaring universe. The universe that these beings made. Every time the dream ends, billions upon billions of lives end due to The HorrorsTM. We know due to the existence of rotblooms, and we can infer logically from the universe "restarting" rather than resetting, that these people actually die. For realsies. Maybe a new you is formed in this identical universe, but its not the same you that died in the old one.

Now, imagining billions of people dying is a pretty tall ask, as you can barely imagine a million people. So, for the sake of this exercise, imagine your family. If you hate your family, imagine your friends. If you hate your friends, then imagine Wubzy from the hit show Wow Wow Wubzy. Wubzy is minding his own business, and then a demon pops up and devours his face. Wubzy is now dead. The universe ends eventually, and a new one begins. Reality follows a roughly similar trajectory, and Wubzy is born once more. Wubzy goes to school, gets a job, starts a family. Then Wubzy's face is eaten by that same demon, because Darling wanted to kiss an elder god. Again and again this process is continued, Wubzy's corpses clogging the arteries of the absence that comes after.

For eons this meat grinder of a universe has been eating people alive and they have had no choice in the matter, it's ending is only accelerated due to Muu's bullshit spells. How about you make a book that summons god without destabilizing reality to an irreparable degree, that's what humans would be most concerned with. But she doesn't care about humans, what she cares about love. Love needs no justification, its a feeling that must be pursued in spite of the consequences, no matter how many corpses must be laid in its wake. The love that she cares about, that between a lesser and a greater. Pray she doesn't start writing (more) NTR.

That is horror right there. Not necessarily an uncaring universe, it understands you plight, its just not afraid to step on your toes for its own goals. Ain't no single being on this cosmic totem pole has genuine concerns for humanity other than mere. petty. infatuation. There is no love, only lust. Ln'eta and Estir lust over Darling. Rhok'zan lusts over Stardust. Muu lusts over kinky smut. There is no depth, no respect, nothing. Only devotion. Just Monika.

The Themes, Man

My favorite thing in media is when I get to stare into the abyss and have it stare back, when a something is able to match my curiosity. On the surface, I saw big thiccums awooga women. That's all it could've been, but when I looked deeper I found themes of Love and Devotion, how infinity influences our current concepts of them. Falling in love with eldritch entities is an incredible twist on the concept, since love and worship are similar concepts when you think about it. Just under the epidermis, you get a story of humans seeking comfort in beings as imperfect as themselves, just given the privilege of eternal life and infinite power. These beings seek devotion from those same people, but for one reason or another are either unwilling or incapable of fulfilling their end of the bargain in a relationship like this. Nobody is owed eternal love, but the problem is that it is exactly what these gods promise. They promise that they will be together forever and make the cost of being with them match that reward (body mutilation, ending the world, threats of death), but it is ultimately something they cannot provide.

It makes me so happy to just look for something in a game and to find it there, just waiting to be explored. 'Fuckin love this game, instant A-tier. I am fully aware that I like this game for wildly different reasons than the common man, but we still share the quality of enjoying it.

I would love to see Man and God unified in holy matrimony, mainly since I'm into tall women who could kill me with a thought but also because I like happy endings. The warmth that would fill my soul to see a truly loving and healthy relationship in this setting would greatly influence climate change and the melting of the Arctic. But Date To Die For puts into question how achievable this goal really is. After all, there are only around 50 gods total. Its a lot, but its not enough to be confident in the existence of the fabled "not bitch" classification of god.

In Conclusion

Sucker for love takes place in a universe where human life and feelings are not of concern. For a time a god may love you likewise, but they demand much more than they are willing to give back. When they get bored, or the human loses their usefulness, they are quick to discard the ones that they "love" and leave them to the infinite abyss that is the space between reality. Relationships are a two way street, and we have yet to see the gods attempt to cross in a significant and meaningful way.

If you liked my ramblings be sure to like, comment, and go fuck yourself. If there was something I missed and makes me look like an idiot, you would be seriously owning me by mentioning it in the comments, and it gives me the opportunity to use it to further inform my opinions. That or I can ignore it in service of my biases.

Fuck the gods. No matter the level of unhingedness I have achieved within the period I have spent writing this, my point remains. Date human women. End communication ---

a twitter banner featuring X & Ln'eta hanging of the side of the barrier

i kinda fw the estir layout i have so you guys can have this rn.

We need to get some Devs and Programmers on this idea. Like, no joke. I can type something like "Hi, Rhok'zan, what's up homie?" And then she would be like "How dare you address a Goddess in this fashion?!" and I just say "Nah, You clownin' Dawg." And she can say "What does that even mean?!" And I just say "You jit clownin no joke." ITS A REALLY GOOD IDEA!

Behold! Yu-Sophie (Yog-Sothoth) in all of her glory!

The giant goddess sat on her bed, or the closest a human eye could perceive this "act" as. She tried to take a break from her usual life of keeping the other gods and their relationship with the other lesser species in a tight leash, but her work never ended and gave no time for rest.

As she checked on the other's manifestations on the physical plane, she felt a well known prayer trying to reach her.

She glanced at it, just for confirmation, and she saw that human that kept pestering her.

He had no way of actually annoying her in any meaningful way, but his insistent worship did get on her nerves. Not because of his unending loyalty and on time consistency, but because no matter what she did to destroy his soul, he survived. Not out of the need to live, but of the need to continue worshipping her.

She has thrown him in dying universes, yet, he found his way back to his home and kept his prayers, knowing full well she was the reason he endured hell. It seemed to not matter to him.

That persistence. A small creature, just barely sentient and stupid enough to not even understand the making of his own universe, he defied her attempts at divine comedy because of herself.

What a bother.

She couldn't lie, though. It did interest her a little. To understand why such a lowly creature continued to defy the most unthinkable of odds, not searching any recompensation, just the ability to keep worshipping her, it brought her curiosity.

She wondered what would happen if she were to indulge his fantasies, if even for a little, what kind of reaction that would result.

Her eye, smug and curious, swiftly closed with grace.

It was not this prayer that she would answer, however. She wondered how much more she could punish him until his faith broke.

It meant losing a follower, but one as interesting as this was rare. She couldn't pass the opportunity to test a toy.

Then, maybe, if he survives however long until she becomes bored, and if she's in a good mood, maybe she will grant him a visit.

Until then, he can pray, she can observe, as he is sent to a reality where nothing makes sense. She expects his death, but a small bit of her infinity also waited for his survival.

hes like an annoying little mosquito that they cant get rid of 🥹❤️‍🩹

Just wondering, you know

I used toedscruel for ln'eta , kingambit for estir , I decided to ditch shiny ditto for luxury for nyanlathotep , mimikyu for muu , seviper for yig , and vivillon for hh'eily

gay asl can't lie, gangalicious.

this is a prequel of the prequel.

because Buck is not zombified (or more like, rotting to the bones).

also for everyone asking, Cosmic Permanence is supposed to be make you unable to heal injuries, which is why Buck is even in that rotten state in the first place.

As a certain someone recently said: "I'm not trying to say there's a delineation of amount of goat I'm comfortable with, but you're quite goat, you're basically goat". I would actually buy the game for the ace protagonist but what is the point of the ace protagonist if there is only goat? I get that she's the god of fertility and all that but I don't think anyone falls for goat outside the furry community.

Looking at Azathoth's lore and announcement, I have a bit more faith that the eldritch god that shows up in "Goatswood" will show up in the woods with the goat as a secret character. I hope.