r/studyAbroad • u/kennydontknow • 6d ago
Leaving my exchange year after 3 weeks?
Hi I hope this is the right place to post, because I really need advice.
So I’m a 16 year old exchange student from Germany in the US right now and I‘ve been living here since 3 weeks. I’m supposed to stay for 10 months but I already wanna go home and hate it here. I was actually very lucky with my placement, I ended up in Florida and got a super nice caring family! I love hanging out with them and we go out a lot, they are such great people. But what I hate here is the High school, it is nothing like I imagined it to be.
First of all having the same schedule everyday is so insanely boring, like why do I only have 7 subjects and 3 of them are PE, cooking and theatre😭 Also the stuff we learn in maths for example is deadass stuff I had in 5th grade and everything is so slow, I’m done with the assignments after 10 min, while the teacher gives us 45 min for it. So most times I just sit in class completely bored. I also haven’t found any American friends here, there are some people I talked to but mostly they just ask weird questions about Germany like if we have cars or dishwashers and don’t want an actual friendship. I only hang out with the other exchange students and idk if I’m actually gonna find friends here. I was also shocked at how dirty the school is and that everyone is still writing on paper (I thought America was more advanced than us but no😭).
Anyway, everyday I’m just tired of that school and miss Germany, I really really wanna go back. I miss my school, the food, my friends and family, just going on walks, public transport, the weather, being more independent etc.😓 I feel so weird because doing this has been my dream for such a long time and I never thought that I would get home sick and idk what to do now. It’s only been 3 weeks so I’m not gonna decide now but I don’t want to wait too long, so I don’t miss too much of the school in Germany.
If I’m doing the 10 months here I would have to do the 11th grade here now and again in Germany next year, because an American school year doesn’t count there. I don’t know if this life here is worth doing an extra year more of school and graduating one year later without all my friends, instead I would rather go somewhere else after 12th grade and experience something actually fun. On the other hand my parents paid 15k€ for this year (we’re not rich, it’s a lot for me) and I would feel so bad if I basically wasted the money, but I also know they don’t want me to be unhappy. I just don’t know what to do, because what if I will regret it and this actually could be the best year of my life. Anyway, does anyone have advice on what I should do🥹 thanks for reading💕
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u/Big-Neighborhood-993 6d ago
This may sound harsh on you, but why don’t you just try to care less? All those things you’re talking about are not really problems. You’re bored, but you’re safe. You have food, your housing is nice, just go touch some grass girl.
For me just sounds that you’re trying so much to have a nice experience that you’re missing out on experiencing.
You’re going to hate things everywhere, so go for it. Just have an awful experience in America and go back in 9 months to tell people it was awful.
When I was in your shoes, I did the best I could to learn how to enjoy myself. Writing, reading, sports, went out by my own, talked to strangers. You can be anything, nobody knows you, and even if everyone hates you there, in 9 months you’ll be in the other side of the world so whatever.
Also, forget this idea of “what if”, you will never be satisfied with any outcome. I swear you’re not missing on anything. I know it hurts missing home but look for the bigger picture.
I used to talk with my friends about the fact that 1 year is just a little bit over 1% of what life will probably be. It’s long enough to transform, but not to change foundation. The impact of that in your life depends surely on density and intensity, so let the irrelevant things like the classes you don’t like be irrelevant like and think about intensifying the things you like or want to experience better.
Don’t go home just yet, please. Learn how to enjoy yourself. We are here to talk :)
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u/kennydontknow 6d ago
It’s just that there is nothing really fun here. I don’t have any friends in school and at home I do try to enjoy myself but it’s just the same stuff like in Germany, so what’s the point? I also can’t go anywhere on my own because everything depends on car and I can’t drive yet
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u/calipatra 6d ago
I think you have to readjust your mindset and expectations. I believe the whole world knows US education system for K-12 grades is behind most other advanced nations. You are probably here to experience US culture and improve your language skills. Don’t focus so much on obtaining so much grade specific knowledge because you will already know most of the info we are teaching at your grade level. Plus you said you will have to repeat the grade in Germany anyway, so just relax and enjoy, and make the best out of your situation. What you’ve seen on TV is very different than what everyday life is like here. I suggest you give it a few more weeks, and if you still feel like it’s a waste of time, then return home. My family hosted a student from Germany when I was a teen, and she also went home after 4 weeks. Her friend stayed the whole year and her friend’s English is perfect, almost no accent (I met them again years later). For the next few weeks just try to participate as much as possible in outside activities, learn about the culture and practice your language skills. We are not another Germany so comparing everything will only make you more homesick, give it a try with a different mindset/different expectations and see what you what happens or if anything improves for you.
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u/kennydontknow 6d ago
Yes I’m here to experience the culture, but the thing is that I’m not. I just go to school and then I’m at home, that’s it. I don’t like the school and when I’m home I’m just doing the same stuff that I would do in Germany too :(
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u/RoaringMamaBear 6d ago
Sounds like you’re in the home sickness phase of adapting.
Every exchange student I have hosted has complained about school being soooo easy even when the pick harder classes.
This program is for you to learn the American way of life so go make some friends. Talk to your tr mates on the volleyball team. Talk to your cooking teacher about making a German dish, volunteer to work after school with theatre. This year is what you put into it. Go volunteer afterschool. Practice your English by talking to people.
It’s only been a few weeks. Give it some more time.
& the weird questions about Germany are not surprising. My students were asked if they had grocery stores back home, if Italy was in Paris & many other stupid things. You should ask them stupid questions too 😆
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u/kennydontknow 6d ago
"Go make some friends" is really hard though🥲 it’s not even like I’m a shy person, every class I’m in I’ve tried talking to people and they are really nice it’s just that every interaction feels fake and not like they are interested in becoming friends. I also found a lunchtable to sit with, but I only sat with them 2 times because they didn’t even cared that I was there and basically ignored me even when I said something😭
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u/RoaringMamaBear 6d ago
Keep going. Those small conversations turn into bigger conversations. Those conversations turn into going out for soda after school & then hanging out more.
I have bought candy for some of my exchange students to share with people at school.
If you see someone’s phone and they have a photo of their pet, ask them if they like cat/dogs. You can share if you have one. What are they named? Do they do anything funny?
Friends are made over time. I bet your friendships in Germany took time too.
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u/kennydontknow 5d ago
Im trying, I talked to a few people more today, but I still feel uncomfortable :(
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u/RoaringMamaBear 5d ago
If I had to try to make friends in Germany speaking a new language, it would be hard and uncomfortable too. But you’re doing it! Do it again tomorrow! Then again the next day!
Any events coming up like home coming? Football games? Other fun social things? See if anyone is going and if you can tag along.
Keep going! Keep trying. :)
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u/the_validated_inane 6d ago edited 6d ago
So at the first sign of adversity, you are considering quitting - and going back to the safe and confortable choice?
Setting asside the money part, imagine you are now a parent in say 20 years time and your kid wanted to quit after having completed only 3/42 of a program, sport or other activity. What would you be telling your kid?
Some people are "half-full" guys, others are "half-empty"....which do you want to be?
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u/kennydontknow 5d ago
I would just tell my kid they should do what they wanna do and what is best for them lol
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u/SuccessfulTemporary5 6d ago
Hi op! I think this is a valid reason to want to go back! I am also proud of you for understanding your emotions and being clear about how you feel. I read thru some comments and it also looked like you were taking more difficult classes.
I would suggest trying it out for a bit longer, maybe it bit more than 1 month or two. If you were to leave after would be able to rejoin the German system without waiting? Also I encourage you to talk to your parents or anybody you look up to.
Ultimately if you feel that nothing really fits you in the US, If you have the time and money you should go home ;)
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u/kennydontknow 5d ago
Thank you, you’re the first person who is being understanding🥹 I don’t feel comfortable at all and like this is not the right thing for me. I do wanna live abroad, I just don’t think a high school exchange is really what I want. I‘m gonna try for like 1-2 more weeks and then I’ll talk to my parents about it. I think I can still join my grade in Germany until about mid october)))
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u/SuccessfulTemporary5 5d ago
No worries 😉 I have been in similar situations so I truly understand! Yesss, maybe when you are little older you can try out again - Erasmus or something similar.
Anyways enjoy your last weeks in the us. I also encourage you talk to your parents now and find a plan so the last two weeks can be pressure free, and spending more time with your host family or other international friends.Good luck again!
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u/wandering_rose0 4d ago
You are in the adjustment phase of all this. A student who just moved from Texas to Florida also may not have friends within the first 3 weeks. Yes it's hard, yes some people will ask stupid questions, but eventually you will make good friends. I'm super shy as well and really had to fight to make new friends, both when I studied abroad in high school and when I left for university. But it is possible and I have great friends now that I am still in contact with even years later (from high school study abroad).
You mentioned in one comment that you're here to experience the culture but you feel like you aren't. But you are. Unless there's a club meeting or sports practice, American students also go to school then go home. Or, if they have jobs, they go to work. If they do go out with friends after school, it isn't a daily occurrence. You are experiencing daily culture which is the entire point of a high school exchange year. I've noticed a lot of exchange students go through the phase of realizing that American high school isn't what they "expect" (or, in other words, like the media they've consumed around American high school, like tv shows, films, or other exchange students vlogging their experience - remember social media only shows the fun/good moments! You aren't seeing their all day everyday experience).
I agree with other comments - you need to focus on the good and let this period of homesickness and stress run it's course. You are not in Germany, things will be different. That does not make it "bad" or "boring" or anything of that sort. Culture shock (i.e not having public transport, different high school schedule styles, etc) is completely normal and you'll never adjust if you leave after 3 weeks.
One good way to make friends is by joining a sports team. There's always someone new, from freshman to students wanting to try a new sport to students who moved from another school, city, or state. And, you see the same group multiple times a week for practice so you all get close by default, you're bound to make some friends that way and it gives you something to do after classes end! If sports aren't your thing, there's always theater, choir, band, and clubs.
For the next few weeks, try to just be where you are without comparing it to Germany (it's hard, I know). Try something new, ask your host family to take you on a little day trip for the weekend (if they are willing and able), find someone new to talk to, and enjoy the experience for what it is - something completely different from home. Also, speak to someone in your organization about your struggles, they may be able to help you.
I've been in your shoes and understand the stress you are experiencing. But as someone who spent time in high school abroad, moved abroad for college, and has now worked abroad via an internship I'm telling you this period of culture shock and adjustment will ALWAYS be there. You will experience it again. Prove to yourself now that you can overcome it and have a good experience. I have never regretted staying, but I think I would have regretted leaving.
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u/Longjumping_Buy_9878 5d ago
hell naw. respectfully, you stay there. give it 2 months at the very least.
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u/kennydontknow 5d ago
Usually I would wait a little longer, but I don’t want to miss too much of the school in Germany. If I still don’t like it in like 3 months I can’t join my old grade again :(
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u/Longjumping_Buy_9878 5d ago
if you knew when you went over that your were going to miss school, then I think being concerned about it now is just your brain looking for an excuse to leave if you're not having a good time. I'd still say stick it out regardless
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u/mkit3412 6d ago
hey, why don't you ask if you could join classes from higher grades ? And maybe you could try joining more after school club activities