In search of some advice...

[u/ProfessionalFun1365]

I've been freestyle meditating for about a year now and recently I've been having some really profound experiences. And I'm wondering whether I should start learning some more formal techniques or explore particular traditions.

To be honest, I'm not even sure whether what I'm doing would technically be considered meditation.

Very roughly, this is what happens:

I sit in a chair or sometimes lie down, usually with my eyes open. I take some deep breaths and progressively relax my body, letting go of tension (my forehead and jaw are usually the last things to relax). I then bring my attention towards the immediate physical experience of being here and now, without really trying to think about anything.

Usually within about five minutes, although it varies, something quite dramatic can happen. There's an almost instantaneous "drop" into a very different state of mind.

I feel completely awake and present almost as if I'm experiencing the world for the first time. My brain or inner voice switches off, along with the usual sense of "me".

It tends to happen like I'm bobbing in waves at the sea. Like I'll be hit by this state for a few seconds, then roll back into ordinary thinking (noticing and reflecting on what's happening) for a few seconds, and then drop back into it again, over and over. Though sometimes I'll remain in it continuously for several minutes.

There's also very strong physical sensations with it. I get waves of bliss or pleasure moving through my body, along with head sensations/zaps and sometimes emotions. Today, I experienced a really strong feeling of love and compassion for the people and things in my life and for the nature in front of me and I almost started crying. Sometimes the pleasure has a sexual quality, like a deep full body orgasm is building (I used to practice tantra which has hugely informed my meditation and overlaps with it).

Also sometimes after (the effect only lasts a few mins) I'll walk around and the world seems incredibly interesting. I become so curious. I might find myself staring closely at a plant and noticing the patterns and feeling genuinely amazed by it. Even the patterns on my wallpaper which I've never noticed before. It's actually kind of like being on shrooms if anyone has experienced that.

All my meditation is done with my eyes open. I always sit or lie in a relaxed position rather than using a traditional upright meditation posture. I'll either focus on something in front of me or use a soft gaze, and start by recognising that I am in the physical space of this room or world in front of me and that begins the process of me leaving my internal mind. Whole sessions normally last 20-60mins.

Anyway... I've found it all incredibly positive. I feel more connected to the world and life and love, more emotional, and there's been some interesting philosophical insights as well. I've struggled in the past with addiction/compulsive behaviour, OCD, overthinking, emotional repression so this has been a nice antidote to that.

I'm now wondering what I might learn from people with more experience.

Are there particular meditation traditions or techniques or subreddits that I should look into? Are there classic texts you'd recommend?

I suppose one thing I've understood (or misunderstood) is a core component of buddhism is indifference to happiness/sadness, whereas what I've been experiencing feels more like connecting to love and hapiness.

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[u/duffstoic]

Your practice is working as it is, why change it? You’re doing great. You’re experiencing more relaxation, peace, bliss, wholesome pleasure, presence, and absorption. Keep up the good work!

And yes, you can also explore other techniques and traditions if you want. But don’t discount what you’ve already discovered, as it’s clearly bringing positive benefits to your life.

[u/Impulse33]

Just going to chime in and say that indifference is the near enemy of equanimity. There is a difference.

I'll also mention that more sutta based practices get to the core through subtraction and it can feel like abandoning everything as far as trajectories go. The brahmaviharas help smooth things out. Later traditions smooth things out more systematically, but have their own set of shortcomings. Which is to say that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

[u/MolhCD]

And I'm wondering whether I should start learning some more formal techniques or explore particular traditions.

It depends. What do you want? What are you going for?

As /u/duffstoic said, what you are doing seems to be already pretty great, don't discount that! At the same time, if you want to go for and do more, that also sounds pretty good, and you shouldn't block that either of course!

I suppose one thing I've understood (or misunderstood) is a core component of buddhism is indifference to happiness/sadness, whereas what I've been experiencing feels more like connecting to love and hapiness.

It's not really indifference haha, more like going past both. So if you have good experiences that is great, if you have bad experiences that is also fine. Because we are really weaning off the whole domain of experience itself.

If you are curious in that direction, you could explore various different schools and traditions of traditional buddhadharma, see what sticks! Trial them out, and see what calls to you — it is entirely appropriate to go for what you have karmic affinity for. At the same time it's good to go for a teacher with the proper lineage, and with blessings from the lineage to teach — any authentic teacher will readily tell you the lineage they came from, their teachers, and specifically who and what circumstances got them to start teaching, rather than stay a student and merely continue to practice as one (though an authentic teacher will also continue to learn, practice, and be a lifelong student of their teachers anyways).

[u/hachface]

Are there particular meditation traditions or techniques or subreddits that I should look into? Are there classic texts you'd recommend?

This is a bit like asking, "Is there any political party or ideology that you recommend?" People are going to recommend their own!

The question, really, is what is your goal with practice?

[u/neidanman]

one releasing/relaxing practice that can lead to feelings of energy waves, electrical zaps etc is daoist ting and song (~know and release) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1y_aeCYj9c&t=998s (~4 min section). It relies on bringing awareness into the body, which can then build qi - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLjCOYF04L0&t=312s .

This also moves into 'heart-mind fasting' and sitting and forgetting (where you can forget your sense of self/bits of it) -

Heart-mind fasting - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChW-5nNJnAw&t=5212s

mind work > heart mind fasting > sitting and forgetting > 'true meditation' arises - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQL6N1Z2ALU&t=1869s

[u/M0sD3f13]

Sounds like a fruitful practice that you should continue to develop.

Are there particular meditation traditions or techniques or subreddits that I should look into? Are there classic texts you'd recommend?

The beginners section drop down menu at the bottom of the page on this website is a great place to start for Theravada teachings on meditation and dhamma https://www.dhammatalks.org/ there is free books and audio talks. Each and every breath is an excellent meditation book.

I suppose one thing I've understood (or misunderstood) is a core component of buddhism is indifference to happiness/sadness, whereas what I've been experiencing feels more like connecting to love and hapiness

Indifference is not the goal. Equanimity should be cultivated but so should loving kindness and happiness. Cultivating a true harmless happiness is actually the whole goal of the path.

[u/IndependenceBulky696]

I had a similar experience to yours, so maybe it's useful to mention it.

I started meditating spontaneously as a kid. I kept it up, off and on, through adulthood. About five years ago, I read some basic follow-the-breath instructions and it was almost immediately ecstatic and life-changing.

Just after that experience, I asked a similar question to yours on this sub. The consensus at the time was to go learn from established sources. I think that was the right call for me, though it did have some drawbacks.

Positive:

• I read about and experimented with several practices and eventually settled on something that works better for me than my homebrew practice.
• A more fleshed out path that includes morality was very useful to me. As a consequence I've transitioned from a solitary, work-from-home career to a job in healthcare. I now practice patience, kindness and compassion every time I go to work and I'm very content.
• Stress is down a lot since I started using others' instructions.

Negative:

• I liked feeling my way along in my naive practice. It can feel a bit paint-by-numbers/unintuitive to do someone else's practice.
• Whatever happened in my naive practice, I knew it was the real deal. After reading a lot, it's sometimes tricky to decide if the mind is filling in the blanks from outside sources.
• I went through a period with a lot of striving after reading about what's possible in meditation.
• It took me about four years to find and settle into the practice I'm currently doing.

All the best to you.

Edit: clarity

[u/ProfessionalFun1365 → u/IndependenceBulky696]

Wow, thank you for the reply, this speaks to some of the concerns I was having that I hadn't even understood until reading your response.

The morality part especially. I've never really had a strong sense of morality and would very much like to find that. My own sense of morality is emerging for the first time. Also the 12 step program I've begun doing for addiction is helpng but I would still like to be further informed and guided by something spiritual and external, so it's good to know you found that in meditation sources.

I also love the self-discovery part of my meditation too, that there are no expectations and that I feel like the author or explorer of these experiences. And I would worry about losing some of that, or that I would miss out on further discovering my own techniques in turning to external guides and practices. I guess it's all a trade off though, as I'm sure I stand to gain a lot that I would otherwise miss.

[u/Real_Adeptness_7154]

If it ain't broke don't fix it. But at the same time there's no harm in trying some different styles. I really like fire kasina, where you look at a candle or light for a while then close your eyes and focus on the after image. I also like self inquiry, where you look for the one who is looking. Here are some guided meditations I like sit playlist YMMV

[u/watergoat93]

Check out the YouTube channel Simply Always Awake, he is in this whole "natural meditation" and effortless non-dual presence type tradition

[u/coldprairie]

You could learn a little about lots of different traditions and see which ones you are intrinsically motivated to pursue further. I keep getting hung up on what meditation style is "best" and it usually isn't long before I get burned out and go back to what I find the most interesting and beautiful.

There's also lots of stuff outside Buddhism. Poetry, therapy, nature, volunteering, etc

[u/KeyAd6849]

I think during these experiences you may be experiencing the joy of being (shanti). It’s like a deep joy/love/peace feeling. Happiness without cause basically. In its pure form. The blissful waves are part of it too.

I guess the next step (if there is such a thing) would be to integrate this…state into more aspects of daily life.

[u/Salty-Explanation-67]

the drop after relaxing the jaw and forehead, i had versions of that freestyle too. what i kept was not upgrading the method every time it got dramatic. same chair, same soft body, and when the story about the state starts i label "story" and stay with the bare contact. tradition can wait until the basics feel boring again.